Joonmyun steps into the gallery, eyes slowly leaving the booklet in his hand to come up and scans the room he's just entered. His eyes widen at the large expanse before him; the gallery was surprisingly larger than it looked from the outside. He nods in approval as he looks around, going over all the artworks displayed. The gallery is simply decorated with contrasting colors that give it a contemporary feeling. He smiles as he settles further inside, eyes passing the different pieces inside the room.

And that's when he sees it, the large painting in the middle of the floor, hanging on the large white wall. The painting takes up almost all of the space of the wall, making it the only artwork displayed.

Joonmyun finds himself drawn towards it, feet moving of their own accord to walk closer as his eyes go over the large canvas from top to bottom. It isn't the size that draws him in, even if it is the grandness of it that made him notice it.

The painting is of a man sitting on a log, watching the dark sky light up with lightning. Joonmyun eyes every detail of the painting, from the lightning at the top, going down to admire the detail of the night sky and finally, the back of the man on the painting. There is a feeling of familiarity as he continues to look at the painting, letting it draw him in further.

“Struck by Lightning,” Joonmyun reads the title of the painting aloud, snorting at how cliche it is.

Joonmyun checks his booklet and looks for the specific painting in the pages, trying to find what the booklet has to say about it. He looks back and forth from the program and to the painting, admiring the way the man seated on the log watches the lightning. There is little information on the program, only stating it was the highlight of the exhibit, and he frowns in disappointment when he doesn’t see what he’s looking for.

He looks around, trying to find a sales attendant that can help him with his questions about the painting. When he doesn’t find anyone available, he resumes admiring the painting, feeling sympathetic towards the man on the painting.

“You’ve been looking at that painting since you walked in,” someone says from beside him and Joonmyun, only mildly shocked from the disturbance, turns to him with a smile.

“Yeah.” Joonmyun turns his attention back to the painting. “It reminds me of myself,” He admits with a laugh.

The stranger watches him with a smile. “Really? What makes you say that?”

Joonmyun shrugs as he thinks about his words. “You know when you’re struck with a realization and people say there’s a light bulb going off in your head?” He looks to the man and sees him nod before turning back to the painting, looking at the bright paint used for the lightning adorning the sky of the painting.

“It reminds me of that time I had the biggest epiphany of my life,” Joonmyun says before smiling at the man. He opts not to elaborate any further what he means by epiphany.

“That sounds very optimistic,” the stranger begins to say. “But don’t you think the painting looks kind of sad?”

Joonmyun turns back to the painting and this time the smile on his face is solemn. “Well, epiphanies are just epiphanies. It’s what you do with them that counts. I think the man in the photo didn’t know what to do with his own epiphany.”

The stranger hums and whispers, “I’ve never thought of it like that.”

Despite the soft tone, Joonmyun hears what the stranger said and he turns to ask him what he meant. But when he looks to his side, the man is no longer there. He looks around for him but finds no traces of the man anywhere in the room. He shrugs and goes back to admiring the painting for a few more minutes before looking around.

The program says the exhibit is for an artist named Chen. Joonmyun wonders if he’ll be able to meet him tonight. It has always been his favorite part of an exhibit to meet the artist.

It doesn’t take long before he’s found himself admiring another masterpiece by Chen and he smiles at the particularly bright and colorful piece, admiring the colors used and how it makes him feel a little bit more elated. His phone rings then and he picks up, moving to another piece in the gallery.

“Hello?”

“Joonmyun-ssi,” a female voice from the other line says. Joonmyun smiles, albeit a little forced.

“Taeyeon-ssi,” He says in recognition, the name of his fiancee rolling out of his lips with a heavy sigh.

“I just wanted to apologize for not being able to accompany you to my friend’s art exhibit tonight. I know I invited you and all and —”

Joonmyun cuts her off. “It’s really fine, Taeyeon-ssi. You invited me because you know I love going to art exhibits and it’s not like I’m not used to going to them alone.” He laughs to make it seem like he really doesn’t mind, and it’s not as if he does anymore.

“Well, enjoy! I’ll tell my friend that you came so maybe he can show you around,” He can almost see the relieved smile on her face and he mutters a soft thank you before hanging up.

Joonmyun sighs as he pockets his phone. He slides his hand up to straighten his hair, a habit he’s unable to break when he needs to regain composure. He looks around the room and moves to brighter and more positive looking paintings.

When the night ends, Joonmyun leaves the gallery, looking back one last time to look at the highlight of the exhibit, memorizing every line and curve of ‘Struck by Lightning’. When he’s satisfied, he walks out of the gallery, mind swirling with thoughts of the paintings Chen had created, only slightly disappointed he hadn’t been able to meet the artist. He smiles as he enters his car.

Maybe I’ll meet him some other time, Joonmyun thinks.

The roaring sound of the thunder catches Joonmyun’s attention and distracts him from reading the papers in his hand. He puts them down on his desk and turns his chair to face the floor to ceiling windows decorating his office. The view of the night sky is perfect from his office floor and he notices the dark gray clouds soaring above and he wonders if it’s going to rain.

He checks the time on his wristwatch and sighs when it reads one in the morning. He turns his chair back to face his desk but the energy to work is no longer in his body. He sighs as he stares at the papers on his desk, the thought of having to read them becoming more and more of a burden.

He shakes his head and picks up the papers before he can change his mind. Once he realizes he’s read the paragraph three times already and he still can’t seem to understand what the reports are saying, he throws the papers back on the desks and leans back on his chair.

“I need coffee,” Joonmyun tells himself, rubbing the soreness away from his eyes. Without looking at the mess on his desk, he grabs his coat and exits his office.

The walk to the coffee shop across the building is fairly short and Joonmyun decides to take his time despite the threat of rain looming over his head. He stares ahead of him, smiling at the cozy signboard of the cafe with it’s name printed in bright lights. Sweetest Sins, Joonmyun reads and he smiles as he pushes the door to make his way inside.

The scent of coffee beans is the first thing that greets Joonmyun and he takes a deep breath, letting the scent of coffee relax him, helping him settle into the warm and cozy ambience of the cafe. He smiles as he approaches the counter and orders his usual Americano and adds something sweet to his order for a little bit of change in his routine. When he’s done paying, he looks around the almost empty cafe for a table to occupy.

And that’s when he see spots him, with the thunder echoing in the otherwise quiet coffee shop. The familiar man is seated by the window and is looking down into some card he’s holding in between his hands. From the little profile that Joonmyun can see, he is sure he’s seen that man before. He moves to approach him but his name gets called out for his order and he goes to the counter to pick up his tray instead.

Joonmyun doesn’t know what comes over him, but soon after he picks up his tray, his feet lead him to where the familiar man is seated. By the time he’s reached the free chair in front of the man, it finally hits him what he’s done.

Before he can turn away, turn back from this seemingly bad choice, the familiar man has looked up from the card he’s holding, eyes scanning the figure of Joonmyun and an eyebrow quirked upward in question. Joonmyun opens his mouth and he flushes the slightest, not knowing what to do. And it’s such an odd feeling, because he’s been put on the spot before and he’s always known what to do.

“Yes, how may I help you?” The man asks when Joonmyun still hasn’t said a word and it brings Joonmyun back to the situation at hand. He chuckles at his predicament before relaxing and gaining a little bit of his confidence back.

“I was just wondering if this seat was taken.”

The man raises his eyebrow higher and eyes him speculatively, glancing around the cafe to check out all the free tables before going back to him.

“Why?” The man asks, his stance straight and guarded.

Joonmyun gives him a sheepish smile as the first thought that comes to mind leaves his lips. “I don’t want to sit alone.” He hopes it gives the desired effect.

The other just eyes him again before sighing and waving his hand to gesture for him to take the seat.

Joonmyun gives him a friendly smile before taking the seat and setting his tray down on the table. The stranger eyes him one more time before going back to stare at the card in his hand.

Joonmyun takes his mug of coffee and discreetly watches the stranger as he puts the card back in a white envelope before settling it on the table and turning his head toward the window, head leaning down to rest on his palm. He doesn’t say anything as Joonmyun puts his mug down and proceeds to fork his cake and it only serves to make Joonmyun continue discreetly eyeing the person before him.

From what Joonmyun can see, the man before him has messy dark brown hair, cheek bones noticeable from where his fingers aren’t hiding them. His lashes are long and casting shadows on his cheeks from the cafe’s lighting. His bony fingers are covering a large portion of his face so Joonmyun turns his attention to them instead, noticing how there’s some paint dirtying them, especially his fingernails.

Somewhere at the back of Joonmyun’s mind, the wheels are turning as the word paint echoes inside of his head. He notices that not only are his hands dirtied by paint but his clothes as well.

“Hey,” Joonmyun calls out all of a sudden, not really realizing what he’s doing. “You’re that man from the gallery.”

The man turns to him, a bored look in his eyes. He raises an eyebrow at Joonmyun again but after a few seconds of staring his eyes begin to flicker with recognition. “Ah, you’re that guy I asked about the painting.”

