He stood behind her silently, just watching, waiting. He wasn’t able to touch her, nor smell her sweet scent that he always admired. He wasn’t able to wrap his translucent arms around her and tell her that he couldn’t leave her. He wasn’t able to wipe away her never ending tears. She stood with her back facing him, unable to feel his presence. She wasn’t able to see him, or hear him, or speak to him. She didn’t know. 

She leaned against the window sill of the living room, looking out at the lifeless trees and grass. The windows taunted her. She wanted to see that same figure that she’d seen outside of the same window. She wanted to see him. She wanted to feel him. She crossed her arms across her chest and sighed, casting her gaze downwards. 

He watched her with dread apparent on his pale face. She pushed herself away from the window sill and walked towards the winding staircase. He followed closely behind her, just inches away from  her back. As she walked up the staircase, the steps creaked under her weight, while his footsteps weren’t even heard. Her oversized sweater began to slide off of one shoulder. The sleeves covered her shaking, pale hands. Once she reached the top of the stairs, she turned to her left and stood in front of an abandoned room. 

The door had been locked ever since she became alone. Now, she felt that it was time to open it up and empty it out. She had to come to terms with the fact that her beloved would never come back. She took a deep breath and the key out of the pocket of her sweater. She placed the key inside of the lock and twisted it until she heard a click, signaling that it was now open. She reluctantly pushed the door open and stepped inside. 

He watched from the doorway as she went through his belongings. His clothes lay dusty in a cardboard box with his name on it. “Myungsoo,” she whispered softly. 

Myungsoo looked towards her, hopeful that she had possibly seen him, or sensed his presence. Sadly, she was talking to thin air. “How long has it been? Two years?” He nodded his head even though he knew that she was not able to see. She sat down on the ground, holding her head between her knees and crying soft sobs. Her tears were like waterfalls, continuous and without limit. He strode over to her side and sat down beside her, attempting to pat her back. He knew that he wasn’t able to comfort her, not while he was stuck between two planes. 

Frustrated, he hung his head and cried invisible tears. He wanted her in his arms so much and he just wasn’t able to take it anymore. He held his head between his hands and continued to cry along with her, all the while, whispering, “I’m here. I’m right here. Why can’t you see me?”

Even though two years was enough time for closure to get over someone, she was unable to let him go. She was unable to cope with the idea that he was gone forever. 

“I miss you.” she whispered. Myungsoo looked up and stared at her pained face. He wanted to reach out and smooth the worry lines on her forehead. He wanted to pull her lips and make her smile. He wanted to wipe away her tears. He yearned to touch her, to feel her, to be with her. 

He was irritated, aggravated, frustrated, angered. He stood up and pace around the room, attempting to scatter his valuables across the room to get her attention. He threw fits of rage as her tears continued to fall. He tried to punch in the portrait of them, knowing that it was glass and would make a sufficient amount of noise. When he felt his fist connect with the surface of the portrait and go through the glass, he pulled back immediately, surprised by the impact. 

He hadn’t felt anything in two years. He hadn’t been able to get her attention for two years. Now, at the time where she needs him most, he was able to get her attention. 

When she heard the glass shattering and the shards falling to the ground, she abruptly turned her head in the direction of the portrait that hung of her and Myungsoo. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped once she saw the damage. Her eyes, already moist, gained even more moisture. She instantaneously stood up and rushed over to the window, making sure that no one had thrown in a rock of some sort. The windows were untouched and unharmed. She looked back over to the portrait and covered . Her eyes were red, bloodshot. She had been crying for two years now and her eyes had been red for a while. She walked over to the shards. 

He watched as she knelt and began to pick up the pieces, still crying. Before she continued picking up the pieces, she stood up and looked around the room with a hopeful expression on her face. As soon as her hopeful expression appeared, it disappeared even quicker. No matter how much she was grieving, there was no excuse for her to think illogically. She kneeled again and continued picking up shards of glass. 

He watched her dainty hands pick up sharp edged shards. He wanted to tell her not to worry herself over it. He wanted to say that he was sorry. Not only was he sorry for breaking the glass, he was also sorry for leaving her to live a life of sorrow and regret. He kneeled next to her and made an effort to pick up the pieces. He also tried to move her long, brown hair out of her face. As he was trying, she tucked her hair behind her ear. He smiled briefly and placed his hand near her face, wanting to caress it lovingly. 

She shivered when she felt a cool breeze caress her face. She looked back at the windows, wondering why it had gotten so cold. 

It had been cold ever since he left. 

No matter how many layers she wore, she wasn’t able to feel any warmth inside of the empty house. There was no positive feeling remaining in the house. There were only those feelings of abandonment she had felt. She finished picking up the bigger shards and walked out of the room to throw the pieces away. He followed her, as he had been doing for the last two years of his afterlife. As he walked behind her, he whispered over and over again, “I miss you. I need you. Acknowledge me.” She stopped in her tracks for a brief second, feeling that she had heard something out of the ordinary. She could have passed it off as the wind, but the wind wasn’t that strong outside. 

