Sehun’s POV

I don’t know if I can take it anymore. I feel like I was losing everything. It was just one after the other. Why did I have to be the one with the misfortune of being me? My life and I didn’t know how I was supposed to deal with all of it. Like right now. I could be doing something far more productive instead of sitting back on the couch and staring at the blank TV screen in front of me.

My phone buzzed.

I’ll be there in five.

Seeing that it was Jiho who texted over, I managed a small smile, although it disappeared as fast as it appeared. I was confused over everything right now. In recent days, Jiho had been my only source of happiness. But now I’ve found myself questioning us. Were those feelings real? Or were they just spurred by the idea of a childhood love? We had been progressing quite fast too, in my opinion.

After a few more minutes of pondering to myself, I heard a vehicle pull out by my driveway and I knew it had to be her. I heard her asking ‘could you wait here’ and a few footsteps afterwards before I finally heard a knock on my door. “Sehun-ah?”

Butterflies appeared in my stomach. I found myself nervous yet I didn’t even want to care about that now. I had other more important things on my mind. I got up slowly and walked over to the door lifelessly, turning the doorknob and leaving it to open itself. A worried Jiho appeared on the other side of the door. I looked past her and saw a cab driver waiting outside his vehicle, smoking.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Jiho fervently asked as she placed her arms around my neck, pulling me in for a hug. I returned it, trying to control myself. Do not let your tears fall, Oh Sehun.

Catching the taxi driver staring at us, I glared at him before slamming the door close. I kept an arm around her waist and my head against her neck. I could smell the familiar aroma of her shampoo. It took me back to when I embraced her back at her own house. I guessed she must have known now that I was feeling really bad, because she never said a word. She just started to rub her hand up and down my back and hugged me tighter.

“Any chance you could stay right here and never go away?” I murmured, my hot breath against her bare skin. I kept my eyes closed, scared that the tears would give me away. I didn’t know if I should tell her. To me, it felt like I would be giving her another burden if I told her what happened. I didn’t want to make her feel any worse what with what happened to her father. It would be selfish of me, right?

Pulling away from the hug, she cupped my face in her hands and smiled up at me. “If that’s what you want,” she assured me.

Right then, my stomach growled and she chuckled. “Have you eaten?” she asked. I shook my head lightly, not looking at her. I still couldn’t find it in me to smile. But she didn’t care, I knew she just wanted to try her best to make me happy. That’s the kind of person she was. She cared too much about others and too less about herself.

“What would you like to eat?” she asked, tossing her bag onto the couch before hopping into the kitchen.

As I trudged slowly towards the kitchen, I could hear her opening the fridge and muttering to herself. Halfway to the kitchen, my eyes popped wide open. I really shouldn’t have stared at the floor while walking. Maybe then I wouldn’t have noticed it. I squatted down and picked it up.

“Women are all like that, my son.”

I gulped as I recalled what my father had said to me last time. His helplessness at the time pained me. It seeing your father lose hope like that. It even more that now…

“Looks like you and Chanyeol had a good time,” I commented as I stared at the pictures of Jiho with him, both smiling like the happiest two idiots in the world.

I stood upright when I saw Jiho walking out of the kitchen. She had been initially joyous, until she caught sight of me. I had been expressionless, but now that she had seen the anger on my face, her bright eyes were replaced with timid ones. I knew she hadn’t a clue what was going on. I bet all that she was thinking of was why I was so angry over a few pictures. You’re just a typical girl, Park Jiho. But why do I still…

Without allowing myself to think about it any further, I stormed over to her and shoved the picture into her hands. She looked so confused and I don’t blame her for that, but I couldn’t help but curse at how oblivious she was to everything.

“I’m sorry that I ruined your day. It must’ve been so happy with Chanyeol, I shouldn’t have asked this of you,” I said calmly as I led her back to the living room and grabbed her bag, handing it over to her.

“Sehun…” she muttered, her voice shaking. I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her not to cry, but I forced myself not to. Who knows? Maybe she would be disappointed then that it wasn’t Chanyeol.

“You could never ruin my day, you know that, right?” was all she replied. She had started sobbing but was now calming herself down. I knew she wanted to throw a whole lot of questions at me, but seeing how seething with anger I was, she probably told herself it wasn’t a good idea to do so.

“They just use you when they’re lonely.” Dad, get out of my head.

Somehow, my father’s words kept replaying in my mind, although it had been a long time since I last heard it. I could feel tears forming in my eyes and I looked down and away from Jiho. Quietly, I muttered, “get out.”

“W-what?” she asked in disbelief. “I thought you wanted me to-”

“Yeah well I changed my mind!” I snapped at her, looking straight at her with wide eyes. I could feel the first tear trailing down my left cheek. I don’t think she knows how fast she could make me smile and how fast she could make that same smile disappear.

She didn’t move. “Go!” I yelled at her, pointing to the door.

Startled, she ran out of the house and into the cab. I watched her as she did so, and until she was out of sight. I slammed the door and my knees gave way. I grabbed at my hair with both hands and leaned against the door frame. I couldn’t control the tears anymore. They just started streaming down my face and I hated that I was crying.

I had already been preparing for this day… so why did it still feel like this? I was sure that Jiho would be the only one who would understand, and I still am sure of that, but why did it have to turn out like this? I couldn’t even tell if what we had was real and now that I think about it, it probably wasn’t. Maybe it was just a spur of the moment. But no matter how much I thought of it, I couldn’t get myself to believe it wasn’t real.

My phone buzzed again. I got it out and seeing that it was a text from my mum, I flung the phone across the room and I didn’t even bother that it shattered there. I didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore. I didn’t even bother getting up or going to sleep. I just stayed there motionless, staring into nothingness.

It was a long 8 hours before I finally got up to prepare myself. But no- not for school. I grabbed my luggage and stuffed as many clothes as I needed. All the while I couldn’t stop thinking about everything- my dad, my mum… Jiho, Chanyeol. I’m self-destructing and no one knows a thing. But I wasn’t surprised. The only thing I’m good at is destroying myself. I felt so empty yet so full of emotion, like the smallest thing could push me over the edge.

I was about to call a cab when I realised I had also destroyed my phone, making it useless. Annoyed, I stormed over to the house phone and dialled the number, asking the driver to come as fast as possible. It was just what I got. It hadn’t been five minutes since I called that the cab driver arrived. He helped me with my luggage and drove off to the airport. He kept glancing at me through the rearview mirror. I finally shot him an annoyed look and he looked away.

All the way that I was in the taxi, my thoughts about Jiho never left. All I could think of was how perfect it would be if I just had her support. I realised that it wasn’t her fault for not knowing. I had practically thrown her out of my house. I trashed my phone too, so who knew if she even bothered asking after me afterwards.

I could faintly remember her smile in the pictures. She looked really happy. And for some reason, it hurt me inside. But I didn’t know why. I sighed. I don’t want anyone else to have your heart, kiss your lips, be in your arms, be the one you love. I don’t want anyone taking my rightful place.

You can call it twisted, but I actually really believed we were meant for each other. All along, ever since we were kids. But as we grew up things got complicated. Even then, I didn’t give up on her, although now I realised most of the time, I was the one who sort of pushed her away. I could still recall the scared and disappointed expression on her face last night as I told her to get out. I sighed again. I’m sorry, Jiho. I’m the problem.

As I stepped out of the cab, I had decided on one thing: It’s time to make everybody realise that they’re better off without me.

A/N: I bet you're wondering what happened to Sehun... ;) I'll reveal it soon!