How It Started
What If...?
It was during the second year of elementary school that Chanhee figured out that he wanted to be a singer.
He was watching a random music program on a large TV while waiting for his mother at a mall's appliance store when a male singer came into the screen and performed. He could not really remember who the singer was at that time or what song he sang but what the boy did remember was the feeling he got when he watched the stage: amazement.
Like any child, Chanhee was quite easily impressed. He got impressed when his eldest brother had claimed that he was able to escape from a giant anaconda living at the nearby park when it had decided to eat him and he got impressed when his second older brother showed him how to create bubbles from his nose.
But Chanhee figured out that somehow this time, it's different. It was cooler than escaping from a giant anaconda and it was cooler than blowing bubbles from his nose (that stuff was icky anyway). He figured out that what he was experiencing was way more amazing than anything he had seen and felt so far in his short existence. He was awed. Maybe it was the expressions on the singer's face that moved him? Or perhaps his voice? Or maybe it was how excited and happy the audience was because of the singer? They were jumping up and down crazily for him. The boy couldn't really figure out. Nevertheless, his eyes were pasted on the TV and continued to be so until his mother had to drag him away after she was done buying a new rice cooker (Their old one decided to self-destruct or so what Chanhee insisted on after pouring some water on it.)
These are all what lead Chanhee to exclaim to his mother, "I'm going to be a singer someday!"
Thinking that her son was cute to dream like that, his mother replied, "Of course, you will. Now, if you just don't destroy the new rice cooker, I bet you'll be a great singer someday."
At this, Chanhee nodded earnestly. But he couldn't help but reply, "It was not me who destroyed it though. I just gave it water because it was thirsty."
To be a singer, Chanhee figured that he just had to sing extremely well. And right while he was still in elementary, he listened to all sorts of songs and got himself acquainted to different genres. He found out that he preferred ballads and was even convinced that his voice suited them. He would then look up various ballads, memorize them by heart and sing them out loud in front of the mirror, trying out the numerous expressions worn by g.o.d, his favorite idol group, whenever they perform songs and especially ballads.
Ultimately, when Chanhee entered middle school, he figured out that there's a limit at practicing just by himself. He needed to learn from a vocal trainer to really improve. And so, he went and pestered his mother until she consented to provide for his vocal lessons.
He went once a week but still Chanhee felt that it was not enough so he still practiced whenever he had extra time. School days flew fast and the aspiring singer couldn't really remember anything special from those years except attending his vocal lessons and practicing again and again by himself. He thought he should be sad at this but he wasn't really. All he wanted was to improve his singing.
It was on the third year of middle school when he was finally able to show the fruits of his training and practice. A recital at school was being held and he was asked by one of his teachers who knew about his singing to perform at least one song.
The night before the performance, Chanhee couldn't sleep at all. So when it was time for him to perform, he was positive that he must've looked sick from his dark eye bags, pale face and shaking hands. Nevertheless, he belted out Ne-yo's ‘So Sick’ with everything he got. At first, he was nervous. It was his first time after all. But then, he started to relax and he actually liked the attention he was getting. Everyone's eyes were on him. And when he finished the song, there was nothing more than gratifying and satisfying to hear the loud applause that he had garnered and the smiles he had seen on his audience.
"Ah," Chanhee muttered at dinner after the performance, still dazed. "So that's how it was like to perform."
Chanhee decided, for high school, he was going to attend a vocal academy. Whenever he is asked about what he will become in the future, he would immediately state 'singer' and he didn't mind the dubious looks he would get. After all, they didn’t know anything.
It was also this time that Chanhee decided to look for entertainment agencies who could take him in. He thought of being an idol and he thought that the job’s not really horrible. In fact, it would make his dream of becoming a singer a lot more easier if he were to become an idol.
After mulling over his choices, he came into the conclusion that the best entertainment agency for him was SM Entertainment.
Not to sound vain or anything but Chanhee thought his looks were the type to be accepted in SM. Okay, maybe he was a bit vain. And okay, he did his skin care religiously and he did look up some fashion magazines whenever he wasn’t practicing to be updated in current trends. But a future potential singer has to look good, right?
And so the 15 year old boy fussed and wore his best clothes, trooped into one of SM's weekly auditions and sang Ne-yo's "So Sick" (he was most confident of this song).
No surprise, he got accepted.
No, actually, it was a surprise. Chanhee felt like he did not make an impression to the judges at all, judging by their stoic expressions while he was singing. He knew at this point that he was good, but not that good, and he still had a lot to improve. And so when he was called by a representative of SM four days later, he was pleasantly surprised.
After much deliberation on what the judges saw in him, one thought dominated his mind.
Maybe it was my face that got me inside after all? Hah.
"Sunsengnim, you called for me?"
Chanhee addressed his vocal coach after greeting her with a bow. He was currently inside of her office after being called for a serious matter. Chanhee wondered what it was.
She greeted him with a smile. "How are your practices going? You studied the songs I assigned you?"
Chanhee nodded. "I've been practicing hard. I think I'm doing well on the songs that you've assigned."
