My phone buzzes a few times before I get to sneak out of the room and answer the call. I don’t recognize the number but somehow the buzzing sounds insisting, alarming in a way which makes me pick up. I don’t recognize the voice at the end of the line either. But that stranger is the person that changed my life.
            As soon as I get the news, I run across the building and get at the hospital in no time. I don’t remember how I got into his room but I am now sitting on the chair next to his bed. And there lies Yongguk, pale as death, with his eyes closed and chest unmoving.

            He is dead. I think to myself as a stinging pain throughout my chest. I clench at my heart in an attempt to ease the pain but it gets stronger and stronger, until I can’t take it anymore and I pass out.

            I spring up in bed, panting and covered in sweat. I have this strong pain ripping through my chest and for a second I remember the hospital room. But I’m not there anymore. I recognize our room in our apartment.
            On its own, my head turns and my eyes settle on him. Yongguk is there, lying in bed next to me. His eyes are closed as he sleeps peacefully, is chest rising up and down in steady breathes.

            He is safe. He is alive.

            Suddenly I get overwhelmed. The memories of two months ago come running back at me and I can’t prevent my eyes from watering. I try muffling my sobs because I don’t want to wake him up, he is still recovering from that dreadful accident after all.
            As I inhale sharply, I lie back down but get closer to him. I manage to place my head on his strong chest with my ear just above his heart. His steady heartbeat fills my ear and I listen to it, relieved and thankful for the rhythmic thumps it makes. My eyes are quickly blurred by my tears as I just can’t get ahold of my emotions right now. My right hand somehow got to his shirt and is gripping it hard enough to turn my knuckles white.
           I don’t know at which point I woke him up but I feel him slowly getting aware of the situation and panic.

            “Jin..?” he starts but I cut him off right away.

            “Shhh.” I need to focus on his heart right now, I can’t think of anything else. And he understands. He doesn’t try to force me into talking. Instead of that, Yongguk gently runs his hand in my hair in a soothing manner, helping me calm down.

            “I’m okay… I’m right here beside you. I’m not going anywhere.” He says when he feels like it is okay to speak.
            I bury my face in his neck and he has his arms wrapping around me instantly. He holds me tightly against him as to make sure I feel every part of him. To show me this isn’t a dream, that he is really here with me.
            We stay like this for god knows how long, Yongguk slowly caressing my skin and me breathing in and out to calm down. Very slowly his hand travels back up until he is cupping my cheek and tilts my head up so we are looking at each other. He wipes my tears away and leans in to leave a gentle kiss on my forehead. I think he can read the fear in my eyes because he starts talking again.

            “It was only a nightmare, okay?” I nod. “I’m alright now, nothing will take me away.” I nod again and he pushes his lips on mine for a few seconds. When he pulls away, he adjusts his position so I am comfortably settled in his arms.
            “You should go back to sleep.” He says while I stare at him. As I am settled in his arms I make sure to place my hand above his heart so I can feel it pump.
            “I love you.” He whispers and I press myself against him some more, unable to speak up. But as I fall back to sleep I promise myself to tell that I do too, tomorrow.

***