“I’m Joonmyun,” Joonmyun introduces himself with an excited smile, wasting no time in putting his right hand out and the stranger looks at it before taking it in his.

“Jongdae,” the stranger replies boredly.

“So, you’re an artist?” Joonmyun asks excitedly and Jongdae smirks at him, head still resting on his hand.

“You could say that,” Jongdae replies with a shrug and Joonmyun chuckles.

“You do know you’ve got paint all over you, so if you’re trying to play with me, it’s not working,” Joonmyun points out as he takes a bite out of his cake. Jongdae seems startled by his response and he looks at his hands and clothes, seeing for himself what Joonmyun meant.

“Damn, I forgot all about that,” Jongdae says tone bored and sarcastic.

Joonmyun smiles at him in triumph, only to take it back as Jongdae glares at him. Joonmyun raises both of his hands up in defense and Jongdae rolls his eyes before turning his gaze back to the scenery out the window.

“So, you’re an artist,” Joonmyun tries again after a few minutes have passed, forking some of his cake in his mouth.

Jongdae sighs but doesn’t take his eyes away from the window when he replies, “Yes, yes I am.”

“Oh wow, that’s so cool.” Before Joonmyun can stop himself, he adds. “I’ve always wanted to be an artist.” He cringes as the words leave his mouth and this time Jongdae notices and his eyes twinkle a little with a mischievous glint.

“Oh, really? But, you’re not?” Jongdae asks, turning his attention fully on Joonmyun.

“Yeah,” Joonmyun admits shyly, chuckling slightly. “I’m a businessman. I couldn’t get into the arts even if I wanted to.”

Joonmyun looks down at his cake and smiles sadly at the memories flashing in his mind before realizing what he’d just said and he looks back up at Jongdae to somehow take it back. Instead, he sees Jongdae give him a sympathetic smile. “That’s too bad,” Jongdae begins and then a smirk appears on his lips. “I think you would have made a great artist.”

Joonmyun laughs knowing full well that his talents with painting and drawing ended at stick figures. “I promise you, that is not the case.”

“Oh, come on,” Jongdae urges him on with a smile. “Everyone can draw!” Joonmyun laughs shaking his head, thanking Jongdae silently for changing the topic.

“Everyone but me,” Joonmyun replies, returning the smile and Jongdae just shakes his head at the reply. “But I do know how to appreciate other people’s art. Probably the only indulgence I allowed myself.”

“Is that why you were at the gallery the other day?”

Joonmyun nods. “That and a,” Joonmyun pauses. He bites his lip, knowing he’s going to regret this one day. “A friend invited me to go with her since she knew I liked going to art exhibits but she couldn’t make it.”

When Joonmyun turns to look at Jongdae to see if he’s noticed the pause, all he gets is another smile, with Jongdae’s eyes crinkling at the corners and the cafe lighting making them twinkle and his lips curling at the corners. Joonmyun’s mind goes blank and suddenly the only thing he can see is that smile, the only thing he can hear is the loud pounding of his heart.

“I see,” is all Jongdae replies, turning back to gaze out the window again.

Joonmyun opens his mouth to engage Jongdae into another conversation but decides against it, closing his mouth and smiling down at his cake.

“Well,” Jongdae begins, drawing Joonmyun’s attention away from his coffee and cake. “It was nice meeting you, Joonmyun-ssi.”

“Likewise,” Joonmyun replies, extending his hand once more and Jongdae accepts it.

Jongdae stands up and takes his bag from the chair. Joonmyun watches Jongdae walk out the cafe and into the drizzling streets of Seoul but doesn’t chase after him.

When he turns his gaze back to the now empty chair, he spots the envelope on Jongdae’s side, remembering that it had been what Jongdae had been looking at when he’d spotted him. He grabs it and stands up to see if he can still run after Jongdae. But when he looks out the window, all he sees are the dark streets of Seoul illuminated by street lamps and car headlights passing by.

Joonmyun sits back down on his chair and takes a deep breath. He looks around the cafe and sees that only the barista is left, cleaning the counter and not paying attention to him. When he’s sure no one will bother him, he holds the envelope up to him and opens it.

There’s a gold invitation inside and when Joonmyun opens the flap he realizes it’s for another art exhibit featuring Seoul’s finest artists. There’s a list of names printed inside the invitation and Joonmyun notices immediately Chen’s name, it being the only name written in English.

“Chen,” Joonmyun reads softly subconsciously.

Joonmyun doesn’t see Jongdae’s name anywhere and wonders if Jongdae had been invited to the event. He puts the invitation down and thinks about the date of the event and the time.

“If I move some of my meetings,” Joonmyun begins thoughtfully, pushing the invitation to the side as he grabs his cup of coffee. “I think I can go.”

Before he leaves the cafe, Joonmyun takes one last look at the invitation, engraving the time and place to his mind. He stares at Chen’s name and the theme of his exhibit printed beside his name, I loved you.

A rush of excitement flows through him at the thought of seeing more of Chen’s artworks. And then he remembers the man that sat in front of him, remembers the smile he’d shown as the cafe lighting shone on him and hopes he meets Jongdae again at the art exhibit.

The first thing that Joonmyun notices as he steps inside the gallery is that it’s bigger than the last. The first floor is wider than the gallery he went to last time and despite the crowd, he knows they’re featuring more artworks, certain spaces reserved for certain artists. There’s a flight of stairs to the side leading to the second floor which is only as wide as half of the first floor. From where he’s standing, he can see that the second floor displays only five artists and Joonmyun smiles when he realizes that those five must be the best in the industry thus far.

Somewhere in his gut he knows that if he climbs those stairs, he will be able to see Chen’s works.

But Joonmyun doesn’t go up. Instead, he loiters on the first floor, going around to check out the different artists Korea has to offer.

He’s checking out his fourth artist’s exhibit when his phone vibrates in his pants pocket. He gazes at the painting in front him, a rather dull painting with dull colors but the emotion in it is heavy and he turns his gaze to his vibrating phone in his pocket. He sighs as he moves a hand to answer it, going to a secluded area knowing full well who will be at the end of the line.

“Yes, mother?”

Joonmyun hears a sigh from the other end of the line. ”Where are you, Joonmyun?”

Joonmyun bites his lip, looking around the gallery to see if anyone’s close enough to hear him speak. “I’m checking out this art exhibit.”

“Joonmyun.” Joonmyun closes his eyes at his mother’s tone, knows it’s the one she uses when she’s angry with him but he’s old enough not to be bothered by it anymore.

“Look mother, what I do on my free time is up to me. I’m still doing my job as CEO of Kim Co.,” Joonmyun replies, standing up straighter just as if his mother was talking to him in person. He hears his mother sigh and he knows she massaging her temples.

“Couldn’t you have at least taken Taeyeon with you?”

The question catches him off guard, knowing his mother has a point and this time he has no excuse ready, no words to say in return. He opens and closes his mouth but the words aren’t coming to him.

“Joonmyun, are you still there?” Joonmyun shakes his head, takes deep breath and says the first thing that comes to his mind.

“I see Taeyeon every day, mother, I just wanted this time for myself.” His mother huffs before giving up on reprimanding him.

“Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

His mother ends the call and Joonmyun chucks his phone back into his pocket angrily.

“I’m 25 years old and yet my parents still control my life,” Joonmyun mutters with a bitter chuckle. He takes deep breaths to calm his nerves, feeling a little of his pent up frustration ebbing away with each breath out. When he knows he’s alright to enjoy the rest of the exhibit, he turns his gaze back to the gallery and nearly bumps into someone.

“Hey,” the man greets as they both regain their footing.

“Hey, Jongdae, it’s you,” Joonmyun begins, hands gripping Jongdae’s arms to steady him. “Sorry about that.”

Jongdae just laughs waving him off. “Fancy meeting you here,” he says instead and Joonmyun chuckles, hands reluctantly letting go of Jongdae.

Joonmyun laughs and slides his hands up to the side of his hair. “Yeah,” He says a little nervously. “Are your artworks being exhibited here as well?”

Jongdae chuckles and points to Joonmyun’s program. “Did you see my name in the list?”

“No,” Joonmyun replies tentatively.

Jongdae smirks at him, sipping the wine from his glass. “Then I guess that answers your question.”

Joonmyun chuckles, shaking his head as he mutters, “I shouldn’t have asked…”


Joonmyun isn’t sure how it happened, but he finds himself trailing after Jongdae, going over the different exhibits in the gallery together and exchanging comments about the different works.

It becomes a comfortable routine for them to stop in front of an exhibit’s highlight and then exchange thoughts on the piece before going over the program and reading the information offered to them by the artist.

Sometimes, Jongdae will give a comical remark and Joonmyun will laugh but, most of the time, the comments are serious and well thought of. It makes Jongdae good company for art viewing, something Joonmyun hasn’t found since he’s stepped foot on Seoul.

When they finish going over all the artworks on the first floor, Joonmyun feels this bubble of excitement come over him. The feeling drives him to impulsively hold onto Jongdae’s arm, and lead the other man up the stairs that will bring them to Chen’s exhibit. He can hear Jongdae protesting at being dragged but his mind is too fuddled with anticipation.

