FINAL
The Worst Wish
t h e w o r s t w i s h .
I find it utterly facetious how all the stars shine so brightly in this enormous distance.
Facetious how they shine although they probably don’t exist anymore.
And still, with the knowledge of impossibility, humans wish for equally impossible things, like winning on the lottery or bringing back a dead relative. Or they wish for love. I’m not sure what’s more doubtful; to wish for a desired occurrence to happen or to wish for a bygone occurrence to not have happened.
Either changing the past or changing the future - What’s more advantageous?
Falling stars lighten up your hope, but they won’t change anything. You alone have to be your falling star. But it’s not about tomorrow and yesterday - you have to fall into today.
And this the story of how I figured it out.
On a fresh Monday last year when I was working on a geography assignment on the floor of my room, I was too tired to work productively, but too alert to actually fall asleep, so I decided to get some multifarious and odorous Autumn air by leaning out of the window.
The temperature was cool, but not in a way that’d make you shiver. Instead of a comprehensive landscape of the crowded city center, I could only saw an ordinary glass panel, its white-wooden frame and a large sill that looked like it was in danger of collapsing in a fraction of a second. The neighbor’s house had been built so close, that I could easily reach their window with my hand. But the curtains were always closed. That’s why it was mysterious to look at. And uncomfortable, because it felt forbidden.
Something was different on that day.
On the right edge was a tiny flower with white blossoms in a pot, scattering a jolly aura. “How did you get here?“ I asked the plant.
„Mother Nature.“ It answered. Surprised, I jumped back, shaking my head wildly. I wondered if I had finally lost my senses, or if talking to plants was maybe even my additional sense. The special sixth sense. But that was too supernatural to believe.
As I opened my eyes (from which I didn’t knew that I had closed them in the first place) I tried to focus for near and I grasped a brilliant image of an unfamiliar face - the face of a girl standing behind the window. The scary curtains were pulled to the side.
I didn’t need too long to realize that she was the true definition of an uncommon, but pure beauty, at least in my imagination. She had a chubby baby-face with soft contours, stomach-long and wavy hair, very full eyebrows, unlike the most girls I knew, relatively big eyes, an upturned nose and chapped lips with a distinct amor bow. While stepping closer, I noticed a scar on her chin and the fact that she wore no make-up at all.
“If you don’t mind my asking, did you seriously think the flower spoke to you?“ Her voice was charming, though she sounded a bit rude to begin with.
„No, I just haven’t seen you opening the window. I was too engrossed in the question how this daisy grew here.“ I chuckled, sitting down on the sill.
„This isn’t a daisy.“
„Oops-a-daisy!“ I tried to sound funny, but as she rolled her eyes, I mentally slapped myself for this pun.
„It’s called Calendula officinalis. It’s my favorite one. I hope you don’t mind staring at flowers from now on.“ She said calmly and put a strand of hair behind her ear. Her hair color was the same as mine, coffee-brown, but with honey-dipped highlights. It looked smooth.
“Are you interested in flowersophy or are you just extremely smart?“
“The word flowersophy doesn’t really exist,“ She laughed prettily, “But I guess, yeah, I like flowers. And I’m quite clever, too, if I may say so.“
„You may,“ Then, a natural query came to my mind, “Why are you here?“
“My brother and I have moved in today. There was a moving van in front of the door since weeks. And many boxes. Didn’t you hear the noise and everything?“ She made a contempt face, as if she’d think of me as an odd person.
“I don’t go out, usually. To be honest, I didn’t even know that this house was unoccupied.“
“What do you do the whole day?!“
“Studying. Learning new things. Sometimes for school, sometimes for my own purpose.“ I sighed. I don’t want to lie - it was indeed boring from time to time, but I liked routine and above all, I liked my room.
“What a thrilling life.“ She snapped and sat down on her sill, copying me. She took the flower pot to her lap and caressed it like a little pet.
