Chilling in the breeze in the morning, the short blonde hair girl brushes her arms for warmth. She spots the pale girl lying on the bed without blanket covering her body. Quickly the blonde closes the window and covers the pale girl with the blanket. Smiles are found on her face when she stares at the lady on bed. Her milky hand the lady’s hair, fingers caress her face. The thumb lands on the lady’s lips, brushing the lips gently. Soon, smiles are taken away and replaced with frowns and tears. However, the blonde swipes off her tears immediately as no weakness should be shown in front of the one she loves. The heart broken feeling is forever lingering in her heart. It is sad to see the lady on bed looking pale, like a dead body. Guilt fills her heart. She is sorry, she is guilty. She regrets. If only things could have started all over again, she, the blonde, Kim Hyuna, would have done anything for the lady.

“I’m sorry, Gayoon.”

Daily routines are to wake up to take care of the pale lady, Gayoon, get some grocery and chat with Gayoon. Letting out of a long sigh, Hyuna excuses herself to the kitchen, cooking for both. After finishing it, she brings the food to the room placing Gayoon’s on the desk, eat besides her bed. Taking a spoon of porridge, Hyuna continues staring at her love, waiting for the lady to wake up. Waiting is always the part everyone wants to skip especially for someone you love. It is a torture but she can live with it, just like that she has been waiting for Gayoon to come back to her. As soon, she finishes her food, taking Gayoon’s back to the kitchen, throwing it into trash bin. She knows her waiting is useless.

Every day she spends hours in the room, with Gayoon. Talking to her, reminding her of their memories, Hyuna wants Gayoon to wake up and remembers everything between them. However, every day is like an endless bad cycle repeating itself. The lady in bed never wakes up. Not only that, her situation gets worse as her face and body are getting paler. To Hyuna, she could only all her emotions back, be there for Gayoon. No tears, no breakdowns in this room, nothing negative is accepted. Gayoon has been lying in the bed since the accident, the blonde takes care of the lady since then. Seeing Gayoon getting paler, weaker, Hyuna cannot help but blame herself for letting this happen. To find a comfort, Hyuna tries to put light makeup on Gayoon, making her look vital. Tonight, she is putting pink lipsticks on Gayoon. The blonde places a kiss on her lips after the makeup is done. Her heart tightens at the moment their lips meet as she remembers the scene that Gayoon broke up with her. Taking the pale hand, Hyuna realizes how cold Gayoon is, how pale she is right now, even though the lady has her makeup on.

Night has come, darkness welcomes the girls with coldness. Hyuna takes off her clothes, leaves herself . Getting into the bed, she tries to send her warmth to the pale lady. Coldness from the lady invades Hyuna, making her have goosebumps. The blonde shivers at the contact of her body and the lady but she can bear it. She can bear much more than this coldness. Still no response from the lady, Hyuna buries her face into her neck. They are close, sticking with each other; however, the empty feeling inside Hyuna is growing, tearing them apart. More fear attacks her heart, the tighter she hugs the lady. She is afraid of losing the lady since she did try that once before. The fear of losing her is a knife stabbing her heart, making her feel torturous. It kills her inside out. Hyuna positions herself closer to the lady, tightens her grips as if someone might take the lady from her.

“I love you, Heo Gayoon.” She said as her tears flow.

As usual, Hyuna goes to grocery store to get what she needs for both of them. Since the accident, Hyuna lost her interests in everything. Talkative was the word to describe her but then everything changed. Now she is quiet, indifferent from what she used to be. Lowering her cap, she comes to the cashier to check the bill.

“Hey, Hyuna! How have you been? It’s been ages to see you here.” The only cashier she knows in this store greets her but the blonde does not seem comfortable. Hyuna keeps her head down, stealing glances from the cashier.

“I’m good.” Deep inside, she hopes she can go home as soon as possible.

“Where’s your girlfriend, Gayoon? I haven’t met her in a while.” The cashier asks something she should not. Hyuna’s face stiffens. Her hand pulls her cap down even more.

“She’s sick, resting at home.” Her words become colder and sharper. Maybe the cashier also senses the awkward atmosphere; she soon drops off the topic, letting her go.

On the way back home, the blonde keeps pulling her cap down as if someone might spot her. Quickening her pace, she reaches home early. The first thing she does after getting home is taking off her cap, rushing to the room. A relief is assured as she sees Gayoon is peacefully lying in the bed but it is also ironic that the lady is still lying there. The blonde drags herself to the bed, finding her seat there. her hair softly, Hyuna places a kiss on her forehead, smiling at her. A knock at the front door breaks their moment. It takes all smiles from Hyuna. To answer it, she wears pokerface again. The door opens, revealing three men in police uniform. 

