Sometimes I wonder... I wonder how much of a difference another choice would make? Even though we don't often see it, we always have a choice. There is only a 'no' like there is always a 'yes'; for every positive there is a negative. I never paid attention at Physics, but I can say that the magnetic properties are really true. Opposites do attract, otherwise I can't explain the waltz between a 'no' and a 'yes', the waltz between me and him. Him. Do Kyungsoo.

I did it again. I listened to the words inside my head again, for the nth time. They linger inside my blood, skinning me alive, gorging my soul with disdain. I feel his eyes on me as I put my dress back on and I pray for my dignity to come back, for my back to turn around and ignore the bunch of money patiently waiting on the table. It seems like I don't know myself at all because my hands graze over the bills, before they finally grab them, safely placing them inside my pocket. Every sound intensifies, the hawk eyes that rip my clothes off, the sound of his swallows, the way he gets up, and I run out before I lose control. I have to push down my instincts, I have to bury them down like I did so many times again, however I feel the tremble of my hands, the want of grabbing something and... and... The elevator goes down taking me further away of my almost-to-be target. It was messy the last time I lost control so I won't do it again, I know better than putting myself on the run. The streets are covered in light and I look up at the apartments inside of which the light dances, embracing the windows. The chilly air causes my hair to raise up down my spine and I shrug the sensation off. The walk to the park isn't long and as I settle down on the familiar bench my shoulders sag in relief. Hastily, I pull my hands out of my pockets and inspect them carefully. Thankfully, they are clean.

"You are shivering. Are you cold?". The little voice makes me squint my eyes, making me to refocus on my surroundings. He is tiny, still innocent. I bite my tongue before I tell him to just kill himself. It isn't worth it. Nothing is. Like an answer to my prayers his mother pulls him away. She is just a poor woman, Tim. Just let her be.

Tim had hazelnut eyes and a blonde hair that came in waves down his shoulders. Tim is one of those who should be protected from people like me. I can't lie to myself, though. He won't make it. Tim is weak because the truth is that all of us are. We can't run away from ourselves. I know I couldn't and the similarities between me and Tim strike me like a lightning. I lay down on the wood bench, my head hitting hard the cold material, as if I try to punish myself; as if it works anymore. I erase the image of Tim with my hand, like I am playing in the sand and I draw the image of Bomi. This girl, Bomi, she has brown hair, long brown hair and hazelnut eyes, just like Tim. The swing she is on creaks like an old door from a horror movie. Her bare legs barely touch the floor, her strong grip on the swing's chains blackens her hands like a warning for the pit ahead of her. I think Bomi forgot how to smile. I can't remember Bomi smiling. I just can't. My bare legs are trembling, I can feel the shivers running throughout my body and I know I have to get up but I can't. I just let the sweat to warm up my body. I am stronger than this. I feel hands pulling at me, they feel like claws ripping my soul off and the only thing I see before I black out is a hint of hope.

I slowly push the door, replaying the words I practised on my way. I am okay. I am sorry. It won't happen again. The same processed , the same lies with which I buy time. I need time because it is hard, it is hard to find someone like this and for awhile my heart stops in time as I pause on the threshold. A rush of fear makes my pulse quicken and I am always amazed at the feel of it; at the feel of me actually feeling something. I take slow steps and relief washes over me when I catch a hint of the body splayed on the ground. I take rushed steps and lay down, hoping that I'm not too late.

"Just in time.", Jimin says. When I come home he is always in the same spot. I am so curious how he doesn't get bored of doing the same thing every night. Every night that I am missing. I like the fact that Jimin doesn't ask useless questions, he knows that I hate talking nearly as much as I hate myself. When the orphanage kicked him out at age of eighteen I found him sitting like a stray cat next to my door. I always took pity of cats, yet none ever approached me, I wonder why this one did. I take it that is because I knew some survival tricks and he felt that living around me could bring him so good. Long time passed since I proved him wrong, yet he still stayed.

He enjoys watching the sunrise, even though I find it hard to know why. Sunrise means another day and for me it a new day brings nothing good. I should admire him for actually not calling me crazy. Why would someone carve a hole in their roof? I think those are the pros of living inside an old storage room, beside the rats. Yet, I don't find him admirable, I find him stupid. Crazily stupid.

"Look, it's happening! A new day is born."

I shrug and close my eyes, refusing to accept that the torture starts again. Slowly, I erase yesterday's happenings, bracing myself for the ones to come. Slowly, I push my eyes open for the first time.

I did it. I feel the blood kissing my fingers and I almost feel the metallic taste on the tip of my tongue. It invades my nostrils as I take a deep breath. I should kneel and beg for forgiveness, but I am no fool. It is too late for redemption. Instead, I smile in the corner of my lips as I squat down in front of the body. I did it. I am the perfect butcher when it comes to things like these and I wonder what bit of stupid humanity held me back from doing it before. I get up and push the curtains aside. The sun is rising and the wailing sirens are making their way competing with the blinding light of the sun. I watch above it all from the hotel room and I think about the little ants that pace the streets. Stupid fools.

The hand that pulls my hair makes my head spin in an uncomfortable way and I laugh quietly, defying. Finally.

