It's been 3 days since Kyungsoo took the pregnancy test. He is positively pregnant. And to be honest, he doesn't know what to do, or say, in this matter.

"Are you going to eat that or not?" Kai bluntly asks Kyungsoo who sits across of him on the small square dining table. The small boy who was mindlessly stirring his saugy cereal now stares at him with his big-innocent eyes.

"Quit wasting food. We don't have much money to buy them." Kai says indifferently.

Kyungsoo looks down at his cereal and whispers a quiet sorry.

Kai sighs then gets up from his seat.

"I don't know when I'll be back tonight, don't wait up."

Kyungsoo watches Kai as the tan boy puts on his shoes then walk out of the door. His tears roll down his cheek but he quickly wipes them away with the back of his hand. He cleans up the bowls and glasses from the table, it's time to get ready for work.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo walks to the café and smiles as he sees Minseok on the counter.

"Good morning, Manager Kim." He greets with a slight bow.

Minseok smiles seeing one of the workers of the café, "Good morning, Kyungsoo. Are you ready for the day?"

"Yes, Manager Kim." Kyungsoo answers despite the tired smile on his face.

"Are you okay? You look pale." Minseok frowns.

"I'm fine, Manager Kim. Don't worry."

Minseok doesn't probe any longer. He knows Kyungsoo; this kid always keeps everything to himself, never let anybody worries because of him.

He watches Kyungsoo making his way to the locker room to change his clothes into working uniform. Minseok can't help but think the life Kyungsoo lives in. The small boy works for him for almost 2 years now, and during the time they know each other, Minseok found out that Kyungsoo doesn't have parents. Well, it's more like he doesn't know his parents. He was found on the door of an orphanage when he was baby. He was raised there since then.

Kyungsoo is twenty years old now. It's been almost 4 years since he decided to leave the orphanage and started to make his own living. It's a miracle that Manager Kim allowed someone without any high school diploma or degree like him to work on his café. He used to live in the employee lounge room and slept on the couch, all courtesy of Manager Kim who completely understands that Kyungsoo had no place to stay. But since a year ago, Kai, one of the regular costumers of the café, offered Kyungsoo to live with him.

Kai, Kai, Kai, Kyungsoo's mind keeps repeating the name like a mantra.

He touches his belly absent-mindedly. He's pregnant. What should he tell Kai? Should he tell him? But who is Kai to him? A roommate that occasionally he allows to him?

Kyungsoo smiles sadly.

Kai is nice enough to let Kyungsoo to stay with him. It's not a really big apartment, but at least Kyungsoo has a place to sleep and take shelter when it's rain and thunder.

The tan boy is a dance instructor in few dance studios downtown. He's barely home. Probably that's why he allows Kyungsoo to stay at his place.

It's probably out of pity, Kyungsoo mind tells him.

It brings him back to around 3 months ago, when Kai touched him for the first time.

Kai came back home looking all distressed and miserable. He reeked of alcohol and other things that Kyungsoo couldn't identify what.

Kyungsoo tried to talk to Kai, because he cared about this person who was once a stranger who helped him. But Kai, who was not in his best condition, kissed him harshly. Kyungsoo who never kissed anybody before in his life, didn't know what to do.

All that he knew, Kai brought him to his room and undressed him.

Kyungsoo did not trying anything to fight Kai. That time, he thought, if this would make Kai feel better, then be it.

That's the night when Kyungsoo lost his ity to Kai. And he never said anything.

Since then, whenever Kai takes him, Kyungsoo gives himself wholefully.

"Kyungsoo?" A husky loud voice calls Kyungsoo's name brings him back to reality.

He looks up to see his co-worker.

"Good morning, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol grins widely, "Hey there. I thought I lost you, you look like you were thinking hard about something. Kai didn't go back home last night?"

Kyungsoo grimaces, "No, he did. It's nothing, don't worry."

He closes his locker, nods slightly to Chanyeol then leaves the room to start working.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo looks up at the clock on the wall. It's past midnight but Kai hasn't come back home yet. He sighs then stands up from the stool in the kitchen to go to his bedroom.

The small pale boy sits on his bed, his hand rubbing his belly gently.

"What should I do with you?" He asks his baby with broken whisper.

The sound of the door opened makes Kyungsoo aware. He then hears people laughing and he recognizes one of those laughter is Kai's.

Kyungsoo opens his bedroom door only to see Kai in his drunken state, with his hand loops around girl's waist. They laugh about something and Kyungsoo watches Kai kiss the girl and bring her to his room.

With shaking hands, Kyungsoo grabs the café's keys and leaves the apartment.

