Namjoo/Kyungsoo, pg, 3k, slice of life, from prompt No. 16 Façade

Title taken from Lovelyz’s song ‘Goodbye Chapter 1’

For crepusculum

“—that’s right, we’re really close, I already think of Namjoo as my own sister…”

There’s a sudden urge to puke hearing the lies escaped through Son Naeun’s lips without difficulties, but Namjoo was a professional, and she’s determined to be the better actress between them two, so she smiled widely, taking Naeun’s hand into hers and held it firmly (Naeun flinched ever so slightly and there’s a discomfort flashed on her face for a split second with Namjoo’s bold skinship, ha, served her right), smiling wide to the reporters who’s busy taking pictures, “Naeun Unnie took really good care of me, she helped when I don’t understand my role…” 

Namjoo proceeded with giving a polished story, an exaggerated version of how Naeun helped her during their work together on the previous hit drama ‘The Heirs From The Star’, and just like that, all the attention returned to her. She already woke up three hours earlier so her make-up artist could make her fragilely pretty (was that even a term), to make her looked vulnerable and made people wanted to protect her, so she better made it into the headline with her picture on it. If pretending to be Son Naeun’s friend was the way to achieve it, so be it.

But truth to be told she didn’t need the make-up to look fragile, because her stomach still throbbed uncomfortably, she just hand an operation for her appendicitis yesterday, the doctor gave an order for bed rest for two weeks, yet now she’s already accepting interviews with the media. Of course Son Naeun, her co-worker, her rival, had to take the chance to show up on the media with visiting her.

So here Namjoo was, on the hospital’s bed with a caked face, Naeun came earlier with a bouquet of flowers and her attitude, hand on hip when she said, “You need this as much as I do, so play along,” but as soon as the reporters flocked in she turned into the Nation’s Fairy, all shy smiles and a kind heart of visiting a sick friend.

“Hearing your friendship is really refreshing,” one of the reporters commented, and both Namjoo and Naeun smiled. “Please sit closer while you talk, we’ll take your picture.”

Naeun complied, turning to Namjoo and started to scold her about her diet, that she should care more about herself. Namjoo nodded once in a while, complaining to her ‘Unnie’ and at one point even rested her head on Naeun’s shoulder cutely. She made a mental note to wash her hair later, and she hoped Naeun had to burn the expensive blazer she wore today.

Suddenly Namjoo’s eyes caught the sight of her doctor in the corner of the room – she wasn’t aware since when he’s been there – there’s a faint mock smile on his face, as if he knew that Namjoo was just acting. Her stomach twisted painfully again and she winced, but she still kept the smile on her face since there were cameras around.

“I’m really sorry, but Miss Kim Namjoo needs to rest now,” suddenly her doctor spoke up, taking the attention of the reporters to him. “Please leave in two minutes, it’s time for Miss Kim Namjoo for her check-up.”

The reporters murmured, in a hurry to take the last photos. They told Namjoo and Naeun to pose together, and soon Namjoo found herself with Naeun alone, their managers standing by.

“Thanks for the publicity,” Naeun faked a smile to her, “Get sick more often.” Namjoo pulled a face but made no comment, too tired to make a sarcastic remark.

Her doctor returned when Naeun left, dark hair slicked back, a fitting white coat above a sky blue shirt, an infatuating smirk on his lips.

“You’re a terrible actress,” he told her, standing next to Namjoo’s bed with his hands on the coat’s pockets. Namjoo thought he looked like a doctor in the dramas before she realized that he was indeed a real doctor, no longer her neighbor who wore thick glasses and squinted his eyes at everything when he didn’t wear one.

“Excuse me, my trophies think otherwise,” Namjoo huffed, lying down on her bed. He helped tucking her in. Namjoo’s stomach fluttered, this time she didn’t think it’s because of her surgery even though it pained her just the same.

The doctor chuckled. “So what did you do to tick Nation’s Fairy off? But seriously, she’s prettier in person.”

