...The Start

In an ordinary cheap apartment, there was a dark room where one wouldn't see anything with normal human eyes. Everything in the small bedroom only turned into black shadows. The calm moonlight pierced itself through those lacy curtains and transparent window above the single white bed beside the wall.

Silence and the cold wind clashing together outside the window were the only sounds that filled the almost empty room. However, as many seconds past, lonely hiccups and small sobs could be noticed. The only furniture, the bed which wasn’t neat and tidy was occupied by a laying young teenage boy and was the matter of fact the one who produced those cries of pains and sadness.

Those plain white sheets were tangled messily together with a the boy's pale legs. The boy was rustling left and right to get a better position as he closed his eyes shut trying to fall asleep and silently hoping to never wake up into this world ever again.

At least until he was reborn into a new life, into a completely different person than he was now. It didn't matter if he would switch genders or be born in a different country, all he wanted was to start over and become a better person. But did anyone give him a chance to say his wishes?

Somehow, a few of his ex-friends listened to his life story about his family and even his serious impossible wishes. Unfortunately, if the truth was asked out, most of them would end up saying that he was a strange person and one by one, they all left.

He was like a broken toy, thrown out when not needed anymore. Maybe those people would find a replacement for him. Maybe he didn’t belong to their group from the start. Or maybe they just wanted to be friendly with one of the smartest students in school and planned to ditch him at the end of the final year exams.

Putting those pathetic excuses aside, he was just a piece of trash who has no dream job in the future, who has no  motivation to continue his learning and to go to an elite university. He was just in a rank lower than a nobody. The borrowed light from the moon shone onto the boy’s pale swollen face.

His tear beautifully glistened under the moonlight. The boy kept making weak movements of his arms and legs, shuffling as he tried to hide his unmanly tears from no one in particular but to no avail. The same questions always chained into an endless loop inside his busy head.

“Do I deserve to live?”

“Who am I anyway?”

“Why did every person who I loved and cared for leaves me?”

Those questions were left unanswered as usual. The pale boy switched his position and straightened his body so his face and line of vision met the plain ceiling. Everything in his eyes was blurry like he was surrounded by a deep fog and his head was stinging with pain. One of his hands that was resting curled into a tight fist until he could feel his rather sharp nails digging through the skin of his palm that would surely leave him angry red crescent marks.

But he couldn’t care less if he realized his dangerous nails accidentally could draw out blood. Losing blood would lead you to losing your life. That was what one of his made-up quotes said. As long as he would never set a foot or a soul into this world again, he would even sacrifice his own life.

What mattered was he would be free from the pain that was forever locked up inside his heart. He knew that even if his own existence was wiped out, other people who used to have a connection with him would act like nothing ever happen and move onto their lives and daily routines. He was glad that no one remembers his easy name or misses his ordinary face.

He was glad he would leave this world without feelings of guilt or holding a lifetime burden in his hand. After it felt like forever, he lifted up his fist and landed it onto his forehead that was almost covered with his messy locks, to block the beautiful moonlight from his range of sight.

He didn’t even bother combing his hair neatly like a gentleman; he never thought of taking a nice warm shower or eating his daily meals which were already lacking of healthy breakfast and dinner. Apparently, he didn’t get up for three silent days from his bed after a real life drama of his brother’s and sister’s death by a rainy car accident, his parents shocking announcement of divorce after a bloody fight and the suicide of the the first person to understand him - his best friend.

All of those incidents were blamed on the innocent him as the first suspect on the list. It was too much for the boy who has a fragile heart to accept this dreadful news in such a short time.

How hateful.

His eyes felt droopy and invisible sleepy dust was sprinkled into his eyes and a semi-long slumber almost took his conscious away when suddenly, he realized his forehead was sweating in a mess. It was not just that, his whole body was covered with a layer of sticky sweat under his clothes.

Actually, the slight naïve boy didn’t have the energy to turn on the air conditioner or even the fan from the start of locking himself in his own bedroom from the outside world. The heat never bothered him as his skin these days was always cold in the third season of the year.

He mumbled whispering words with a groan escaping from his lips as he weakly have the energy he left now, lifting up his upper body and straightening up his limbs for a nice stretch; the back of his head gently hit onto the wooden headboard of the bed - body aching as he stretched every part that he could.

It was bad for anyone to stay in the bed for long but the boy though never cared about his health from the start, doing fierce decisions that could harm his physical self didn’t matter in his state. On the outside, his appearance showed icy stares and a dark atmosphere always surrounded him. To be honest, he was actually a fragile person that could break anytime if you view him from his true and mental self.