She glanced behind herself briefly. Once she saw that no one was there, she turned back around and continued on to the kitchen. His face contorted into one of infinite sorrow, unending pain, immense regret. He continued to follow her into what was once their kitchen, still dejected. She threw the shards away in the trash can beside the center counter. She sighed heavily and then leaned against it. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and slowly breathed in and out. 

Myungsoo hovered over her, placing both of his hands on the counter behind her on either side of her. His face was just centimeters away from hers. As he hovered there, he continued to talk to her as if she had acknowledged his presence. “I miss holding you. Please, please just say my name. Please, let me hold you.” Invisible tears ran down his cheeks. She looked up for a brief second, and in that brief second, unknowingly, their eyes met. She was oblivious to the connection, but Myungsoo noticed it. He smiled slightly, feeling that they really looked into each other’s eyes for a brief moment. Even if it were a brief moment, it meant the world to him. 

He reached up with one hand and caressed her cheek again. She touched her cheek, feeling a slight, cool breeze graze her skin. Once again, she glanced around at all of the unopened windows and doors in the kitchen. 

She sighed and cast her gaze downwards, towards the ground. 

Myungsoo stepped back and said to himself, “I can’t keep holding on to you. I have to let you go.” He hesitantly turned around and disappeared through the glass of one of the kitchen windows. He stood outside in the sun, unbothered by the chill. He wasn’t able to feel it. 

Shortly after going outside, she came out at well. She stood in the backyard of the house for a short moment before proceeding to the road in front of the house. She walked along the sidewalk, going nowhere in particular. Myungsoo found himself following her. He had an obsession, a need to be with her at all times of the day. She walked with no emotion in her eyes. Her face was devoid of color, her lips dry and trembling. 

Myungsoo walked several steps behind her, still able to see her even with people constantly passing in front of him. It was as if his eyes were only able to watch her. They reached a busy street and she stood at a bus stop. She stood there silently and watched the cars and busses pass by. Myungsoo stood on the side and watched her face for any signs of change. She had to be able to let him go for him to let her go. 

Myungsoo looked away for the shortest of seconds to glance at a passing group of children. He smiled at their youth and then looked back to her. When he cast his gaze on the very spot where she was once standing, he noticed that the spot was empty. He looked around the bus stop, not able to locate her anywhere. As he was looking, he heard screeches of tires on asphalt. His eyes suddenly widened. If his heart could still beat, it would have stopped in that moment. He hesitantly turned around to face the road where an accident had just been caused. His eyes spotted a lifeless figure laying on the dark asphalt, her hair spread out on the ground as if it were a splotch of black paint. Ghostly tears formed in his eyes and he fell to his knees once he realized what had just happened. 

His face was contorted into one of pure pain and torture. His fists pounded against the ground as his screams shattered the approaching night. His transparent tears fell down his cheeks, grazed his chin, and dropped onto the concrete. Where there should have been some type of watermark, there was nothing. 

He looked back at the figure in the middle of the road. Her blood was flooding the streets. In his eyes, the red liquid seemed as dangerous as poison. The blood reached the drainage on the side of the road and he could hear it as it hit the water underground, making splashing sounds. 

He continued to cry. Even though he was unable to feel any pain, at that moment, he felt as if he were suffocating, choking on clean air. 

He clenched at the fabric in front of his chest, finding it almost comforting. As he cried, he felt a soft touch on his shoulder. He reluctantly glanced upward to be greeted by a smiling face. The smiling face got closer to his and she whispered, “I’ve missed you.” 

Myungsoo, unable to believe what he was seeing, stood up abruptly and wiped away his tears. It was her. Her body that was currently lying lifeless on the road stood right in front of him, upright and healthy. 

He wanted to be elated, but that emotion escaped him. What replaced that emotion was fury. He was angry at her for committing suicide. He was angry at her for sacrificing herself to death. At the same time, he wanted to hold her again. He reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace, his tears becoming ecstatic. She joined him and cried as well. Both stood together on the sidewalk, rejoicing for their reunion. 

As they rejoiced, Myungsoo noticed his hands losing shape. They were turning to dust right before his very own eyes. He pulled away from her and noticed his entire form slowly disintegrating, turning into thin air. She looked on with horrified eyes. “What’s happening?” she asked. 

Myungsoo simply smiled and replied, “You’re not alive to hold me back any longer.” He continued to smile at her while he disappeared. 

She cried tears of sorrow. “Don’t leave me.” she sobbed. She covered and continued to cry. Myungsoo waved with tears in his eyes and disappeared without a single trace left. 

She closed her eyes, hoping that he would appear in front of her when she opened them, but he didn’t. Instead, she found herself back at the house where their memories were held. The house was empty and cold. Everything seemed to be covered in dust. She fell to the ground and continuously glanced around her, expecting something, or someone, to appear before her. 

Nothing and no one did. 

She found herself alone, unable to reach her paradise.