Joonmyun’s eyes light up when they finally reach Chen’s exhibit and he walks further ahead, leaving Jongdae to trail after him, to see the highlight of the Chen’s exhibit. It’s a rather small framed painting in the middle of the exhibit. There are no other paintings on the wall the painting is hanging from.

“What do you think?” Jongdae asks tone soft but Joonmyun doesn’t really pay much attention to it as his heart drums a little in his chest, almost as if he’d anticipated the question.

Joonmyun takes a second to admire the colors blending in the background of the painting and then at the two people in the painting who are, as if, in their own world caught in each other’s embrace.

He gives the painting a rueful smile. “I’m envious.”

Joonmyun turns and almost laughs at the questioning look Jongdae gives him. “I’ve never really been in love and —”

Joonmyun feels his phone vibrate in his pants pocket and he contemplates whether he should excuse himself to pick it up or leave it be. Jongdae urges him to continue but Joonmyun is still torn whether he should take the call or leave it be. With a sigh, he takes his phone out and declines the call.

“You were saying?” Jongdae asks and Joonmyun gives him an apologetic smile.

“I —well, I’ve never been in love and this painting gives me the feeling that those two must have really been in love.” Joonmyun turns to look at the painting again, genuinely envious of the two people.

From the corner of his eye, he sees Jongdae look at the painting as well, a solemn smile playing on his lips. There’s a melancholic gleam in Jongdae’s eyes and somewhere in the depths of Joonmyun’s heart, something stirs.

He sidles closer and asks softly, “Are you okay?”

Jongdae turns and gives him a sad smile, his eyes crinkling into crescents and lips tugging excessively at the corners but there’s no happiness in it. “Of course.”

Joonmyun opens his mouth to urge him to tell the truth, but then his phone vibrates again and he can’t help but take his phone out and check to find that his father is calling him. He breathes out in irritation. He closes his eyes and rejects the call, knowing he’s going to get scolded as soon as he steps foot inside their mansion.

“You’re not going to answer that?”

Joonmyun gives him a tired smile. “It’s just my father. I really don’t want to talk to him right now.”

Jongdae nods and accepts the explanation before turning to look at another painting in the exhibit and the smile on his face is sadder and more heartbreaking. Joonmyun gulps as he stands beside Jongdae, unsure of what’s going on with his friend. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it when he realizes he doesn’t know what to say. It’s then that Joonmyun decides to look at the painting that’s caught Jongdae’s attention.

It’s a painting of man, his smile dazzling in the painting, with the background making it look like the sun is shining down on him. Joonmyun reads the place card on the wall below the painting and finds the ‘金珉锡’ written on it as the name of the painting. He doesn’t know much about Hanja but he suspects it may be the name of the person in the painting.

Joonmyun opens his mouth to speak, to ask Jongdae what he thinks about the painting because Jongdae hasn’t prompted him yet but when he looks back at the man, Jongdae looks so engrossed in the painting, eyes glazed over with a heavy emotion. He opts to squeeze Jongdae’s shoulder and gives him a comforting smile before leading him away from the exhibit and towards a different artist’s exhibit.

Joonmyun knows Jongdae’s alright once he’s back to commenting about the other artworks. He sighs in relief once the solemn and resigned look in Jongdae’s eyes are gone, replaced by something a little brighter. And while Jongdae talks about how the art on the sculpture is not his style, Joonmyun checks out the description of the two paintings of Chen’s exhibit in the program.

The highlight of the Chen’s exhibit titled ‘I loved you’ only has When love goes away, you take a part of me with you. When he turns the page to check out ‘金珉锡’, he finds I’m letting you go.

Joonmyun knows those are the artists personal feelings and he wonders if Jongdae had sympathized with Chen because judging by his reaction, he must have felt the same way Chen did. He wants to ask Jongdae about it and he moves towards his friend, gripping his arm to make him pause with his comment about another artwork.

Before Joonmyun can get a word out, his phone vibrates once more in his pocket and Joonmyun sighs, knowing he can’t keep putting it off. He checks the time and Jongdae turns to him.

“Is there something wrong?” Jongdae asks.

Joonmyun gives him an apologetic smile. “I have to go.”

Jongdae nods slowly in understanding. “Well, it was nice seeing you again.”

Joonmyun smiles at Jongdae, the one he uses when he’s trying to woo business partners. “How about we exchange numbers?”

Jongdae chuckles, the sound making Joonmyun’s stomach flip. “Alright, give me your phone.”

Joonmyun hands him his phone and when he gets it back, he expects Jongdae to give him his phone so he can input his number.

Instead, Jongdae says, “Call me.”

And walks away.

Joonmyun laughs as he goes down the stairs, and smiles as he steps inside the car waiting for him as he exits the gallery. The smile doesn’t leave his lips all throughout the night, even when his mother scolds him for neglecting his fiancée.

There are various envelopes and papers lined up in front of Joonmyun but the only thing he sees is his phone's message app open, ready to send a new message. Jongdae's number is at the top and the rest of the background is devoid of anything else.

"These are the different wedding invitations we use and here," the lady says as she produces a laminated paper from her booklet and hands it to Taeyeon beside him. "Are the different templates for the information inside."

Taeyeon leans to his side and Joonmyun locks his phone and pockets it.

"What do you think?" She asks and shows him the laminated paper.

Joonmyun peers at it, sees the different templates and gives Taeyeon his best disarming smile.

“I think you should pick what you like.”

Taeyeon smiles at him and then turns to the lady in front of them and asks for them to be left alone. At the order, Joonmyun turns his attention fully on Taeyeon. When the lady is gone, Taeyeon glares up at him.

“If you think you can push all wedding responsibilities to me,” she starts, pushing the laminated paper to his chest. “Then think again.”

She gives him a forced smile and turns to look at the different papers and envelopes, spreading them out so she can find the perfect combination. From beside her, Joonmyun sighs and looks at the templates on the laminated paper, cringing at the lace style designs and the curvy fonts.

“Why didn’t we get a planner again?” Joonmyun asks setting the laminated paper aside.

Taeyeon chuckles and gives him a smile, her eyes twinkling just the slightest, “Because I want to prolong this engagement and wedding for as long as possible.”

Joonmyun’s eyes widen her comment and then he laughs. For the first time since they’ve been told of their engagement, Joonmyun feels a sort of camaraderie between them.

“Well,” He begins. “If you had told me that was the plan in the first place, then I would have gladly helped.”

“Oh, really now?”

Joonmyun smirks at her before calling for the lady again.

“It seems that my fiancee and I can’t find what it is we like. Is this everything you have for your wedding invitation designs?”

When the lady gives them a yes, they both turn to each other and smile.

“It seems like we’ll be taking our leave, then.” Taeyeon gives the sales lady an apologetic smile and Joonmyun whips out his phone to call his mother about the progress of today’s invitation shopping.

The car is already waiting for them by the time they get out of the shop but from the corner of Joonmyun’s eyes he spots a familiar figure enter a restaurant across the street. He’s far enough that he won’t get noticed but close enough to confirm who it is from where the man is standing inside the restaurant, his shape seen through the window.

Before he can change his mind, Joonmyun leans down to the open door. “I just remembered that there’s still some work I have to take care of.”

Taeyeon turns to him and smiles, there’s a playful air to the way she smiles. “I see,” she singsongs. “I’ll tell our parents you’ll meet us for dinner then.”

Taeyeon waves with her fingers goodbye and closes the door. Joonmyun laughs a little and waves back, watching the car disappear before combing a hand through his hair and taking deep breaths.

When he feels ready enough, he jogs across the street to where the restaurant is and enters, being ushered in by the man by the door. There is a quick plan going on in his head as he takes a step inside the restaurant, the waiter asking him how many will be eating.

“Just one,” Joonmyun smiles and the man leads him inside and when he spots Jongdae sitting by the window he takes a deep breath and walks towards him, leaving the waiter to trail behind him as he goes away from the path he was leading.

“Jongdae?” Joonmyun asks, hoping the tone is curious enough.

Jongdae looks up from the menu he’s reading and meets eyes with Joonmyun. Joonmyun watches the shock disappear from Jongdae’s face before smiling up at him, the corner of his lips curving and making Joonmyun’s heart skip a beat.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Jongdae says and it reminds Joonmyun of the time they met at the gallery and he can’t help but laugh.

“Would you mind if I joined you?”

Jongdae hums before quirking an eyebrow up at him, “I don’t know. I feel like you’ve been stalking me.”

Joonmyun laughs and hopes it doesn’t sound as guilty as he feels and he raises his arms in defense for added effect, “Nothing of that sort,” he begins and then adds. “I promise.”

Jongdae eyes him but the smile on his lips are playful before he says, “Alright, you can join me.”

“So, what are you doing here?” Jongdae asks, resting his head on his hand much like that time he did back in the cafe. “If you’re not stalking me,” he adds playfully.

Joonmyun laughs and hopes it doesn’t sound as nervous as he feels. “Of course not, I work in the area. My office’s building is right across that cafe where we met and I just decided to eat lunch here. What about you?”

