L O V E

hey first met when they were freshman in their new high school. That time, Kang Seulgi was a very cute boy that makes girls turned their heads and other male students nodded in agreement each time a person spoke about his ridiculously good looking face. That time, Son Wendy was a transfer girl from Canada, yet to adapt to the all to new surroundings of Seoul and with accented Korean.

They shared the same class and the same friends and they, too became friends.
 

---

Kang Seulgi was a very nice guy. He finished his homeworks, lifted his hand up each time the teacher popped a question, picked up Krystal's eraser from the icky dustbin when no one else dared to (because Oh Sehun just had to play with it and accidentally threw it into the trashcan). He didn't join when the guys in class talked about girls and how Suji was prettier than Krystal or how Jinri was prettier than Jieun. Girls loved it when he's on the field playing basketball with Tao, Sehun, Taemin and Jongin.

Son Wendy was an okay girl, she's talkative and easy going and well known for her 1000 expressions and her vocal skills and her outstanding english.
 

---

Wendy didn't know when it actually started but... like other girls who were trapped in Seulgi's (accidental) charm, Wendy found herself slowly falling in love with him. She loved hard.

She didn't know what to do but Irene and Joy kept on urging her to text him and hung out with him that Wendy blindly agreed and soon, her phone kept on beeping with Seulgi's cool reply.

They talked about everything. About Mr. Sooman, their singing teacher whom they shared a love-hate relationship feeling. About Mrs. Boa, their biology teacher, about today's math homework and how hard it was, about how to play basketball, about iPhone or Samsung or Blackberry or Sony, about how annoying Sehun in class today. About everything.

Wendy thought that maybe, just maybe, Seulgi would return her feelings someday.
 

---

Wendy didn't know when it started but she did hear rumors that Seulgi had secretly been dating one of the girls in school. Suji, Bae Suji.

Seulgi had been constantly teased in class. After all, Suji was indeed beautiful. Yet Seulgi didn't say anything so Wendy thought... hoped that it was just rumor. After all, Seulgi had also been teased with Jinri in class just because Jinri openly stated that she thought he's cute, so it's possible that there's absolutely nothing between Seulgi and Suji... right?
 

---

She learned the truth when Seulgi finally expressed his frustration about how Chanyeol kept on teasing him about how beautiful Suji was and that it drove him mad.

"I'm jealous." he stated and Wendy's heart broke.

"So you guys are official?" she typed back cooly and his reply came fast.

"No. Suji didn't want us to date... I don't know why, but yeah, we've been 'together' since a month ago."

That night, Wendy cried herself to sleep, ignoring the calls from Irene and Joy. She counted how many times she had fallen in love and had her heart broken and how she's so bored with experiencing the same routine of falling in love-heart broken-move on.
 

---

However, if Seulgi's happy, she's happy, Wendy thought, because there were many forms of love and not all of them were meant to be. Love came in many forms and if what she felt towards Seulgi was love, then she should let go.

Surprisingly, they became best friends.Wendy moved on faster than she thought and they stayed on good terms. She assumed Seulgi knew of her feelings because Wendy had always been that girl who's easy to read... but oh, well.

They didn't talk a lot at school but they constantly texting each other, sharing news and snippet of gossips and their opinions about a lot of things.

She didn't feel pain anymore but Wendy couldn't stop her mind to remember the sweet moment she had felt with Seulgi before.
 

---

Seulgi always poured his exasperation about their relationship to Wendy.

Like that time when Kyuhyun insisted that he loved Suji with all his heart and kept on meddling in Suji's relationship even though he understand well how Suji's heart belonged to Seulgi and he to her.

She felt herself getting angry when Seulgi confessed that Kyuhyun actually texted him to clarify Seulgi's vague relationship, stating that, "You're not even her boyfriend, so it's okay if I made a move on her, don't you think?"

Dumb brat.

Instead of listening to Wendy's rant ("You should beat him into pulp."), Seulgi's reply came cool.

"Do what you want." Wendy read when Seulgi copies his reply text to Kyuhyun for her. "But don't be disappointed later when Suji don't return your feelings."

Wendy's heart exploded with admiration then, congratulating Seulgi for being a "Badass, swagalicious, cool gentlemen" and how "Kyuhyun won't stand a chance."
 

---

The first year ended sooner than she had wanted and like Wendy had predicted, she and Seulgi were separated.

