*ring riiinnngg*

It was him again. It wasn't that I did not have the energy to picked up my phone, but truly I didn't want to hear his gentle voice. He has been in my mind for awhile today though I was recalled about my past. The person I was before I met him. I couldn't understand why this person would be willing to help me. What our relationship was from the start was strangers who passed by at times to get a cup of coffee at a vintage cafe. Then it was friendship when he asked my name. As weeks passed, he was a close friend that gave me hope to forget what has caused me to be so dull and pale. Months that rolled in so quickly, he build our relationship to a higher level; we became a couple. Everything we did together was so perfect, and for his personality, looks, and words amazed me. God was too nice enough to create a man so perfectly, but I guess God was too cruel to let him into my life.

I poured myself another glass of my favorite drink as the night was still lonely. I look around me and all I saw was my reflection. I wore a casual strapless red dress that was made out of leather and outlined every curve in my body, all the way to my midthighs. With my face painted with foundation, eyeliner, mascara, and dark red lips. What I wore was certainly dashing though to many coverups on my face was to mask my inner feelings. I wouldn't want Luhan to see it. Yes it was Luhan who has been calling me endlessly and it drived me insane to see his name pop up on my phone. 

*ring ring*

I literally almost jump in my seat once I heard my ringtone. My hands trembled to reach my phone that sat infront of me, but it would just flinch away with the feeling of being scared to what will happen next after I do grab it.

"Aren't you gonna answer it ma'am?" The bartender smirked, seeing that I barely touched my phone within those two hours I stayed in the bar. He threw head gestures to my phone and I watched him as he mouth those words in a playful act as he swiftly wipes each and every glass that needed to be wiped down with a cloth. His eyes were very mesmerizing, but it gave off that dark aura that made me wonder if I knew him. I've been coming to this bar ever since I met Luhan, but under special occasions. Though everytime I would grab a drink, his presence would be hiding behind the countertops and would give me that signature smirk of his always. Was he the only worker working at late hours? It made me more curious that he would ask me about my relationship with Luhan. Yes, I am in a relationship with Luhan. Much to be said, I feel like this male knows him better than me. It just made me fear if he also knew me in terms of personal background, but I waved it off. I barely spoke alot about myself rather than "my" issues with Luhan.

"What are you doing? Come on now." He lifted up my phone in armlength.

Answering the phone nervously, I slowly placed it near my right ear.

"Hello?" He spoke with a scratchy voice. It was like he was out of breath and it was relief that washed over him.

After a few of my breaths were heard through the line out of beat, I could hear him in despair. "Please don't do this to me Ahri..." Luhan pleaded and waited for me to reply on the other line. Just waiting for me to reply his question for more than 1 minute, anyone could have guessed I was pointing out the obivious that I was planning to do something. Break up perhaps? Maybe. But it was something else that will not only hurt him, but hurt me the most for I was hiding something so damaging. I couldn't bear to even face him this morning or even speak to him right now, so I decided to hang up.

"Not even a word?" The bartender lightly laugh. "Maybe I might have a chance with Luhan now that your situation with Luhan is no good." He continued his job. Though he leaned forward, resting on one arm on the bar and intensively stare at me. I didn't react much to me only lean forward also. "How about you fix me up for some more drinks while you have the chance to get tip?" I lousily said and distance myself from him. He didn't take it serious, so he surpressed his laughs. It got me irritated that he took it as a joke and he went off cleaning up the building.

An hour passed and I was still in the same position. I sat with my legs crossed and my left hand still holding my glass of vodka as if my life depended on it. Being in a bar when I suppose to be celebrating my 11 month anniversary with my boyfriend is a shame, but I've been coming to the bars lately so this wasn't a big deal for me. The bar I chose to be in was a remote place from home. Wondering why? I didn't want Luhan to see me in this condition. It seems reality hitted me and I couldn't bare to speak my true inner feelings to Luhan. Luhan was one out of the few people that cared for me and watched over me no matter what. I was thirteen when apparently I was abandoned by my own parents. I had no siblings nor relatives to guide me through such hardships. I did meet someone that changed my whole world, but that was the problem. Just then, I could feel little droplets of my tears strolling down my rosy cheeks and I couldn't stand it. I slowly wiped it with the tip of my fingernails and stared at my finger seeing that it was my first to tear in such state out in public.

"Why am I crying?" I silently whispered and looked across the room. There I was, seeing my reflection and I can see more of my tears flowing.

Why was I crying when apparently I did wrong to Luhan? Shouldn't he be the one crying?

At that moment, I could sense another presence in the room. Its footsteps were getting louder as it got closer to me and I already had a clear view of who it was with mirrors being placed everywhere. The aura was so dark yet solemn, knowing that how everything will be settled right there and now. The person I was just earlier, I pulled myself together. I wasn't just any hopeless yet fragile woman, but I was stronger than that to face my past. So I straighten my back and breathed in the suffocating air. 

