Leo watched as his hands turned white from griping too hard for too long. He came in early, so he would have time to think of what to say to him when they met again. It had been fifteen minutes from his last sip of coffee. He was sure it was cold by now.

Most patrons ordered their coffee and left in a rush. Others sat by the windows and read the morning newspaper. Leo was too busy in his own head to notice the clinking forks, the pages turning, the low morning mumbles, and the ding as another customer came in.

It had been three months straight. Dreams and dreams of him and Hongbin. Some of it were menial, like grocery shopping or cuddling or doing things in the rain. Some of it was intense in a ual nature. Some of it were plain nightmares: Dying in each other's arms, or car crashes. Some of it was just a feeling of emptiness, of never seeing him again or having him in his life. Never seeing that dimpled smile again. Those were the ones where he woke up sweating and crying.

Today he was going to put an end to it.

"Pumpkin spice latte and pumpkin spice coffee cake." Leo jumped, and watched as Hongbin smiled at his food.

Leo exhaled, attempting to hide his smile. "You scared me!" He said, and rubbed his palms together under the table.

"It's October. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?" Leo smiled this time, content to just watching. Just being with him. "Why did you choose such an early time?" Hongbin added through mouthfuls of coffeecake.

Leo lied and shrugged as he placed his elbows on the table, hands drawing close to his face. "I felt like it." He would have all day to get over it, should things go wrong.

Hongbin hummed as another fork of food went into his food. He looked up, laughed, and held a fork of his food in front of Leo's mouth. Leo opened, happily taking the fork into his mouth. He had a dream of this sort once—Him feeding Hongbin straight from the stove as he cooked. "What are you smiling at?"

Leo snapped out of his thoughts, his supposed smile now gone. He looked everywhere but Hongbin. "Oh...Uh, just remembering a dream I had."

Hongbin stared for a moment, before he nodded and went back to eating.

Leo still didn't know what to say. How to say it. When to say it. Should he just confess? Or suspiciously ask him?

"Alright what is it?" Hongbin had been done with his coffeecake for however long, and was now staring at him with his latte between his hands.

It wasn't nothing, but he didn't know how to word it. Instead, Leo stared at the other, watching as his face went from confusion to concern. However, he was familiar with Leo, and would give him the time he needed to form the words. But the problem was he had been trying to form the words all morning, and still nothing came up.

A wave of guilt slammed in to him as his mind began to wander. Hongbin was taking time out of day to talk with him. He was probably busy today and here Leo was, taking his sweet time, trying to confess. "I'm sorry. I just...don't know how to say it." Leo hung his head, waiting for mockery.

It never came. "That's alright. Take your time."

Leo glanced up while he tried to keep his uncontrollable bouncing leg still. He took a sip of his coffee, not realizing it was now the complete opposite of hot. His face scrunched in disgust and he slid the cup away, mentally kicking himself for waiting so long.

Hongbin laughed for the second time that day, a bit longer than the first, but still relatively short. His dimples showed off his cheeks, and the ever growing smile lines. Leo his lips, somewhat happy to see Hongbin laugh, even at the cost of his own misfortune.

His laughter died down to a smile, and they shared a glance. Hongbin looked away first, but Leo couldn't bring himself to do it. He wanted to study every inch of his face, as if he hadn't done it dozens of times already. Leo was so lost in thought when Hongbin finally looked at him—really looked at him. He felt his face growing warmer the longer he stared, growing more embarrassed. He didn't know what, except he had a strong need to look away.

Neither did. For the longest moments of his life, they stared. Eventually the embarrassment faded away, and was replaced with lust. What would happen if Leo just grabbed his collar, yanked him forward, and smashed their lips together? A commotion, for one. They were surrounded by ordinary folk, who had no need to see two men kissing.

That's when he decided. It would be better to be knowingly lost in Hongbin's eyes, to have his heart flutter every time he smiled at him, to care for him the rest of their days, than it would be to be ostracized by him. He would rather have people suspect than outright know. Make jokes with him and all day long, and not have to worry about things getting awkward.

Leo would only have to worry about himself. Hongbin could stay safe, whatever safe would be. Leo stood, and hung his head. "I can't say it. I'm sorry to have wasted your time." He gave a bow, and made sure he had his items before rushing out the door.

He didn't bother looking back. The door dinged as he exited, hearing a feint "Thank you" before the door swung closed. Another ding and he figured Hongbin followed him. The other called out after him. Leo ignored him, and got in his car.

He was about to slam it shut when figure's hand closed around the door frame and forced it to stay open. Hongbin huffed, staring, bewildered at him. Confusion and worry written on his face. Leo couldn't stand to look at it, for once. He knew this wasn't the right thing to do. He could have made an excuse, or lied. Instead he backed away, like a coward.

"I-I-I don't understand! Can't say what? Why did you call me out here? Please, Leo, talk to me." Hongbin's eyes were wide and filled with fear.

Leo could make up an excuse now, but nothing he could think of can explain the situation he created. His mouth opened and closed, like a fish out of water. He couldn't think of a single lie that could get him out of this. Frustration and pressure built up before he gave up and in to his instincts.

His hand released the latch on the door, and reached to Hongbin's collar. Not wanting to yank him too hard, he leaned forward also. The world slowed down just enough for Leo to see Hongbin's face morph into surprise right before their lips touched.

Leo didn't allow them to linger. He ignored the tingling feeling in them, determined to not let himself dwell on something he could never have again. Leo leaned back, his face showing anger and sadness and hurt.

Hongbin didn't relax. He didn't smile. He wasn't angry either. "Oh," was all he said. Hongbin leaned back, and away from him.

Leo sighed, and looked away. He didn't want to see his face. He didn't want the other to see his tears. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how else to put it."

Hongbin didn't move for several seconds. The door held open, with neither wanting to touch it. "I love you, Leo, but..." He sighed. "Not like that."

"I understand." The tears fell, but he made no move to dry them, lest Hongbin realize. "Just, please don't tell anyone."

"Alright." Leo didn't realize he was holding his breath. He clenched his hands, trying to stop them from shaking. Soon the knuckles turned white. "Wanna go to the karaoke, or something? With the group. Later."

Leo's silence almost broke just then. He choked back his tears and smiles. Afraid his voice would give him away, he nodded fast.

Hongbin let out a breath of air. His voice was light and Leo could picture the relief on his face. "Cool. Cool. I'll see you later, then." The door closed with a firm shut.

At the last second, Leo watched as he walked away. He sniffed, and wiped the tears from his face when he was sure Hongbin was gone.

His heart burned, but his breath was light. He didn't lose a friend, at least.