And she shared the same class with Suji.

Krystal was Suji's best friend and despite Wendy's constant worry of Suji hating her, Krystal kept on saying that Suji was, in fact, alright with it. That Suji didn't have any hard feelings towards Wendy.

"Please take care of Suji." Seulgi had texted and Wendy was glad to found that her heart wasn't churning anymore.
 

---

Suji became Wendy's best friends, against all odd and the laws of Friendship and Romance, despite Irene and Joy's theories on how there's slim chance of Suji and Wendy became friends. They were always together though, Suji, Wendy, Krystal, Jinri, Irene and Joy. They laughed, they joked, they created the same group each time there's a group assignment.

Suji didn't mind telling Wendy about her relationship with Seulgi, turned out their relationship had became official when Suji finally agreed on being Seulgi's girlfriend. Seulgi, too, kept on asking about how Suji's doing in class and asked her to take care of Suji.
 

---

Bae Suji was the epitome of perfect and ideal woman. She's beautiful, smart, kind, humble and good at sport. People flocked to her, entranced by her beauty and charisma and that's what made Wendy respected her.

Suji wasn't cocky because she's everything a girl wanted to be.

Suji wasn't full of herself because she's dating one of the hottest guy in the school.

Suji was the girl Wendy adored the most at school and she looked up to Suji.

Wendy kept on telling Seulgi how lucky he was to have someone like her.

Somehow, she didn't find herself falling in love to other boys. Seulgi was the last and the rest were just silly crush that lasted for a mere months before Wendy actually forgot about them.

She thought then that love was unnecessary because she was still young and there's still a long way to go.

Or maybe she hadn't really moved on and that deep down, without her realizing, Wendy still loved him.

She shooed away the thought.
 

---

"Maybe I should break up with her." Seulgi had texted her one day and Wendy immediately listed a thousand reason why he shouldn't and that Seulgi and Suji were her favourite couple. Ever.

"I don't know, we fought a lot lately." came Seulgi's vague reply and Wendy frowns.

"Why?"

"I don't know... she's been... selfish lately."

And even after telling her the reasons why Seulgi was overwhelmed by his and Suji's relationship, Wendy still didn't get why they fought in the first place.

Something's amiss or was it just her slow brain?
 

---

Seulgi texted her that he didn't break up and that he and Suji still loved each other and that the previous fight just made their relationship stronger and he thanked her for her continuous support.

Wendy laughed, stating that, "That's what friends are for." and despite the smile on her face, she couldn't deny that she felt something in her heart.

She just didn't know what.
 

---

Then, one day Irene told her that Suji, Krystal and Jinri secretly hated her and how they'd been bad mouthing her behind her back.

"They said a lot of awful thing about you." she said softly and Wendy just had to lean on Joy's shoulder because that was too much of a shock.

Wendy had never been the one to brush off people's snide remarks about her, so the news shocked her. She didn't do anything wrong, what made them hated her?

"I don't know, they're weird. Like they kept on saying how you're so full of yourself and how horrible your expressions were. In my opinion, that's not the reason why they should hate you. I think you're okay." Irene replied.

Irene's statement made Wendy's heart sank and she felt this disgust towards herself.
 

---

She didn't talk with Suji or Krystal or Jinri the next day and she didn't text Seulgi, too. Despite this urge to ask Seulgi why Suji hated her, Wendy ended their chat and locks her phone. She won't talk to Seulgi.

"You're right. Besides, I'm sure Seulgi would defend Suji. It's what boyfriends do." Joy piped in and Wendy sank more in depression.

She walked past Seulgi at school today and she didn't greet him, let alone smile at him.

Suji told Seulgi almost everything she had experienced in one day and they can talked about everything so Wendy was 200% sure that Seulgi knew that Suji hated her. It broke her heart into a million pieces that her image had been ruined unfairly in front of Seulgi by her own friend. A friend she respected so much. Suji.
 

---

Final year caught her off guard and Wendy barely had time to thought about romance. Suji and her gang still hated her and Seulgi was just another person in her life now. Communications were cut off and even though Seulgi added her through Line phone number, Wendy didn't add him back.

It didn't stop her for thinking how her life was so dramatic, as if she's living a movie.

Irene kept on bringing her fresh gossip about what Suji's gang had said about her and again, Wendy felt angry because Suji had basically spread to a group of people the reasons why she hated Wendy.