"This is where you've been?" He has used all his energy to voice out his words. Anger and frustration that scared a janitor, left us alone immediately. He scrambled to grab his things and out to the backroom. It took awhile despite the fact how awkwardly the young man moved to escape from the scene. 

"Ahri!" He pulled my right forearm with a tight grasp, wanting my attention but my eyes laid glue on the floor. I could feel him gripping harder and harder to the point he jerk me towards him of an act of desperation. As seconds passed by, I took the courage to look in his eyes. I could feel his eyes burning into mines that he was furious enough with my actions. The more I stared back at him, it was like as if his hands were chains, straining me into place of not wanting me to leave without an answer.

"Why are you here? Did you not want to spend time with me at home?"

I looked at him with bore eyes for only for him to continue his constant yelling.

"Answer me!" He brought his face closer to find the answer in my eyes. "You knew well enough today is our 11 month anniversary. Why are you doing this to me again?"

Those words.....again. I've been low key about my whereabouts to Luhan and him knowing me drowning myself in every alcohol this bar has to offer, I was willing to buy every bottle there is standing infront of my face. But why I would do this to him again?

"When it was our 6 month anniversary, you've started to come here alot. Didn't I tell you I'm gonna help you through this? Hmmm?" I pulled my head down and I could feel his cold, icy fingers trying to wipe every ugly tear that dropped from my eye.

Please don't....

Till this day, I decided to tell him my awful truth. A truth that can be truly deadly than a lie. 

"Luhan..." My voice cracked while I restrained myself to look through his golden, brown eyes. "We need to end it here. I can't let you love me any longer." It hitted him in the gut, but he shook his head confused.

"You're drunk. Let me take you home." He gently wraps his arms around my shoulder with his coat, but I harshly threw his arms away and coat down to the floor with force.

"I'm not drunk!" I screamed out yet I was b into tears.

"All this time, I notice something that made sense to me why I am with you. Not because I was inlove with you, you clearly reminded me of someone."

"What are you saying?" He fakely laughed it out.

"I used you Luhan." I gulped in my tears. "The day I met you, weeks I spent with you and months that I've stayed with you, where all fake to me. You just....you...."

"What was I to you Ahri!?" He solemny said, shaking my shoulders. I then looked staight into his eyes. Those eyes that were so innocent than to mines that was so deathily and not worth admiring at.

"You reminded me of my ex-boyfriend. Everytime I look at you, hear your laugh or hear you speak, everything about you was so surreal to me. But I can't stand to even share beautiful moments with you especially today."

"What about your feelings? Were they really real?" I threw my head up, preventing more tears to ruin my painted face, trying to hide the eyebags or my pale skin from long nights of thinking what I really had with Luhan.  

"I shouldn't have laugh, smile or even met you from the start. What I did with you, I was imagining it as if it was my ex." 

"Even those kisses?" I blinked at him and pressed my lips together.

"When you first kissed me, I had the feeling that you weren't him. Your kisses made me define the difference from you to him. Every kiss I recieved from you was like poison to me. I wanted to spit it out." I exaggerated to prevent him from having soft feelings for me.

"So if you knew you were cheating on me, what was the sense to even stay with me longer?" He threw his arms in the air.

"It was you Luhan. I gave you hints and you pushed it away as if it was an act of misery. The misery I lived with before I met you. You chose the wrong choice to be with me." My eyebrows creased together.

"I won't stop you from going to your ex. Just go. Go!" He waved his hands of wanting me to leave immediately and more than that, he slightly turned sideways to not fully face me.

"That's the problem." I chuckled lowly. "He died just few weeks before I met you. Today is his birthday." I held my vodka in the air and smiled widely. He was more shocked to hear it than me which made me chuckle more than what I planned to do. I took one shot and threw the glass sideways, shattering pieces of a mirror to the floor. Just one drink, I craved for more so I instantly took a random bottle laying on the bar and viciously drank it down to my throat. Knewing Luhan didn't like what I was doing to myself, he stopped me by pulling my hand gently from bottle and sternly told me to stop my childish act.

"I'm sorry Luhan. I did wrong. Just one step out of here will mean for me to step out of your life." I bowed my head down and let the silence fill for awhile until it was time for me to go.

"You will really leave me?" I stopped midday to collect everything he said. I could hear his voice start to become audible for me because the fact I let him down all of a sudden, the cheerful tone in him was gone. Though why would he ask me to stay when I cheated on him? Did I really cast a spell on him? Does he still love me after my confession?

"I need to. Though I can't stand the fact that I won't forget you. The memories might be hard to fade away easily, but I can tell you that our relationship wasn't real nor exist. I had my imagination when you had yours." I bit my lip in desperation to leave, so I took the chance to take a step.

