I run everywhere ... All I wanted was to fall in his arm and inhale his smell ... That manly perfume that I used to buy for him ... It was about 4 am and I wouldn't imagine he is still partying so I decided to go to his dorm ... Where he lives with his suju friends .. When I arrived I wanted to fix myself yet I realized that I look awful … I wouldn't care that much because all I was thinking about is how wonderful things would get if siwon come back to my life ... I rung the bell waiting for someone to open the door .. While waiting started recalling unforgettable memories I had I front of this door .. It felt like it was yesterday :

flashback :

it was one of warm spring days when sunshine itself would make you feel Fresh and warm ... I woke up and had my breakfast waiting for siwon to barge in and freaking me out as always ... He knows everything about me includes when I wake up and what would i probably feel like doing in this kind of weather .. I just got used even on him knocking on my bathroom door and I interrupt my relaxing bath ... That was part of my daily routine that's why it felt strange him not bothering me for whole hour after waking up .. So I just decided to be the one to bother him today and interrupt his dreams ... I don't get such opportunities often ... I knocked the door .. After all who knows what more than 10 guys in one house would do ... Henry opened the door and he seemed to be unwell - - good morning Henry ... Are u ok !

 - oh Sarah what brings you here !

- I just wanted to pass by ... Seems you are busy ... Just tell siwon to charge his phone and call me sometimes later

- oh no it's not like that !! Mmm

-it's ok really ... It felt really strange.. The way he was speaking it felt like he is really bothered for seeing my face ... And that was really unexpected from him ..

- actually good thing you came

- honestly I can't believe in  that from your tone

- anyway wanna come in and join us on breakfast

I wanted to refuse yet Henry grabbed my hand and walked me forcefully inside ... And what happened next was way too far from what I could ever think about

When I came to the dining room, the boys stood up and sung a song for me … the room was decorated and all types of food I love was on the table … I couldn’t realize what was happening … deep inside I was looking for one person .. siwon .. yet he wasn’t there … their voices were warm and nice … all you cann feel is that they ve put a lot of emotions on it .. but really I didn’t understand what was going on until usual hands was wrapped around me from behind and a soft kiss was planted on my cheeks …

_ good morning Sarah .. glad to see your morning face as I did for 2 whole years

_ you are saying that …

_ yep I m saying that this our 2^nd friendship anniversary ….

And he brought a cake so we can blow the 2 candles all together … I couldn’t be happier … never in my life thought that I will have friends who will cherish me this much … at least not boys …

End of flashback

  When it comes to recalling memories I had with siwon .. I would only think of good ones and I really wished that something like that would happen now … I wished that those days could comeback and bring the smile I lost for months now again to my face … a click intrupted my thoughts and brought me back to reality

_ sarah !! what are you doin in such weather and in such late hour

_ hi henry ! long time no see … just came mm to see ..

_ I think it might be better if you come back tomorrow yeah !

I felt like he was hiding smthg and henry never fail to hide whatever emotion he has … his face is just an open book of his heart

_ can’t you just let me in …

And before continuing my sentence I saw siwon kissing a girl hungrily in front of his bedroom … he was touching her everywhere .. grabbing her closer to him .. he was so into her that I couldn’t remove my eyes from them .. and without noticing ..  hot tears fell from my eyes letting them taking a bit of my sadness out … just in front of me .. the man I love the most was making out with some .. just in front of me I saw him enjoying another girl’s company … just in front of my eyes he made it clear that I m no longer the only girl he touches and hugs … not the only lucky girl who have him besides her in such cold nights ..

I felt my legs goes weaker until I fell in the ground shedding tears …breaking just in front of him … all I could feel was a knife into my heart breaking it …

And just after that, he looked at me … after months … searching for something deep in my eyes ..  trying to read them and asking a thousand question … I hold the courage and strength I had and stood up walking to him .. his eyes never leaving mine …

The way was so long … if felt like ages to just stand few centimeters away from him

… for a first time after in long months

Words couldn’t come out of my mouth easily and I was sure he would be the last one to start the conversation … so after mintes of staring I got to say these few words :

_ I see you are having fun …