It's always like this. Whenever Kai brings someone home, Kyungsoo would leave the apartment quietly and head to the café. Manager Kim lets him hold the copy of the café's keys so he can invite himself in anytime.

Kyungsoo walks in the cold night and thinks about his life. How could he give a life to his baby when he barely even lives his life?

 

-

 

It's been a two weeks but Kyungsoo doesn't go to doctor. He can't afford to. It's like a mental battle inside him. He can't bring himself to tell Kai about his pregnancy. But he has to, right? Kai is the father. Kyungsoo never had any with other man who is not Kai.

Not to mention, morning sickness starts to bother him. It's a good thing that Kai is not there to witness Kyungsoo pukes everything out of his system. Because he's been sleeping on the couch in the café's lounge room to avoid Kai.

Kyungsoo is in the middle of cleaning the table when the bell on the café door rings.

"Welc--"

"Where have you been?" Kai faces Kyungsoo directly and he looks pissed.

"I..." Kyungsoo averts Kai's eyes.

"You hasn't been home in a week. One ing week and I can't get hold on you because you don't have a goddamn phone. Everytime I come here the manager would tell me that it's not your shift yet. What the hell, Kyungsoo? Are you avoiding me?" Kai spits out.

Kyungsoo's grip on the rag in his hand tighten that his knuckles turn white.

Kai sighs loudly and shoves a plastic of lunch box to him.

"Eat."

Kyungsoo shakes his hand, "I can't. I'm still working."

Kai pulls Kyungsoo down on the chair, "Just eat, I'll talk to your manager."

Kyungsoo just stares at the plastic on the table as Kai leaves to find Minseok. Tears start prickling on his eyes but he takes a deep breath to calm himself.

Kai is back a few minutes later, "Now, eat."

But Kyungsoo doesn't do any move to open the plastic. Kai grunts slightly seeing Kyungsoo not making any move. He opens the lunch box quickly.

He hears a sound of someone about to vomit so he raises his head to see Kyungsoo covering his mouth with his hand.

"What the--" Kai watches Kyungsoo runs to the restroom and Chanyeol follows after. 

"Is he sick? I bought his favorite." Kai mutters. He taps his foot on floor, waiting for Kyungsoo to get out of the restroom. But instead of Kyungsoo, it's Chanyeol who walks out of the restroom.

"Excuse me, sir, but Kyungsoo doesn't feel really well. Maybe you should you back home." Chanyeol says mechanically.

Kai frowns  deeply, "He's sick? Let me see hi--"

"I don't think so, sir." Chanyeol cuts him, not leaving any space for argument.

Kai scoffs, "Fine. Tell him to go home after his shift ends."

Chanyeol goes back to the restroom when Kai finally leaves the café. What he sees in the restroom breaks his heart.

Kyungsoo leans his curled body to the wall. He hugs his lower abdomen. Chanyeol can hear Kyungsoo cries quietly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Kyungsoo whispers in his cry.

Chanyeol is crouching down to touch Kyungsoo, "Hey..."

Kyungsoo looks up to see Chanyeol with his teary eyes, his lips quivering.

"Are you okay?" Chanyeol asks softly but Kyungsoo feels his bile goes up again. He crawls to the toilet bowl and throws up with tears rolling on his cheek.

Suddenly everything clicks in Chanyeol's head. It's not his first time seeing Kyungsoo vomits.

Chanyeol helps Kyungsoo to clean himself and holds the smaller boy to stands up. Minseok watches them in worry seeing Kyungsoo's condition. Chanyeol makes a gesture to the manager that he's going to take Kyungsoo to the lounge room which Minseok obligates.

When Kyungsoo sits on the couch, Chanyeol crouches down in front of him, his hands cup Kyungsoo's knees.

"Kyung..."

Kyungsoo looks at the person in front of him. He's no longer crying, just hiccups and sniffs every now and then.

Chanyeol contemplates, should he ask? Should he not? He takes a deep breath, "Are you... pregnant?"

There's a silent between them before Kyungsoo answers in hushed whisper, "Yes..."

"B-but I'm not sure... The test tube said it's positive but I... I haven't gotten it check on the hospital. B-but I feel nauseous all the time. I... I don't know Chanyeol, I don't know..." Kyungsoo breaks into cry.

Chanyeol takes a deep breath seeing the broken boy in front of him.

"Is Kai... Is he the father?"

Kyungsoo sobs loudly as he nods.

Chanyeol raises his hands to wipe the tears on Kyungsoo's face. It doesn't have to be smart to know from Kyungsoo's reaction that the latter hasn't told Kai about this.

