You look pretty this way. You look pretty when you’re asleep. You look pretty when all of the frowns on your face from when you’re awake wash away as you’re silently asleep by the bus’ window like this. Will it be okay if block the sun, with my palm like this, from shining so bright it could interrupt your beautiful dream. You smile as you sleep. What is it you’re dreaming about?

Will it be okay if I stare at you as you asleep. You won’t mind, will you? Who am I dare to stare at your beautiful face. Adoring. But will you mind? I guess, you won’t even care. But, I do. I do. Now, you’re awake. Those frowns slowly appearing again on your face. What worries you exactly?

Now, you’re looking to the outside. It’s pretty crowded, isn’t it? And you like being surrounded by the crowds, don’t you? It’s been a while since you ride a bus too, right? You like to ride the bus too. You said that the people you met there excite you and remind you how wonderful life had been. But why can’t I see your excitement since you got in here. Is it because of me? But who am I to you?

Do I appear in your nightmare or your sweet dreams?

You get off from the bus. Can I follow you? Because I know where you’re going to. It’s the park you favor since you were a child, right? Told you, I’m not a person who will forget easily. And there you sit in yoour favorite bench under the tree with fallen leaves. Yes, it’s already fall. You like falls, don’t you?

I sit beside you. But you stay still. It’s so unlike you. You like to tease me, right? Don’t you remember? Or it’s only my made up memories?

Why do you look so sad? Is everything went wrong?

I reach for your hand to ease your pain. But then you start crying, which each seconds it gets louder as I try to calm you down. You turn you face to look at me. Your eyes, beautiful eyes, are wet from the tears you pour into them. You keep crying as you look at me. Why? You usually calm down after I held your hand like this. Am I not warm enough as I was? Am I not calming enough?

I try to wipe your tears. But I can’t. I can’t.

You can’t even see me.

It hits me. The reality hits me. I’m no longer a person to you. I am just a part of your bad, bad memories I want to erase from your head. So you won’t cry from thinking about us, how we’re ill-fated. I close my eyes and the tears start falling too. Then I pray silently for something I want to trade with anything I have.

You wipe your tears and harsly stand from the bench we used to sit together. You start to walk away from here. But then for the last time, I just want to call your name. “Lee Hayi,”

You stop and freeze from your spot. What is it? You can hear me?

You turn around and look at me. You look into my eyes. But your tears keep falling from those beautiful eyes. “Hanbin... Hanbin-ah. No... it can’t be possible. You’re not here anymore.”

I know what she said was the truth. But it still hurts me. I reach for her hands. I pull her into a hug. I hug her tightly. But she doesn’t respond. She keeps mumbling that it wasn’t true, that she was hallucinating. I cry. My tears won’t stop. But then I say, “It’s me Hayi-ah. It’s me. It’s me, Kim Hanbin.”

She then start to hug me back. Her crying gets louder as she hugs me.

“Listen, Lee Hayi. Now that I see your face I feel relieved. Now that you’re stronger that you were yesterday I can leave at ease at least. Please froget me. Be happy okay?”

She pulls away from the hug. She stare into my eyes and says, “How can I forget you? You can’t control me, you know?”

Typical you. I smile. Then you wipe my tears and kiss my cheek as I slowly vanish from this world. That's my wish, to hug you one more time even though I won't ever see you again. I love you, Lee Hayi.