*Now*

"Come closer to me."

More of a question than a demand.

Then again, that's how he always was.

Our time apart didn't seem to encourage much growth in his confidence, either.

"Please..."

The slight whine in his voice triggered a response in me and I naturally leaned forward.

He was one step away.

I wanted so badly to take that step, straight into his arms.

But...

Would it be the same?

"At least look at me."

Less questioning this time.

I had been avoiding eye contact, though I could feel his gaze on me like a direct beam of sunlight.

Burning.

I hesitantly glanced into his dark, unreflecting eyes.

When was I ever hesitant about anything?

"I..."

... had no idea what I wanted to say.

He looked expectant.

"You... your hair. It's nice."

His hair was always nice, which is why I stopped pointing it out years ago.

Why did I mention it now?

Why do I feel like he hasn't changed?

Why do I suddenly feel so alien to myself?

*Three Weeks Ago*

"Umm so, yeah. I'll be back in town and I wanted to see you. So... call me back."

His voice sounded different.

Clearer.

Healthier.

Happier.

Of course, texts had been exchanged and pictures sent since he left, but never a phone call given.

It was too hard to speak without a single cracking of the voice that signaled oncoming tears.

At least for me.

Maybe it's been long enough.

Luckily, I got his voicemail.

"Hey, I'm returning your call. We should definitely get together while you're here. It's only natural."

I could feel my voice getting shaky, so I ended it there.

I realized, after I hung up, that I've moved since he left.

Rather than risking another call, I texted him the address.

I never thought I'd have to do that.

We had always talked about living together.

Being together.

Forever.

But now I know that things almost never work out the way you plan them.

We were foolish and immature for believing in an uninterrupted forever.

I've been keeping the hope that we could still end up together.

We still have a chance.

Right?

I mean, we're still us, right?

*Now*

"Are you feeling ok?"

In fact, I felt like I was about to faint.

"Oh.. yeah, I'm great. You sound like you're feeling great, too."

What am I even saying?

Who is talking?

Because it's definitely not me.

I mentally slapped myself and physically took a step back.

I was starting to remember how much he could affect me.

"Do you have a fever?"

He quickly bridged the gap between us, pushing my bangs up to feel my forehead.

I felt his other arm wrap around my lower back to stabilize me.

"I, uhh--"

"Hmm. A little warm, but not too bad. Here, you should lay down anyway."

His voice was firm with no hint of uncertainty to be found.

How quickly he took charge.

Maybe I was holding him back, since I was so commanding.

Is that why he really left?

Did he come back to show me how much he could be without me?

He led me to my room.

To my bed.

Our bed?

The bed.

He moved throughout my house like he had lived there longer than I had.

He moved throughout my heart like he belonged there more than I did.

*One Year Ago*

These people are insane.

"He's gone," they say.

Please, like he would go anywhere without telling me.

"Home, to China," someone tells me.

China isn't his home anymore.

I'm his home.

He said so.

Just to prove them wrong, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed his number.

But the number I dialed has been disconnected, please try again.

So I tried again.

And again.

And again.

I didn't stop trying until my phone died.

Then I tried again on someone else's phone.

And again.

And again.

I didn't stop trying until my eyes were so filled with tears that I was blind to what I was dialing.

And my shaking hands could barely keep hold of the phone.

And my knees were too weak to support my weight.

And I was carried out of the waiting room.

To the car.

To the dorm.

To our room.

Our room, which, that day, became my room.

*Now*

He brought me water and a warm towel.

My feet and hands were freezing.

Not enough blood was getting to them.

I suspect it had nothing to do with my history of poor circulation.

It must've been because all my blood was in my heart, which felt about ready to burst.

He crawled into bed next to me.

He my hair, like I used to do for him.

I changed my mind.

He wasn't the same either.

"Who are we?"

It came out louder than I meant it to.

He chuckled.

"What do you mean? We're us."

Us.

We're still us.

Hearing him say it, it felt real.

I rolled over to look at his face.

There were more soft lines than before.

They looked good.

I ran my fingers along his profile, memorizing the shape.

Just in case.

He closed his eyes.

"I missed you."

"I love you."

*Two Years Ago*

He missed his family so much.

The clocked flashed 3:47AM.

I had to be up at 5:30AM for a schedule.

Still, I was glad I was awake.

For him.

He jerked again, trying so hard to stop crying.

I don't know how many times I had to tell him.

He didn't need to hide anything from me.

I his hair and pulled his head close to my chest.

"I'm sorry..." he said in his gravelly crying voice.

I hated that he constantly apologized to me.

I'm sorry I woke you up, I'm sorry I'm crying, I'm sorry for everything.

Doesn't he see?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I can't comfort him, I'm sorry I'm not his family, I'm sorry for everything.

"Shhhh, you're ok. I'm sorry."

I kissed the top of his head.

He looked up at me with his shiny, bloodshot eyes.

"I miss my home."

This small utterance brought a new round of sobs from him.

"I know. I'll be your home away from home, ok? How does that sound?"

This made him cry harder.

Crap.

"I love you."

*Now*

He kissed the top of my head.

Tears began slipping out of my eyes.

I turned back around so he couldn't see.

By the way he pulled me closer to him, I think he knew anyway.

"How long are you staying?"

He didn't answer for a while.

I expected two, maybe three days.

"How long do you want me to stay?"

"Forever."

I didn't mean to say that.

Of course he can't stay forever.

He has to go home.

"Ok."

"What?"

There's no way he said ok.

"I don't think you realize how much I missed you..."

If it was even half as much as I missed him, it must've been a lot.

"You have to go home at some point."

Why was I arguing with him?

"Don't you remember?"

I faced him again to see his eyes shining with tears.

"You are my home."

I grabbed his face and brought it as close to mine as I could.

"Welcome home."