“Opinions.“ But I didn’t want to end the chat, so I continued with a self-evident and axiomatic question, “So what’s your name?“
“Han Heesung. And yours?“ Han - Leader. Hee - Delight. Sung - Sincerity. I had memorized Korean name syllables and their meanings, because it would betimes predict the actual personality. It’s not reliable, of course.
“I’m Nam Woohyun.“ Just an average boy.
“Oh,“ She narrowed her eyes, “That’s you?“
„What? Have you heard of me?“ I felt insecure, although I had never done something to be ashamed of. I don’t stand out.
“Practically everyone in my clique swoons over you.“ Once again there was this wisp of crudity in her voice that I didn’t like. That’s why I completely avoided the statement.
“You are in my school?“ I asked, perusing the folders in my brain. I couldn’t find her file; I hadn’t seen her before. Eventually I shrugged, because the realm of remembering every face in a high school with approximately five thousand students is pretty parochial.
“First, it’s not your school. Second, yes, I am. Since the beginning.“ She scoffed, making me feel very dispensable.
“Sorry,“ My mouth decided to apologize, not myself obviously, “I’ve never seen you.“
“By that you mean that the great Woohyun doesn’t look at normal students, huh? Well, Your Highness, I’ve never noticed you either.“ She giggled while standing up and attempting to close the window. I frowned. What in the world made her think that I was arrogant? What in the world made her speak to me like that?
“I mean, I don’t look at students at all. But not because I think they’re not good enough or something, no, because I-“ think I’m not good enough, “am not interested. Moreover, you’re everything but normal.“ I needed to justify myself. Just because. For all the boys out there who keep to themselves, not because they are self-centered, but because they are introverts - I believed in that reason.
“Not normal? Like, I’m some insane psycho? Oh, thanks.“ And suddenly, she slammed her window shut and drew the curtains. Oppressive grey again.
I had called her abnormal, because she was worthwhile and stunning. Not because I thought she was crazy.
On the next day it rained sunbeams. The morning was mild. Towards lunch time I saw her again in the study hall, playing paper football with some boys. Strangely enough, I had the sudden urge to greet her. “Heesung, hi.“ I waved shyly.
„You again?“ She said. And in two shakes of a lamb’s tail I felt puny again. I really didn’t know why she was angry.
“I just wanted to, well, see you.“ I scanned the table. She was together with three boys. One had weird orange hair and too much eyeliner for a boy, the other one slept - that’s why couldn’t recognize him at all. Both seemed unknown. However, the third boy was familiar. “Jimin? You here?“
“Oh, Woohyun.“ Jimin blinked awkwardly. For informational purposes only: we had been acquainted in the past. We hadn’t had a deep friendship, but a friendly classmate-relationship - until he had told me that he liked me more. From sheer fear of the difference and the insensibility of an ignorant teenager, I had started to avoid him ever since. Come to think about it, it was an ugly way to say 'No, I'm not like this'. But I was young and dumb and did what other’s would do.
The boy in the middle rose his head and analyzed the situation. Then, he wrapped his fingers around Jimin’s small hand protectively and whispered something.
“Get lost, Woohyun.“ Heesung commanded.
“What, why? Is this the clique that swoons over me?“ I shouldn’t have made this joke. That one went too far.
“It’s not my clique and no one swoons over you. I only said it because I needed something to say. Didn’t want to be direct.“
“You lied?“
“Listen. Jimin is - he cried, like, two months, because you bastard turned him down. Do you think I would be a) honest and b) nice to you?“
“I’m sorry. I admit that I was too harsh back then. I couldn’t manage alone,“ I explained while sitting down - The other boy (with the orange hair) didn’t care about us, he made his homework or so, “It all happened so long ago and it was infatile. I’m sorry, Jimin. At least I see you’re in safe keeping now.“
“It’s okay. I mean, if you had not rejected me, I wouldn’t have met Yoongi. It’s really okay now.“ And I saw that it was okay. What a relief. Heesung seemed to be calm, too. “Don’t be so insolent with him, sister. There’s an excellent guy behind this idiot.“ Jimin added, stood up and dragged Yoongi away out of my sight.
