Dear Diary,

Today was...just like any other days. I looked at him but he was looking at her. I think of him, he dream about her. He's out of my league. He's unreachable. 

It was the same classes everyday. Same people, same face. Once, I would complain but something changed my mind. My seat mate. Kim Jongdae, a.k.a Chen.

Why? I like him. I know I sound too bold but I'm sick of hiding it. Always in the back, watching him from afar. Trust me, if I could let him go, I would've but I just can't bring myself to erase him from my heart.

I looked up from my text book and glanced at him. At that same time, coincidentally, he was looking my way. He smiled at me. A shy smile with a tint of sympathy. It's always that same smile. Unlike those ones that he have on everytime she comes around. Lee Na Yeon.

I was jealous. Angry. All my life, I'm always the one to lose. The one to be at fault. And it's not different in this case. What's so wrong about me? Don't I deserve to recieve any love? 

I turned down my eyes to avoid his eyes. Hands trembling and my sweaty palms clamped up around the pen. My eyes stinged and felt tears emerging. 

"Yah nerd! " Nam Ah Young kicked my chair. The biggest bully in the school. 

The tears were forced back in. I held a firm grip onto my table, nails digging into the wooden surface.

Not getting any respond from me, she made her way to me. "Are you deaf?" She shouted into my ears.

I would go deaf if you do that. I rolled my eyes mentally.

"Not answering, huh? You sure don't know what you're doing." She clicked her tongue and yanked on my chair.

The sound of the chair scraping screeched in my ears. The sound echoed again and again inside of my head like a reminder.

"I do know what I'm doing. And that is to avoid troubles by neglecting your childish acts." I muttered. I gathered a fistful of the hem of my skirt. 

I heard gasped all around me. People were whispering about this and that, giving me dirty looks.

"Don't mess with me girl. The only thing you're doing is hurting yourself." Ah Young tugged on my chin.

A gave her a doubting looking. "Oh, am I?"

Her eyes flashed in anger as she raised her hand in the attempt to slap me.

"Enough." He murmured firmly. Chen.

My heart raced and I couldn't take my eyes off him. It was captivating. 

He peeled Ah Young's hand off me. Gentle yet firm. A balance.

She huffed in annoyance and strutted off. Yes, strutted. 

My eyes found their way to his. We met eyes for a few second then he turned away. 

I shouldn't have hope for anything more than his sympathy.

" Are you alright?" She asked. Lee Na Yeon asked. She placed a hand on my shoulder and she seemed concern.

"I'm....okay. Thanks." I softly replied and lowered my head.

This is the reason why I can't consider her as my enemy. She's too damn nice. Friendly and bright. Who could ever hate someone like her?

Na Yeon bit her lips in concern and stared at me for a while. Finally giving up, she sighed. "Alright then. Tell me If you need any help though." She patted my shoulder and left.

The rest of the lesson was followed by a deadly silent. No one had piped up or even talk about the incident early which I am grateful of.

At lunch, I sat alone, again. I spotted Chen under the tree, laughing. I slowly approached him, trying to thank him but something stopped me.

Dear Diary,

Today, I really wanted to thank Chen for helping me earlier that morning but....guess what? I guess he really didn't need my gratitude because he was too happy to care or even notice me. He was with Na Yeon. As much as I want to see him happy, that smile stings so bad. It stung me right in the heart. 

I really want to believe that one day my true and deep love for him would make a difference and show him. Make him notice me but it's not possible. The only girl that he sees is Na Yeon. This will never change. That's why he's unreachable.