No one in his life was yet to know the real boy on the inside and he wanted that to stay as it is for eternity. True to say, he never doubted his charm on other people, especially on females with different kinds of ages. He had many admirers who would give him love letters in his gym locker and homemade lunches made with love; there were school girls lining up in front of his desk giving him different kinds of valentine chocolates. However, he coldly rejected all of those fluffy and cute things. He was never attracted to those kinds of creatures from the start anyway. Eventually, everybody. both boys and girls distanced themselves from him - one of his idiotic decisions he had regretted.

Until one day, he met the same age dboy named Lu Han who understood his life but then one day he lost him right in front of his eyes, as he jumped off from the school's building. Putting those precious thoughts aside, the pale boy made up his mind from being cramped up in this breathless space. His choice was to go outside for a relaxing stroll to anywhere near the place he lived.

His eyes averted his gaze from the wounded palm of his hand to the digital clock hanging onto the wall just right next to the door of the room.

1: 43 AM

He read those numbers lazily in his head. It was already morning but but he needed to go outside to be able to break-free from the built-up-wall of his painful feelings. He was sure no one would warn him on going outside late at night anyway.

He was an 18 year old young adult who was already independent without relying to other people. You could say he was so proud of himself for not lazing around and doing his own work, earning his own money all by himself without any kind of support. The boy calmly inhaled and exhaled the unexpectedly thin air of the room and some thoughts of him were wondering on why his room still scented as fresh and new even though he doesn’t have the time to clean the room for the past few weeks.

He immediately jumped off his comfortable bed that he really adored so much, even his legs and feet had those annoying cramps. He decided to ignore that feeling as it was not really hurting him at all. He proceeded up into the corner of the barely lit room and grabbed a random hoodie jacket between the darkness to cover the remaining exposure of his skin on the top. Winter comes after fall and he didn't want to catch colds; some medicines are rather expensive for him to buy and he was the type of person who would cherish money for a living. With swift action, he wore the black jacket as he zipped up the front without a second to spare.

Next, he forwarded himself on the way to the entrance of his apartment whilst examining his surroundings on the way there. Most of the lights and electricity appliances were turned off carefully, only a small white night light in the living room and lights from the kitchen remained. After he reached for the keys hanging by the door and wore his old sport shoes, he spun around and took his last glance of his old apartment that he live in for so long that he couldn’t even remember when he started to like this place as his shelter.

Right now, a poker face he currently used from his options was his default face as expected and a weak sentence escaped from those dry and pale lips:

“I’ll be back.”

He spoke up to his home sweet home after a few hours of crying and his voice came out hoarse as he also haven't drunk anything for days. The moment he said those words, he left the apartment door and silently close it with a hidden thud.

“Cold.”

He complained still with his deadpanned face. If you observed him very closely, he had a personality of a quiet person- a boy with a few words perhaps. The boy first looked left to right as he examined his surroundings.

Winds slapped his face harshly but the atmosphere felt nice and cool for his skin. He was not surprised that there were no human life forms in the long corridor, since he lived in a large flat on the 12nd floor and he was leaving in the awfully early morning. There weren’t many neighbors on his floor which was such a relief for him because he thought that neighbors are troublesome.

He didn't like the little kids that would play along the corridors with laughing and yelling aloud, or the loud music booming through his walls from next door in the middle of the night. Probably this person was the same age as him and he hated it. He really hated noises and loud disturbances. His much hatred for his neighbors wasn’t partially true.

There was this old woman who was the first and last person of this building who kindly welcomed him. She actually lived two doors next to him, so he would often greet her when passing by outside her apartment. She would sometimes give him some medicine and homemade food for his health. The boy didn’t know how to repay her gifted kindness and a pure smile and a help of moving furniture and fixing her electrical appliances was the smartest way he could think off.

She was like playing an act as his own grandmother, since the real one left this world earlier before he was born. Sadly, those days were over when she moved into a better environment of old villages and nature. The boy agreed to the sudden news so easily reason because it was concerning her health. She became one of his unshattered memories.

He inhaled the air and shut his eyelids for a short peaceful moment; the wind was just right for the season, not too strong to form a rain. A very familiar scent lingered into his nostrils.

Autumn

It was the third season of the year where the country would experience the cold days and summer leaves would faded its color into brownish or red, waiting for the season of winter to take place. He was actually fond of autumn and he had a list of why he liked autumn best which he would give if one would ask him nicely.

One of them was when the breeze would hug his body and he would feel an embrace of something soft and peaceful. However, the reason on why the fall season was his first love were the trees, shedding their leaves to get comfortable with the next snow season and growing back to new-born to a healthy green natural leaves in spring.

He liked how they were held down but soon they got back up with the riches of their pretty greens. He wanted to be someone like that someday. He wanted to be someone who fell miserably but got back up with more bravery in his mind and heart. Would that ever happen to him?

