"Be happy, and the reason will come along." 

A bird chirping outside the window. The sun rises and shines down it’s ray on Earth. I look in the mirror and fix my hair. I saw my reflection on the mirror and then I smile. Happy. I caress the hem of the dress I’m wearing. My fingers running through the fabric, feeling out the texture of the dress. It’s so soft. I smile again. This could be a blissful day ever or it could turn out the opposite. A bouquet of white roses laid on my table. I pick it up and smell it.

Suddenly my mind goes racing, remembering the first time I met him. I knew him for quite long time ago.

It was raining at that time and I forgot to bring my umbrella. I was stuck at the in front of college library. As I watching the rain pouring down, I feel someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned around and the first thing my eyes caught was his smile.

“Wanna join and run with me?”

I tilted my head, confused. I didn't understand what he tried to say. Then he showed his jacket and he put it above his head. Ah, he was asking me if I want to join running from the rain with him. He raised his eyebrow, wanted to know my answer. I shrugged, what could go wrong. I smiled and nodded at him. Again, he was flashing his charming smile. When I thought I was ready to run with him, he caught me off guard by suddenly holding my hand. But I can't even say anything, he just dragged me through the street, holding my hand tight while running really fast and I was there, trying to catch my own breath. For the first time in my life, I felt like I live in a movie. The only problem is the hero is really handsome but the heroin is not. But it doesn’t matter for me. For the first time in my life, I ran with a stranger and I felt happy.

Tok. Tok

The knocking sounds on the door breaks my flashback. I look in the mirror again. I check my hair, my dress and everything. I don’t want anything go wrong. The knocking continues again and I rushed to open it. My friend, Lisa comes inside the room and quickly gives me a hug. She is holding my body while looking at me from head to toe.

“You look so beautiful!”

“Thanks.” I answered.

“I’m nervous,”

“Me too,”

We chat for a while before the wedding planner comes inside the room and asking for Lisa. She asking for more time but the wedding planning insist for her to be fast. Lisa sighs and tells me that she will see me later. I rolled my eyes. Lisa and her never-ending chatting. I literally pushing her out the room so the wedding planner can grab her out. We waves and Lisa promises she will be back. I chuckles and shakes my head while looking at her and the planner go into the other room. I then walk by the window and see many guests already arrived. The DJ is playing my favourite song right now, Close To You by The Carpenters.

Again, while listening to my favourite tune, my mind goes somewhere...

Since that evening we ran together, we became close. We exchange numbers and sometimes we spend times together at the cafe nearby the collage. I often bring Lisa with me because I'm a socially awkward person and Lisa is the opposite of me. Besides, I get too nervous if it was just me and him. Yes, I was very smitten by him. He is like a celestial being and I'm right here, looking almost hellish. He is perfect, too perfect I might say and that's probably his only weakness. Too extra-terrestial; like he is not belong from this filthy world. His existence is almost too good to be true. Not only does he has good looks, he also has a heart of gold. He is really nice and treats everyone the same. For him chivalry is not dead.  He always offered his hand every time we walked down stairs. Gosh. This man is really unbelievable. I wonder why he did that. I wonder if he did that to every woman. I think I might get jealous if he done that to someone. Is this the sign? The sign that I might falling for him?

Someone call me from outside of the room, ask me to be ready because the ceremony about to start. I walk out from the room and knock on a door in front of me. The wedding planner open it and I walk toward Lisa. I hold her hands.

“What I should do? I’m nervous,”

“Relax, take a deep breath and exhale. Do it 10 more times,”

We giggled. Her forehead touches mine. We still holding hand and I grip her's hard.

“Today… Is the moment I’ve been waiting for since … since forever!”

I smile and trying really to hold my tears.

“Girls! Get ready to come out!” The wedding planner calls out us.

I grab a bouquet of red roses on the table besides Lisa and give it to her. I grip my bouquet of white roses really hard. Then I heard the song. The sacred song. I turn to see Lisa and whisper ‘Good Luck’. She whispers the same too. I think she mutters something but I couldn’t hear it over the loud music. The planner give us a signal and then we walk out from the room.

We then arrived in front of the aisle. The first thing I notice is him. I never saw him smiling this bright. His eyes sparkles when he saw us. I walked first, gripping my bouquet because I’m so nervous. I could feel people watching me. What if this dress doesn’t fit me? No. I must not think like this. I keep on walking until I arrived on the aisle. I look at him and try to smile. His best man who standing behind him, nods and smiles at me.

Then, all people in the garden stand up. Lisa walks down the aisle with her father. The little flower girls throw red and white roses petals along the way. I peek at him from the corner of my eyes. There he stands, looking so happy in his life watching his wife-to-be walking on the aisle towards him. I gripped my bouquet and bring it close to my chest. It never been so hurt before. I feel like a thousand needles sting through my poor heart right now.