My head hurts. My face is swollen, just like my eyes. I barely squint them open and take in my surroundings. In front of me there are bars that reach the roof and as I look back I notice I am in the middle of a cell, my hands tied to the roof so hard that I think they will fall off as soon as I untie them. If I ever do. I try hard to look back, but I can't. My head is so heavy, like a rock. I only see in front of me. The cell bars are climbing on a dark stone wall. The Pit. My heartbeat quickens as soon as I think about how many sunsets I missed, about how many times did Jimin sigh while waiting for me to come home. Home. Does a place like that even exists? The pale light that surrounds the cave caresses my face and I feel like wincing, it feels like I am being skinned alive. I try to focus on the sound of steps coming for what it seems like miles away. They clink softly on the cave's ground and I take a guess at them being boots. Heavy boots.  Here he comes.

I hear a shuffle of clothes. It is hard not to recognize the sound of the heavy cloak as it caresses the ground. It is hard not to press my eyes shut at the sound of fingers grazing the cell bars. It is like someone scratches my brain and I try hard not to scream. My breath quickens. I feel like everything flashes in front of my eyes. The orphanage. The swing. The storage room. Jimin. Suddenly, the footsteps stop along the cells waver as he gives them a last touch. Even though my whole life flashed between my eyes just seconds ago, I feel like I am having a blackout. I don't think I can remember even my name now. My hands are about to give in. I can feel like all the strength that my body once had withered away. I want to cut my hands from my shoulders. I wouldn't regret it.

"I apologize for making you so uncomfortable, little bird. You were referred to as 'dangerous' by my men so I was obliged to take some measures."

"Screw you!", I whisper softly, all the power suddenly drained from my body. It's like his presence engulfes mine, like he the life away from me. I never imagined he would be so strong. In a swift motion he is in front of me, hand grabbing my chin, dark eyes looking at me intently, a blink away from frying my brain.

"I find it stupefying how many people confuse stupidity with bravery, Bomi Claymore.". His dark hair is pulled back, lightening his pale face. His lips are thick, but they contort in a frightening way when he talks, turning everything he says in a hiss. "I find it even more stupefying how no trace of stupidity lays in your eyes, birdie. It intrigues me." His eyes are squinting like he tries to read my thoughts, to get inside my brain and crush it. I feel the pressure of his eyes on mine and I take a sharp breath.

"Hate", he goes on, "a very human emotion that also triggers stupidity.". His voice is almost sad. He lets go of my chin and takes a few steps backward, leaning on the bars that surround the wall. "Did you do it for money? Or...", he fakes a gasp making me to almost spit right in his face. "Did he not satisfy your needs? I heard that these days get really picky with their meat. Are you one of those picky es, birdie?". His laugh is so hollow and it fills the empty cave, the echoes multiplying it in a torturous way.

I laugh. I laugh so loud that his face almost forms a look of surprise that is fastly covered by the usual sneer. "I remember him crying like a at my feet to not take his life away. As you may have noticed I take no pity on you, Crows. You can all rot in the strongest fire while the Gods feast of your limbs!"

I feel his hands strangling me. He is so fast. He is almost a shadow. He is The Shadow. What did I just bring myself in?

"Let the girl go, Kyungsoo." The voice is like a thunder, shaking the walls, making me want to turn around despite that wounds that deny me to, despite the hands that are still strongly gripping my neck.  

Surprisingly, the hands draw back from my neck, though I can feel the traces of his fingers tattooed on my neck with red. He steps back and looks away, an emotion hard to recognize flashes in the dark black of his eyes and I ignore the approach of the other dark figure. I look at Do Kyungsoo. I think at the things I know about him. Descendant of The Crows, known as The Shadow. He is known for his fighting abilities, yet I recognize no wound of war on his skin. My kind used to fear him. I used to fear him when I heard stories about him at the orphanage. I fail to notice how my hands are being untied and at the feeling of them freed I fall to the ground, like the weight of them is too much for me to bear. From the corner of my eye, I notice Kyungsoo turning around, his eyes ready to fall from their sockets, a dark frown marring his forehead.

"She killed The Raven!", he hisses.

"Your Raven was a stupid fool who fell to his knees for a pair of .", he looks at me and I suddenly feel anger seeping through my bones."I still do admire your loyalty towards him, even though it brings disappoiment to me. However, I don't think it is something that concerns you. Disappointing me, that is." When he turns back to Kyungsoo, the staredown almost melts the room and I immediately recognize the man in front of me. The Burner. His red cloak is almost majestic, totally royal. His blonde hair fits his dark complexion well and I suddenly feel envious of his beauty.

"You know...", he bends down, looking me straight in the eyes. "Father has been so curious of her charms.", he whispers the last part as it is only for Kyungsoo to hear. I recognize now the emotion played on his face earlier.

"Well, how much I hate to be the source of our Father's heartache, I already decided her--"

"You are in no position to decide anything, Kyungsoo.", the blonde ends with a sweet smile, like a poisonous snake, "I--"

"The last time you were in position to decide something more than what to eat and you almost destroyed everything.". Kyungsoo throws words calmly, as if he didn't just lose his temper with me minutes ago, as if he is winning, even though I have the strange sensation he is not."I inform you and Father that the little bird is to accompany me to the Shadowland."