It is almost 11 p.m when Seungyoon releasing a sigh for roughly 20 times that night. He sits on a red couch on the dorm's living room. Other members have left him to go straight to their own rooms an hour ago after giving in to persuade the leader to have the actual rest already. His mind wondering a while on how a tired and yet worried Jinwoo clinged onto him, mumbling something like "he's going to be home" and "let's rest", but Seungyoon insisted and softly replied about he would be in their shared room within five more minutes and Jinwoo couldnt fight back both Seungyoon's words and the tiredness he felt constantly.

The not so long ago memory crashes immediately when he hears someone softly opens the entry door with a stoic expression which turns into something between surprised and fear.

"Where have you been?", Seungyoon abruptly stands up, feels a bit hard to keep his voice steady and low. 

"I went to look for fresh air", answers the man across him who is about to pass Seungyoon and head to his very own room.

"Bull, you were wandering to look upon fresh air for nearly 3 hours? Taehyun are you nut?" 

The said guy then turns to face Seungyoon 'here he goes again' his tired mind screams in complete frustration. He knows this is going to come but he is just too tired to care, he still needs some time for himself to get drawn away from others; which is inside his room.

Taehyun slowly lowers his gaze to the nagging man's fists. They look like they are boiled deep within due to the immense anger and frustration which Taehyun thinks exaggerating.

He sighed softly, the extreme amount of exhaustion flowing inside him, penetrating the flesh and consuming his common sense. The midle part haired guy is telling the truth of how it sounds so crazy, wandering off up to midnight while thinking about stuffs he's sorta worrying all these months.

Since their official debut, it surprisingly meant a whole new and heavier weight they needed to carry and it's scare Taehyun so much. Having no one he could trust but his family in his hometown wasn't helping at all either. He collected every single fear in his embrace alone because he thinks no one understands him better than himself. Moreover, he doesn't want it will be the others' burden for listening to his when they themselves are carrying the same insecurities as him.

To put the matter simply, Taehyun is afraid for being on this state, having a celebrity status, his family is much far from his reach, and things like realization he would spend most of his time beneath the studio with mixed feelings just like when you enter your class waiting for the lessons to begin and finally end. Taehyun is afraid but he hates to admit it towards his brothers. Moreover towards Seungyoon.

He secretely looks up to Seungyoon the most from the very beginning, and maybe it also scares him, too, that aside from looking up to him, he finds himself fall just too deep instead into Seungyoon's odd charm.

"It is... nothing. Really. The fact that I've safely went back here isnt satisfying you yet?"

Taehyun tries. He perfectly knows how that the gentle leader before him can transform to a nagging beast within seconds. He knows it. He knows Seungyoon.

Isn't Seungyoon supposedly knowing him as well as he does?

"You don't know how hectic my mind right after realizing you were gone! You don't know how it bothers me to the core worrying over someone, do you?"

You don't know how worrying feels like.

It completely makes Taehyun have enough.

Abruptly he blurts out, "You might be right. Well, neither you know what's been in my mind these past few years! The struggle of having no one I can trust here-- ", he pauses, realizing how quick he finally lost his control over himself. He freezes after meeting Seungyoon's orbs rightaway.

"Taehyun, I--", Seungyoon tries to get closer hesitantly, afraid that Taehyun would step back or probably run away.

But he doesnt. 

Because he knows Seungyoon is sorry. Just like the previous nights. He knows it. He knows Seungyoon very much.

And it leads to a whole new fear of not being good enough for Seungyoon.

He is snapped out of his thoughts when a pair of skinny arms wrap gently around him. 

"I, I get you, Taehyun"

He feels secure and the realization of that intense feeling get Taehyun's tears fall down to his cheeks by their own.

"And I'm sorry", Seungyoon rubs  away the fear Taehyun has been hiding behind softly, assuring him once again with his real presence.

"I--", he continues hesitantly and Taehyun patiently waits.

"You know I've always been afraid over things you keep in mind and plan to do the most, more than other members", the first words make him taken a back but the following ones make him feel the massive urge to morph into sparkling dust rightaway, "You are able to do things-- things most people tend not to. You might be afraid of things but so do I. I don't want you to instead let us know what you've been hiding inside your pretty little mind; you'd rather to let it consume you when you think you've gotten rid of them. I- i don't want to see you suffer in the middle of your own insecurities just like that. Remember-- remember the day when you made a prank with staffs during our filming in Japan? Even after you explained it was pure acting, I know what have you felt is not fully a lie. It's not I'm exaggerating and because I'm a current leader-- heck, we only have few months gap--", he releases an awkward chuckle and Taehyun feels the grip tighten.

"I just feel I've always wanted protect you. I know you don't tell us, you do not tell me something that manages to bother you most of the time and it hurts me to see you play it all cool in front of those people. I've always wanted you to know that I  care about you. A lot. I can be someone you can trust, Taehyun. I can be someone you are able to lean on to. I--"

This time it's Seungyoon who pausing with his words, in his embrace a blushing like crazy Nam Taehyun still, patiently, waits the cheesy speech of his to end so he can finally reply back with his cheesiness, too. Well, scratch that.

"I don't want to see you fall apart before my eyes while I can't do anything for you yet, because I like you"

The silence creeps up before Taehyun who absolutely lost of words speaks, "I.."

Seungyoon looks upon Taehyun within his arms, his face is now hiding on the crook of Seungyoon's neck and he clutch on his side like a scared kitten.

"I want to... I want to trust you. I'm just afraid that I will be your burden, moreover, I'm afraid my decision is just wrong. You know what I had been through, don't you?"

Seungyoon smiles, "we had been through the same fear, I know it for sure"

"I... then I will tell you the whole stuffs, do you want to listen?", Seungyoon nods over Taehyun's hesitant question while loosening their hug before completely let go off Taehyun's body.

"My room, then?"

Taehyun seems astonished by his own words and speaks again quickly, "I mean we can directly go to sleep so--"

"Your room it is", Seungyoon's steady voice fills up the whole space inside of Taehyun's heart he can not breathe

And they end up being awake up till the dawn holding each others' bodies as Taehyun finally release his insecurities little by little and let his trust towards Seungyoon flooding within the said man.

trivia:

1.i have 2 unfinished fics i barely touched ever since i posted them

2.i'm a potato