Although you have a girl

‘I lost him even though he wasn’t even mine from the start.’ You knew clearly you didn’t have a chance with him. You knew you were crazy for falling in love with a perfect guy like Hoya and that you were even dumber to continue liking him. ‘It’s okay if you have a girl,’ you mumbled to yourself as you looked the perfect couple in front of you. Your tears were threatening to spill; your heart was literally shattering into many broken pieces. ‘At least, I still can look at you; at least I know you’re happy. I should feel happy if you’re happy, shouldn’t I?’  You let out a slight laugh, ‘Foolish me... How could I even think that you would like me when I look like this?’

Hoya was the most popular guy in the entire school, he was extremely good-looking, had good grades, and he was the captain of the school’s Volleyball team and not to mention, one of the best dancers in school. And what position were you in? You were practically worth nothing compared to him. You were just someone among the crowd, you don’t stand out.

Even so, you admired him a lot. Everyone was given the choice to love, but there are consequences, you get hurt. You remembered your love for him began from a little schoolgirl crush. You were walking along the corridor door, going back home from the late night study and you heard music booming from the dance studio. Curious, you peeked your head inside and saw him dancing like there’s no tomorrow. You were awed by his moves, ‘Whoa….’ You could only gaze fondly at him. That was when you fell literally. 

‘Hey, are you okay?’ He asked while letting out a helping hand, you remembered his husky and soothing voice. Even now whenever you recalled that moment, you would feel butterflies in your stomach. He looked truly concerned about you when he helped you up. ‘He held my hand……’ You bit your bottom lip.

From that day onwards, you would always be looking out for him. You learnt many things about him from your friends, but you weren’t much of a stalker. Whenever you two met at the hallway, your palm would become clammy, you would have butterflies in your stomach but in his case, he would always greet you with a bright smile on his face. Well, maybe that was what led you to think that he liked you.

You were a shy girl; you only talked to your circle of your friends. You thought that maybe without your friends, you would have gone crazy. They knew about your huge crush on Hoya and they helped you by feeding you information about him. But one day, they broke to you the news of him having a girlfriend. You broke down immediately. Knowing you were quite a crier, they brought you to a hidden place where you cried your eyes out. ‘It’s okay, you’ll find someone else.’ They told you but you cried hysterically to them, ‘How can I find someone else when I only know and look at him?’

And it had to be that moment when Hoya was passing by. He saw you crying, and being a gentleman he was, he went forward and lend you his shoulder. Your friends didn’t know what to do but to leave you guys alone; you too had no idea whether to push him away or run away. ‘Why are you crying? Did someone bully you? Need me to bash him up?’ It broke your heart even more that he didn’t realize your feelings for him. ‘Hey hey, tell me what’s happening…’ You gasped as you held onto him. You recalled his scent, oh my, it was heavenly. To you, Hoya was the definition of perfect. ‘I’m always here for you, you know.’ He whispered into your ear and continued to brush your hair to comfort you. How could I stop crying, you thought to yourself bitterly.

Days went passed; your eyes were puffy and red from crying. You weren’t your usual self; you skipped lunch and hid in the toilet. You sort of became anti-social. The only way to avoid getting hurt is to stay away from everyone, you thought.

Your friends told you that Hoya was looking for you every time he saw them. He would question your whereabouts and ask why you weren’t hanging out with them. You knew it too, it was obvious. You saw him asking your classmates why you weren’t in class during free period. You could tell he was concerned. But you avoided him nevertheless. You couldn’t stand looking at him, you knew you weren’t strong enough to control your feelings. You would just break down in front of him. 'What if I burst into tears in front of him? What if I told him that I liked him?'

There were many times you saw him and his girlfriend. Your heart gnawed painfully those times. But you couldn’t say that you hated Hoya or his girlfriend. You had no right to. It wasn’t their fault that you were hurting. It was yours. So what if he didn’t have a girlfriend? ‘He still wouldn’t like me.’ You shook your head sorrowfully. It was obvious that he only sees you as a sister.

‘Even though you’re not mine,’ you snapped out of your trance and continued to look at them. They were kissing. ‘Even if you don’t know my feelings at all, it’s okay because I never intended to let you know.’

‘Silly me…..’ You realized that tears were b in your eyes. ‘I even dreamt about us going out. You were wearing a suit and I was wearing a white dress and we were dancing under the moonlight. And after that we went for an ice cream date. You fed me while I fed you.’ You close your eyes with force, tears were trickling down. ‘Hoya…..’ Your heart called out for him.

‘Like an idiot, I only know you. It’s okay even if it hurts, I’ll still love you the same, even if my heart hurts and it’s killing me day by day.’ You figured that someday you would get over him. The period now, was the hurting period. Time would heal everything, so it was okay if you suffered now.

‘My love won’t end because I really love you.’ A voice in your mind said. ‘I love you’

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hiyeom. i was having a bad day yesterday while studying, so i decided to write some angst oneshots hahahahaha. i'll update more angst oneshots after my exams. LOL I FELL IN LOVE WITH ANGST FANFICS. IT IS THE BEST. :D but too much drama is no good too :3 how is my oneshot? LOLOL