"Good, good. I'll check on you later for those songs. How about school? Your grades?"
"Not the best but they are very good," the boy instantly replied. "I'm also doing well leading the juniors as a senior scout. Is there any problem...?"
Chanhee wondered where this conversation was going. His vocal coach doesn't really ask questions like these.
"Oh no, no problem at all," she chuckled, dismissing the thought with a wave. "I just thought you are now ready for something."
That piqued Chanhee's interests.
"Ready for what?" Chanhee automatically asked.
"I was thinking of letting you audition. I have a friend who works for an entertainment agency and they're looking for trainees. He offered to give close auditions to people I would recommend to him and I thought you'd do well. What do you think? I'll help you prepare."
"Ohh...," was all Chanhee managed to reply. Another audition? He was a bit disappointed at the news.
His coach raised an eyebrow. "What, you don’t want to audition? What's with the reaction? I thought you'd be jumping up and down at the news. Wasn't being a singer your dream?"
The aspiring singer laughed, waving his arms in front of him so that his coach wouldn't misunderstand. "No, no. It is my dream to be a singer. It's just that I'm done with the auditions. I'm now currently a trainee."
His coach was surprised at this. "Really? What company?"
"SM Entertainment. I passed all three auditions. Contract-signing will be tomorrow."
At this, Chanhee couldn't help but smirk at his coach's shocked and excited reaction. She was impressed. This is SM Entertainment they were talking about after all.
Chanhee then spent an hour detailing to his coach how the auditions went. He also discussed his future plans to her and mentioned that he may have to transfer schools. His coach understood his position and supported fully his decision.
Chanhee was already about to leave after their talk, his hand poised on the knob of the door, when he paused. He really didn't know why he had to ask the following question as it wasn't important anymore. When he thought about it later, at that time, he had felt a weird urge.
"Sunsengnim, that friend you have... what entertainment agency is he working at?"
"Ah, it was TopMedia, I think," his coach mindlessly replied while looking over some papers at her desk.
Chanhee froze.
"It's an entertainment agency founded by Shinhwa's Andy Lee," she continued. "It seems that Andy is going to produce an idol group and was looking for potential trainees. He's..."
Chanhee didn't hear the rest what his coach was saying. He was fixated on a name and he wondered why.
TopMedia? Have I heard of that company before? It seems strangely familiar...
"Chanhee, are you listening?"
The SM trainee snapped into attention.
"Oh, uhh, yes," Chanhee awkwardly laughed while his coach raised an eyebrow. "Sunsengnim, I think I have to go home now. Thanks for everything." He bowed quickly and bid her goodbye.
On his way home, he pondered still on why TopMedia seemed so familiar. He shook his head. He probably heard it on TV or somewhere. He shouldn't be thinking about this. He's going to be trainee after all. An SM trainee! He's now a step closer to his dreams!!
Chanhee couldn't help but laugh out loud. A spring was in his step as he hurried home to prepare himself for tomorrow.
When Chanhee became a trainee, he really didn't know what to expect. It was hard to fit in at first. Competition was tight. There was a time when he entered a room full of other trainees for some kind of orientation, some trainees had scowled at him while some didn't even give him a second glance. Chanhee tried not to be bothered of this hostile atmosphere. He figured he might find a friend or two later.
The first friend that he had, or maybe the word acquaintance is more fitting, was Kim Junmyeon. He was a senior trainee having been trained for 2 years already when Chanhee entered the company. He was popular and well-liked and he welcomed new trainees warmly. He showed him the basics, how to survive in this new environment. But that was it. Junmyeon had his own group of friends and they weren't exactly warm. Chanhee didn't want to intrude.
The second friend that he had came by the name of Lee Sung-Yeol. He was a trainee hyung that Chanhee could comfortably converse with. They often train together and hang out when they had time. But that hyung decided to switch companies when his contract expired, saying that another company was offering to take him in. Sung-Yeol said he felt like he had more chance to debut there.
Even though he knew it was childish, Chanhee felt mildly betrayed and since then didn't try to be close with another trainee. Oh, he knew some people here and there but he didn't try to be attached. The company encouraged this attitude as there is a possibility that you won't be debuting with the people you become close with anyway.
It was also around this time that SME became to have extremely talented and good-looking trainees. Even those coming from foreign countries like China, Japan and even the UK came pouring in.
These trainees would form cliques and keep to themselves. Chinese trainess would hang out together, English-speaking trainees would stick to each other and Korean trainees would be divided to several groups. Chanhee decided not to be part of any and only kept to himself until he debuts. This decision however was to be sorely changed and without willingness on his part.
"Dammit!"
Chanhee cursed as he turned off the music playing from the speakers. He still couldn't exactly perfect the dance routine he was to perform with a group of fellow trainees. Monthly showcases are next week and Chanhee decided to do some late night practicing to catch up with the others. Oh, but who was he kidding? He wouldn't be able to nail this routine alone. Dancing is definitely not his forte. He needed someone to teach him step by step.
