I can't live without you. ♥
Are Tears Visible in the Dark?
“Hey, are you okay?” Onew asked, as he sat down beside me.
I nodded, hiding my face in my knees.
“Is there any problem? I know it’s dark, and I know you don’t like it. But, don’t worry,” he held my hand. “I’m here.”
I just nodded, as I slowly slid my hand away from his.
I hate him when he’s like this. It makes me fall in love with him more. Even though he’s in love with someone else.
Yes, that’s right. I love him even though he loves someone else.
I’m such a martyr, right? But, can you blame me?
Let me tell you everything right from the start.
My name is Jung Yuri, and I am twenty-one years old. The one sitting beside me, is Lee Jinki or Onew, my best friend. We are friends ever since we’re six, and I’ve known him for fifteen years already. And I had been liking this person for so long.
We live under one roof. He moved in with me five years ago, after passing the scholarship exam of Seoul University. He really didn’t mind living with me until now. He treats me well, and because of that, my feelings for him unconsciously turned from like to love.
He’s clumsy, a trying-hard comedian, he loves chicken more than his friends – including me. Yet, he’s adorable, sweet, caring, thoughtful, and loveable. He’s the bestest friend a girl can ever wish for. He’s always there whenever I need him. He always lend me his ear whenever I have a problem. He gives me his shoulder for me to cry on whenever I feel like crying. He always make me laugh whenever I am not in the mood. And most of all, he makes me fall in love with him without even trying.
Electrical powers were accidentally shut down tonight because of the ongoing construction of a building nearby.
He suddenly held my hand, and I flinched.
“What’s wrong?” he asked in a soft voice.
“N-nothing.” I’m blushing real hard right now. It’s a good thing that it’s dark, or else, I’ll be begging the dear floor to eat me right now if he sees me like this.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am ok, Onew. Don’t worry about me.”
He nodded, then let go of my hand.
“Do you know the girl that I love?”
My heart was torn into pieces after hearing his words. He’s asking me if I know the girl who holds his heart. Even though I’m his best friend, I don’t know some things about him. I don’t know who the girl he loves is, and I don’t want to know.
I slowly shook my head.
“She’s beautiful in her own way. She’s innocent, and very kind. She doesn’t know how to cook; she even burns a simple fried egg. She’s someone I never expected to love, but I did. And I love her with all my heart. I don’t know what I’ll be without her.”
I don’t know what I’ll be without her. I was hurt, it really hurts. I felt uneasy, like my heart was being stabbed, stepped on, and crumpled. My eyes couldn’t handle it anymore, and tears flowed down my cheeks.
But, one thing confuses me right now. Are tears visible in the dark? Can Onew see me crying?
“I love her, Yuri. I love her with all my heart.”
This time, my heart was totally ripped into pieces. Onew loves her so much, and I can’t do anything about it.
“Hey, Yuri, are you crying?” I felt him place his hand on my shoulder. He suddenly cupped my face with his hands, then wiped away the traces of tears on my cheeks with his thumb. “Tell me. What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, as I tried to stop the tears from flowing.. “I-it’s just hot.”
I heard him chuckle, then he ruffled my hair. “I’m sorry I can’t do anything about it. I’m not superman, you know.”
I just nodded.
Maybe, tonight’s the perfect time to let him know about how I really feel towards him. I know it would hurt, because he loves someone else. But I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t keep it any longer.
“O-onew..”
“Yes?”
“T-there’s something that I’d like to tell you.”
“What is it?”
This is it. “I-I..”
“You what? Are you ok?”
“I-I like you,” it was almost a whisper.
“What? I didn’t understand, I’m sorry. Speak louder this time.”
“I like you.” I did it.
“You like me?”
“Yes, I do. I like—no. Love you. I love you..” I said, then bit my lower lip.
He sighed. “I’m sorry. I don’t like you.”
The pain finally came.
I don’t like you.
I don’t like you.
I don’t like you.
I don’t like you.
It kept on replaying on my mind, and I just hate it. I know he doesn’t like me, but what can I do? It really hurts.
I just nodded, as tears started to flow from my cheeks again. “I-I know. I just wanted you to know. I’m not asking you to return my feelings. I want you to be happy with her.”
He nodded. “Do you want to sleep?”
I nodded. I want to sleep, and wake up tomorrow, knowing that everything is nothing but a dream. But it would never happen. This is reality, and I just have to face it. Onew doesn’t love me.
He patted his lap. “Lie down. I’ll sing you a lullaby.”
I did what he said, and gently closed my eyes. I just want to end this pain for a while, a little break for my broken heart. At least, in my sleep, I wouldn’t be able to feel the endless pain that I’m feeling right now.
“Just a friend,” he started.
“That’s all I’ve ever been to you
Oh just a boy
Who wants to be the center of your world
But I ain’t got much to offer
But my heart and soul
And I guess that’s not enough
For you to notice me
I’m just a boy
And I guess that’s all I’ll ever be to you
To you
I try to smile when I see other boys with you
Acting like everything is ok
But ohh
You don’t know how it feels to be so in love
With someone who doesn’t even know
My secret love
In my dreams
I see us both together constantly
Why can’t you see
This love that’s here for you inside of me
Ohhh
What do I have to do
For you to notice this
You look at him with love
With me it’s just friendship
I’m just your boy
And I guess that’s all I’ll ever be to you
To you
I try to smile when I see other boys with you
Acting like everything is ok
But ohh
you don’t know how it feels to be so in love
With someone who doesn’t even know
My secret love.”
“I guess you’re asleep,” he said, as he finished the song.
I didn’t answer.
He kissed my lips gently. What is it for?
He sighed. “I don’t like you, because I love you. I just don’t know how to tell you. You’re the girl I can’t live without. I love you, Yuri. I love you with all my heart. I hope you’ll know at the right time.”
He laughed gently. “You’re silly, yet so innocent. You’re afraid of blood, or any kind of wound, and I find it cute. You don’t like it when someone surprises you. You love to eat strawberries and pizza. You don’t like something that is too sweet or too salty. You love to eat, yet, you can’t cook. You don’t even know any household chores. But beyond all that, I love you. I love you for who you are.”
He loves me? He really loves me? Is this reality? Or I’m just dreaming?
He kissed my lips again. “I love you, Yuri. Good night, sweet dreams.”
Yes, he really loves me.
I smiled, and got up. I kissed his lips, and then smiled as I pulled away.
“I love you, Onew. I love you with all my heart.”
He smiled, and then hugged me tight. “I love you more. I’m sorry about earlier.”
I just nodded.
He cupped my cheeks, and slowly tilted his head to kiss me again. But..
“Hey Onew! Hey Yuri! I just want you to see my glow in the dark slippers!” the door suddenly opened, revealing Jonghyun with his glow in the dark slippers.
The lights suddenly went on, and his eyes widened when he saw us. He covered his lips with his hands, and then smiled innocently.
“Oops.. Did I just interrupt something?”
Onew quickly stood up, and grabbed the first thing he held, then ran after Jonghyun. “KIM JONGHYUN! YOU’LL PAY FOR RUINING OUR REAL FIRST KISS!”
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