Namjoo scoffed louder that necessary. “She’s jealous. You know Kim Jongin, the leading male of our drama? Well I worked with him before so we’re pretty close. Apparently, Nation’s Fairy,” Namjoo said the words with disdain, “has a thing for Jongin Oppa, so she’s upset that Jongin Oppa cares more about me than her.”

“Huh, hearing you call Kim Jongin with ‘Jongin Oppa’ makes you like a real actress. Ah, by the way, can you get me Son Naeun’sautograph?”

“Oppa!” Namjoo whined, and he laughed, his face lightened up and made him looked even younger when he already had a baby-face in the beginning. His laugh reminded Namjoo of the night she cried and complained to him about her parents, getting an ice cream and a bright smile for consolation after.

Do Kyungsoo was on his name tag, black and sleek and pinned to his chest, and he was, not only Namjoo’s doctor, not only her neighbour and good friend, but also her first love.

They used to live on the same road, Kyungsoo had to walked pass Namjoo’s house every time he went to school and sometimes they ended up kind of walking together, Namjoo about seven steps ahead but she looked over her shoulder every now and then to find Kyungsoo following her steps. There was something reassuring seeing her neighbour behind her, back then.

Namjoo was fourteen when she knew for sure that she wanted to be an actress, and obviously it’s not a career her parents wanted for her, resulting in arguments, a lot of shouts, slammed doors, Namjoo left home in angry tears late at night.

Kyungsoo was walking back from his cram school, still in his uniform and his backpack, and he saw her at the park. “What are you doing here? It’s late.” He carried a plastic bag from a convenience store and he took out an ice cream for her to take, “Sugar is the best medicine.”

He’s a few years older than Namjoo, and Namjoo wasn’t sure what made her told him everything at that time, despite the fact that they never really knew each other except for their names. When Namjoo had done pouring her heart out, she realized that she’s no longer crying and her anger had dissipated. Also, she had already finished her ice cream.

“I’m envious of you,” Kyungsoo said, swinging lightly on the swings they’re sitting at, looking up to the sky. “You’re younger than me, but you already know what you want to do. It’s really cool.” Hearing those words from someone older than her, Namjoo had felt pretty cool herself. “… But still, you have to try to see it from your parents’ perspective. I know that pursuing the acting career is hard and you have to 100% focused, but your parents only want the best for you. They’re probably scared that you’ll abandon your education only to be failed in the end, then what will you have? And, there’s a probability that you will change your mind too.”

Kyungsoo had turned his head to her, staring at her, and Namjoo had nodded albeit reluctantly. He smiled, the lips that Namjoo never noticed was so plump before stretched to the side.

“You should negotiate with your parents, maybe if you keep your grades, you can attend the acting academy, or… whatever it is you need to do, I’m sorry, I really don’t have any idea about how to be an actress,” he told her with an apologetic smile.

Namjoo shook her head, the talk with Kyungsoo was more than enough to clear her head.  

The next days, they were no longer kind of walk together to school, they walked side by side for real, exchanging a few words and more by each passing days. Namjoo told the older boy how her parents agreed with the negotiation, and Namjoo would attend a talent academy after school. Seasons changed and although their relationship was never more than the walks to and sometimes back from school, Namjoo found it that talking to Kyungsoo was the easiest, sharing her dream with him was the happiest, and the walk was the highlight of her day. She treasured those times, slowly falling to the realization that she’s falling for Kyungsoo.

But he probably saw her no more than a kid, and Namjoo promised herself that she would be a fine lady, so fine, he wouldn’t be able to say no to her.

Somewhere along Autumn of Kyungsoo’s last year as a high school student, he told her that he’s going to enlist as soon as he graduated. Then, he would move to the city, because Kyungsoo finally knew what he wanted to be; a doctor.

Until the last day she met Kyungsoo before his enlistment, Namjoo never told him about her feelings.