“You’re siblings?“ I ignored the aspect that everyone called me stupid. Perhaps because the insult itself was stupid. I was one of the top students.
“Yeah.“
“But, wait - isn’t his name Park and yours is Han?“
“No , Sherlock.“ She answered, but then she remembered what Jimin had told her seconds ago. “I meant, yes. He chose our father’s name and I wanted mother’s name.“
“You don’t live with your parents? Just with your brother?“
“It’s a long story.“
“Cut it, then.“ I demanded, a little too pushy.
“Excuse me, isn’t that a private matter?“ The weird boy barged in, “That’s none of your business.“
“And who are you?“
“I’m Heesung’s bodyguard, comment box, coffee-bringer, superhero, malicious gossip, cuticle remover and fashion adviser. Simply put, her one and only lifesaver, the greatest love of her life. Kim Taehyung alias V.“ Um, well. That was a subtle manner to praise oneself.
“Come off your high horse, man.“ She punched him and turned to me, rolling her eyes, “Don’t mind him. He’s just my friend.“
“Ahem!“ Taehyung coughed.
“Best friend.“ She rolled her eyes again.
“Thank you. And now, forgive my curiosity, but who the hell are you?“ He looked at me.
“I’m Woohyun,“ I smiled, “Her neighbor. Not more, don’t worry.“
I saw a little pout on Heesung’s lips.
The sky turned royal blue in the evening.
“Heesung, are you in your room?“ I shouted at bedtime. Just because.
“Yes, I’m unpacking.“ She shouted back, surprisingly.
“Can I help you?“
“No, I’m finished now.“ The window swung open, causing me to cough. She didn’t hang off the old curtains. I wondered how old they were. “What do you want?“
“Nothing specific. I’m bored.“
“Am I some kind of entertaining for bored teenage boys? Do I have that appeal?“ She frowned.
“Never mind.“ Frustrated, I was about to go back into my room when she stopped me, “Woohyun, I’m sorry. Why do I always end up being rude to you?“
I shrugged my shoulders.
“Alright then,“ She said, “I owe you one personal question. Ask me anything.“
“Why do you live alone with your brother?“ I wanted to know curiously.
“I don’t want to talk about it.“
“Why?“
“No one except Jimin knows about it. Not even Taehyung.“
“Then it’s your duty to talk about it. Sometimes, being still and keeping your sorrows to yourself is the cruelest choice. It won’t do any good.“
“It’s not easy.“ She was concerned.
“We have a lot time. And I’ll be here to listen to you. I’ll be here for you.“
“This house is paid by my mother.“ She struggled for words, “I have some part-time jobs to help her as effectively as I’m able to. Uh, I don’t know where she is. Maybe she isn’t in Korea. I don’t know, she - she escaped with us. We would hop from apartment to apartment, sometimes nice ones, sometimes not so nice ones. And weeks ago she signed a lease for this house, because it’s near to Grandma’s. She lives two streets away. And we moved in and she just - she said that Jimin and me, we would be safe here without her. And she told me to watch after Jimin. She’d have to leave us behind and we’d have to learn to live alone and grow up. Being together was too risky for her and for my brother and me. She was sorry and she said she’s always around. In my heart. That’s what she meant.“ Her eyes had became glazed.
“Escaped from who? Save from what?“ I asked quietly, because she looked so fragile that I didn’t want my words to destroy her.
“From“ She paused for some seconds, wondering if she should tell me, “my dad.“
“Was he abusive?“ I asked gently. She looked broken.
“No, no it was not that bad. I don’t know if he hit my mother, though. But he was an alcoholic. He couldn’t stop drinking what caused him to be a criminal. He stole, because he had no money, because he had been fired. And he damaged cars and so on. I don’t want to list all the things he did.“
“You don’t have to. As long as you’re both okay. Jimin and you. Are you, you know, scared of your father?“
“Not at all. I mean, he’s my father after all. He never tried to harm me in any way. I remember sunny and sober days. He loved me back then, and I think, he still does. Somewhere behind the huge sum of per mille he loves us, I guess. Is that immature to claim?“
I laughed to comfort her, “No. It would be immature to not claim that. Of course he loves you. And one day in the future he will realize that. I’m certain of that.“ I wasn’t that certain, but one of us had to be brave enough to be optimistic. At any rate, there was, in fact, the chance that her father would check into rehab when he gets older and ill. I assumed that her situation would better eventually.