He lazily took slow steps of going down the stairs; his brain was in a busy process on what destination would he go to. The building was awfully quiet though the boy just ignored the small sounds of his surroundings. As he arrived at the ground level, he stopped in front of the entrance of the building, looking up at the cloudy sky; he spotted a few stars shining brightly from afar deep inside those black clouds of the dark sky.

He mentally smiled as how beautiful the stars were, each and every one of them have deep meanings and secrets. He liked how the stars were never alone in the wide space in the sky. No one was left out.

He used to wish he was one of them, yet those were just some idiotic wants that a billionaire couldn’t even make happen with their money. An idea popped out of his mind as he now found the place where he wanted to relax. He slowly walked away from the entrance, an imaginary map carves in his mind- a place where he find peace and quiet on his own.

The Abandoned Park

He was surprised that he still remembered the shortcut to this place, almost deep in his neighborhood; no one visits the place because it was really small and old. However, this was one of his secret places where all of his memories still remained.

He thanked god that the government didn’t tear this place of peace yet. There were not much attractions in the place. A small garden with many kinds of flowers and plants such as roses and daffodils, a rusty swing set that could break very easily if sat by a heavy weight, a small pond that only some fishes still lived in it until now and a big one hundred year old tree right on the middle of the park were all that was left behind.

But this place was enough for him to rest his mind of his life, only for a while. With calm steps, he stopped in front of the swing set. Though his poker face didn’t show even the slightest of happiness, he felt those childhood memories running through his head as he wrapped one of his hands onto one of the rusty fading painted color bars. How he missed being a child so much.

Those times were fun but by the time his physical body grew, he noticed those days of playing around with friends and toys would never last. He sighed bitterly and chose to step himself to the front of the big tree. He glanced up to the natural beauty of wood and frowned of disappointment when he realized there were no leaves left from the strong branches.

The tree lived ever since he was born; it was still standing high and strong. He really envied this kind of living thing so much. Furrowing his eyebrows together, a stupid yet sharp thought came into his mind.

When did the last leaf fell?

He trailed his soft fingers onto the oak of the trunk. The rough texture of the wood was one the mysterious facts to the boy and the urge swept through him. His moving fingers stopped onto some words or more truthfully, a name that was obviously carved using cheap sharp things.

Oh Sehun: forever the life of the tree

The beautiful carving really showed many memories for a boy named Oh Sehun. The boy’s lips curved into a smile for the first time in three years as he closed his eyes for a peaceful moment of thinking back of those pure times. When Oh Sehun was a child, he was playing in the sandboxes with his brothers and sisters.

For once in his life, there were finally happy grins of his parents and family when he messily drank his first chocolate bubble tea for the fir-

“Your smile is empty.”

The connecting chains of his thoughts broke. He widened his eyes in surprise when he heard that bitter sentence and quickly switched his gaze from the precious carving onto the owner of the voice. By hearing the soft and feminine tone of the voice, a teenage girl came into in his mind automatically.

As expected, beyond his eyes was a beautiful girl likely the same age as hi,; slowly moving her footsteps to him - a soft smile pasted on her face and arms behind her back.

The things about the girl that shocked him the most was t why the female intruder came into the abandoned park in the early of the morning and why was she wearing a plain white dress in this kind of cold weather where people would frequently wear warm clothing outside; patterns of soft colour flowers was seen at the hem of that beautiful dress.

She must be unaffected with the season. That was quiet odd for a human to have that kind of advantage. When he went too far in his thoughts, the unknown girl was now in front of him, staring at him straight with those cute eye-smile.

“When is it?”

She spoke again with a calmer tone that somehow made the boy’s heart calm also. For the first time, all of his problems were somehow forgotten for a moment there and he didn’t know what caused it.

“What?”

That was his only respond, stunned by the confusing question and her beauty that stand out brightly, as the sky gradually turning darker and darker as many seconds passed.

“When are you going to leave this world?”

And those problems crashed back into his world, her smile still remained.

What nonsense was this girl saying?

The girl giggled quietly at his shocking reaction, she thought this boy was pretty amusing in her eyes. Her hands slowly came front, her right hand was gripping something mysterious inside her small fist; not that too tight. There must be something fragile in that gentle hand. The other one grabbed the boy’s hand to also come forward, a soothing touch that send an electric tingling to his body. His palm was left empty handed on top until he felt a familiar, apparently not an item gently brushing his skin.

“Here.”

The girl backed a step and he looked down onto his palm and tilted his head to the right in confusion as he spotted the item he was now holding.

It’s a leaf. Basically, a brownish leaf from autumn.

He shot the weird girl a suspicious look. Basically, he didn’t know what she was trying to tell him just by receiving this ‘gift’ in hand.

“The last leaf from your tree, of course.”

She chuckled again at how naïve this boy was. How cute.