She sent him a letter when she got accepted to be a trainee at a relatively big company, but her times was consumed for her study during the weekday – she still had to keep her grades – while she spent the weekends at Seoul for practicing, staying with her aunt during her visit. It’s exhausting, she’s struggling, and somehow, her childish, pure admiration for Kyungsoo was buried in the back of her mind, replaced with acting class, pronunciation class, dancing class, endless list of classes to attend. Namjoo started to landed small roles, a passerby that closer to be a decoration rather than an extra, slightly bigger role that made her face appeared on the screen for about fifteen seconds as one of the lead’s classmates, slowly bigger role that she finally had a line. 

When Kyungsoo finished his service, they met up in Seoul, he as a new medical student, she’s preparing for a small role as a side character that would show up in total 6 episodes out of 16. He looked like a real man, Namjoo had thought back then, obviously thinner, but also more muscular and tanner, but his bad eye-sight remained, as well as his healing laugh remained.

Namjoo, however, knew she had no time for romance, and she thought, later, later when she already achieved a more stable position in her career. Besides, Kyungsoo was busy too, studying to be a doctor was not an easy task.  

Drifting away was inevitable, soon Kyungsoo was no more than a permanent name in Namjoo’s contact that she never called nor texted – except during the important events such as her birthday that Namjoo had spent on the filming set, waiting for her turn to take a shoot while trying to keep her eyes awake, she had forgot completely about her birthday if it’s not for a message from Kyungsoo, wishing her well. He’s been studying for an upcoming exam, and Namjoo reminded him to take vitamins. Or when Namjoo finally made her official debut, or when Kyungsoo finally ended his intern period.

When a few days ago Namjoo collapsed at the salon after getting her hair done, clutching at her stomach, it was a coincidence that her manager took her to the hospital Kyungsoo worked at. But it’s not a mere coincidence when Kyungsoo was assigned to be her doctor, Namjoo had requested it when she realized that she’s in Kyungsoo’s hospital.

Still as handsome as ever, Dr. Kyungsoo was, more handsome, in Namjoo’s opinion, the thick glasses changed into lenses that made his eyes looked bigger, a charm on its own.

Namjoo stifled a yawn, and Kyungsoo smiled, patting her head. “Get some sleep now.”

“What about my check-up?” Namjoo asked.

“What check-up?” Kyungsoo blinked innocently, but there’s a small smirk on his lips. Namjoo’s eyes widened before she laughed. He stared at her with soft eyes, and Namjoo felt her cheeks blushed for no reason. She hated that her body betrayed her, also those useless years she spent learning to control her emotion and reaction. Quietly, Kyungsoo lowered his gaze down to the sheets. “… Namjoo-yah, there’s something I want to tell you…”

“Hm?” Namjoo’s heart beat picked up.

But Kyungsoo changed his mind. “… Ah, it’s not important, I’ll tell you later. Don’t forget to drink your medicine, the nurse will check on you.” He smiled again, ruffling Namjoo’s hair, and left the room, nodding on Namjoo’s manager on his way out.

As Namjoo closed her eyes, trying to get some rest, she wondered if this warm feeling in her heart was just an old spark of her first love, or whether it’s a sign of her ‘later’ years ago.

***

At first Namjoo felt restless and agitated about her admittance to the hospital, two weeks were a long time for her, a celebrity who just got her name rising, there were photoshoots to take, varieties to shoot, interviews to attend – yet she was restricted to the hospital bed with nothing to do.   

But now as the day of her discharge came closer Namjoo found herself unwilling, and there’s only one reason for that; Do Kyungsoo.

They talked every day. Kyungsoo would drop by whenever he had the chance, sometimes after hours and claimed that he’s visiting, taking the spot on the couch while loosening his tie, an act that made Namjoo gulped down whenever she saw it. Surprisingly, it’s easy, falling back to the comfortable talk with him despite the times passed.