“I appreciate your words.“ Finally, she smiled back, “And I’m sorry that I was so impolite to you.“
“It will get better, believe me. And until that’s the case I’d volunteer to be by your side whenever you need me.“ I stretched out my hand for her to shake it. She examined it.
“Thank you. Really, I’m thankful. I- I don’t know what to say. You’re making me speechless and that’s awful.“ Her right hand covered her snicker and her left wandered to mine.
“Awful in a good way?“
“Definitely.“
And we shook hands old-fashionedly, (in the abstract in satisfaction for our first encounter) and I swear I felt an exciting briskness in my palm when I touched hers.
The colorful leaves were quickly burned and expired by frozen oxygen particles. The ground glowed white and cold instead of tumultuous and warm. It was the prudent time to wear too long and suffocating scarves and tawdry wool hats.
I fell for Heesung every day a little bit more. I think our presence emitted sparks as I had had to carry her to the nursery room, because Taehyung had done cinnamon into her coffee - she is allergic to cinnamon - and she had fainted. Fortunately the occurrence was beneath notice. After ten minutes she was on her feet again, being an usual live wire.
She in my arms; her tame sleeping face that framed her curved lashes magically - that feeling made my heart pulsate like mad for the first time. And then, my heart did that more often.
Speaking of devilish habits, Taehyung hated me. He always tried to push me away, because he noticed that I began to look at her differently than before. Perhaps he was jealous - not because he liked her too, no, because hitherto, he was the only male in her life and recently I stole her. She’d go home with me instead of him. She’d talk to me during breaks. She’d ask me for help.
Obviously, she used to get on his nerves with her sassy but cute personality in the past and Taehyung missed exactly that. He missed her.
Against my will, I decided to remove myself for a while to give him his best friend back. To give them them back.
Well, I didn’t know that it hurt her.
On a stormy Thursday somewhen in the middle of January, I scraped snow in front of the garage. My thoughts vanished into stardust as she approached me from a distance. I waved. She didn’t acknowledge.
“Nam Woohyun.“ Her bushy eyebrows formed a straight line. The corners of pointed downwards.
“Han Heesung.“ I smiled.
“Have I done something wrong?“
“No, why?“ I knew why she asked and I knew what I should’ve answered, but as I saw her in front of me, looking down and up, there was only one charge in my head. Only one thing to do, only one thing to say.
“You’ve been avoiding me.“ Her strong glimpse hit mine squarely.
It snowed and it made her look beautiful - the glitter of the snowflakes that were caught in her hair, transforming into drops. And even on her lashes was a tiny snowscape. I realized that I had never analyzed her eye color. I had never known that it was fawn with some golden blots. Now the bleakness poured out and it was reflected in her pupil- it looked like a starry sky. Her eyes were so precious.
I stared in her eyes for ages, because she asked, “Is there anything on my face?“
“No - I just thought, I needed a hiatus from you, because I was afraid to incinerate. One does not simply stand close to a star for a long time.“ I chuckled, because her visage made me do it, “You’re my star.“
“That’s a lame excuse for ignoring me.“ Her tone of voice showed the absence of rigidity and discomfort. She wasn’t mad anymore.
“Alright then. Shall I be honest? But let it be a warning! The truth is sort of tough. Maybe you can’t deal with it.“ The connection between my brain and my mouth was capped.
“Tell me. I can deal with it.“
“Don’t say nobody warned you! Alright.“ I cleared my throat, “I like you. Intrinsically I should use a pick-up line that contains stars and such, but that appears too disturbing to me right now since I’ve already called you my star and that’s already pretty cheesy and it would make onlookers cringe - the long and the short of it, would you like to date me?“ Where did the self-confidence come from?
