THIS
[Sequel to 'The Biggest Idiot']
(TaengSic)

Jessica stares at the photo on her desk. The smiles on those faces kill her a million times over every single day. Still, she doesn’t get sick of looking at it. She will never get sick of looking at it. That happiness was hers to keep. Exactly, was.

She regrets it, but her world is stuck in a standstill. She can’t move on. She doesn’t want to. But, regrets are what they are – regretful. It had been a casual meetup among former classmates. It had been a casual dare that she had accepted from her classmates to kiss her first crush, Tiffany. She had a little too much to drink that night, and she ended up waking up beside Tiffany the next morning. Tiffany had made fun of her several times, and Jessica had tried, every single time, to brush it off but in the end, she always found herself waking up to Tiffany’s face on her own bed with a less than a brief memory of whatever happened the previous night. The guilt was eating her up alive bit by bit, and so she decided to gradually stop meeting Tiffany. However, she was too late. She was too wrong.

Taeyeon never deserved this. Any of this.

Jessica heaves a sigh. She barely manages to look away for a second when her phone vibrates. Mindlessly turning to look at the screen, she ends up staring wide-eyed at that name she thought she might never get a chance to see again – ‘Taeyeon :)’.

I must be hallucinating, she tells herself. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and then opens them again. It really is Taeyeon. Jessica almost fumbles to pick up the phone.

“Hello? Taeyeon?” she may be sounding overly anxious over a phone call, but she doesn’t care, can’t care right now.

“Jes…sica!” Taeyeon almost shouts back into the receiver.

Jessica slightly frowns. “Tae—”

“I—hic—have a…” The hiccups and giggles in between only tell Jessica what Taeyeon may be doing. “…question for—hic—you…”

“Where are you…?” Jessica is straightforward. She doesn’t see a reason not to be.

“Vodka…or whiskey? I can’t—hic—tell the difference…”

“Where are you now Taeyeon? Are you alone?”

Taeyeon stays silent for a while, and then she suddenly screams into the phone, “Of course I’m alone! Did you expect—hic—me to be with anyone on this—hic—this day?!”

This day, it would be their fourth anniversary if Jessica hadn’t screwed it up, and in five days, it could have been their fifth Valentine’s Day together. “Taeyeon where are you…?”

A small laugh reaches Jessica’s ears and it only deepens the frown on her face. “My favourite—hic—or your favourite… No wait, yes, our fav—hic—favourite place...”

Jessica doesn’t wait a moment longer before she stands up and rushes to her wardrobe to change into a simple t-shirt and jeans. She almost forgets that Taeyeon is still on the line. “Hey? Are you still there?” she asked anxiously.

“I think I may want a—hic—vodka…”

Jessica lets out a soft sigh, and then she grabs her coat and takes quick steps to her car. In her car, she taps on the ‘speaker’ button before she throws the phone on the passenger seat. “Taeyeon, stay on the line with me okay?” she asks as she steps hard on the accelerator.

“Nev—hic—never hanging up!” Jessica furrows her eyebrow when she hears Taeyeon laughing. She needs to get to Taeyeon, fast.

Jessica finally reaches their favourite place – the bar where she first had a date with Taeyeon. She parks and grabs her phone before rushing into the bar.

“Taeyeon where are you?”

“I already told you I’m—hic—at Horizon…”

Taeyeon’s answer doesn’t help and Jessica scans the bar worriedly. At last, she catches sight of the girl at the counter. She hangs up without saying goodbye, and then she slowly makes her way towards Taeyeon.

When Taeyeon is within reach, Jessica finds herself hesitating. She doesn’t know if she should do this. Maybe I should call her brother? she fights with her thoughts. In the end, she gently lands a hand on Taeyeon’s shoulder. Taeyeon jumps a little from the sudden contact and then she shoves Jessica’s hand away fiercely before even checking out whose hand does it belong to. Jessica flinches and takes a step back in reflex, bringing up both her arms in defense. Taeyeon’s eyes finally meet Jessica’s, and her gaze suddenly softens.

“You’re here,” she says with a smile, but Jessica isn’t sure if she is even sober enough to have the slightest idea of what is happening around her.

“Mmm,” Jessica replies, her eyes showing every bit of sadness and regret.

“You’re…really here,” Taeyeon repeats.

Jessica bites back a cry as she tries to hold her tears in. “I’m sorry I’m late...” she says instead.

“My favourite Kim Taeyeon I’m so sorry that I’m late! Kinda got caught up in that stupid meeting. I rushed here like immediately after it ended. I’m sorry. I hope you aren’t mad at me… You…aren’t mad at me right?”

“Better late than never. I missed you so much. Come give me a hug!”

“Better late—hic—than never!” Taeyeon giggles, and Jessica only finds tears welling up in her own eyes.

A sad smile shows up on Jessica’s face, and then she gently holds Taeyeon’s wrist. “Let me take you home.”

“We’re going home?” Taeyeon asks with a silly grin plastered on her face.

We are going home. That sentence rings in Jessica’s head and she is rendered speechless for a while as she swallows her tears. She nods in the end. Taeyeon’s grin only grows wider, and it cuts deeper into Jessica’s heart.

Taeyeon falls asleep almost within a minute after settling comfortably into Jessica’s car, and Jessica wastes no time driving away into the night.

They reach Taeyeon’s house in no time, but Jessica doesn’t wake Taeyeon up. Instead, she switches off the engine and turns to look at the girl in the passenger seat. Taeyeon has become visibly thinner. Jessica can’t find that radiance on that face any more. She feels that sour feeling at her nose once again. She then glances at the small compartment of the car where a bunch of keys sit. Taking a deep breath, she retrieves the keys and then she takes the f