"How long?" How long since you found out? Chanyeol asks carefully. He sits beside the crying boy.

Kyungsoo shakes his head, "I don't know."

"Let's go to hospital." Chanyeol decides suddenly.

"No!" Kyungsoo shrieks, he pulls Chanyeol's shirt with his small fingers, preventing the tall boy from leaving.

"I don't have money to go to doctor, Chanyeol. And... I... You--Don't you think... It-it'd be hard on me to let it go once I see the picture?"

The tall boy stares down at Kyungsoo in disbelief.

"What?"

Kyungsoo doesn't say anything more, he just brings his knees to his chest, hugging himself in self pity.

"Kyungsoo, what did you mean?" Chanyeol probes desperately as he's back to sit beside the small boy.

Kyungsoo's shoulder shiver. He takes a deep breath, "I can't keep the baby..."

Chanyeol holds his breath, waiting in agony for Kyungsoo to continue.

"I don't want the baby to live the life I'm living, Chanyeol... I barely have money to buy food. What am I going to feed him? I have nothing... And Kai... Kai..." Kyungsoo covers his mouth with his hand as he chokes back a loud sob.

Chanyeol pulls Kyungsoo into his chest, his hand runs up and down Kyungsoo's back in a soothing manner.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Kyungsoo's cries muffled on his shirt.

At this point, Chanyeol honestly doesn't know what to do.

 

-

 

Kai waits impatiently for Kyungsoo to go back home. It's almost midnight.

His ears perk up to the sound of the door opened.

"I'm home." Kyungsoo greets weakly.

"Why are you so late?" Kai asks coldly to Kyungsoo who is peeling off his shoes.

Why do you care?

"I just got off work, night shift." Kyungsoo says, refusing to meet Kai's eyes.

"If you don't feel well, you shouldn't--"

"I'm fine, I'm not sick." Kyungsoo cuts Kai weakly.

"But you threw u--"

"I'm fine, Kai." Kyungsoo walks past Kai and goes straight to his room.

He plops his tired body to his bed. Chanyeol's words ringing in his head repeatedly.

"Kyungsoo, you should tell Kai. He has to know."

"Abortion could be really risky for pregnant male. It's dangerous."

Kyungsoo covers his eyes with his arms, "I'm sorry, I'm a bad parent... I'm sorry I can't do anything."

 

-

 

Kai rubs his hand to his sleepy eyes. He looks to the clock on his night stand.

5.08 AM

What the is Kyungsoo doing in the shower in this hour?, He thinks when he hears the shower on.

Kai tosses around, he can't go back to sleep. He blinks his eyes a few times, an attempt to wake up completely. He gets up from his bed as he knows the shower has been turned off minutes ago.

The dancer yawns loudly and makes his way to the kitchen, only to find Kyungsoo standing beside the kitchen counter with a glass of water on his hand.

The small boy looks surprised that Kai is awake.

"Where are you going?" Kai asks in his raspy-just-wake-up voice.

"Work." Kyungsoo answers slowly.

Kai frowns, the clock on the oven shows that it's not even 6 in the morning.

"The café is not opened until 10."

Kyungsoo doesn't say anything. Kai just watches the boy that has been acting weird for these last few weeks.

"I work at the construction." Kyungsoo finally says.

This makes Kai wide awake, "What the , Kyungsoo? You wake at this ty hour to work at the construction? It's ing dangerous!"

Why do you care?

Kyungsoo doesn't say anything in return. He just feels his eyes sting and the glass on his hand looks blurry.

"I have to go." Kyungsoo says.

"You're not going to eat breakfast?" Kai asks when he sees that water is all Kyungsoo had.

The latter shakes his head and walks to the door.

Kai groans loudly when he sees Kyungsoo's back finally disappear to the other side of the door. They've been living together for a year but he never gets the small boy to talk properly with him.

 

-

 

Chanyeol pays attention to his surrounding, especially Kyungsoo. He notices that the small boy looks tired and skinnier, contradicting to the fact that he's pregnant. Sometimes he appears in the café with red eyes that it looks like he cried himself to sleep.

In the morning when he has morning shift in the café, he sees Kyungsoo already there, mopping the floor. During lunch break, Kyungsoo takes a cat nap on the couch, not once eating lunch.

Even though Chanyeol doesn't have any shift after lunch because he has class in college, he knows that Kyungsoo still works until night shift ends. To say that he's worried is probably an understatement. He knows Kyungsoo is pregnant. He is probably the only one who knows out there and it breaks his heart to see Kyungsoo works graveyard shifts because it will harm the baby. But Kyungsoo always comes out with words saying that he's fine.

