Euphemia held her parents’ hands, walking tentatively on the red carpet. The mother smiled sweetly as she noticed her child’s nervousness. Then bright flashes of light stunned the girl who delved deeper into herself while her parents posed for the incessant clicking of cameras. She closed her eyes, awaiting the moment when peace found its way back to her again. She succeeded. The noise was fading. A sigh escaped her lips. All faded to black.

She was running. Running through the dark, rotting forest that smelled of decay, as fast as she could in the stained white dress. She was running past the coast, forbidding dark waters lapping at the sand. The winds howled in her ears, viciously attacking her tiny frame, threatening to push her into the waters. She fought, running from them, the monsters that lurked in the shadows, haunting her. She was running towards salvation. That was when she fell. Into an abysmal pit where darkness reigned supreme, where resistance was futile. She surrendered. And darkness claimed her as its prey.

“E21. Serve the President well. Feel honoured for the fact that he has picked you out personally, and keep in mind that you should obey his every word and action wholeheartedly.” The little girl nodded obediently as the lady in charge of the orphanage in the President’s absence talked. Her voice was saccharine sweet, but the child had an odd feeling of revulsion. With a grip so tight that the girl winced in discomfort, the lady led her to a room in a secluded part of the mansion. E21 glanced around the room, taking in its expensive furnishings in wonder while the lady left. Faint voices echoed in the hallway. The girl stood admiring the stained-glass windows as he stepped in.

“My, my, she really brought a pretty new toy for me. Come here.” The President beckoned her over to the bed. He was an ugly man, with teeth crooked and oily, disgusting skin marked with scars. She hated his foul breath and fixated gaze on her. “You are so beautiful…so, so beautiful.” He sighed, running his cold fingers on her thighs. She squirmed, tensing her legs instinctively. The President seemed to morph into a beast, a stark contrast to his demeanour when she had seen him about the orphanage. He was unlike anything that faintly resembled a refined, gentle man. He didn’t look like a man. But an animal, as he touched her. She hated him suddenly, that revolting creature that pressed onto her. She hated the smell of his breath. She hated the heavy grunts that he gave. But more than anything, she hated him and what he was doing to her. She didn’t knew the name of it, but each touch, each violation left her feeling defiled. He . And suddenly she knew that she couldn’t escape untainted. Searing pain reached from beneath her. It was wrath, a wildfire that raged viciously, consuming her chest in a red blaze, choking her. It was water, liquid cold dragging her into the depths. And it was black, numbing her senses, a veil held against her feral eyes. She wrenched it off.

The girl arrived back at the orphanage, looking as though she had been in a street fight. The other kids were shocked. When did E21 ever fight before? She was always seen in the pathetic excuse of a library reading thick, worn volumes, never daring to venture onto the streets like the others. She didn’t behave as though she had fought, however, becoming even more withdrawn and prone to mood swings. The other girls claimed that E21 often cried out in her sleep, spreading rumours that she was being haunted by ghosts. She was shunned by them, except only for the boy who called himself Kai. “I am K69,” the boy offered his hand with a cheeky grin, “But I go by the name Kai. Would you like to be friends with me?” She hesitated a little, sneaking a glance at his face. He didn’t seem like a bad person, and he couldn’t do anything to her…right?  A fairer hand reached out to hold his. She smiled a small smile in greeting. That somehow only made her face look sadder than ever, he thought wistfully.

“Don’t smile if you don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“It just etches your sadness deeper into your soul.”