She showed me her teeth, “I’d love to. Thought you would never ask me out.“ It didn’t take a lot for me to lose my temper. I closed up to wrap my arms around her body and get lost in our first embrace, supported by the breathtaking surroundings and the ambrosial scents.
Since then we would sit together on one sill in the evenings, on hers or mine, and we’d talk about flowers or stars or star-shaped flowers for hours until we sometimes even fell asleep together, in each other’s arms.
It continued like this. Our window sills were like a bridge to an imaginative world. Our world.
One night forced that bridge to crumble.
“Woohyun, I have to tell you something.“ Heesung whispered with a gloomy expression. We were sitting together on her sill, as she carried the flower pot with the withered marigold away.
“What’s wrong?“ I didn’t like the tension.
“I - tomorrow, I will travel to New York for quite a long time. I’m going to study medicine to become a doctor. I have to. Money doesn’t grow on trees and I don’t want to bother my mom anymore. And Jimin, well, he needs me, but he has to grow up too. Woohyun, I know that we wanted to date, but I think I have to pre-breakup with you. I’m sorry. I hope you can apprehend my state and my decision.“ Silence.
“You can’t go. Not now.“ I got teary-eyed. I wanted to scream No. I couldn’t.
“Please, Woohyun. Don’t make it hard on me.“ She rose. The stars in her eyes were gone. I saw a devoid universe.
“Why haven’t you told me earlier?“
“No reproaches, please. I apologize for leaving you before arriving.“ She climbed into her room and cracked an unseeable smile, “Goodbye."
I reached out for her wrist and I touched her soft skin with my vibrating fingertips. I hold her hand for a (too) short while, but I let go. I let her go.
And as I saw the invidious fabrics, I felt my stomach growling. I should have been triste, but I was angry. Angry that time was such a vile penalty. Why would she leave now? Now, where she had turned me three-sixty? It was unfair. And that made me well and truly upset. I jumped on my bed and punched my pillow, tried not to scream. My room blackened and I whitened. It felt wrong.
My head boiled, but I remembered one thing: the meteor shower. With all of my remaining energy I croaked, “I wish I’d have never met you, Heesung.“ Because this option seemed so administrable. As if it would rewind the time to the point where I had had an inexhaustible and peaceful course of the day.
With that thought of improvement I fell asleep.
And I woke up too late. I refreshed myself and stepped to her house promptly, ringing the doorbell with lightning-velocity.
“Uh, can I help you?“ She asked, frowning.
“When are you going to leave?“
“Sorry?“
“Heesung… Don’t go away.“
“Do I, uh, know you by chance?“ Timidly, she glimpsed at my features.
“I’m Woohyun?“ I tried to laugh, but her face was too serious. I perceived the situation, but I couldn’t attach credence to an actual alteration. Such incidents only happen in books or movies! It couldn’t be!
“Sorry“ She pushed herself backward, “Are you a salesman or something? Or do you collect donations?“
“I’m your neighbor and your boyfr-“
“Uh, excuse me, I have to go now. I’m sorry that I’ve never seen you. Perhaps my brother Jimin knows you? Howsoever, I need to go or else I’ll miss the plane. Sorry.“
“Heesung, why do you act like this?“ I was so desperate that I grabbed her hand again and I wanted to embrace her so badly, but she glowered at me and snorted, murmuring “Men nowadays.“
I let her go. Again. Because it pained me so much. How was this possible? My wish came true. But I didn’t want it to come true, I realized. I wanted her to think of me.
Her figure became smaller and darker. Until she faded into the white landscape.
The snow wasn’t pure anymore.
Defenselessly, I sat down on the porch stair. The hall in my head was absolutely empty. Why had she left like that? Why couldn’t we part in good terms? It had to be a dream!
But in dreams you can’t sense pain.