It hurt her because Suji were one of the person she respected and looked up to the most. It hurt her because Krystal was one of her closest friend even before Suji. It hurt her because she had never say anything bad about Jinri but they hated her nonetheless.
 

---

It didn't stop Krystal for feeling bad, though. So one day, Wendy was surprised when Krystal talked to her through Line.

Krystal was probably the person Wendy's closest with in Suji's gang; maybe it's because the two of them were foreigners and had been friends even before Irene and Joy. Maybe it's because Krystal still greeted her despite the hate she said behind Wendy's back.

"I'm sorry." she said and Wendy felt her hand temble.

"It's okay." Wendy replied. "I already knew."

"Knew what?"

"That you, Jinri and Suji hated me."
 

---

Krystal cried, stating that she felt guilty through all the time she had spent with Suji and Jinri and how sorry she was and how she's afraid Suji and Jinri would left her if she didn't join them in their Wendy-Hating Spree.

Wendy smiled and hugged her, despite Irene and Joy's frown.

Wendy was never one to took revenge, so it frustrated Irene and Joy because Suji and her gang had been so evil towards Wendy yet Wendy was still undeniably, ridiculously kind and generous to them.

It made Krystal felt like trash.
 

---

It surprised her because Krystal herself didn't really know the reason why Suji hated her.

"Is it because I used to like Seulgi?" Wendy asked carefully.

Krystal shrugged, saying that Suji had hated Wendy too much that she started to find flaw in everything Wendy does. "Maybe it had something to do with that." she said, "She knew you were friends with him and you guys tell each other stories."

"But I'm very amazed with Seulgi." Krystal stated and Wendy arched an eyebrow.

"Suji had told him a lot about you and despite her constant rant, Seulgi never actually paid much attention to it. I think he disagreed with her but didn't say it. It made Suji frustrated."'

The statement made Wendy heart swelled. Even after all this time Wendy had spent avoiding him, Seulgi still believed in her.

She walked past Seulgi on recess today and even though she didn't greet him, Wendy let her eyes linger on him just a bit longer.
 

---

Final year ended and Wendy finally got accepted into the university she preferred. She's in the same uni as Joy. Krystal was in the same univeristy as Irene.

The prom was... overwhelming. She didn't have any date but neither did Irene and Joy, so the three of them came into the prom, hands on each other. A number of guys had asked Irene to be their prom date but she kept on insisting that neither of them piqued her interest. Wendy loved this. She loved feeling beautiful and despite the pain she felt because of the killer Louboutin heels that weren't even visible under her sky-blue gown, she put on her best smile.

Then, Seulgi came into her vision. He's not that tall but he's still taller than her, wrapped in black tuxedo and white shirt and bow tie and black shoes. His hair was spiked and it was so black and it he was so handsome it took her breath away.

Seulgi smiled and Wendy felt like the world was ending.

"Hey." he greeted and Wendy barely survived.

"Hello to you, too." she replied breathlessly.

Seulgi laughed awkwardly, "Can I..." he started and Wendy just noticed how deep his voice had become and how wonderful it sounded to her ears and how manly it was. "Can I talk to you?"

Can I talk to you?

That's how their conversation through Line usually began. Can I talk to you? Why, of course yes. Then, they poured their worries. Wendy always said thank you each time Seulgi had done listening to her problems.

"You don't need to say thanks." he would always reply and Wendy just didn't understand why he always rejected each time Wendy said thank you while Seulgi himself always said thank you each time he had done ranting to her.

"Sure." Wendy replied and just like usual, like months ago, Seulgi poured everything out.

"I'm sorry." he stated.

"For what?" Wendy asked, like those girls in movies when their boyfriend asked for forgiveness.

Seulgi stared into her eyes, "For not defending you the way I should." he answered truthfully. "I didn't reach out to you when you're alone... I'm not even trying."

Wendy smiled, she always had the thought that she was just another person in Seulgi's life, that the existence of Wendy didn't matter much like Suji in Seulgi's life, or Sehun, or Jongin.

"It's okay." Wendy replied, wanting to end this conversation as soon as she could.

"We've broke up." Seulgi stated and his voice sounded empty.

Wendy frowned, he didn't tell her anything about breaking up with Suji, it made her feel left out. "Since when?"

"...A month ago."

"Why?" Wendy asked, she didn't understand why she had this sudden anger. Could it be because Seulgi didn't tell her anything about it?

