look me in the eyes
say hello, ask me about my day
you’ve done it before, a million times over
i’m jongdae. you are in love with me, and i am in love with you.

( don’t stare at me like that )
( just say that you will be back soon)

why are you suddenly silent?
have you forgotten already?
isn’t today our anniversary?
do you remember that day?

i was rushing to class
because making coffee was important
and i had a mug in my hands
because drinking coffee was just as important
however, it turned out that i was going,
running into something far more important, much less bitter

splash
“sorry! sorry! i’m so sorry!”
silence
“it’s alright. i should have been”
interject
“no, no it was all my fault! let me”
another
“don’t worry about it. just get to class.”
smile
“thank you so much. i’ll make it up to you.”
introduction

our next encounter was far more designed
made late at night, under my covers
i was determined to see
that smile
again
that smile
was so beautiful i
temporarily forgot to breathe
by no coincidence, i found you again

i learned more than your name that day,
i saw the twinkle in your deep dark eyes
i laughed at all of your terrible jokes
i wanted to see your face light up
i found myself on your porch by nightfall
i felt sparks when your lips were on mine

two years passed
i was so happy
and you were too
i could see it
your wide smile
mirrored mine

without a
doubt, my
favourite
part of the
day was
kissing
you in the
doorway,
the house
filled with
affection

i loved when
you sang to me,
my ear pressed
against your chest,
your heartbeat
as my metronome

without a
doubt, my
favourite
part of the
night was
kissing
you under
the sheets,
your body
against
mine

i still remember
our first fight
it was so petty
over a spill
but we both had
bad days
caught in
bad moods

we made up
an hour later
and you kept
whispering
apologies
between
heated pants
but i was
far too focused
on your gasps
and the pleasure

they told me about you an hour ago
i almost dropped my phone
but i managed to catch it
by the couple charm
we bought earlier
together

i ran here
i’m such an idiot
i was too dazed to drive
but i think i finally burned off
the chinese food from monday’s dinner
i’m sorry, i can’t believe i’m joking at a time like this
but i suppose if anyone would appreciate a bad joke, it would be—

the nurse walks in
her face filled with
a look of guilt?
why does she stare
at me? at us?
like that

“his memory will not return.”
what does she mean?
of course it will.
it has to.

look me in the eyes
say hello, ask me about my day
tell me what you saw on your drive to work
stop looking so confused, why do you look so frightened?

“who are you?”
who am i?
who
am
i

i’m trembling
look at me, joonmyun
you’re scaring me.
let’s just go home
it’s almost dinnertime
i’ll make your favourite tonight

“i don’t know you.”
yes, you do.
yes, you do.
yes, you do.
i’m jongdae.
i’m jongdae.
i’m jongdae.
you reminded me to water the plants because i forgot yesterday.
you kissed me on the forehead four times before you left.
you called me the love of your life this morning.

—

these walls haven’t felt so empty in years
i can’t even hear myself screaming anymore
my sobs reverberate throughout our entire home

joonmyun, i love you.
i still visit you every single day
but you still treat me like a stranger.
i am not a stranger. i am just a forgotten face.

we will never return to that place where we once were
but here i wait until the day we can find someplace new together.

( i cannot mourn the loss of someone who is still here )

i will wait for the day you tell me you love me again.