“Dude. Why are you still here?“ I spun around and spotted Taehyung leaning on the door. “You should run after her, dramatically! You can’t just sit here and drown in your own tears. Don’t be such a wimp, man. She probably expects you to follow her.“
“But she doesn’t know me.“
“Well, whatever the case may be, you can forget a person, but you can’t forget the emotions you have for that person, I guess. I find it difficult to admit, because I don’t like you, but she likes you. And if she likes you, I have to cope with your relationship. That’s what best friends do, right? Nevertheless, I command you to go now. Don’t mess up.“ The male laid his hand on my shoulder. He trusted me which made me calm.
He was right. I couldn’t stay there forever.
The fuzziness in my heart flamed ambitiously.
I ran. And I was angry at myself that I couldn’t run faster. Maybe doing sports isn’t that bad after all.
Time was too fast and movements were too slow. The people on the sidewalk, the red traffic lights and the slushy snow stole my strength. I cursed. I’ve never understood why people use bad words, because I found it unnecessary. However, in this moment, where every nanometer of stoppage was like toxic to me, I knew why you curse: to express feelings you can’t fathom in a bundled sentence based on about 300,000 available words.
Fortunately, the airport wasn’t far away.
Unfortunately, she was already far away.
The destination board revealed her departure. Only two minutes ago. I almost made it. Almost. What if I were athletic? What would have happened, if my legs were stronger? I blamed myself for absurd mistakes. I shouldn’t have let go of her hand. No - I shouldn’t have wished such an idiotic thing in the first place. That wish destroyed everything.
That wish was the worst wish ever.
Two weeks passed and I thought too much. One evening, I gazed at the grey curtains and how much more emptier they were and I thought about my future; she had left to study medicine, so why shouldn’t I leave to study, too? Mom wanted me out of the house. She wanted me to live - to discover the gift of having so many new opportunities. It made me sad, but I had to go on. I had to outdistance my protecting four walls, the room I had spent my entire life in. I had to break away in order to live.
I informed myself about her university and applied. I was confident about being accepted, since my grades were outstanding.
Astronomy - that’s what I wanted to fill the rest of my life with. The universe with its endlessness and its mystery. Planets, galaxies, moons and nebulae. And (of capital importance) stars. You know why. I love stars or rather the whole concept of a luminous sphere of plasma held together by its own gravity.
Researching the reasons of our universe, this amazing science seemed perfect to me. And maybe it was the right thing.
The shock was big when I found a refusal in our mailbox. All the more, the relief was enormous as I woke up.
I slept horribly until the day I actually got a letter another two weeks later: an invitation to a personal interview. In New York. In her university. In close vicinity to her.
I immediately packed my bags after celebrating the first step in my adulthood with my parents.
After 46 hours, the airplane upheaved my earthling’s body and moved away from normality. From my routine. Sometimes I flew so high that I felt the glow of a meteor on my skin, figuratively speaking.
The old sky had gotten dim and now the west and the east sky, all skies were headed toward me.
I decided to follow Heesung. Not because I thought we were meant to be or that I loved her eternally - romance wasn’t the reason. I went to the U.S.A because I didn’t want our story to end so abruptly. I hate endings. I hate when years end or when my favorite TV shows end. Well, I’ve learned that all good things must come to an end. But still, I loathe open endings - endings that are none. I felt like our relationship was at the and that there was still so much more left to do and to say. I had to let her go, but I couldn’t end our story at this point.
That’s why I followed her.
Maybe I felt the magnetic pull of a real star in that airplane - or it was Heesung whom I approached faintly.
The portals gaped open in front of me. Breathing foreign air, watching blank faces in the crowd pass - to be frank, it felt indeed odd. Knowing that there wouldn't be anyone but Heesung made me feel lonesome and forsaken. What if I couldn’t find her? What if I couldn’t convince her about our past? I mean, a total stranger that claims they like you and then follow you around the globe - that sounds pretty creepy. I knew that she wouldn’t fall into my arms in the mere second of seeing each other. Contingently she would scream or she would even call the police. Whatever. No retreat!
As already announced, I went through the university’s gates, scanning every student strictly. I wondered where she would possibly be. It was too easy.
