Jaebum opts to skip out on the usual lunch that day. Ignoring the peeved look Youngjae sends him as he tags along with Yerin and the guys from Commercial Affairs, Jaebum hurries out of the building once lunch hour starts, squinting a little in the glaring sunlight that beats down on the pavement, which is bustling with workers in the business district heading out to eat as he heads towards the smaller adjacent building for Home Affairs.

It’s comfortably quiet when he steps in- not like the other departments, where you can’t go one minute without hearing someone swear angrily at something or another to the whole floor. He feels something loosen in his shoulders once he gets out of the elevator, starched, dark uniform a stark contrast to the soft beige walls and gray carpet, the smell of tea and hardwood refreshingly calming to his senses. Jaebum wonders if it’s true- if he should feel relieved that Jinyoung’s here, because the place suits his more than Criminal Investigation ever did.

He strides purposefully through the maze of cubicles, women and men alike all typing up new family policies or on the phone, voices soft and steady, while he tries not to seem too out of place. A few glances are tossed his way, eyebrows raised at the sight of an officer in this place, then dismissing it once they see it’s just him again. Being here, they probably already understand more about people than he ever will.

“Jinyoungie?” Jaebum calls out quietly once he’s rounded the familiar corner to his ex-partner’s cubicle, before he hears the soft hum of his friend’s voice, probably on the phone with a client. Jinyoung still beams visibly, though, once Jaebum comes into his line of sight, the office phone still clasped between the side of his face and his shoulder, while he types out reports on his computer, and the sight of it causes something in Jaebum’s heart to clench. He looks relaxed, at home, here, amongst people who aren’t out for his blood, whom he’s trying to help, much more than he ever did in the line of fire or on guard duty.

Maybe JYP’s right. Maybe Jinyoung really is happier here.

Jaebum chooses not to think about it now, instead tugging out the wooden stool under Jinyoung’s desk that’d been left there permanently by his co-workers after they joked that Jaebum came round so often, he might as well be part of the department. He perches, back straight, on the hard chair, while Jinyoung finishes up the phone call, both files from the meeting still in his hand.

He lets out a breathy noise at the state of Jinyoung’s desk- that’d been something he wouldn’t stop harping on the other boy about back when both of them were in Criminal Investigation. Jinyoung liked to call it organised chaos, but Jaebum had to have everything compulsively arranged, labelled and tagged and accessible within a moment’s notice by anyone. It’s just one of those things that people had made fun of when the two of them were paired to take on the world of crime head-on, one of those things that’d made Jinyoung’s presence in Criminal Investigation real and tangible and impossible to forget- at least, to Jaebum, that is.  

It’s just one of those things that makes it so hard to ignore a future that could’ve existed for Jinyoung now.

Jaebum’s playing idly with a cute sunflower magnet when Jinyoung wraps up the call, beaming with a mellow goodbye before hanging up, and turns to his.

“Hey,” even his voice sounds in place here, calmer, honeyed decibels blending perfectly with the soothing timbres of the office area. Youngjae had joked once about how no criminal would ever be able to take Jinyoung seriously, and that was why Jinyoung’d been “forced to have to put up with this annoying thing”, according to Junho, a grumpy senior examiner in forensics whom Jaebum’s known since university. The thought still pricks at Jaebum sometimes- that Jinyoung had been entrusted to him, because they knew he needed to be protected, and that he’d never make it out there on his own.

And Jaebum had gone and screwed it all up.

“You’re thinking too much again,” Jinyoung observes, and Jaebum shakes himself out of it.

“What? Yeah, whatever,” Jaebum mutters, scrabbling for something to change the topic to. “Who was that on the phone just now?”

“Older sister of one of the guys you rounded up for the gang activities last week,” Jinyoung smiles forlornly, as if sad at the thought. “Most of them- they don’t know a thing about what to do when their family members get pinned for crimes, you know.”

“And you listen to whatever they have to say?” Jaebum mumbles derisively. “I wouldn’t have the patience. It’s all excuses and sobstories whenever I talk to any of them.”

“Well, someone’s got to set them on the right path,” Jinyoung’s arranging the papers on his desk neatly now, carefully inserting the report for the latest call log into a big blue ring file. “You guys leave a load of emotional debris in your wake when you round these people up.”

Jaebum wants to say something about how Jinyoung used to do the same, but the thought stings him, much like a lot about Jinyoung does now, so he changes tact, heart a little heavier. “Someone’s gotta do it, though, right?”

“And we’re grateful,” Jinyoung laughs, reaching up to push the file into the low-lying shelf above his PC, before turning back to look at Jaebum, a soft smile on his face. “Really though. You’re a hero to a load of people out there, you know that?”

“Enemy to a lot, too,” Jaebum leans back slightly, shifting the files in his hands, and his throat tightens when he sees Jinyoung’s eyes flick to the two folders.

“What needs to be done needs to be done, right?” Jinyoung says, though he isn’t really paying attention. “What’s that you have over there, by the way? Thought we weren’t allowed to bring work stuff out of there?”

The last part’s said in a light tone, but somehow Jaebum doesn’t feel the burden on his shoulders lessen one bit, not with the easy way Jinyoung says we instead of you, as if he still sees value in that term.

“New ah,” Jaebum gestures lamely. “New assignments.”

Jinyoung arches an eyebrow, as if to say and?

“I need to finish up with those trainees in Traffic and a couple of other protocols.”

It’s amazing how Jinyoung still waits expectantly, as if he knows, though by now, Jaebum guesses he shouldn’t doubt that he does.

