Just let me be free. I want to hide. Not only is my best-friend absolutely adored by literally all our members, loves by our sunbaes and dongsengs, loved by thousands of people he doesn’t even know but he’s also wanted… by me. And that pains me to my very core to admit.

When I watch him from afar, I go crazy. I imagine what it would be like if we were together, as a couple. Has that ever happened to anyone other than me? By just seeing someone your mind goes in completely fantasy mode; walking hand in hand for everyone to see, hugs and kisses for no reason at all, staying close together all the time, and so much more. Because if there’s anyone else, I need help. I don’t know how to handle this horrible version of hell. Well, if it’s horrible I guess that it is a well made version of Hell…

“Omo, Donghae-ah!”

I quickly sat up from my laying position and smiled to my greatest, dearest, friend… Eunhyuk.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

I smiled, “Thinking.”

If only I could tell him about what.

“Hm~.” He smiled back.

God, I love his smile; teeth and gums showing proudly. It’s beautiful. Really.

“What are you think about?” he asked me.

I shrugged, “Just stuff.”

I laid back down without him knowing I was secretly watching him. Eunhyuk came to lay next to me and him being so close to me knotted my heart. God… I really hate this feeling. I want to be free from it. It hurts. I’m him pain and I can’t handle it any longer.

I looked to my right; where Eunhyuk was laying. He’s smiling and looking up… looking forward.

Well, if he’s looking forward, then so am I. So screw my fear, I’m telling him. There’s nothing worth living with this feeling a moment longer, it been 2 years already. Enough is enough. I’m going to do it. Rip off the band aid.

I took a deep breath. Here we go.

“Donghae-ah, tonight would you rather we watch Pirates Of The Caribbean 1+2+3 or 50 First Dates?” Eunhyuk asked,

“I don’t know…”

He would know when to make me shut up. But I can’t shut up, I’m so close to telling him. So close to finally being able to rid myself of these one-sided feelings that cause me to lie awake at night wondering how I’m going to face him tomorrow. I’m so close…

“I was thinking Pirates because I’m in the mood for action… but then again you can never go wrong with a comedy—”

“Hyukjae!” I said interrupting him.

I have to do this now.

“Are you alright?” he asked me.

I nodded, “I will be in a second.”

“Do you have to throw up?” he asked.

“No, Hyukie. Just listen to me for a moment. I… I need to ask you something.”

He nodded, “Ok. What is it?”

I took a deep breath, “I…” I couldn’t finish my sentence, “I…”

“Lee Donghae, look at me.”

We turned to our sides so that we could see each other properly. I looked into his eyes and in return his beautiful eyes were staring into mine.

“Are you having girl troubles?”

I hit his arm, “No!”

“Oh… Sorry. Please, continue.”

But I haven’t even started.

“Hyukie…”

He chortled, “Yes?”

“I…” DONGHAE! Screw your scared feelings and out with it, “Hyukjae, set me free.”

He sat up and looked at me, “What do you mean?”

I sat up too. Here we go;

“Hyukjae, I love you. I mean I really do. Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to have the same feelings for me. I don’t expect you to ever love me back so that’s why I’m asking you to set me free from this God Forsaken feelings that I cannot stand to bare for one more second.”

There. Done. I must say, I’m terrified of what he’s going to say. I made sure our eyes stayed connected; as if our sight is the red string of fate or something. But our string was severed when Eunhyuk looked back up to the ceiling smiling and laying back down.

“I’ll never set you free. I don’t want to be in a one-sided love, it’s too painful.”

“Wait… You mean…”

Eunhyuk looked to at me and he flashed me his pearly white teeth and his bubble gum pink gums, “I Love You Too.”

My body moved before I realized what I was doing. My body moved closer to Eunhyuk’s and my left hand cupped his cheek before I kissed those full, gentle and soft lips I’ve longed for.

“I Love You Hyukjae.”

“I Love You, Donghae.”

I took a chance and got what I wanted. I’ve never been happier to be cursed with this feeling.