Past

Present

Thoughts

If you want listen to Crush-Sofa I was listening to it while writting. Enjoy!!!

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I sat on the sofa of my living room .Comtemplating the broken glass all over the floor. Our broken picnic day photo on the ground near the fireplace. Tears going down my face why did you have to do this to me . I thought you could see that you could see all the love I felt for you but I was wrong not matter how much I tried to hold you in my arms you always slipped right through my fingers. I remember when we were happy how you called me everyday after your concerts  and how you told me you loved me when nobody was looking. " Jonghyun remember to call me" I screamed above the crowd  you nodded your head. Everything was so sureal you just met me on a rainy day while I was waiting outside for the fanmeeting but it had to be canceled because of a passing storm that night I didn't have money for the taxi. I was standing below the pouring rain until you reached for my hand and took it " come with me, you will catch a cold" you said smiling warmly at me, I smiled back my dream was coming true I could finally know you. reach you and not by a screen but with my hand. I took your hand. You took me to your dorm.And gave me a change of clothes . Your clothes that were a little to big for me.We talked for our until the storm passed. you looked at me with puppy eyes " You never told me what was your name?" " It's Hana" " Ok I guess i'll see you around" You smiled at me and wait. I turned away to leave until you called me "Hana-ssi" I looked at you " Do you want a signed album?" he grinned " I would be happy to have one" He offered it but then took it away. " I need your number in return?" I blushed looking down at my feet he wants mine? I smiled to myself a little. ) we were so happy then I though I would never see you again but I was wrong You called me the next day for a coffee. I agreed with time we got more comfortable around each other and I could see what I wanted the most in your eyes love. The day I was of my graduation you came in a disguise but your eyes were unmistakable. That day you asked my parents if I could become your girlfriend while I was recieving my diploma I watched you I didn't know what you were talking about and they said yes.Tears were falling harder staining the white couch with smeared mascara. Today I dressed up and waited like I had all week. You were strange I knew it your heart told me. You didn't pick up my calls , I went to your every show trying to talk to you and ask about what was going on I held signs at concerts trying to get your attention but you ignored me. You never did this we agreed we would try for the sake of this love against all odds to keep it alive. It was a special interview that morning I got a text saying you wanted for me to be there as always, without questoning I went. You were sitting with the guys laughing on stage " Jonghyun I heard you have a special announcement for today" the MC said. I looked over at you, you smiled at me. He's been acting weird because he has been convincing the company to let us date and now they've let him I though with my heart full of hope for the best to happen. " Yes, I want to announce that I have a girlfriend" " She is here actuallly...." I started flailing my hand in the air and jumping smiling " backstage" you finished. My whole world crashed down as you said that last word. And the girl came her high heels echoing through the whole studio and I ran outside. I don't want to see her. It was raining just like that day what a cruel fate. I went to our little apartment he had bought just for the two of us. And looked through your closet all your clothes gone. I waited everyday until today. The Sofa now holding a huge black spot of my tears my trembing hand took the phone and dialed your number this was my last chance

" Jonghyun, I'm at our apartment on the sofa you bought for me on my birthday remember? I want to know please why , was I not good enough. This is the last time I'm calling you probably didn't loved me anyway. I just hope you have a nice life bye " I started sobbing I couldn't hold it in any longer the pain of the scar that you had left in me ran to deep to ease it away. I made my way up to my room opened my closet , took my clothes and threw them above my bed were my empty luggage was. It had been there all week  empty , my mind fanthoming If I should leave or not and now the time has come. My heart didn't want more pain.

Jonghyun P.O.V

I listened to her voicemail in my bathroom break covering my mouth with a trembling hand " I love You. I didn't want to leave" I somehow had to let you know. So I ran , as fast as my legs could take me. 

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