Joonmyun picks the up the menu the waiter offers him and hides his face from Jongdae so he doesn’t see the slightly panicked look he’s sporting. He peers at Jongdae from behind it, making sure only his eyes are showing and he sees Jongdae give him an amused smile.

“My studio’s not too far from here so I eat here sometimes when I don’t feel like cooking.” Jongdae stops smiling at him and turns his attention to the menu.

“So you eat here a lot?” When Jongdae gives an affirmative sound, Joonmyun puts down his menu and crosses his arms on the table. “Any recommendations?”

Jongdae pauses to think, going over his own menu and then looking back up at Joonmyun. Joonmyun smiles at the gesture, like watching a child think of an answer to a particularly difficult problem.

“How about you get the same thing I’m ordering,” Jongdae says as he presents his menu to Joonmyun, pointing his finger towards his choice of food.

Joonmyun checks out the name and then the ingredients of the meal. His eyes light up at the words chicken and rice and he nods his head in affirmation, feeling his mouth water at the choice of food. Jongdae smiles at him triumphantly as he raises his hand to call for a waiter’s attention.

“I’ll order for the both of us then.”

Jongdae smiles as the waiter arrives and Joonmyun watches Jongdae smoothly give their waiter their orders. Joonmyun can’t help the smile that decorates his face as he watches Jongdae talk and thank the waiter, feeling his heart rate quicken as that smile is directed towards him.

Conversation between them is easy after that, much like that time in the art gallery and Joonmyun feels so at ease and unguarded with Jongdae, so unlike how he’s used to holding himself when he’s with the company of other people.

Jongdae tells him all about his paintings and how he’s working on another set to hopefully be able to make it for his debut. Joonmyun notices the guarded way he’s speaking but doesn’t think too much about it, only assuming that Jongdae’s too shy to talk about his artworks. It gives him an excuse to ask about Jongdae’s life and they change topics, exchanging anecdotes from their life like they’ve been friends forever.

When Joonmyun looks out and notices that the sky is darkening, he glances discreetly at his watch, cringing when he realizes it’s almost time for him to go have dinner with his family and Taeyeon’s family.

Jongdae stops talking and asks him, “Time for you to go?”

And something about the question makes Joonmyun’s heart ache. He bites his lips and gives Jongdae an apologetic smile. “Yeah,” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “I have to eat dinner with my family.”

Jongdae chuckles and tells him it’s alright. “It’s about time for me to go as well.”

Joonmyun nods as he tries to rack his brains for something, anything, that will make Jongdae stay with him a little bit longer. It is with this determination that he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“Why don’t I take you home?” Joonmyun asks as Jongdae stands.

Jongdae turns to him and eyes him questioningly before saying, “It’s okay, I just walked here. My studio isn’t too far from here.”

Joonmyun mentally curses because he knows he’s going to push it until Jongdae says yes. He stands up and smiles confidently, grateful for all the practice he’s had with business meetings and social gatherings.

“It’s alright. If it’s not too far then I’m sure my driver wouldn’t mind.” Joonmyun walks him out of the restaurant and Jongdae sighs before smiling.

“Fine.” Jongdae shakes his head. “Somehow, I have this feeling that you just won’t take no for an answer.”

Joonmyun laughs. “You’re not wrong.”

After the run in at the restaurant, Joonmyun decides to try his luck at encountering Jongdae again by going to the cafe everyday at different intervals.

It becomes a habit of his to go there first thing in the morning before he goes to work, buying an Americano to kickstart his day and eyes going around the cafe as quickly as possible to spot the dark wavy haired head of Jongdae’s. In the afternoon, around lunchtime, Joonmyun will buy some lunch and sometimes he stays until his lunch hour has long since ended.

It is during the night that he experiments with the times he goes. Sometimes he goes for a quick visit before he goes home and sometimes it’s around one in the morning and he’s working overtime as usual.

On the first week, Jongdae doesn’t come at all during the time he’s visited but Joonmyun doesn’t give up on the first week. By the second week, around the time that the baristas have gotten his usual orders memorized, he spots Jongdae sitting by the window, the same table they’d shared that first time. But he doesn’t get to approach him because he has a meeting in ten minutes.

The third week rolls around and Joonmyun doesn’t give up hope, knowing that with just a little more perseverance, he will see Jongdae again. He laughs as he walks to the cafe, shaking his head as he realizes he’s acting out of character. He opens the door to the cafe, the barista greeting him as he rings up his usual order.

“Joonmyun-ssi,” A familiar voice greets and Joonmyun looks behind to see Jongdae smiling up at him.

Joonmyun’s heart starts running a marathon as he greets Jongdae and he knows his efforts weren’t futile in frequenting the cafe as much as possible.

“Are you staying?” Jongdae asks as Joonmyun moves aside so Jongdae can make his order.

“I don’t know,” Joonmyun begins smirking up at Jongdae. “Are you?”

Jongdae laughs, the sound like a soft melody in Joonmyun’s ears. “I guess this means you are.”

They take their trays to the same table by the window and Joonmyun’s heart calms down as they begin talking about anything and everything.

It’s with a soft smile, as Jongdae talks about something he’d done in high school with excitement in his eyes, the thunder roaring in the sky and the soft melody playing in the background that Joonmyun thinks that he may be falling in love with the man.



From then on, every time Joonmyun bumps into Jongdae at the cafe and he has the time, Joonmyun walks with Jongdae back to his studio. Jongdae never lets him in, masking his seriousness with a playful tone that his work isn’t ready for the eyes of other people. Joonmyun just laughs and is just grateful that he can have a little more of Jongdae’s time.

Jongdae makes it up to him by inviting him to go to art galleries, messaging him times and places of different art events that always take Joonmyun’s breath away. And it becomes a regular thing for them, meeting each other in galleries and sharing comments about the artworks in display. At other times, they will share stories that artworks have reminded them. They quickly bond over their favorite artist’s works, this including Chen’s artworks, with Joonmyun always praising the Korean artist and Jongdae just laughing at his weird antics.

“You’re acting like you have a crush on him,” Jongdae jokes as they view another one of Chen’s works.

Joonmyun just shrugs. “I admire him, isn’t that the same?”

Jongdae laughs, “You’re insufferable.”

“I’m a businessman,” Joonmyun begins as he straightens his coat. “I kind of have to be.”

“Have you ever met him?” Jongdae asks and Joonmyun shakes his head.

“I don’t need to meet an artist to know and admire him.”

Jongdae just shakes his head as he laughs, leading Joonmyun to a different artwork.

Somewhere along the way, between their nth gallery, Joonmyun admits to Jongdae that he thinks Chen is now one of his favorite artists.

“And you still haven’t met him?” Jongdae asks, teasing in his tone evident.

“I told you,” Joonmyun starts as they sit in the back of Joonmyun’s car. “I don’t need to meet him to admire him.”

“Whatever you say,” Jongdae says, his cheeks flushing the slightest.

“Are you okay? You’re blushing.”

Jongdae shrugs. “Too much wine.”

Joonmyun smiles as he sidles close to Jongdae, their pinkies touching, “It’s a good thing I’m taking you home, then.”

Jongdae laughs and Joonmyun takes the sound in, closing his eyes to feel it resonate in his ears.

“Yes, it is,” Jongdae whispers as he leans his head on Joonmyun’s shoulder, eyes closing and face muscles relaxing.

Joonmyun smiles down at Jongdae before sitting up straighter so his taller friend can be comfortable leaning on him. He can feel the warmth of Jongdae’s hand near his but he doesn’t make a move to hold it in his, content with the way they’re seated.

“Good night,” Jongdae whispers as he opens the door.

When the door closes, Joonmyun rolls down the window and calls for Jongdae, making the artist turn back. Joonmyun smiles as Jongdae walks forward.

When they drop Jongdae off at his studio, the warmth that he leaves behind never leaves Joonmyun all through the night.

Joonmyun knows he shouldn’t be asking Jongdae out to lunch when he’s seated with his fiancee’s family as they discuss their engagement party. But it doesn’t stop him from doing so, hiding the excited smile behind his hands as he goes back to paying attention to the matter at hand.

“...then we’ll announce the engagement,” Joonmyun’s mother says and Taeyeon’s mother sighs dreamily at that.

Joonmyun glances at Taeyeon beside him. Taeyeon gives him a smile; a knowing look in her eyes, as she secretly expresses that she’s not looking forward to the event at all. He can’t help but smile at that, nodding his head in agreement.

“How about we continue this with lunch?” Taeyeon’s father asks just as Joonmyun’s phone vibrates. He views it and smiles apologetically at all the parents, shaking his head as they agree to eat lunch at a nearby restaurant.

“I’m sorry,” Joonmyun begins as he fixes his things. “I have to meet a client for lunch today.”

“Joonmyun,” His mother begins, her tone subtle with it’s threat.

“If it’s for business, then let him go,” Taeyeon’s father interjects and Joonmyun thanks him.

