I strive for perfection. I work hard. I don't give up. Yet I don't feel accomplished. I can't seem to feel satisfaction. I'm constantly pressured. I want release. So bad...

The room is untidy. I'm lying on the ground staring at the ceiling. I struggle. I know I should probably exercise. Or practice...or do anything...but my body doesn't move. I give myself an ultimatum. 'I count to three than I get up. One - two - three...' I don't get up...I get angry. I feel like crying, screaming. I clench my teeth. My hands form fists. My nails cut into my palm. I release. I can't let it bleed. I get angry again. Why did I back off now? I turn. Now lying on my stomach. My for-head against the cool floor. I close my eyes. I doze off...

I wake up. I am thirsty. I crawl to the fridge and get some water. Outside it has already turned night. Yet another day wasted...The moon shines brightly through the window. I want to go out. I get my coat and remember to wear shoes. I drop the dorm keys into my pocket and walk into the cold night.

My breath condensates and forms clouds. It is dark. I'm cold. Still I refuse to return to the dorm. I start running. I can hear the blood rushing through my ears. My breathing gets heavier. I don't want to stop. I want to run until I collapse.

I run until the next crossing and stop at a red light. The sweat runs down my temples. I crouch down. Now it's even colder. I feel tears forming. I can't cry now. But I can't move. I sit on the cold ground. Tears start running. I can't stop. I feel embarrassed.

I want to scream at someone. I want to lean on someone. Why is there nobody? Why is there nobody I can rely on? I feel weak. I don't want to feel weak. I am frustrated. I pull my hair, but stop because it hurts. I am stressed out. I feel closed in. I bite my tongue, but stop because it hurts...the tears don't stop.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around. My eyes are red. I feel ugly.

It's Yongjae.