He sat on the edge of the building, legs dangling. The cold wind blew against his face as he sat on the 40^th storey of the hospital. The pack of drip was on the cement floor, leaking and detached from its plastic tube. Feather-like snowflakes gently kissed his cheeks and melted. Here and there were squares of warm yellow light where perhaps families enjoyed hot cups of cocoa as they watched movies or gazed into the flickering flames of the fireplace.

Jongup always brought him out for hot chocolate whenever winter would come to Seoul, it was his favourite drink, he never liked coffee. He remembered laughing at one of Jongup’s lame jokes. Couples were out everywhere, holding hands, kissing each others red cheeks. Korea was still a conservative country, their relationship was forbidden but the band was okay with it, their parents too sans Daehyun’s. Daehyun’s mother kicked him out of the house when she found the both of them making out in his bedroom, calling Daehyun a disgrace to the family. He never cared anyways, his brothers would do her fine.

The wind tossed the snowflakes with more force against Daehyun’s face, but it didn't deter him. The playful, frisky wind turned into a snarling beast hurling tiny pellets of pain at Daehyun’s stinging cheeks. Daehyun turned his body against the direction of the wind, the thin hospital clothes gave no resistance to the roaring beast that was seeking to kill him with breaths of wind and ice.

He remembers the day when he passed out suddenly during their 7^th album’s recording. He was feeling fine that day, all hyper and annoying his younger members. He woke up to the Junhong’s soft cries with Youngjae comforting the younger. Yongguk and Himchan were nowhere to be seen. Jongup was holding his hand tightly, fast asleep on the chair beside him. Daehyun saw the small streaks of tears on his face and Jongup’s hand. Jongup woke to Daehyun’s touch, “You feeling better Dae?”

Daehyun nodded slightly as Himchan made his appearance in the room, “Oh you’re awake Daehyun. Daehyun sensed that there was something wrong with Himchan, “What’s wrong Himchan?” “I cannot do this Yongguk, you tell him.”

Yongguk looked at him for a moment before his eyes darted to the floor, “They diagnosed you with cancer. Chronic Lymphocytic Leukaemia, stage 3.”

Daehyun heard the door to the rooftop open, they found him. “I’m not going back down Jongup.”

The man looked at him with sad eyes and sat next to Daehyun, “Neither do I want to go back down.” Jongup took Daehyun’s scarred hands into his, rubbing the pale hand against his, “You told me you wouldn’t run away again.”

“I never promised I wouldn’t run away,” Daehyun took his hand away from Jongup’s touch. “I’m a burden to you Jongup, you shouldn’t always come and look for me to let me run away from that place again.”

Jongup did not flinch from his snapping, “But I don’t find you a burden Daehyun. You’re not a burden to any of us, not to Yongguk, Himchan, Junhong or Youngjae.”

Daehyun stood up and stared right at Jongup, tears falling freely from his eyes, “I am! Jongup, because of me, the team cannot continue promoting and performing, Yongguk and Himchan are always at the CEO’s room asking for more time, I see JunHong’s swollen eyes whenever he comes to visit with Youngjae. You can’t even spend time with me anymore, I’m always stuck in the room, with all the wires and machinery stuck inside of me. I’m a liability to this group Jongup, I have cancer and my wrists are marked, I can’t be with the group anymore.”

Jongup walked towards the crying man and pulled him into an embrace. He dried Daehyun’s tears with the swipe of his thumb, occasionally caressing the small bump under his eye. The elder’s hands held on to the younger’s shirt tightly as Jongup sighed, “You shouldn’t believe everything you see on the Internet Daehyun, you’re not a liability to us.”

It has been one and a half years since Daehyun was diagnosed with cancer and nine months since Daehyun was diagnosed with depression. The company did not let him participate in any of the schedules and B.A.P’s seventh album was put on hold until Daehyun’s health turned better. Daehyun did not like it, he wanted to continue singing and performing, his boyfriend was against it, worried for his health. Daehyun slowly grew depressed after being stuck in the hospital building after sometime, not being to be with Jongup every single moment.

Th conversation between the both of them would usually end with Daehyun crying and screaming about being a burden for Jongup and the rest of the team, sometimes threatening to kill himself. Jongup did not mind, Daehyun had a lot of bottled up sadness after being in the hospital for repeated treatments and not being able to see his loved ones.

“Don’t blame yourself Daehyun. Cancer is something we cannot control. It’s just like how fate brought us together in this conservative country. Things may seem bleak, grey maybe black to some of us and meaningless but you’ll pull through this, and I will be there to guide you along,” Jongup kissed the tears away from Daehyun’s eyes and his forehead. “Everything will be better, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but we’ll get there together. Yongguk, Himchan, Youngjae and Junhong will be there for you together.”