Before he goes, Taeyeon pulls him aside. She turns to their parents and when she confirms that they’re not paying anymore attention to them, she eyes Joonmyun from head to toe. She sighs and pats him on the shoulder.

“Don’t get caught.”

Joonmyun’s eyes widen and he swallows nervously at the advice, and watches Taeyeon walk away. His phone vibrates again and Joonmyun shakes his head, pushing his doubts and guilt aside. He takes his phone out and smiles at the message Jongdae’s sent him.

Jongdae suggests that they meet at a restaurant some blocks away. Joonmyun wastes no time in replying that he’ll pick him up from his studio before he’s setting foot into the parking lot of his office building. He dismisses his driver and takes the keys of his car, happy to be driving on his own.

Joonmyun rolls the window and greets Jongdae as he pulls up at his studio’s driveway. Jongdae laughs as he leans into the car’s window.

“I didn’t know you could drive.”

Joonmyun laughs and then he says, “Get in.”

Jongdae sits on the passenger seat and it’s different from all those times they used to sit beside each other at the back. He turns to Jongdae, smiling at him and when he spots the smile on Jongdae’s face, his heart stirs.

“Lead the way,” Joonmyun begins, hands resting on the wheel and eyes never leaving Jongdae’s.



Joonmyun can’t count the number of times he’s ditched dinners and lunch with his family and Taeyeon’s to go out with Jongdae. Taeyeon probably could, with all the warnings she gives him and he doesn’t know what to feel about it exactly.

Another sigh leaves his lips as he reads the message his mother has left him before he pockets his phone.

There’s a comforting hand on top of his and Joonmyun sees Jongdae give him a worried look. “Everything alright?”

Joonmyun relishes in the feeling of Jongdae’s hand on his before smiling and nodding. They don’t talk about it because Joonmyun can’t tell Jongdae the problem, that he’s getting married and he doesn’t want any part in it. Jongdae just smiles at him in understanding, taking his hand back to his side and Joonmyun frowns at the loss of contact. Regret and guilt settle at the pit of his stomach and the rest of their dinner goes by with small chatter in the otherwise suffocating ambience.



When his parents give him a lecture about spending more time with his in-laws, Joonmyun decides to stop going out with Jongdae as frequently as he did. He opts for catching Jongdae whenever they’re at the cafe at the same time and then taking him home before he heads back to his own. Jongdae doesn’t say anything if he’s noticed that Joonmyun’s began spending less and less time with him.

With the engagement party date coming close, Joonmyun reduces his cafe visit as well, opting to exchange text messages with Jongdae. It only ends up making him feel like the weight of the world is on his shoulders.

Everytime Jongdae texts him about an art exhibit and he can’t help but decline the offer, the guilt and regret that he feels threatens to swallow him whole. But he can’t say yes because the party preparations is taking all of his time.

Joonmyun cradles his head in his hands and sighs heavily. He doesn’t know what to do. He wants to see Jongdae so badly but he can’t leave, he can’t ditch his lunch date with his family and Taeyeon’s.

“Sir,” The intercom buzzes. “It’s time for your lunch with Kim Global Inc. and your parents.”

Joonmyuns rubs his face harshly and sighs. “I’ll be out in a minute. Tell my driver I’ll be waiting for him out front.”

“Yes sir,” His secretary replies and Joonmyun cries out in frustration.

Before he can think too much about it, Joonmyun whips out his phone and calls Jongdae.

“Can I see you tonight?” He asks before Jongdae can even greet him properly.

“O… kay,” Jongdae replies and he vaguely hears him laugh on the other end of the line before he’s thanking him and telling him he’ll drop by at a certain time. He doesn’t wait for Jongdae’s response before he ends the call.

His phone vibrates as he tucks it into his pants pocket and when he reads the message, he feels a little bit of the weight on his shoulders lighten.

Don’t hang up on me idiot. I’m going to smack you when I see you tonight.

Joonmyun laughs as he exits the building of his office, feeling just a little bit ready to face his problems once more.



When Joonmyun stops by Jongdae’s home after his lunch date with his future in-laws and his parents, he expects Jongdae to offer to take him out somewhere. He doesn’t expect Jongdae to invite him inside his home, but that’s what he gets and he exits his car and trails behind Jongdae as they enter his house.

Joonmyun looks around the house and frowns when he doesn’t spot the endless rows of canvass he’d been expecting. Jongdae seems to notice the disappointment on his face and laughs.

“My studio is over there.” Jongdae points outside behind him where the glass doors show a shed that seems large enough to be a studio.

“Can I look?” Joonmyun asks with a hopeful smile and Jongdae shakes his head as he laughs at the way Joonmyun looks. .

“Oh well,” Joonmyun says, not as disappointed as he felt the first time he’d been denied.

“So,” Jongdae begins, facing away from him as he makes them something to drink. “Why did you want to see me?”

Joonmyun takes a seat on one of the chairs by the counter and watches Jongdae’s back, watches the way the thin cloth on him hugs the curves on his back. He opens his mouth, the words ‘I missed you’ ready at his lips but he closes his mouth before he can utter them. There are a hundred more words like ‘I missed you’ ready at the tip of his tongue, ranging from ‘I wanted to see you’ to ‘I felt like I’d die if I had to go one more day without seeing you’ but he doesn’t say them. He swallows his own saliva and looks away from Jongdae’s back.

“Nothing,” is all he says, clasping his fingers before him and resting his head on it. He can’t tell Jongdae any of those, not when he’s getting married and his engagement party is tomorrow. He shouldn’t even be here.

“It doesn’t look like nothing to me.” Joonmyun hears the sound of porcelain clinking and the voice to be closer than he expected so he opens his eyes to see and meets eyes with Jongdae’s; Joonmyun’s breath gets caught in his throat. Their faces are so close and if he leans forward just a little, their lips will touch. Joonmyun gulps as it takes all of his will to lean back instead.

Jongdae rests his arms on the counter and watches Joonmyun with a disappointed smile. Joonmyun turns his head away at the look, doesn’t want to think of what it could mean, doesn’t want to know, even.

“I,” Joonmyun begins and he takes the coffee cup offered to him, downing the hot coffee, burning his tongue in the process. But it’s the kind of burn he can’t feel with the way his heart aches for something more than just this with Jongdae. He avoids Jongdae’s eyes and turns his gaze onto the black counter, admiring the granite as he says, “I just have a lot on my mind lately. Business deals to settle, you know.”

“You’ll deal with it,” Jongdae says, tone so sure and confident that Joonmyun balks at his confidence. He looks up and finds Jongdae smiling at him, head resting on the palm of his hand. “You’re the insufferable, Kim Joonmyun, you’ll win them in the end.”

Joonmyun laughs at the joke, finding some comfort in Jongdae’s words, even if only a little. A larger part of him feels confused because his engagement with Kim Taeyeon isn’t just a business deal he can win over without signing the rest of his life away.

“Hey,” Jongdae calls out, tipping Joonmyun’s chin so they’re eye to eye. Joonmyun hadn’t even once realized he’d stop looking at Jongdae. “Stop thinking about it for the moment.”

Joonmyun laughs at the pathetic suggestion but it’s not like Jongdae knows exactly what the details of this business deal are so he doesn’t patronize him for it. “Alright,” he says indulging him instead.

“What am I supposed to think about, then?”

Jongdae shrugs, his hold on Joonmyun’s chin loosening before his hand drops back onto the counter. “How about I tell you that Chen has another exhibit next week.”

“Really?” Joonmyun asks, genuinely feeling the excitement bubble inside of him.

“Yes.” Jongdae smiles. “And if your deal pushes through, I’ll take you to it.”

Joonmyun almost cries at the invitation, knowing that if the ‘business deal’ does go through, his outings with Jongdae will have to stop. But Joonmyun just smiles at Jongdae sadly, hopes he doesn’t notice the cracks in it.

“It’s a date," Joonmyun says, the words feeling heavy on his tongue.

ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ

Joonmyun loosens the tie around his neck and wipes the sweat beginning to dot his forehead. 

“Joonmyun-ssi,” The planner calls and he smiles at her politely, following her to the stage where Taeyeon and their family are already waiting. Taeyeon smiles as he appears, looping her arm in his. 

She leans into him and Joonmyun bends down to hear what she’s going to whisper. “I promise to make this arrangement as painless as possible if you do the same.” 

It makes Joonmyun chuckle, feeling a little relieved at the words. “I promise,” he says meaning it. And he can’t help but smile as Taeyeon takes her pinky out and he wraps his own around it, the childish act lightening the burden that he feels. 

The announcement is quick and loud in Joonmyun’s ears and the cheers even more deafening. He feels a little numb as people who barely know them congratulate them and he praises himself for upholding the fake smile as perfectly as he can just like all those times. 

When he glances at his parents, a proud smile on their faces, Joonmyun knows he’s still doing things right but the feeling in his heart is heavy, no happiness or satisfaction at all coursing through his veins. Only the feeling of resignation and defeat lingers. 

“Joonmyun,” Taeyeon calls his attention and he turns his fake smile towards her and he lets himself be pulled along to where she’s heading. “I want you to meet that artist friend I was talking about.” 

