I left our house early in the morning to buy ingredients for the porridge I’ll cook for him. While walking in the streets from the market, I look up the sky and a tear suddenly escaped from my eyes, I wipe it and quickly go back home.

 

I prepare the container of the porridge and get myself ready. I get out and call a cab, few minutes later I already arrived at the hospital. Oh how much I hate the smell of the hospital, but I get used to it since he gets charged here.

 

I step inside the elevator and push the number 4 button.

 

"You should not cry. You must not cry. Show him you’re strong." The words I’m always telling myself whenever I will go here to see him.

 

I heave a sigh and smile before I open the door of his room.

 

I saw him expressionless while staring at the ceiling, but he turned and immediately smile when he see me.

 

"Hi Donghae. How are you feeling?" I said while I place the paper bag in the table beside his bed.

 

"I’m good." I know he’s lying. I kiss his forehead while I’m fighting the urge of crying.

 

I don’t want to cry and show my weak side in front of him. I’m always fighting myself not to breakdown in front of him.

 

"That’s great! Come eat the porridge I cooked for you. I’m sure you’re hungry." I raise the head of the reclining bed by 45 degrees.

 

He holds and plays with my right hand so I use my left hand to hold the spoon and feed him.

 

"It’s delicious. Thank You." He smiled. His smile is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

 

"Can I have a request?"

 

I put down the spoon and use both of my hands to hold his. "Sure. Anything."

 

"Let’s have a date today. Get me out of here. It’s boring."

 

I wanted to tell him "NO" because it’s not good for him, but the doctors said he only have few days left here, for us to be together.

 

"Okay. I’ll talk to the doctors. But, finish eating this first." I feed him once again.

 

When he finished eating, "I’ll go out first to inform the doctors. Okay?" I kiss his hand.

 

The doctors agreed because his condition is getting worst and this might be the last time they will allow him to go out.

 

Two nurses follow me back to his room and help me get him down to his wheelchair.

 

"Thank You." I said to the nurses and they go out leaving the two of us.

 

I sat down in front of him so that we’re in the same level and I reached to hold his face. "I Love You."

 

He bends down and kisses me shortly "I Love You Too."

 

I put his face mask and I immediately get up and go behind him before he sees me crying. I’m crying silently behind him while I’m pushing his wheelchair out of the hospital.

 

I wipe my tears. "So where do you want to go?"

 

"In our school." I know what he means. In our High School where we first met.

 

I call out a cab and the taxi driver helps me to get him inside.

 

While we are on our way. I shifted closer to him and hold his hand. I put my head in his shoulder and continue rubbing his hand with my thumb.

 

We only ride the cab for five minutes since the hospital is near at our school. Luckily, it’s Sunday so there are no students in the school. I talk to the school guard and tell him that we are alumni so he let us in.

 

Being here again with him brings me back so many memories.

 

We first met during freshmen years. We had our first conversation when we’re assigned as group mate for our project. That’s how we became close. He confessed to me during sophomore years. I accepted him and we started dating from then until now.

 

He’s a very nice and understanding guy. A guy who’s every girl is dreaming of. I am so lucky that God made him for me.

 

Two years ago he is diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. The doctors are doing all they can, but his condition is getting worst until it become stage 4 already. The doctors said that he is lucky to survive until now. Last week, they informed us that Donghae’s life will not exceed for one month. That broke me, if only I can change position with him, I will. But I’m doing my best to be strong for him. If I’m not strong then what will happen to us.

 

“Seojin~ah.” His voice makes me out of my thoughts.

 

“Eh?”

 

“Let’s go there.” He pointed out the field where we used to have long talks about everything and watched stars together.

 

I helped him out his wheelchair and we sit together under the big tree.

 

He removes his face mask and clasped my hand. “I’m sorry Seojin, I know you’re also suffering and I can’t do anything about it. My promises for you will be broken. I’m sorry that you always worry about me and you can’t do the things you wanted to do.” I heard him sniff, he’s crying.

 

I let his hand go and turn my body to face him. He’s looking down. I held his face upwards and kiss the traces of his tears.

 

“Hey, don’t cry and don’t be sorry. I like taking care of you. If I can take care of you for the rest of my life, I will. That’s how much I love you. So please, please smile for me Donghae. We can do this together. Be strong for me, okay?” I get on my knees to kiss his forehead, eyes, both of his cheeks, his nose and a short kiss in his lips.

 

“I love you so much Seojin. You don’t know how thankful I am that God give me a chance to be with you and love a girl like you. You are so beautiful Seojin.” He’s having a hard time speaking so he is pausing every once in a while. I can stare at him forever.

 

“I’m sorry I can’t watch the stars with you anymore. Sorry that there’s a limit for our talks. Sorry that you can’t sleep on my chest anymore. Sorry that you can’t kiss me for long because I can’t breathe. Seojin~ah, I’m sorry for not bringing you in the altar. I’m sorry that I can’t be with you until the end. But, I promise I will wait for you there.” He looks up in the blue sky.

 

“But don’t come too soon. Promise me you will be happy and you will continue your life when I’m gone.” He held my face with his right hand. I move my face to feel his hand more.

 

“God, please don’t take him now. Not now please.” I mentally pray and tears are already forming in my eyes.

 

‘I love you Seojin.”

 

“I love you Donghae. I love you.” He pecked my lips.

 

I heard him catching his breath.

 

“Hey are you okay?” I checked his whole body.

 

“Yes, I am fine. Don’t worry.” I know he’s not okay. I started to get nervous.

 

“Come; let’s go back to the hospital.” As I’m about to stand up, he weakly grabbed my hand.

 

“Let’s stay here.” He hugged me tight, and I hug him back. I close my eyes. We stay like that for God knows how long.

 

I open my eyes when I felt that he’s leaning so much to me and his hands are slowly going down on my back.

 

“Donghae. Yah Donghae.” I shake him but he’s not responding. Then I placed my hand in his chest, it’s not beating anymore. I hugged him tight. I don’t know what to do but to cry out loud while holding his nape. I look up the sky while crying so hard and decided to talk with God.

 

“God please take care of him there. I know he’s in safe arms now, that he will not suffer anymore. Thank you for giving me this perfect guy.  I’m so happy that he’s the one I love. I am very lucky to have him. I will forever thank you for giving him to me. But God, I’m giving him back to you now. Please tell him to wait for me and that I love him. I always will.” Tears can’t stop flowing. I close my eyes again and hug him for the last time.