Relaxed, I jogged to the on-site garden. Spring flourished newly and imparted the various colors a cordial and enchanted touch. Fable-like. Butterflies hatched out of their smothering cocoons. In the ascendant their jigs of glee looked like an invisible artist painting with vibrant water colors in the pace. And I wasn’t sure whether a color spot was an actual flower or an insect.
And then, behind some boxwoods in the endmost corner, surrounded by daisies - no, wait, surrounded by marigolds, in between her Calendula officinalis - I saw her, crouching and the moist dirt.
A picture worth a billion words to say and the only thing I could press out was “Heesung, hi.“
She jumped up, obviously startled. She glared to my right and to my left and came upon me. In between the small crack of my pluvious day she slowly rose up for reasons I don’t know. She smiled.
Then her expression was stern again. “What are you doing here?“
“I wanted to see you.“ I answered honestly.
“Are you stalking me?“ Her voice was shaking. I thought she was afraid of me.
“No! No, it’s more complicated. Can you listen to me, please? Just a minute. I’d be much obliged.“ I tried to put the whole miscellany of what I had felt the last weeks into my words. Everything depended on her answer.
“A minute.“ She crossed her arms.
“Alright,“ I breathed out, “I know it sounds entirely strange, but we’ve known each other since last Fall. We talked every evening about essential subjects. We had a wide subject area. And one night, you told me you would leave Korea to study abroad and I was so angry that I accidentally wished we would have never met. And it happened. I don’t know how or why, but it happened. You have to believe me. If we weren’t friends, why would I know that you like flowers or that your best friend is a gracious douchebag or that your father is an alcoholic? I know it sounds weird, but it is like this. And I want you to believe me, because I really, really like you. You took my heart by storm. You mean much to me. I’ve applied to this university to be with you. And well, thanks to you I know what I want to do with my future. I’m going to study astronomy, because I like stars. Maybe someday you remember that I once called you a star. And this is so cheesy, but you are my star, even though I can’t see you glow anymore. Or more like, I can’t see you shine, because you’re too distant. I want you to come closer, so that I can see and admire you again.“
We fell silent. In this instant you could hear a sprout grow.
She bursted out in laughter and killed the lugubrious atmosphere. “Woohyun, I think I have to confess something.“
“What do you mean?“ I was completely dumbfounded.
“I remember you. I never forgot you in the first place.“ She ran her fingers through her coffee hair. And I was so anxious that I didn’t know where to look. Or what to think.
“I don’t get it?“
“I overheard your wish and I was disappointed that you wanted to, like, scratch me out of your life just because I was about to leave. That’s why I planned this kind of revenge. I’ve fulfilled your wish, you know? I pretended that I don't know you. But I think I went overboard with this. I should’ve told you a long time ago. I’m sincerely sorry. I didn’t want to make you feel that bad. I regret it.“ She meant it, I saw it in her clear eyes.
“I’ve deserved it.“
“I’m glad that you’re here.“
“I’m also glad that I’m here. And that you’re here, too.“
“Can you forgive me? It was the worst mistake ever. I want to be with you, Woohyun.“ We stood so close that I could smell her peach perfume. Her hand was drowning in mine. I felt so utterly joyous. That moment, filled with a relieved mixture of gratitude, felicity and empressement, made me fly a little higher than before. I felt the universe breathing around us.
“Of course I forgive you. Because I,“ I was ready to say it, “love you.“
She chuckled lightly, “I love you you too, Nam Woohyun, boy from space.“
And we both pulled close in the same moment. That was the mesmerizing kiss that ended our first chapter and opened up a new one. But, that’s another story.
Whatever the circumstances are, I’m thankful that the stupid and regretful wishes you make in the heat of the moment never come true.
If you truly wish for something with all of your heart, you have to be your own star - or, like me, find your star.
And you have to protect every spark you can catch, no matter how tiny and obscure it seems - it is possibly twinkling pixie dust that will make you float.
Author's Note:
I don't actually like working with OCs, but I think I've managed it quite well.
I hope you enjoyed it. ❤
Fare thee well, Dokbyul.
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