Jaebum shrugs hopelessly. “I’ve been re-promoted back to Criminal Investigation again, Jinyoung. JYP’s serious this time.”

He’s bracing for a lot of things after that- surprise, awkward silences, evasive glances- anything but for Jinyoung to grab his hands, an excited smile on his face.

“Really? That’s great, hyung!” Jinyoung’s grinning so brightly it’s blinding, eyes alight with delight, and it sounds so much like he means it, so much that Jaebum almost believes it for a moment then. “I knew it! I knew they’d have to ask for you back again sooner or later. You agreed, didn’t you?”

“Jinyoung…” Jaebum starts, and flinches a little at the magnitude of the reproach and sorrow in his voice. Jinyoung’s smile fades slowly at the hesitation in his words. “Jinyoung, I’m-…”

“Stop it,” Jinyoung’s voice is soft but still firm, and a little crease has worked its way into his brow, fingers tightening around Jaebum’s own hands. “Don’t say it. You’ve said it enough to last several lifetimes already, and you know I’m just going to say the same thing. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was,” Jaebum says, desperation laced with anxiety finally breaking through in his voice. “It was my own stupid decision to chase them down even though we were heading into unfamiliar territory, it was my idea to use the warehouse shelving as cover-…”

“And it worked, didn’t it? You took them all down in the end, didn’t you?” Jinyoung reasons gently, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into Jaebum’s knuckles, calloused and bruised from years of brawls and teenage life spent with a short fuse and terrible temper. “Even the leader of that geondal. And it was the biggest shipment we’ve seen in a while.”

“Those shipments are nothing to people like them,” Jaebum says, discouraged. “Some of them managed to get away, too.”

“After losing like, three quarters of their members, their leader and a giant chunk of goods,” Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “C’mon, I’m pretty sure the only reason why it’s been so quiet this past year’s because they’re still recovering from the repercussions of that blow. That was one of the biggest secret societies you took down back then, you know. It wasn’t just seizure of goods- you were making a statement to the world of organised crime.”

“Some statement,” Jaebum rubs at the bridge of his nose tiredly, before dumping the files on Jinyoung’s desk. “You say that like we’ve declared war.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them took it that way,” Jinyoung shrugs. Jaebum shudders a little at the thought- a year ago, he would’ve welcomed the idea of it, finally getting it out there to every lawbreaker, big or small, that justice wasn’t something to be trifled with, that peace and order would be restored to the streets no matter what it took, but after almost losing Jinyoung-…

He isn’t sure if he quite likes the idea of a fight so much anymore.

“Be that as it may, I’m just glad you’re back on the force for real again,” Jinyoung says, voice reassuring, and Jaebum looks up, gaze laced with apprehension that doesn’t cause the other man to falter. “The force needs officers like you, Jaebum. You’ve been on holiday long enough, don’t you think?”

Jaebum lets out a mirthless chuckle. “You try doing Traffic protocols and calling it a holiday. I’m pretty sure I almost went blind churning out those numbers.”

“And the cars and pedestrian crossings will mourn the loss of such a hardworking officer,” Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “C’mon hyung, don’t pretend, that’s like grunt work compared to the stuff we used to do. Now I’m hungry, so do you wanna get lunch or something and stop brooding or not?”

Jaebum chuckles breathily, standing, feeling for his wallet in his pocket, before pushing the stool back under the table to make way for Jinyoung. He wonders how the other man can be so calm about it, when he’s the one who-….

“Need help?” he offers, hovering a little anxiously over him, hands lifted uncertainly, fidgeting for something to do.

“Nah, I got this,” Jinyoung smiles wryly, before flicking the lock mechanisms back on his wheelchair and slowly reversing out of the cubicle, deceptively thin, lean arms manoeuvring the unwieldy machine easily.

Jaebum stares, wondering if he’ll ever be able to get used to the sight. If he’ll ever be able to see Jinyoung like this once in his life without feeling like he’s been punched in the gut, upended from any previous delusions of contentment and calm into deep water once more.

Sometimes he thinks he would, maybe if he hadn’t seen Jinyoung first hand just a year ago sprinting 100m tracks in their training, cutting past his easily in the water during their aquatic rescue exercises, running steadily and stealthily at his side into alleged hostile territory, until that night at the Embassy warehouse, when an errant spread of gunfire had caused that shelf full of machinery parts of come crashing down, right on top of where Jinyoung had been crouching.

The memory burns, even now, the panic and later, pain, that’d bloomed like wildfire in his eyes, the desperate scream that’d rung out through the cavernous area like a siren, pleas to get it off, please help unheard over the ring of gunfire and hand-to-hand combat.

Jinyoung seems to notice, because he angles his wheelchair to face out of the cubicle, before folding his hands on his lap primly, turning to Jaebum with a cute smile, one that makes the edges of his eyes crinkle up like sunshine, that drags Jaebum back to the present, where they are now.

“Push me?” he says, and Jaebum rolls his eyes, laughing, though he gladly takes the handles of the wheelchair, relieved at having something to do.

“You’re the best, you know that?” Jaebum mumbles as they file out into the open, towards the elevator.

“You say that like you aren’t,” Jinyoung replies easily, like he really believes Jaebum is.

Jaebum can’t say anything to that, can’t let the younger man down more than he already has, so he stays silent. It’s the only thing he can do nowadays, it seems.

a/n: well i did say there would be romantic pairings /shot/ sigh what am i doing with life. I hope this is acceptable sigh.