“……”

That first meeting seemed like a miracle that lifted her out of the living hell she existed within. Kai became a friend, slowly inching into her life, changing the little habits of hers, leaving an indelible mark somewhere on her. He became a close friend she depended on, and it felt good to have someone to rely on, to act as an anchor when she was lost. She relished the feeling of someone constantly caring for her. And he slowly found his way through the crumbling walls she put up around her heart. Perhaps it was the way he comforted her whenever she emerged from the bathroom after a trip to the mansion, putting his arms around her, as if reassuring her of his existence, reminding her that she was not alone. Perhaps it was the way he didn’t flinch as she reluctantly revealed the thin white streaks carved into her thighs, but held her hands tight, tears welling up in his eyes. But she had to play a game of pretend. With him, and herself. Because she didn’t believe that she could love. For it would not hurt him if she acted like he was merely a friend. And because she was selfish.

And then the unthinkable happened. She was picked up by a wealthy couple who lived in Seoul. It was a beautiful dream that existed in the minds of all the children, to have a pair of parents who love and cherish them. But nobody had ever mentioned to her that it was also a punishing one that pained her. She was told a week before she left. But she could never muster the courage she needed to tell him until the night before.

“What’s bothering you?” He was concerned by his best friend’s increasing mood swings.

“I-I a-am s-s-sorry.” She held his face tenderly, then hugged him tighter.

“I’m leaving. To Seoul.” The silence between them was heavy for a while.

“I’m happy for you.” He sounded choked. The girl looked into his red-rimmed eyes, tears beginning their slow descent on the curve of her cheek as well. Nobody told her that realising the dream was going to hurt this badly. But it was a given, wasn’t it? She leaned in, brushing against his lips slowly. It tasted bittersweet to her. But she yearned for more, being as selfish as she was. And so she kissed him. She kissed him. She kissed him. And he kissed her back.

They were lying on the mattresses, staring at the grey walls above.

“About what happened earlier…I’m sorry that I initiated it so abruptly…I just felt…I just…that was a farewell kiss…” The girl lied softly.

Ouch. Kai rolled to avoid facing her. “It is alright, I figured that out too.” His forced chuckles didn’t sound genuine to the girl, but she decided not to press on further.

“Remember me, will you?”

“I will.”

She was introduced into the family as Miss Euphemia Jung, the daughter of the Chairman of Silver Seas Group and his wife. Her new parents have just moved back into Korea after spending most of their lives in China. The move allowed them the opportunity to introduce her to the business world of Korea as their daughter, without having to mention the death of their original daughter and the subsequent adoption. And she was fit to be the Princess of Gangnam, a beautiful and refined young woman respected for her intelligence. It didn’t matter that she was not smart enough to ace all her exams. She still got into the top high school with excellent test scores, fabricated and paid for from her parents’ wallets. A simple, effective solution was present for any problems she ran into. Euphemia felt undeserving of the kindness she received, particularly from her foster parents, who treated her as their lost daughter. She found out later that she looked like a carbon copy of the late Euphemia Jung, sounded like her and even behaved the way she did. It didn’t hurt her. It just offered a rational explanation for her foster parents’ behaviour towards her.

Four summers passed. She was twenty, pretty, powerful, and had all the things that most people could only dream of. The Deputy Head of Finance was her newest title in her parents’ biggest company, SilverSea International. So why did she still feel lost, like one of those balloons that had slipped out of her fists to wander aimlessly in the skies? She opened the wardrobe door. She had no want for food or clothing. The many designer gowns before her was proof of that. The person in the mirror was staring back at her intently, as if studying the invisible flaws on her, so carefully covered up. She didn’t lack love from her foster parents, who treated her as their own. But she knew, didn’t she? That no matter what she did, she was not loved for who she was. She was unloved, yet loved, as a replacement, as an illusion that was crafted to show their daughter alive. She traced the canals engraved on her thighs. E21. She rose to slip into a cream chiffon dress cut to hide them. A familiar face formed in her thoughts as she left for the ball, a new suitor to be introduced to her.

 “Euphemia, meet Mr Kim.”

“Mr Kim, meet Euphemia.”

The famous Casanova looked bored, totally uninterested in whatever was being said. All he had to do was endure some forced laughter and fake smiles. Then he would be free to do whatever he wished. A good, long .