When Taeyeon stops in front of a very familiar face, Joonmyun stops breathing. Standing in front of him is Jongdae and his eyes are smiling at him sadly. 

“Joonmyun, this is Kim Jongdae,” Taeyeon starts, gesturing towards Jongdae with her free hand and Joonmyun almost cuts her with an ‘I know’ but she beats him to it. “Also known as Chen.” 

Joonmyun feels like someone has knocked him out at the back of his head. He can’t seem to take in enough air as the he processes the information. Also known as Chen keeps echoing in his mind and Jongdae’s calm composure does nothing to help. 

“Nice to finally meet you,” Jongdae says extending his hand and Joonmyun makes a choking sound. He doesn’t understand what’s going on but he gains enough composure to go along as the pieces of the puzzle begin falling into place in the back of his mind. He takes the hand in his and excuses himself from the gathering. 

He walks and doesn’t look back, walks out of the function room and into the restroom where there are no people. He takes deep breaths and focuses at the lines connecting inside his mind. 

“That explains everything,” Joonmyun whispers to himself as he thinks of why Jongdae had looked so sad when he viewed Chen’s exhibit that one time, why he wouldn’t let him see his unfinished works, why he’d laughed at him for acting like he’d had a crush on Chen. “It explains everything.” 

But at the same time it doesn’t, Joonmyun thinks as he looks at himself in the mirror. Joonmyun keeps asking why, why Jongdae kept accepting his invitations, why he’d told Joonmyun all those things, why he’d let Joonmyun string him along with this, whatever this was. 

And it’s those questions that has him sprinting out of the restroom, has him going back inside the function room and looking frantically for that familiar face, for that chiseled jaw and mussed up hair. He looks around and ignores everyone that asks him what’s wrong, only vaguely hears the commotion he’s causing as he tries to find the one person he’s looking for. 

There’s a hand on his arm and he spares the person a few seconds and finds Taeyeon smiling sadly up at him, “Jongdae left already.” 

And Joonmyun only manages a soft thanks before his sprinting out of the function room, the thunder and rain telling him that he’s going to run in the rain. 

Once he’s stepped out, he spots Jongdae not far from the doors of his office building, standing in the rain. 

“Jongdae,” he shouts and Jongdae turns to him for a second before running out of sight. Joonmyun runs after him, wasting no more time to think about it, not stopping as he hears the sound of his name being called out from behind. 

The rain is pouring heavily, almost blinding but Joonmyun doesn't stop running, he doesn't stop chasing after the man he can barely see in front of him.

"Jongdae," Joonmyun screams into the downpour but the artist doesn't turn back, doesn't stop heading towards his house. 

"Jongdae," Joonmyun shouts again, feeling the burn in his lungs as the rain weighs him down.

Jongdae fumbles with the keys to his gate and it gives Joonmyun enough time to catch up to him. Jongdae turns to find Joonmyun so close and throws open the gates, and in his haste, leaves it open for Joonmyun to follow. He runs to the back and uses the unlocked sliding door to avoid fumbling with the keys. 

Jongdae slips the lock once he's closed the door and then Joonmyun is slipping through his backyard, wet hands pounding his glass doors.

"Go away, Joonmyun!" Jongdae screams turning away from the scene, hugging himself as the weight of his wet tuxedo makes him shiver.

"You have to let me explain. You have to let me apologize!" Joonmyun shouts over the sounds of thunder. Lightning lights up the sky and Jongdae trembles as he backs away from Joonmyun's view.

"There's nothing to explain," Jongdae whispers.

Joonmyun can't hear what he's saying with the door separating them and the lightning making thunder crack into the sky. Jongdae's head is tilted down and all Joonmyun can really see is his fringe masking his eyes.

"Let me in, Jongdae," Joonmyun says forcefully pounding on the glass doors once more.

"Let me —"

"There's nothing to explain!" Jongdae screams as he drops to the floor, broken sobs leaving his lips. "There's nothing to say. Everything is my fault. Everything —" Jongdae doesn't get to continue as his cries take over him and Joonmyun wishes he had enough strength to break through the door. 

Joonmyun curses as Jongdae curls into himself and he thinks of a faster way to get to Jongdae instead of forcing him to open the glass door. And then he remembers the key under the mat and he sprints towards the porch, fortunately not slipping in his hurry. 

He doesn't fumble with the keys and is thankful he'd spotted Jongdae once or twice using it whenever he brought him home. 

It doesn't take him long before he's enveloping Jongdae in his arms and murmuring his apologies into his ears. Jongdae pushes him away, beats into his chest as hard as he can with all the sobbing he's doing. 

"Let me go!" Jongdae keeps shouting. "Don't touch me!" 

"You have to hear me out," Joonmyun keeps reasoning. 

"I don't have to. There's no point to this." And with one last push, Jongdae successfully disentangles himself from Joonmyun's arms. "We both know it." Jongdae's tone is bitter as he stands before Joonmyun, soaked to the bone and never did he look so broken in Joonmyun's eyes. Not even that time they'd seen his works about his past love did he look like this. 

Joonmyun gulps and tries to reach out, feeling his heart break little by little with what Jongdae says. "Don't say that." Joonmyun's tone is soft but desperate. 

Jongdae glares at him before giving a bitter chuckle. "What are you even trying to say? 'Don't say that'? What the , Joonmyun." He steps back and stares into Joonmyun's eyes as he says, " you, Joonmyun."

The effect is immediate. Joonmyun feels like someone has ripped his heart out and he's never felt so ashamed of himself, never felt so low. 

"But I love you," Joonmyun tries to defend and Jongdae laughs loud and clear, the sound no longer like a soft melody to Joonmyun's ears.

"So what, Joonmyun?" Jongdae spits out, voice like poison. "So what if you love me? What if you ing love me? What about it?"

Joonmyun's heart stops, and he opens his mouth to say something but he realizes Jongdae is right. 

Jongdae laughs, soft and bitter. "See," Jongdae starts. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

Joonmyun looks down, not wanting to see the tears spilling from Jongdae's eyes and clenches his fist. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, lets the tears fall as he tries to express himself better.

"Do you love me?" He finds himself asking in between the sounds of rain and the lightning illuminating the dark dining room. 

Jongdae sighs. "What's the point, Joonmyun? Suppose I love you, what are you going to do about it? You and I both know you can't give up your engagement with Taeyeon." 

Joonmyun swallows the lump in his throat and never has he hated his life more than he did now.

"Did you always know? That I was the one engaged to Taeyeon?"

At this, the bitter laugh that Jongdae lets loose makes Joonmyun's heart hollow.

"Yeah. Of course I did." Jongdae turns away from Joonmyun and takes a seat on one of the dining room chairs. He buries his face in his hands and the next set of words he says gets muffled by it. "I wanted to see if Taeyeon deserved you. I honestly hadn't expected for me to —" 

Jongdae doesn't continue but it's enough for Joonmyun to gain a little confidence.

"Jongdae," Joonmyun begins. "Just tell me if you love me and I promise I'll fix this." 

"I'm sorry," is all Jongdae says and the lightning strikes through the sky as if to make Jongdae's decision final. 

Joonmyun takes a deep breath and with heavy steps, walks out of the house. 
 

After a day of leaving Jongdae about a hundred missed calls, messages and voice messages, Joonmyun gives up. He throws the phone far away from him, doesn’t care if it breaks into pieces on his office floor. There is pounding on the door and muffled shouts of ‘Joonmyun open the door’ from people he assumes are his parents but he doesn’t want to see them, he doesn’t want them to affect the decision he’s trying to make. 

Suppose I love you, what are you going to do about it? You and I both know you can't give up your engagement with Taeyeon. The words keep repeating in his head and everytime he thinks of the final outcome, wedding bells ringing softly in his ears, it makes his stomach churn. 

“There has to be more to this,” he says to himself, ignoring the shouts for his attention as he continues to mull over his situation. 



Joonmyun has always obeyed his parents, has always been the good kid. When they told him he couldn’t be an artist, he manned up and accepted his fate. When they told him he’d be heading the Korean branch of their company instead of the American one, he nodded his head and booked his own flight. When they tell him he’s going to get married, he smiles at them and accepts it all. He’s never felt the need to voice out his dreams, not like he does now. 

It’s been a week since he’s locked himself inside his office, thankful that it provided him with water and snacks. There’s a stubble growing on his jaw and the suit he’d worn during the engagement party is rumpled and smelly. But he doesn’t care about his appearance as he opens the door to his parents. He doesn’t care and doesn’t listen as his parents go on about how terrible of a son he is, disgracing them during the party. 

He’s not even listening when he tells them, “I’m gay.” 

The slap is expected but he doesn’t know who gave it to him. 

“What are you saying?” His mother asks, scandalized. Joonmyun looks down, doesn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes, knowing it will make him waver. 

“I’m gay and I’m in love —” another slap on his other cheek makes him stop. He takes a few seconds to regain composure, the hit being a little more forceful that the other. 

“Stop this nonsense right now,” His father yells and he knows that it’s gaining an audience by the door, the sound of soft gasps filtering in the room.

