warning; not edited / typos

Being an idol isn’t as easy as it seems. People might think that it’s just a matter of dragging your feet on-stage, do your thing and there you have it, you’re now in the blinding isle of fame. But behind every person is a story and behind every story are emotions that they can’t even release due to their current state. As for Mark, he’s from a foreign land. Clearly, everything was too strange when he first landed his foot on the lands of Seoul. With a dream on hand, he left his family and carried his hope with him. As years passed, Mark discovered a lot about himself. He met more people and finally coped with the culture that the country has.

Mark is a very sensitive one. His life is like an open book; you can clearly read him without looking twice. It wasn’t too long for them to introduce to some of their co-trainees; the local ones. There he met Jinyoung. Park Jinyoung is a boy from Jinhae. Same with Mark, Jinyoung has this uneasiness when he first arrived at the upscale city. The province is way too far from what he saw. Like all of them, Jinyoung’s been having a concrete dream ever since; to be a performer.

Despite of the language barriers, Mark and Jinyoung developed a very good friendship. Somehow, they find each other’s company an enjoyable one. Jinyoung possesses the same attitude as Mark but the only difference was the Korean knows how to handle his emotions properly without letting anyone know it. Yes, Jinyoung frequently smiles, but who knows, maybe he’s also troubled inside. The younger is a caring one and the LA native was just one of the lucky persons who experienced Jinyoung’s love and care.

From the start, Jinyoung knew it. Mark isn’t as strong as he seems.  He might do martial arts tricking every day and break his ankle without even sobbing but deep inside, Mark also has his breaking point just like anybody else. Through the years, Jinyoung realized that maybe his hyung needs more attention to ease all the worry and sadness bottled up inside his heart. They got busier every passing day. Sometimes, Mark would tell Jinyoung that no matter what happens, he will always treasure the younger because he gave him more reasons to be contented and grateful. They’re more than comfortable when they’re together.

Jinyoung debuted with Jaebum as a duo. Mark was happy for the other and what made him happier was when the Korean remained to be the same Park Jinyoung that everyone knew. When the training ends early, the elder would watch music shows and see how Jinyoung groove his dreams through the beats. He can’t get any prouder of the boy. Jinyoung on the other side still spends more time to unwind and see Mark; short walks & endless talks.

It wasn’t too long for their entire group to debut. Jinyoung felt so happy that finally, his Mark hyung made it. For the first months of staying under one roof, Mark immediately noticed how lucky Jaebum was because he spent more time with the younger. Jinyoung now focuses on taking care of the whole team, not just to Jaebum or to Mark. As the days grew longer, the longing inside their hearts punched deeper and at some nights, all they can do is cry.

After their debut, Mark’s fears somehow subsided. What remained was the affectionate side of him. Due to their previous closeness, Mark would always cling onto Jinyoung, because he’s simply Mark’s safe haven. He feels too secured beside the boy. Out of all the members, he can never turn his back on Jinyoung. More months passed and their relationship got better. Skinships are so normal ever since their trainee days. But being to open out their feelings was something that wowed them both.

“Jinyoung, are you awake?” Mark knocked on the glass door of Jinyoung’s room. It was a gloomy afternoon and they’re bound to fly to Japan the next day for the start of their Japanese album tour. Mark was holding a glass of fruit juice that he prepared for the younger. Mark smiled when he heard a series of sounds inside the room. He can hear the luggage being pushed aside and heavy steps against the wooden floor. “Come in, Mark hyung!” he yelled and Mark came in.

The first thing that Mark saw was Jinyoung and his neatly folded clothes on top of his mattress. Jinyoung welcomed him with his warm smile. “It’s quite messy here, I hope you don’t mind.” He said, stuffing another batch of clothes inside the bag. The elder chuckled and sat beside Jinyoung as he passed the glass of juice. “It’s okay, Jinyoungie.” He instantly wrapped an arm around the younger’s waist and rested his head on the boy’s shoulder. Jinyoung didn’t bother and he just gently kissed the temple of his hyung before silently packing his clothes again.

Jinyoung likes the feeling of being handled in Mark’s warm arms. He loves it more than anyone thinks. But what they people don’t know is the reason behind the elder’s clinginess. After all the years, Jinyoung already mastered Mark’s emotions. Every interaction done during fansigns aren’t just for fanservice purposes.  All the kisses done in variety shows aren’t just for entertainment. And all the intimate contact done in other public events aren’t just simple coincidence. Behind every touch is an aching feeling that only Jinyoung can ease.