"How about a kiss?" He requested with a light tone.

"Kiss?" I slowly whipped my head towards him.

"I might be selfish, but one last kiss won't hurt right?" I thought for a moment. Was this some kind of trick? To make me feel more guilty? Or to just fall in love with him? No matter what, I won't look at him the same way I did with my ex. Guilty enough I've cheated on Luhan, worser than that I felt like I abandoned my ex.

He walked towards me, thinking I'll might do it, but I left him hanging.

"You surely do remind me of him." I carefully looked at the details of his face and comparing him to my ex. The odds of someone looking almost exact of your ex. It just made me think for a second that was this a test from God. Me falling for someone that was exactly like my ex or to use him for my misery or find out that maybe I can move on if I gave him a chance to truly love him. But it was obvious, we weren't meant to be. 

"I'm sorry Luhan. I rather not lay my devil lips upon yours when it won't feel light and passionate though a burning sensation of lies pouring on you." I playfully took hold of his chin with my right hand and lifted my thumb to only swiftly touch his lips.

"Goodbye Luhan." I smiled weakly once I pulled myself away. I could see that Luhan was torn apart, but not emotionally. He held in his pain as he has always. He was a man of words that soothed me, protected as if it was him wrapping his arms me tenderly. I bend my head down and let every step of mines echo through the room. And this was me, entering the elevator, pressing the close button to shut him out. Inch by inch, the door closed, leaving me a small peek of him that also stood still in its place.

"Goodbye." I said once again in a whisper. Though this time came out so sincere and full of guilt. The doors closed and it was me already trying to erase him. 

-

It was me again, falling for the beautiful, fragile creature that seemed to never accept my love in the end. It was her that fell for the same guy and I was the one picking up her torn heart and sewing it up little by little. It seems I am a failure of loving someone. 

Just staring blankly at the elevator doors, I turn to the counter and sat in the same seat she was earlier. I could still smell her intoxicating perfume lingering in the room and see her red painted lips printed on the shots. I studied it for awhile until a small paper underneath a bottle caught my eye. I carefully pulled it out and recognize the couple in it. It was Ahri kissing a young male on the cheeks while he snap the picture with him only smiling in it. I could be persuasive to myself saying it is a friend, but I can't deny the fact it was her ex. 

"What are the odds? Huh?" I furiously threw the picture down the floor after taking one look and viciously untie my tie, as if I was being suffocated. I choked on my own tears and I was turning in a brightly shade of red.

"Aren't you lucky bro?" I banged my fists on the countertops and accidentally hit my fist on one of the shots. It was my hand now that is gushing out blood and in excruciating pain than my heart. To be honest, I couldn't feel the hard shards of glass deepening in my skin because I was then numb.

It's crazy how love can turn everything all fine then to a drastic change where one can just put themselves in a position of killing oneself to get rid of their own existence and experience no pain further in life. I guess my one-sided love has been too long because I fell for her even before she met her ex-boyfriend. More like my twin-brother. Funny I would say is to why she didn't recognize me this wholetime that her ex-boyfriend did have a twin.

Was he better than me? What made her fall in love with him rather than me? Were we not meant to be?

I wish I knew more to her side of love towards my twin-brother.

"Oh my you hurted yourself." A strange figure crept upon me and sat next to me casually. I turn heads and I saw a tall, young man around my age with an intense stare, but an awkward smile. He tried picking up my injured hand and taking bits of the glass out that sticked to my skin like glue.

"Do I know you?" I looked down on him and taking a hold of my own hand.

"Perhaps you do, but it makes me more sad that you barely recognize me." He pouted then he saw that I wasn't in the mood. "I'm Sehun. I am acquaintance with your ex-girlfiend." Giving out his hand, I hestitantly offered a handshake with a light firm using my good hand.  

 "Acquaintance? Not a friend?" I lifted an eyebrow in curiosity.

"See Luhan, I know more than you do. I couldn't blame you or her for this breakup, but it was just destined to come like this." My hands were then curling up into a ball of fist and I knew I had to control this anger or else I might be the one who looks like a clown. So as each second passed, I breathed in heavily and out.

"Awe, did the little kitty get alittle angry?" He tilted his head in a playful way. "Don't be mad now," Crossing his arms over his chest in a judging way. "because from what I see is that good things will come because you're not like your brother. He may have changed for her, but I thought it was too daring to steal your soul mate." The said Sehun's eyes were now soft and not dark. Even if I knew little about this slender man, he was of course someone that I agreed with. 

But what good will come to me? She has left me. And was I really fitted with Ahri? 

"Don't let it go through your head." Patting me in the back lightly and slowly drifting away from me to do his buisness. 

"Did she ever talked about me so dearly?" Turning my head even if my back was facing him. There was a silence at first but it was him walking away in distance and me being curious.

Who am I to you Ahri exactly?

---