Joonmyun takes a deep breath before he hardens his eyes and looks at his parents. “I’m not talking nonsense.” He almost screams. “I’m in love with Kim Jongdae and if you can’t accept that then I’m more than prepared to give all of this,” he says gesturing to the company around him. “up.”

His mother gasps and his father threateningly calls out his name. 

Joonmyun feels like it’s forever before his father speaks again. Joonmyun clenches his fist by his side as his father opens his mouth. His tone is seething as he says, “I never want to see you again.”

Joonmyun can’t say he didn’t expect this as he walks out of the office, making his way through his staff and bidding them goodbye. He gives them all a weary smile as he walks with his back straight out of the company that was supposed to make him a business tycoon known all over the world. His secretary greets him out by the entrance. 

“I called you a cab sir,” she says and Joonmyun smiles at her gratefully.

“Thank you, Soojung.” 

“I also did everything you asked of me. Everything you need is written here.” Soojung hands him a paper and he tucks it into his pocket. “It has been a pleasure working for you.”

Soojung bows and Joonmyun has to lift her by the arms to get her to stand up straight again.

“Likewise,” he says extending his arm and smiling as Soojung takes it. “Thank you, again.” 

Joonmyun enters the cab and doesn’t look back. He gives the cab driver the address written on the paper and closes his eyes, slowly letting his fate sink into his bones. 



The first thing Joonmyun does in his newfound freedom is ask Taeyeon out for lunch. Taeyeon wastes no time in agreeing. They meet at a cheap cafe hidden in the streets of Seoul. It’s a quiet cafe that Joonmyun found close to the motel he was staying at. 

“Why did you want to meet?” Taeyeon asks.

Joonmyun avoids her eyes, looking down at his mug of coffee with guilt. He opens his mouth to say something but finds that the words he’d rehearsed won’t come out. 

“I —” He finds himself starting, but then closes his mouth, feeling his throat clog up. 

Taeyeon chuckles softly and Joonmyun whips his head up at the sound, seeing Taeyeon give him a playfully stern look.

“Truthfully, I’m offended,” Taeyeon starts, crossing her arms as she playfully pouts at Joonmyun. “No one has ever dumped me before.” 

Joonmyun smiles, sensing the playful tone in Taeyeon’s voice and finding some comfort in it. He opens his mouth to speak but Taeyeon cuts him off. 

“But if you hadn’t called off the engagement, then I’m pretty sure we’d still both be stuck in an unwanted marriage.” Taeyeon smiles at him, soft and understanding.

“I’m sorry,” Joonmyun says after a while. And Taeyeon just shakes her head at him. 

“There’s nothing to apologize.” She gives him a comforting smile. “What’s done is done. What matters is your happiness.” Taeyeon leans forward and rests her weight on her arms on the table. “Are you happy now, Joonmyun-ssi?” 

Joonmyun shakes his head, “Not yet.” 

Taeyeon smiles at him sympathetically, hand squeezing his arm in comfort. “Is this about Jongdae?” 

Joonmyun nods and shakily he says, not even bothering to question how she knew, “I messed up.” 

Taeyeon sighs and gives him an encouraging smile. “Just let time take it’s course. I’m sure everything that’s meant to be will fall into place.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“What are you going to do now, though?” The question catches him off guard but it makes him smile, glad that Taeyeon is concerned for him. He finds comfort in it, knowing he’s made friends despite all he’s done. 

“I’m going to run my own art gallery,” Joonmyun states, his eyes gleaming as he pictures the future. The vision of a life he has always wanted to live, slowly unfolds before him. 

“How are you gonna do that?” Taeyeon asks as she sips from her coffee and Joonmyun chuckles because he knows she’s asking about money.

“Before I got disowned, I asked my secretary to deposit all the money I’ve earned by working for my family into a different bank account.” Joonmyun smirks at Taeyeon and the girl nods in approval at his smart move. 

“I wish you all the best, Joonmyun-ssi.” 

“Thank you, Taeyeon-ssi.” 

“If you ever need anything, I promise that you can come to me for help.” Taeyeon smiles at him and extends her hands. “Friends?” 

“Friends.” Joonmyun takes the hand in his and smiles at the comfort it brings. 
 

Another week has rolled by and Joonmyun is finalizing all the details of his art gallery when Jongdae finally calls him. 

Jongdae doesn't waste anytime when he tells him where and what time to meet, hanging up as soon as he's said all that he needs, stopping Joonmyun from blabbering about explaining.

“You can tell me all you want then,” he tells Joonmyun before hanging up. Joonmyun can't say he's not disappointed by it but he also knows he deserves the cold treatment.

They meet at the same cafe where they'd officially met for the first time. A lot of time has passed and by the time Joonmyun's seated on their usual table, he already knows all that needs to be said. All he needs now is the presence of Jongdae.

Jongdae arrives not too long after. His mouth is set in a straight line, there are bags under his eyes and he looks like he hasn't been eating properly. Joonmyun frowns at the black coffee that Jongdae brings with him to the table but doesn't question it. 

"Talk," is all Jongdae says and Joonmyun takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," he begins and he feels mildly offended when Jongdae scoffs. "I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have gone after you when I was engaged, especially when it was to your friend. But I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I regret it because I don't."

Joonmyun smiles at all the memories they made and when he looks at the icy expression Jongdae is still sporting he doesn't stop smiling, knowing that everything is just a front. 

"I learned how to live because of you, that it was possible and I don't regret that." He stops talking for a few minutes, taking into consideration his next words before he lets them go. "I don't know if you've heard but I got disowned by my parents. I'm not saying it's because of you nor do I blame you for it. It's high time that I went and lived my life my way. And you made me realize that so I'm thankful for that, Jongdae."

This time when he looks at Jongdae, there's an almost sympathetic look in his eyes and it gives him the courage to go on. 

"I'm starting over again and I've never been happier and freer." He smiles at Jongdae and he sees that Jongdae is trying his best to hold his composure.

"I know everything is hard to believe right now. So I'm not going to force you into anything." He gives Jongdae a sad smile. "And that's why I'm going away for a while."

"What?" Jongdae asks voice almost inaudible.

"I have to prove myself to you first before I can pursue you. That is the only way I see it." Joonmyun smiles at Jongdae, the one that's always been for Jongdae and takes his hand in his.

"When you see me again, all that will be left for us is our happy ending." He holds Jongdae's hand and kisses his fingers. 

"It's a promise," Joonmyun mutters, lips grazing Jongdae's fingers.
 

Jongdae sits by his kitchen counter, mug of warm coffee in his paint covered hands. He looks at the time on his wall clock where the counter and the white wall meets. 

It’s almost time, he thinks. 

The buzz of the doorbell echoes in his house and Jongdae sighs as he stands up and goes out the front door. Opening the gate, he looks down to find a small blue box wrapped beautifully in a silver ribbon. His heart skips a beat as he picks it up and he looks around to make sure that no one is indeed in the area before going back inside, shoulders slumping just the slightest. 

Once back in the safety of his home, Jongdae pushes his cup of coffee aside to admire the small blue box, not larger than his hand. He bites his lip before tugging at the ends of the ribbon. With bated breath, he lifts the lid of the box and closes his eyes so he won’t see what’s inside just yet. 

When he’s ready, he opens his eyes for a peek and sees a silver pendant shaped like a paint brush inside. A post-it it note is rolled and tucked to the side and he takes it, carefully unrolling the small piece of paper. 

I saw this and thought of you. Have a great day, Jongdae-yah.
Joonmyun

Jongdae can’t fight the smile that decorates his face as he reads the message all over again. Covering the the box with the lid, Jongdae takes the note to his room and sticks it on his wall with some tape. He steps back a little and admires his sticky note covered wall, various colored small notes stuck onto it, each with a small message and all from none other than Joonmyun. 

He sits on his bed and smiles at the notes before standing back up to get the gift box that he’d left on the kitchen counter, bringing it back to his room to put it in a drawer where other gift boxes have been collected, opened and hidden for safekeeping. He smiles at the boxes for a little while before closing them and sitting back on his bed, facing the sticky note covered wall. 

A few days after Joonmyun left, gift boxes had begun appearing in front of his gate every day. After a few weeks, Jongdae had began plotting ways of catching just who exactly left those gift boxes. When he did manage to catch who it was, he was disappointed to find out that it wasn’t Joonmyun. Now, he just waited patiently for them to arrive.

It’s been a year since. 



Jongdae opens the newspaper in his hands, going directly to the arts section of the paper and looking for articles of future competition. What catches his eyes instead are the headlines “The Guardian’s Collection, outshining galleries since it opened”. He scans the article, reading about the owner who’s named Suho and scoffs at the pun. There are snapshots of the gallery, featuring artworks from multiple artists but none of the photos have Suho in them. 

Putting the paper down, Jongdae goes back to people watching. A person walks right in front of him, a black beanie on his head and sunglasses covering his eyes and Jongdae shamelessly follows him with eyes, unsure why he feels compelled to do so. When the stranger walks inside of the cafe, hands tucked in his dark skinny jeans, Jongdae in a breath. He knows that profile. 