He was still her ‘Kyungsoo Oppa’, the reliable man she admired. When he laughed, his big eyes still narrowed and Namjoo would catch a glimpse of the famous heart-shaped lips before he remembered to cover his mouth with his fist. Sometimes when he talked, he would still go into a serious mode in a span of seconds and Namjoo had to touch his forehead with her thumb, smoothing the creases there, and Kyungsoo would smile sheepishly. And he still had the ability to understand Namjoo, calling her out from her fake ‘I’m fine’s and offered her the best way out of her problems.

It’s not hard to adore him once again.

“Oppa,” Namjoo called out, fidgeting with her fingers on her lap. Kyungsoo just came in, dragging the chair in the middle of the room to the side of the bed.

“Hm?”

“… Actually… I—”

She already asked her manager to get her time alone with Kyungsoo, a request complied reluctantly only after Namjoo promised not to do anything reckless. She’s an actress, a public figure, even a poorly timing picture could destroy her career.

And Namjoo knew all that well, very well, she had met her dates fellow celebrities secretly in the middle of the night, with mask on their face and the help of their managers just to spend a couple of hours in a car. Dating was a hassle and it’s never been Namjoo’s priority, but now, years after her decision to be an actress, years of pining over her neighbor, now Namjoo was a fine lady, chased by men – there’s even a chaebol offered to be her sponsor before – she had secure a position in the showbiz, and now might be later she had always waiting for.

“I—,” Namjoo hesitated and changed direction. “Ugh, you want to tell me something? Remember, a day after my surgery…”  

“Oh. That.” Kyungsoo suddenly averted his gaze, and he seemed bashful, judging by the way he rubbed his neck. “It’s not important, actually… And, I don’t think you can come, with your status, and your schedules…”

“What…?”

“I’m…,” Kyungsoo chuckled lightly, cheeks reddened. “I’m getting married.”

The words made Namjoo’s stomach twisted, in a way that it hurt more than her appendicitis did, and the pain crawled up to her heart, clenching on it.

“… Cong-Congratulations!” she managed to say, trying hard not to choke up over her words. All those acting classes should be useful now, if she couldn’t pretend she’s happy for her best friend, those trophies and awards she won might as well meant nothing. “Wah, marriage, eh? Ah, Oppa, I forgot that you’re already old!” Namjoo nudged Kyungsoo playfully, even though everything hurt.

“Yah, I’m only a few years older than you! I guess I’ll send the invitation to your house? Ah, you don’t have to come, I know you’re busy. Besides, my brother-in-law may pass out, he’s a fan of you!” Namjoo laughed along, even though she didn’t know what’s funny, when her heart’s breaking.

All of the sudden Kyungsoo’s pager beeped, and he checked on it briefly before looking up, “Namjoo-yah, sorry, I need to run.”

“Yeah, sure! We’ll… we’ll talk again tomorrow.”

“Ah, tomorrow you’ll leave, though,” Kyungsoo said, ruffling Namjoo’s hair like he always did. She should have realized it before, that he only thought of her as a little sister. “See you!”

Kyungsoo opened the door, about to leave, but Namjoo called him, stopping him. “O-Oppa!”    

He turned around, raising a quizzical eyebrow. Namjoo bit her lower lips. She had to say it, because there’s no longer later for them.

“… T-Thank you! For… for everything,” she said, and Kyungsoo appeared to be puzzled, but he nodded anyway, grinning while saying, “You’re welcome!” before he went out.

As soon as Kyungsoo left the room, Namjoo mumbled to herself, “… Marriage…”  With the realization of what happened, a tear escaped her eyes, and another, and another.

She cried her heart out for almost twenty minutes, before she wiped her face clean from the tears. Twenty minutes were the times she gave for herself to cry over her first love, and now she patted on her cheeks, then stretching into a wide smile.

"... Kim Namjoo... FIGHTING!" 

Namjoo’s first love ended with a closed door, never known to the other person, and even though this time later turned into never, she learnt a great lesson of it – and it’s a love she would never forget.  

739281 years after you requested, I finally finished this. I'm horrible. I'm sorry. Hope you accept this story.