When the daylight left, all the members gathered for dinner. As usual, they’re loud and talkative yet fun to be with. Mark sat beside Jinyoung but surprisingly, the younger stood up and moved between Jaebum and Yugyeom. He went there because we wanted to give himself a better access to the plate of beef near the two.  But when the younger instantly noticed the sadness that crept on Mark’s face, he went back to his spot and mentally slapped himself for leaving his hyung in the time when he was badly needed. As he sat back, Mark gazed at the younger and made a relieved smile and an almost inaudible ‘thank you’ that Jinyoung luckily caught.

The next day, they’re bound to go to Japan. Mark wasn’t able to sit next to JIinyoung during the ride on the way to the airport for whatsoever reasons. At the airport itself, the LA native got to hang around with Jackson because Jinyoung was walking to fast with Bambam. It’s odd that they didn’t even talk too much that morning. And what hurts the most is when a member, probably Youngjae, immediately grabbed Jinyoung’s arm and let him sit next to him in the plane. Most of the times, Mark and Jinyoung sit side by side.  

The Japan tour was just too fulfilling. It was like a dream come true for everyone. For the first nights, casual performances were done. But for the following, they started doing more skinship with each other, more jokes and more amusing acts. Jinyoung’s solo performance never fails to make the elder feel fuzzy despite the fact that Jinyoung’s getting a bit distant for the past days. At the end of each and every tour, yes they would talk but not like before. Things seemed to get different.

They are so thankful that their fans are there to support at all times. They would always cheer and make the boys happy. Jinyoung seemed to be ignorant about the tension between him and Mark but honestly, he’s more than aware of it. He knows every expression on his hyung’s face. He knows if it’s a fake smile or a genuine one, if he’s hurting or he’s fine. The younger isn’t mad at Mark or what, he just wants Mark to feel the care that the entire group can give to him and he also want the other members to be with Mark as well.  More tours passed by and there was an instance when Mark was really trying to handle his longing for the younger. And when Jinyoung came near him, all he can do was to move few steps but all of a sudden, their leader tried to block his way. Jaebum somehow acted as a human barricade. It’s just a joke that Mark took deeply, so he went back to his original place as Jinyoung silently watched him in sheer sadness.

The next day, one of the events that wowed the entire place was when Jinyoung was trapped against Mark and Yugyeom’s back as the elder tried to kiss him. It was a Japanese act that most of the artist does and Mark gives it a try. Every day, they act very normal on stage like light skinships and simple touches and glances but when they reach their hotel rooms, all of it changes. The so called ‘kabedon’ bought sparks back in Mark’s yearning heart. The feeling of Jinyoung near him again, his smile and everything; it was wonderful.  Jinyouung on the other hand finally saw the radiant smile that Mark does. It was breath-taking and what made him more light was when he realized how much Mark longed for him. After the show, they talked and Jinyoung told him the reason behind his unsaid coldness. Mark understood and thanked Jinyoung as well. Things were back to normal.

They went back to Seoul after few more tours. They sat next to each other during the ride and seemed to be inseparable while in the airport. They reached their dorm and all of them decided to rest. Mark said that he would drop by Jinyoung’s room after sleeping. He unpacked his bags and arranged them back to the cabinet as his roommate, Jackson did the same. Jackson was the first to fall asleep since he was not feeling well. Mark lied down and when he was about to sleep, the door suddenly creaked. Mark ignored it at first and continued to make a decent rest. After few seconds, a weight suddenly dropped beside him and a pair of arms were wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer. Also, a nose runs through the elder’s nape, sniffing him in a very gentle and affectionate way.

The elder was sure that it was Jinyoung. Mark smiled to himself as he turned around to meet the younger’s gaze. Jinyoung’s eyes were closed yet he’s smiling brightly. Mark pushed the bangs off the younger’s forehead as he stared at Jinyoung with full admiration. “Can I sleep beside you, Mark hyung?” he asked. Mark hugged him closer. “You really know how to make me happy, Jinyoungie..” and he smiled after nuzzling onto the boy.

Suddenly, Mark’s hold got tighter and buried his face on Jinyoung’s chest. “Mark hyung? Are you okay?” he intrigued, reaching for the elder’s cheek. Mark shook his head. “I’m just charging.” He chuckled. “I’m so tired, Jinyoungie.” He added. The younger just beamed and run his hand through his hyung’s hair and planted a kiss on his forehead. He loves it when Mark uses the word ‘charging’ every time they’re together. After all, Mark feels so pumped up when he’s with Jinyoung.

“You worked hard, Mark hyung. I’m proud of you.”

“You too Jinyoungie. I’m so proud of you too.”