“Joonmyun,” Jongdae whispers standing up and he tries to make his way to him, pushing people away and wondering when the cafe became so crowded. He pushes past a couple just as a girl hands ‘Joonmyun’ a cup of coffee. By the time he reaches where ‘Joonmyun’ is supposed to be standing, he’s already out the door, the girl who gave him coffee by his side. 

Jongdae shakes his head, and goes back to his table, feeling drained from losing all that adrenaline rush all of a sudden. 

“That wasn’t Joonmyun,” Jongdae repeats to himself over and over again. He can’t help but remember all those times he thought he’d seen Joonmyun as well but never got to confirm it was him. “It can’t be Joonmyun.”

He drops his head in his hands and takes deep breaths. 

Jongdae doesn’t know why he keeps thinking he sees Joonmyun at the coffee shop when he knows Joonmyun’s gone far away. 



In the mirror, all Jongdae sees is a shell of the man that he used to be. There’s a faraway look in the reflection’s eyes, dark and heavy skin below the eyes and hollowed cheeks. He fixes his tie, tightening it around his neck just a little bit more until his breathing is labored. He pats his chest and feels the pendant underneath his crisp white dress shirt, the shape of the paint brush just a little above where his heart should be.

“Jongdae?” Taeyeon calls out from where she stands by the door. “Everyone’s waiting for you.” 

Jongdae takes one last look at the mirror, hoping for the day he sees himself instead of a skeleton to come soon. 

Only a few people have gathered around the room of the gallery but all the chairs are filled. There’s a lady at the front that Jongdae seems to find familiar but before he can approach her, Taeyeon leads him by the arm to take a seat on the side. 

“Small talk later, business now,” Taeyeon whispers into his ear and Jongdae sighs and shakes his head as Taeyeon gestures for the announcer to take the stage. 

“Good afternoon, everyone,” The announcer begins. “We are gathered here today to auction some of the finest works of Chen.” 

Thunder rumbles the sky and the rain falls just as the first piece of artwork is auctioned. Jongdae tunes everything out, uninterested by events like these. He stares out at the window, watching the rain pelt the window. 

Jongdae is taken out of his reverie when Taeyeon shakes him by the arm. 

“It’s the last piece now, you might want to pay attention,” She hisses and Jongdae rolls his eyes but does pay attention, watching the screen above to showcase his latest work which had been featured in a few exhibits already. 

“This is one of the Chen’s latest artwork called ‘the little things’,” the announcer states. 

Jongdae watches the picture of his painting, a pang in his heart making it hard for him to listen to the rest of the words the announcer is saying. He looks at the image of his painting, the sticky notes in his room immortalized in canvas. 

“The bidding starts at ten million won.” 

As the prices go higher and higher, Jongdae feels his nails dig into the skin of his palms. He bites his lip and tries not to let the tears that are threatening to slip from his eyes to fall. He takes a deep breath, mind going hazy with all the zeros from the prices the bidders are offering, wishing the person who’d truly appreciate his masterpiece would bid on it instead. 

Jongdae shakes his head at the thought and he opens his eyes, hardening his expression into something more stoic, something more detached. There’s a reason why he’d agreed to let that masterpiece be auctioned.

“Five hundred million won,” The announcer calls out. The crowd is silent for a few seconds and Jongdae releases the breath he didn’t even know he was holding, loosening his clenched fists and feeling the pain of his nails digging into them soon after. He looks down to his shoes and utters, “Goodbye Joonmyun.”

When no one offers a higher bid, the announcer continues, “Going once, going twice. Sold to ‘The Guardian’s Collection’ representative.”

Jongdae looks up at the name of the bidder and sees the lady that seemed familiar to him stand up to make her way towards the announcer. For some unknown reason, Jongdae’s heart begins to thunder in his chest, rivaling the thunders that rumble the sky every once in a while. 

Taeyeon pulls Jongdae along to where the bidders finalize the payment for their bid, a few of them thank Jongdae for his beautiful works and he tries his best to pay them enough attention, returning their praise with thanks of his own. By the time the representative for ‘The Guardian’s Collection’ approaches him, Jongdae finally realizes where he’d seen this woman before. 

“...our gallery owner, Suho-ssi, would be so thrilled to know that he won your bid for ‘the little things’,” Jongdae hears her say but all he can think about is the question at the tip of his tongue. 

“Do you by any chance go to ‘Sweetest Sins’?” Jongdae asks referring to the cafe across the building where Joonmyun used to work. The lady is stunned for a moment before smiling sweetly at him. 

“Yes, I do,” She says as she chuckles softly. “Suho-ssi likes to buy his coffee there.” 

Jongdae hears the beat of his heart, going louder and faster as the pieces of the puzzle fall into place, little by little. 

“Does your boss happen to be in the area? Can I see him?” Jongdae asks, sounding mad and frantic even to his own ears. The lady looks at him weirdly before blurting out that their boss is outside waiting for them. 

Jongdae doesn’t waste even a second before he’s sprinting out of the gallery’s function room, going out into the main floor where artworks are displayed. He turns his head from side to side, scanning the room only to find that there is no one there. He takes a deep breath before he sprints out the front doors and braves the rain. There are cars in front of the gallery and all of them are heavily tinted. 

“,” Jongdae curses as he runs up and down the sidewalk looking through the cars as best as he can. 

He keeps on cursing as the rain falls harder, obscuring his vision. But even with the sound of rain almost deafening him, he hears the sound of a car door opening and closing and he turns around to find a platinum blond haired man stand in front of him, pale blue umbrella shielding him from the rain and dark sunglasses covering his eyes. 

The stance reminds him of the man he’d thought was Joonmyun those days in the cafe. The man approaches him, small smile on his lips as he slowly takes his glasses away from his face. 

Jongdae lets his tears mix with the rain when he sees the smile of the man, the familiar pull of lips upwards, the familiar warm brown eyes. His heart stutters at the sight of Joonmyun, looking as handsome as ever, even with his platinum blond hair that will take him some time to get used to.

“Jongdae-yah,” Joonmyun says and Jongdae runs towards him, not caring if he’s soaking wet from the rain as he holds onto Joonmyun’s neck. 

“I’ve missed you, too.” Joonmyun laughs as Jongdae buries his wet face into Joonmyun’s neck. 

When Jongdae pulls back, Joonmyun makes sure he’s still in the vicinity of the umbrella. 

“I hate you so much,” Jongdae starts, letting the tears fall and choking with every sob . “You left! Who told you to leave? I just —I wanted you to choose but I didn’t want you to leave. Sure, I was angry but that didn’t mean you could leave me. You told me you loved me, why would you leave me? Why would you do that?” 

Jongdae punches Joonmyun on the arm as he rambles. “I didn’t want you to leave, idiot,” Jongdae whispers, leaning his head on Joonmyun’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Joonmyun says, looking apologetic as he holds onto one of Jongdae’s hands fisted on his black button down. “I wanted to prove myself to the both of us first before I could pursue you, that way I could make you believe that I deserved your love.” 

“That is the cheesiest thing someone’s ever told me,” Jongdae whispers, tears still falling from his eyes. “But that also makes sense.” He hiccups and Joonmyun laughs as he holds him with one arm. 

“Don’t leave me anymore,” Jongdae whispers as he wraps his arms around Joonmyun’s waist.

“Never again,” Joonmyun whispers, kissing Jongdae’s temple. 
 

“Jongdae-yah,” Joonmyun calls as he stands in front of another masterpiece in his gallery. 

Jongdae mutters as he walks into the room, in front of him, he sees Joonmyun admiring his latest masterpiece. He can’t help the smirk that plays on his lips as he reaches Joonmyun’s side. 

Joonmyun wraps an arm around Jongdae’s waist and pulls him closer. Jongdae immediately settles into Joonmyun’s side, bodies slotting together perfectly.

“What do you think?” Joonmyun asks, gesturing to the painting that takes up most of the wall. Jongdae his head to the side before resting it on Joonmyun’s head. 

Jongdae takes in the painting, the large white wings sprouting from the man’s back to the little profile that is seen of the man’s face, obscured even further by the man’s platinum blond hair. The signature on the right corner of the painting makes him smile, the letters ‘Chen’s’ standing out on the man’s pale wrist, seemingly placed there like most of his signatures. 

“I love it,” Jongdae whispers sighing as Joonmyun presses him closer to his side. 

“And I love you,” Joonmyun replies, making Jongdae chuckle as he tries to push him away, muttering things about him being insufferable. 

“But you love it,” Joonmyun counters and Jongdae laughs as he rests his hands at the back of Joonmyun’s neck. 

“Yes, I do.” 

Joonmyun smiles at the confession, leaning in for a kiss. Jongdae closes his eyes and meets him halfway.



The Guardian Collection is an art gallery in Korea famous for holding most of Chen’s famous masterpieces. From works like ‘the little things’ to his most recent masterpiece ‘The Angel of the Gallery’ which is rumored to be a gift to the gallery’s owner.