“Is this Kim Hyuna?” The man in the middle asks.

“Yes, I am.” The blonde answers calmly, without any fear nor doubts.

“We suspect that you are involved with a murder case…” What the rest of the police officer said is not relevant to the blonde. All she cares is one thing.

“Can I do one thing before leaving?” Hyuna asks calmly.

“I’m afraid not, Miss Kim…” Hyuna returns to the room without any notice to the policemen but gets pinned down on the floor soon.

“Miss Kim, you better do what we told you to.” Two police officers pins her down but the girl struggles madly.

“I just need to bid a goodbye, lemme go!” She tries to wriggle out of the grips but fails. One of the three police officers pulls out his gun, sneaking into the room where Gayoon is.

“No!” Hyuna screams at the policeman, fighting against the two above her.

“There is a dead body in the room. I guess the lady passed away for 5 days already.” His statement shocks the other two policemen that they both loosen the grip for a second, letting the blonde grab the chance to escape, rushing to the room.

“I will go with you guys, but lemme just bid a goodbye with her please…”

Her eyes stick with the lady on bed, her hair. Eyes become blurry, watery. Heart stiffens, tightens. No longer to hold her tears, Hyuna breaks down in front of her love even she promised that she would never her see with any negative emotions. Tears drop on the dead body’s face. Warm drips drop on the cold body. However, the lady cannot be woken up anymore. Hyuna, the blonde, presses her lips against Gayoon’s for the one last time. She knows this day will come, just that she hopes that she could spend more time with Gayoon even all she got is her body, dead body. In a second, the suspected murderer is pulled out and pressed down on the floor, with her hands tied with handcuffs. The girl is under arrest, on her way to the police station. Staring at the outside, the blonde finds the sun shines too brightly that makes her frown. Everything falls apart too fast that makes her hard to believe.

“Why?” Her teary eyes and cracked voice made herself look miserable. Fists clenched hard that nails dug into skin. The physical pain was nothing that can compare to her bleeding heart, dying emotions. The moment Hyuna knows that Gayoon fell in love with someone named Jiyoon, her heart sank but she tried to keep everything remaining the same. She tried to put everything back together. She tried…

“It is obvious, isn’t it?” The taller girl replied with a flat tone, without emotions involved. The brunette did not even take a glance from her girlfriend. The blonde used to make her heart flutter, but somehow passion had long gone. The passion faded like water slipping away from her hands, drip drop, drip drop. She could not catch it. What made things ironic was that Jiyoon, the three wheel, could give her the passion again. The new girl made her grab the feelings tight, the fluttering heart, the butterflies in stomach and the love for relationship.

“Now you won’t even take a look at me…” The blonde bit her bottom lip, holding her tears back but failed. Her tears flooded out, running through on her reddened cheeks. Ticks in her head, a bomb was set inside, counting down to explode.

To the taller girl, what Hyuna said no longer mattered to her. This was Gayoon who did not care about her partner once she broke up. Folding arms, the brunette turned around, walking back to the room. Her actions irritated the younger girl, followed her immediately. Once Hyuna entered the room, she saw her love packing her things. A sign of Gayoon moving out means a sign of losing her. Thoughts of losing Gayoon, thoughts of erasing Gayoon from her life, those thoughts torture her that she can feel her heart twisting inside. The pain spreads all over her body.

The girl had gone mad, forcing Gayoon to face her, pressing her lips against her. Her lips stuck with hers while her hands pinned the taller girl down on bed. Struggles, the sounds of Gayoon protesting the violent action from her ex-girlfriend echoed the house. Eventually, she managed to push her away, grabbed her suitcase out of the room and ready to leave.

However, it was too late to leave under this condition. Hyuna had gone mad, completely lost her mind. She rushed to the front door, stopped the girl by grabbing her suitcase away. Her stares on Gayoon could burn the girl inside out.

“Are you out of your mind?!” The taller girl yelled. A clear sound of a slap, Gayoon gave the blonde a slap, a hard one. Never had she hurt the girl, ever. The house was back with silence. Anger and frustration were filled in the air. Hyuna had her face down, without saying anything. No sobs, no tears dropping, it was all silent.

“I…I’m not gonna…let you…leave…to…that .” The blonde lifted her head up, showing her pokerface. Soulless, Gayoon found the girl soulless. With her, Gayoon had never seen Hyuna with such emotions. It scared her but also made her heart ache.