"Stuffs." Seulgi replied, "We had our disagreement."

Wendy sighed, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Seulgi looked torned, "I don't know." he sighed, "Suji wasn't pleased with... you know, me telling you my problems and stuffs."

"But we're just friends." she insisted, despite how heavy her heart felt at the word.

"But she's unhappy about it." Seulgi replied, "Plus, you had avoided me and you barely greeted me, you had acted as if I weren't there."

"You know how Suji hated me." Wendy replied, her eyes felt hot, "And I thought your opinions of me had changed."

This made Seulgi frowned, "Wendy, Suji had told me a lot of things but neither of them were you." he muttered. "Am I..." he said hesitantly.

"Am I just another person in your life?"

The question brought more pain that Wendy had expected. Wait, she didn't even expect that Kang Seulgi would've asked this question to her, of all people. "What?" she replied dumbly.

"Well, you didn't tell me anything about Suji and our... friendship just ended like that."

'No.' Wendy wanted to say, wanted to scream. 'You're not just another person, you're everything.' It surprised her how much her heart churned at his words. She thought... she had always thought that she had moved on, that she had forgotten her feelings but turned out... it's still there. It's always there. It never left.

"Well, you hadn't done anything that showed me you want our friendship to last. You seemed like you were okay with it." she replied defensively. Fool, Wendy scolded herself. You shouldn't have said that.

Seulgi looked down, disappointed in himself. "Yeah, I was wrong." he admitted. "And for that, I'm sorry."

Wendy shook her head. "It's alright."

"Can you please answer my question?" Seulgi said, carefully pushing his luck.

When Wendy didn't give him any reply, Seulgi sighed. "Because... you're important to me." he said quietly.

His statement made her looked up in shock. She didn't see it coming. "I know how you felt, even through this time, even when you didn't look at me anymore. I know."

Wendy didn't know how to react to Seulgi's outrageous and shocking statement. Embarassment and shame built up inside her. "I didn't..." she tried to say but Seulgi shook his head.

"You were there, you were always there." he said, "And all I had to do was reach out..."

"But you didn't." Wendy said softly and Seulgi nodded.

"Suji didn't like our relationship and you suddenly stopped sending texts so I thought you knew. Back then I didn't want to make my relationship with her worse." he said, "I'm such a jerk. I'm not a man."

Wendy shook her head, suffocating, "What's the point in telling me all of this?" she managed to ask, feeling light-headed.

Seulgi shrugged, "After we broke up, I just... think about everything." he looked straight into Wendy's eyes and she knew.

"You thought about me." she stated and Seulgi nodded.

"There's just this... strange feeling each time I remember you." he confessed, looking very tired and beat, "I didn't know what that was. Even until now."

Silence engulfed them and it was deafening. He felt something. Was it love? Guilt? Or something else? Wendy didn't know.

"You're not just another person in my life." Wendy said heavily. "You're everything, everything I needed or wanted."

"I loved you." Wendy confessed, looking straight into Seulgi's dark brown orbs with her own, glassy ones.

"Past tense?"

Wendy shook her head. "I thought I've moved on." she laughed miserably, "But I hadn't, even after all I'd been through, I still loved you. I always have."

In an instant she was pulled into a tight embrace. Warm and smelled like a brand of perfume she couldn't put her finger on. Seulgi was hugging her and Wendy didn't know what to react. She froze but Seulgi didn't let go.

"Seulgi." she called. "I felt like I've been running in a hamster wheel. I'm going nowhere, I'm reaching nowhere. I stayed in the same place yet I'm still runing. I'm trapped in an illusion that I've reached far when in truth, I'm stuck in the same place."

"I'm tired." Wendy said, almost sobbing.

That time, Seulgi pulled away, far enough for him to have a good look on her face. His hand steady on her shoulder.

"Then stop." he whispered. "Stop  so we can be stuck together."

Wendy's breath hitched. But then what about Suji? What will people say? What about this? What about who? What if?

Numerous questions ran through her head and Wendy closed her eyes, letting a drop of tear escaped.

"Let's stop." she said.

And she did. And they did. They stopped and became stuck in the same place. In the same ball, in the same wheel. Like Wendy had been through all these years. Like Seulgi had been through all these years. They had been stuck and still stuck in the same place and neither of them wanted to move.

 

author's note