Lisa and her father arrives. Her father gives Lisa’s hand to him and murmurs ‘Take care of her’. He smiles and hugs his father in law.  After that, Lisa’s father walks off from the aisle and sits besides his wife. Everybody sit down later.

Yes, today I’m standing here watching the man that I love and my best friend getting married. I watch him gives her a peck of kiss after he opens the veil. I watch them standing in front of the marriage officiant, vowing with each other. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do they part. While listening to the vow, I imagined that what if it was me standing besides him, holding his hand right now. I can be there for him too, for worse, for poorer, for sickness and yes, until death do us apart.That could be me.

I'm not going to lie, the day they told me they was together as a couple, my heart stopped beating. I tried to smile but failed. I thought I can be happy for them, but I can't. Am I a bad friend? Am I being selfish?

I hold myself together and trying hard not to shed a tear that day. After few nods and faked smiles, the only thing that came out from my mouth was, ‘I’m happy for you’. Happy. I don’t know for whom I said that.

I got back to my room after the meeting and quickly took a shower. There, I cried so hard and eventually weep for hours. I feel like a fool. That day it supposed to be my day. That beautiful day, I supposed to confess to him. But things not going like in my plan. Fate played a game with me. He brought Lisa and announced they were together that day. They also planned to get married in 3 more months. And that day supposed to be my day.

The officiant announces them husband and wife. The groom and the bride kiss passionately and smiled at each other after they broke the kiss. Everyone is giving them an applause, pleased with these beautiful wedding. Then they both walk down the aisle together while waving at their guests. I walk down the stairs of the aisle alone. I smile again, bitterly. This time, there is no more hand will be offered to me. No more. No more.

Everyone is throwing flowers petals while the groom and bride walk the hallway. I watch them laugh and hugging each other. I watch Lisa’s smile. I watch his smile. Why it isn’t me standing beside him? Why? It should be me because I know him first. I was the one introduced Lisa to him.

I don’t hate Lisa. I tried to but I really can’t. It was not her fault. It was mine. I never told her nor him that I like him. I was so afraid to confess. Did I regret bringing Lisa every time we met? A little.. but the biggest regret in my life that I could not tell the truth. Not even after they're together.

If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were. I believe that words. And with that words, I set them free. I love Lisa and I love him. I will never pray such an awful thing will happen to them even though I'm hurt.

Lisa is ready to throw the flower bouquet near the garden where they were gathered just now. Girls and mothers getting ready behind of her. I am just standing besides the crowds watching them eagerly wanting to catch the flowers.

“Come on! Get in the line!” Lisa shouts at me.

I shake my head. I don’t want to; I mouthed to her. Suddenly he walks toward me and pushes me into the crowds. His hand touches my shoulder. That touches. I know I will miss it. Lisa shouts that she about to start to throw the flower and everyone is excited to grab it. And as I standing there, looking at everyone who seems so happy, I suddenly cry. Few seconds later, I heard someone shouts 'I got it!' and several people laughing. I think a girl behind me got the bouquet. I run in haste, away from the scene. Afraid that people might saw I am crying.

I run inside the building. My legs getting shaky and I could not walk straight. I’m crying, sobs and weeps till my lungs give out. Suddenly I feel someone touches my shoulder. I shiver immediately because I know that gentle touch. Those touches that I've been longing to feel.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

I turn around and see that he is looking worried at me. He hold my shoulder very carefully, like I was about to break if he let it go.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

I shake my head. I exhales. I made up my mind. This is it. It’s now or never.

“No, I’m not okay,”

“Are you sick? Are you hurt? Should I call the ambulance?,” Along with the cries, I scoffed. This fool. No, silly. This pain could never be treated by a doctor. 

“This pain I’m having. This hurt… It will never be treated. It maybe will heal soon but it always leave a scar,” He raises his eyebrows after he heard my explanation. He is totally confused of what I’m trying to say and he looks more anxious. “ I will get Lisa to help you,” he said and turn his body to get his wife but I quickly stop him. Swiftly, I hold his right hand.

“I love you….” I whisper.

“What?”

“I really really like you and..," I stopped and let out a big huff. " I love you...”

He freezes right away. He looks at me, petrified. He could not say any words. Feeling pathetic, I let go of his hand. I should not do this, especially not on my best friend's wedding.

“I never knew that,” He finally breaks the silence. I sigh. Of course you never knew because I’m good at hiding my own feelings. I just wanted you both to be happy, my subconscious mind keep talking with me.

“Since when?” He asked.

“Since… Since we ran together in the rain,”

“But I think we just met at the time?", He sounds shocked.

“I already knew you. Way before that. I always notice you at the café, the class corridor, the library. Everywhere. I'm afraid you might call me stalker if I told you about this,” I laugh. “And that evening, when we ran together, I think God finally make my wish comes true,”

I breathe in and out. My lips are trembling. I’m still in shock of what I just did right now. I never imagine I would confess to him on his wedding day.