“Hyuna…I’m sorry. I just can’t feel the passion between us…” The brunette tried to explain, reaching her hand to the latter one. However, Hyuna flung her hand away. All frustrations ran through Gayoon. She was sick of explaining.

None of them could foresee things that ended up at the worst place. If only they could speak to each other sooner, things would not have ended like that. The moment Gayoon decided to stand strong and leave, the moment Hyuna broke down, mentally.

Everything happened fast but yet things were like slow motion in Hyuna’s eyes. The facial expression of Gayoon was all frowns as if she was telling her that she was annoying. Seeing Gayoon turning her back on, walking towards the front door, Hyuna grabbed her wrist, tugged her roughly. Her force was too strong that the brunette simply fell back, hitting her back against the wall.

A loud groan from Gayoon, her face went painful. It softened Hyuna’s heart. Pokerface turned into worrying one. Hyuna quickly apologized, her face.

“I’m sorry…Gayoon! I…I…didn’t mean to…I’m sorry!” Hyuna was about to cry to see her love in pain because of her. At that moment, she was a panicking kid, scared to get scolded.

“Get away from me!” Gayoon pushed her away once again, tried to escape. But she made a bad decision as Hyuna changed. That was not the same person she knew. None of them had noticed that they both changed to a beast that hurt each other.

There again, Hyuna was back with her anger. Panting sounds, glares, tightened fists were all happening. This time, she swore she would never let this girl leave. Cursing at herself, the blonde held Gayoon’s wrist tight, forcing the brunette to stay. Gayoon struggled, but the girl was too strong to push away this time. Finally, Hyuna made a move, tried to push Gayoon down that she tripped. The taller girl grabbed her chance to escape but Hyuna quickly trapped her from behind that Gayoon fell down, hitting her shoulder. The brunette on the floor, stood up to escape again. It was a game, a hunter and her prey. Hyuna was not the girl she used to be. She was the hunter. One last push, she tried to pin her love on the table.

However, Gayoon fell back, got her head hit on the corner of the table when she tried to draw back, tripped by other furniture. She stood up, still drawing back. Both of them were blinded for what happened to the hit. Hyuna cornered her to the table, leaning close to her.

“Stay with me, I need you to stay with me.” Hyuna whispered into her ear, roaming her hands around Gayoon’s waist. Her nose tracing up from her neck to her ear, she pressed her lips against her jaw.

“I’ll…stay…” All Gayoon could feel was fear and dizzy. She knew she either stayed or she would die. What she said brought the blonde smiles, giggles.

“That’s my babe.” In the past, Gayoon would have felt warm for Hyuna being cheesy. However, she could only feel frightened under this condition. A stranger kissed her neck, hugging her. It was not Hyuna, but a stranger. Soon, the blonde led her into the room, let her take a nap before dinner.

While Hyuna was cooking, Gayoon was staying in bed, thinking about the chance to escape. Completely had she forgot about her injuries. Her dizziness was getting worse that she soon fainted.

“Gayoon! No…no…no way! It can’t…No…that’s…not real. She must be faking me.” Hyuna panicked when she went back to check the girl. The brunette was all pale and did not give a response. Everything was too late. No pulse, no heartbeat from Gayoon even Hyuna tried to do CPR. Her hands shook in panic, biting her fingers. Her eyes shifted, wandering. “No…It’s not…real…” She whispered with her shaky voice.

Her sight stuck with Gayoon. The blonde her hair softly, letting her tears flow. Sobs turned into loud cries. Her heart broke twice. When she thought she lost Gayoon to a girl named Jiyoon, her heart broke into pieces. That was the moment she thought she could never have Gayoon in her life again. But this…this was the thing she was worried about: she could never have Gayoon in her life. Gayoon has left for real. The girl she loved, the girl she wanted to spend the rest of her life, had gone. Not that she left for Jiyoon, Gayoon had gone because of her, because of her selfishness.

her hair, Hyuna found her hand with blood on. Her eyes widened as she found the pillow was all red. Tears flooded out involuntarily. It was all her fault. She forced her to stay, she forced her to sleep. The accident could have avoided but she pushed too far that everything fell apart, just like their relationship.

“I’m sorry, Gayoon. I love you, I love you so much, Heo Gayoon.” The blonde pressed her lips on hers again, without any struggles from Gayoon.

“I’m gonna cook dinner for us, stay there.” Hyuna let out a faint smile, leaving the girl in the room.

She smiled. She smiled at the girl in bed, thinking that now Gayoon would never leave her again.

Love can be psycho when things went too far. It was the pure love at the beginning. Once any of them changed their heart, love has changed.