It had already been 2 years since he had become a trainee. It was hard but at the same time fulfilling. As a trainee, he had to take all sorts of training: Singing, dancing, rapping, acting, instruments, language, etc. He had taken all the lessons but he focused mainly on singing, dance and language. Singing and language were his best subjects while he did decent with the others. As for dance, he s*cked. Hard.
Chanhee sighed, tiredness creeping up to him while his body ached all over. He glanced on his phone to check for time. It's getting pretty late and he's not making any progress. Might as well call it a day and look for someone tomorrow who could teach him.
Ah, but who? I'm not that close with anyone.
Chanhee wondered when he had become so reserved. Oh right, when he became a trainee. He always trained and practiced that there was no time for socializing anymore. It's how he had survived it this far. He had seen so many of his fellow trainees sent home for not improving and doing good at the showcases.
And I might be next if I don't get this dance right.
SME has a very competitive environment. So competitive that Chanhee felt like choking at times.
The trainee was gathering his things, getting ready to leave, when the door of the practice room busted open and a person was unceremoniously shoved in. The said person tumbled and collapsed with a groan.
Chanhee's eyes widened. What's going on?
Laughter filled the room as two teenagers with sneering faces came in. Chanhee recognized them immediately as fellow trainees. He didn't know their names but the teen knew enough to steer clear away from them. They were troublemakers who entered SME half a year ago. Chanhee thought of them as arrogant pricks that were only entering the industry for the fame and money. He thought it useless to associate with them. Besides, he detested people like them.
"That should teach you not to be so overconfident," one of the troublemakers drawled, his eyes were threatening and his thick eyebrows were raised in a mocking manner. "Chinese people showing off like you piss me off!"
Oh, Chanhee mused. Another case of bullying.
"Not my fault that you not good in rapping!" A voice spoke up defiantly in broken Korean.
Chanhee turned toward the source of the voice and discovered that it was one of new Chinese trainees that entered not too long ago. It was Zombie. Chanhee couldn't remember his name and so gave him a nickname. His dark eye bags and tall height left quite an impression.
"You can't even speak proper Korean," the other bully with braces sneered. "What rapping are you talking? The Ching Chong rapping?"
The two bullies bursted into fits of laughter as they rapped "Ching Chong Ching Chong" to each other. Chanhee found them absolutely disgusting.
"Shut up!"
"Really, you shouldn't be here," Thick Brows mocked. "This is Korean Pop if you didn't know, idiot.”
"Why don't you just go home, huh?" Braces taunted. "You're just a waste of space, you Chinese sh*t!"
In a flash, Zombie got up and his eyes were ablaze. "Worst people like you I hate!"
With his fists clenched and his face red, Zombie then proceeded to call them the foulest and dirtiest swear known in Korean language. At this, Chanhee's brows shot up. He whistled inwardly. Where did he learn that?
"Why you...!!"
"Bastard!"
Chanhee decided he had seen enough and made his presence known when the two bullies were about to lunge for Zombie.
"I suggest that you refrain from what you are about to do," Chanhee interrupted, his voice cool. "You are going to regret it. Believe me."
Three pairs of astonished eyes turned to him. The scene was comical really. The two bullies were frozen in mid-lunge and Zombie's face morphed from a terrified expression to a relieved one in nanoseconds upon seeing him. The bullies' expressions became horrified when they realize what their fellow Korean was holding.
"I'm going to send this to the managers if you don't stop what you are doing," Chanhee stated, his expression jaded while holding up his phone as he continued to film them. "You don't want that, do you?"
"Chanhee-sunbaenim," Braces started nervously. "Why don't we talk this over?"
Oh, he knows my name! How flattering!
Chanhee rolled his eyes.
"Why don't we just take his phone away?" Thick Brows muttered harshly. "That way he won't be able to tell on us."
"Go ahead," Chanhee replied, smirking. "Make it quick though. I just called security."
"What?!"
Rapid footsteps can be heard outside, heading towards the practice room, and the other occupants of the room widened their eyes.
"We need to get out of here!" Thick Brows yelled. "Scram!"
The two bullies flew out of the room in panic, their footsteps heavy as they ran in the hallways in a great rush.
"Idiots," Chanhee snorted. "How can I call security while filming a video?”
He held up his phone to Zombie who was staring at him, his eyes red with unshed tears. “Also, my battery's dead anyways."
"Zi Tao?"
Chanhee glanced at the doorway and saw a doe-eyed guy looking questioningly at Zombie then to him. Chanhee recognized him as another Chinese trainee that hangs out with Zombie. Chanhee remembered christening him as 'Marilyn' for Marilyn Monroe due to his pretty features. Well, actually, he heard one of the Chinese trainees calling him Marilyn and the name had stucked ever since.
Chanhee turned to gather his things as the two conversed in rapid Mandarin, no doubt Marilyn asking what happened and Zombie relaying the story to him. They seemed to have forgotten about him at the moment.
Taking this opportunity, Chanhee gathered the rest of his remaining things and quickly left.
Author's Note:
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