“Why you never told me? Did Lisa knows about this?” He ask, curiously.

“No. She doesn't. Well, I did tried to confess to you before. Remember the day both of you came to the cafe together and said you guys were dating? That’s the day I supposed to confess. That is why I called you to meet you alone,”

He gasps after he heard of what I just told him. It seems like a horror just struck him. “I’m sorry. I never knew that…”

“Please. Please don’t be sorry. It is a fate. It’s a fate we met. It’s a fate I always bring Lisa to our meeting and it’s a fate that you guys are together now. Please don’t feel sorry. At least for me,”

He is standing still, soundless. Probably thinking something. Is he feels guilty? Is he regret? Or probably he had feeling for me and now regret that he never say anything? I sneered at my own thoughts. There is no way he likes me. He is so in love with Lisa and I knew it very much even it's hurt for me to admit it.

He finally opens his mouth. “I don’t know what to say. I was so surprised. I'm in shock. I feel that I’m being a bad friend because I didn’t notice your- ..”

“Please, don't be. Let me be happy. For once. Let me be with my own feelings. Let me love you the way I want to. Please let me think of you until I found someone else. It wil hurt me, I know it will. It’s hurts watching the man of your dream getting married with your best friend. I was even asked to be the bridesmaid and could not turn down the offer because I love my Lisa as much as I love you,”

He wrinkles his forehead and shakes his head. While looking straight at me he said, "No... you don't deserved my love. You are really really a nice person and a great friend. You don't deserved to be hurt by me. I'm sorry I didn't know. But as your friend I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I don't-"

“So what if it’s hurt me? I don’t care about the pain because I just want to be happy. And for now, my happiness is to love you,” I stare at him, biting my lower lip before my tears stream down my eyes again. I cover up my face with both of my hands and cry. Finally, I said it. I said it all the things that I've been keeping to my heart.

His arms reaching my shoulder and he hold both of my arms. He looks at me with his teary eyes. He leans forward and his forehead touches mine. The tears keep flowing from my eyes; it can never be stop. I grip his suit and crying on his chest. He caress my cheek and wipes away my tears.

“Don’t cry please. You know I really don’t like when girls cry in front me. It makes me feel -..”

“Helpless…”

Again, he wipes the tears on my cheeks. He looks at me with a very sorrowful eyes before he gives me a hug. I hold my breath while hugging him. Please, let this moment stay forever. Here I am, hugging him like there is no tomorrow, like we both going to die if we let go of each other.

While holding him in my arms, I mumble, “Don’t say anything. Don’t say a thing to Lisa as well. Let her be happy. And let me be happy in my own way, for now.”

I look up to see his face. "Smile for me, please? I would like to see it before I leave,"

His eyes is still dewy when he looks at me. He bit his lower lip and slowly his mouth form a smile. Ah, that smile. That charming smile that made me fall for him. Hard. I return his smile and finally let go of him and quickly walk away from him. I did not dare to turn and see his face. I keep on walking. I could feel his eyes watching me go. Will he run and stop me from walk away? Will he confess and say he loves me too and maybe he just waiting for me to say it first? Is there any possibility for it to be happening? I shake my head. He is married, for God's sake... with your best friend! Could you ever sleep at night if you are the reason they become unhappy? No. I can not be this selfish.

While busy talking with myself, I bump into someone and I almost fall. A pair of hands quickly grab me.

“Are you okay?”

I look up and see the Bestman’s face. I know him, we were introduced before but I forgot his name. He is the school mate of the groom. Seems like they are best friend since high school.

“I’m okay. Thanks for helping me,”

I fix my dress and look around. People chatting happily on their table. Lisa's favourite song, Pour Que Tu M’Aimes Encore playing from the DJ table. Lisa and her father walk out and dance together. They dance for couple minutes before the groom takes Lisa from her father. He kisses her and they continue dancing. Lisa lays her head on his shoulder and put her hand on his back. Lisa sees me and waves. I smile. They turn around while dancing and he saw me. His face changes, looking solemn and guilty

I shake my head. Please don’t feel sorry. Please. 

I watch they dancing for few minutes. Soon, there are many couples start dancing together in the middle of the garden where the reception is held. I think I already finish my job. Maybe I should go far away from here and take a little time for myself. Go on a vacation or something. I was ready to walk out from the party suddenly I feel a hand grabs my arm.

“Care for a dance with me?” The Bestman asks and hold out his hand. He smiles almost radiantly like the moon I saw last night. And somehow that smiles feels familiar. Ah. Did I ever mention that I like to look at the moon?

I accept his welcoming hand and smile. . . 

A/N:    Thanks for reading! Hope you guys enjoyed it! ^^  Please leave a comment!