“You were wondering where it went, right?”

She threw a cute eye smile at him but the other kept staring at the ordinary leaf on his palm, his brain was busy processing on what she just said.

How did she know he was searching for it?

The grinning girl eliminated the distance between them, too close for the boy’s liking. However, before he tried to push or protest, she suddenly leaned her lips in front of his right ear. The warm breath made him shivered.

“Your death will be useless if you chose to end your life.”

His face immediately turned pale white. Her tone completely changed to a serious one that made him uncomfortable in his place. She leaned back to confirm his reaction, eyes shooting ice daggers, a bitter frown on her lips. He unexpectedly missed the beautiful smile of hers.

She slowly placed a hand onto her chest where her heart was located, closing her eyes to calm herself.

“Thousands- no, millions of people in the world are currently suffering many kinds of diseases and death will approach them without notice.”

The atmosphere suddenly turned cold, the sky turned darker than ever or was the world slowly disappearing from him?

“Isn’t that sad? They kept on fighting for their lives but couldn’t avoid their tragic fate that is always waiting for them.”

She continued, a bitter smile appeared on her face as a small sigh escaped her lips. If you saw how she acted, she probably felt some relief after releasing those words building up inside of her.

What was she saying?

“But you, a young healthy teenage boy is planning to end his life without any struggles? You will regret it later if that happens.”

Suddenly, he felt a drop of liquid landed at his nose, followed by the next one and the third. Finally, a calm rain poured down from the crying sky, soaking both of their clothes. However, the small obstacle was not being paid attention by the two as they were too occupied on staring into each other’s gaze.

He tightened up his hand very carefully, thinking that the leaf he was currently holding was a fragile treasure. What she said was annoying but the truth. A painful truth that made the stinging heart of his to come back and it hurt more than before. He hated himself. He knew he chose a stupid decision but he thought this was the only way to escape from reality.

But this girl in front of him suddenly said those unforgivable words that somehow changed his heart.

“I will show you what beauty this world holds. Don’t let go of that leaf until you made your final decision, okay?”

That bright smile of her made him feel secure from another’s warmth. Tears started filling up his eyes. Those tears immediately mixed up with drops of rain, hardly seen that he was currently crying as his eyes fixed onto the feminine ones.

“I promise to change your mind and you will choose the correct path someday.”

She reassured kindly. Does she feel the same pain as him?

“So please, hold in those deep scars of your heart until that day will arrive.”

The girl wrapped her arms around his neck as she tiptoed to his tall height and gave his forehead a light peck from her lips with a kind affection he secretly craved from anyone for a long time. Wiping those invisible tears away with her thumbs, she grinned like a child before she released the warm embrace under the rain; nothing was shielding them from being wet. None cared for if they get sick or a cold on the next day.

“You and I are most likely the same. I will lead you there. Don’t worry.”

She patted his shoulder, giving him a slight support, wanting him to trust her completely on their first meeting. He widened his eyes at the ‘same’ word.

“Are you also-“

He tried to ask her a very important question but was interfered by her slight nod as she confirmed her answer.

“But not quite. I’m currently in a very ‘special’ condition that can’t be avoided though.”

She laughed naturally like they weren’t even standing under a wet weather. She was indeed an odd person to withstand the cold atmosphere with only a one piece dress covering her, giving little warmth and comfort.

“My name is Bae Suzy, by the way. Nice to meet you, Oh Sehun.”

She introduced herself and extended her hand for a shake with his. Without a second to spare, his body reacted automatically almost too quickly and both exchange friendly handshakes. The tears streaming down from his eyes were long forgotten. A handshake that showed their first sign of friendship.

This was the start of a new life of Oh Sehun with a girl named Bae Suzy in the picture. At the moment, a weird feeling started blooming in him. Other than feelings of regrets, hatred and scared, there was another feeling he never felt before for a long time.

Was this the weird feeling of falling in love?

Could this unpredictable moment after meeting Suzy would change Sehun’s internal goal of leaving this world by the easy way?

Or would he depend onto the leaf he was holding that may change his fate?

Umm, what did I just write? I was planning to write something fluffy and cute from the start and this is what happens after a reading a bunch of angst and sad stories. Please, forgive me for writing a failed chapter. I write this chapter while listening to Red Velvet’s Happiness that gave me some inspiration. (What kind of inspiration is that? =A=”)

But don’t worry, fluffy stuffs will come on the next chapter! As I expected, I have to divide this one-shot into three chapters because it’s way too long. (Is this still consider as a one-shot?) Maybe this story will become a three-shot? And thank you very much for my lovely subscribers, supporting comments and even kind up votes after waiting patiently.

Please do comment on how well I've done for my first one-shot so far and let’s meet again on the second chapter!

XOXO, Papuru.