[150515]

 

^{you're seventeen when we first meet,}

^{headstrong, determined and pure.}

^{the air in the practice room is suffocating.}

^{your likes would never last long.}

^{soon enough you'd be beaten down and those eyes will begin to dull.}

^{I avoid your breathtaking smile.}

 

^{all I want, is to go back home.}

 

^{you're nineteen when we debut.}

^{proclaimed to the universe and vowed to the seas}

^{you want to be just like me at twenty two.}

^{all I want was for that smile to never waver.}

 

^{you're halfway there when hatred and jealousy boils.}

^{sick beings are always trying to hurt you.}

^{it's always because of me.}

^{your soul is difficult to find}

^{so pure and unsullied.}

 

^{I say sorry to you again and again}

^{(but never out loud.)}

 

^{and so I distance myself.}

^{the days drag on}

^{you're clearly confused and hurt}

^{I just don't want you to lose that smile.}

 

^{in the end you look me dead in the eye}

^{teeth clenched}

^{jaw taunt}

^{and say you don't give two s about these spiteful people.}

 

^{admirable. determined. headstrong.}

 

^{but why do you always read what they say about you then?}

 

^{(I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.)}

 

^{I leave for the first time.}

 

^{I realise at twenty one, rather belatedly that I don't want this life.}

^{the faster I go the better.}

^{when these feelings are still not solidified.}

 

^{your emotions reach an unchecked level.}

^{and so I come back.}

^{i cannot leave you now I reason}

^{when you're only nineteen.}

^{(but I think that if I left then maybe none of us would hurt as much as we do now.)}

 

^{and so I tell them it's because I want to wait}

^{til my popularity is enough}

^{they agree.}

 

^{you ignore me for days.}

^{I don't know what else to do, you knew I was never good at saying sorry.}

 

^{we’re alone in the van one day}

^{when you tell me how someone close to you just left with no trace.}

^{i don't reply.}

^{what am i supposed to say?}

 

^{you never ask me if this is the last time i'll ever leave.}

^{we probably always knew it wouldn't be.}

 

^{yet you forgive me.}

^{you never should have, i'd just hurt you even more.}

 

^{but I'm selfish and blinded by emotions}

^{so I cling onto you with overpowered ferocity in the safety of closed doors}

^{behind watchful eyes and cameras}

 

^{we were never meant for display.}

 

^{you're twenty and we explore each other}

^{I knew it was a bad idea the moment I couldn't stop.}

 

^{I love you}

^{(and yet I shouldn't)}

 

^{and so a year passes in disguised bliss.}

 

^{you're twenty one and they say it's time.}

^{but you're only twenty one}

 

^{no one cares.}

 

^{and so I leave a second time}

^{and so I leave a last time.}

 

^{betrayed and forgiven yet betrayed again}

^{now, perhaps never forgiven.}

 

^{for everything you say online are like daggers}

^{and I'm nothing more than a bleeding voodoo doll.}

 

^{half your thoughts, half managements.}

 

^{i don't blame you.}

^{i never told you.}

 

^{i toy with the idea of keeping in contact}

^{the last time I did I came running back.}

^{it's too late.}

 

^{it's all my fault.}

 

^{everything I've done. I knew it would come down to this.}

^{love is a spiteful thing isn't it?}

 

^{to do stupid and reckless things under its guise.}

 

^{it would have been better if we never knew each other in the first place.}

 

^{and yet}

^{and yet even so, i could never forget you.}

 

^{these memories are what keep me going,}

^{the same things that made me stay back,}

^{always for you.}

 

^{but it was never enough,}

^{in the end i am a single identity and you too are one.}

 

^{i'm sorry huang zitao}

 

^{maybe a different lifetime}

 

^{a different tomorrow.}

 

^{this love.}

 

^{your smile.}

^{I'm sorry.}

 

^{- wu yi fan}