Chanyeol's nightmare comes two weeks later. He is in the class when he gets a phone call from Manager Kim, saying that Kyungsoo tripped and fell down in the restroom.

He immediately rushes off to the hospital, because Manager Kim has to handle the café and Chanyeol is the only one that he hopes could accompany Kyungsoo. 

When he arrives, the nurse tells him that the doctor hasn't finished checking on Kyungsoo. He has to wait, praying that everything would be okay.

Chanyeol is about to sleep on his chair that a nurse wake him up.

"You can go inside his room now." The nurse says.

He nods feverishly and blinks his sleep away.

Kyungsoo sits on his bed, his hand loops around his lower abdomen as he stares into space.

Chanyeol's heart beats really fast because the worst possibility could happen.

Kyungsoo looks at him and smiles, but he also cries. Drops and drops of salty waters taints his pale cheeks.

"I was six weeks pregnant..." He says in whisper. His voice shatters in painful edge of breaking.

Chanyeol's legs wobble as he hears the past tense.

Was

"I lost the baby..." Kyungsoo says in loud sobs.

Chanyeol runs and hugs the small boy. Kyungsoo keeps muttering apologize because... There are so many destructions inside him and he can't do anything to fix it.

 

-

 

Kai doesn't go back home that night so he doesn't know that Kyungsoo doesn't either.

 

-

 

When Chanyeol visits Kyungsoo in the hospital the next day, he can't find the said boy. He looks around the room only to find it empty. He asks the nurses around the hall and one of them points at the direction where the last time she saw Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol walks towards the said direction and soon realizes that it's the baby ward. He sees Kyungsoo stands outside the babies room; his forehead sticks to the big glass window and his fingers on the glass make a gesture like he's caressing the baby inside.

The giant walks quietly approaching Kyungsoo. Hearing the foot steps, Kyungsoo looks to the side, seeing Chanyeol.

"Hey..." He greets weakly.

Chanyeol stands close beside Kyungsoo, "You're not supposed to walk around, Kyung."

Kyungsoo just smiles and turns his head to watch the babies inside the room again.

"They are so delicate, aren't they?" Kyungsoo's voice croaks at the end.

His vision starts to blurry, "I'm a bad parent, right?" He asks in broken whisper.

"I don't deserve to live... I lost my baby..."

Chanyeol wraps Kyungsoo in his arms because his heart hurts seeing this small boy crying non stop. If there's someone who deserve happiness more than anybody else, it'd be Kyungsoo.

 

-

 

Kai comes to the café that day but Kyungsoo isn't there.

 

-

 

Kai doesn't know how long Kyungsoo has been gone. He came to an empty house after a long trip from a gathering he had to attend in another province. He wished that Kyungsoo would be home, greeting him and make a nice home cooked dinner. But no, he gets none of that.

Kyungsoo's room looks like it hasn't been touched in a long time.

Kai sighs loudly and heads to the bathroom. He's about to shave only to realize that he runs out of shaving cream. The dancer grunts loudly before crouching down to the counter under the sink, in case there's a spare.

But he notices something that shouldn't be there. There's a small ziplock bag at the corner of the counter.

He grabs the bag and his eyes widen to the sight of what's inside the transparent plastic bag.

Three pregnancy test tubes.

Two of them have smiling face on it and the last one has two stripes.

Positive, all of it.

There's only one person that crosses his mind when he sees the pregnancy test tubes.

Kyungsoo.

 

-

 

Kai drives to café as fast as he can. His heart drumming really fast in his chest.

He spots Chanyeol since the boy works in the cashier.

"Where's Kyungsoo?" He asks in urgency.

Chanyeol keeps his stance calm, "I don't know, sir."

Kai growls under his breath, "Don't you ing sir me. You know where he is."

The giant on the cashier keeps calm. Minseok who realizes both boys start stealing attention from the customers, make his way to approach them.

"Excuse me, is there anything wrong?" Minseok asks politely.

"Where's Kyungsoo?" Kai asks again through his gritted teeth.

The way Minseok steals glances towards Chanyeol doesn't go unnoticed by Kai. He grabs the collar of Chanyeol's uniform, "Where is Kyungsoo?!"

"Sir, please be calm--" Minseok tries to stop any violence.

But Chanyeol pries Kai's hands off of him harshly and comes out of the cashier counter. Minseok expects the worst, Chanyeol would throw a fist or two, because in all honesty, this is the first time Minseok sees Chanyeol is raging.

The tallest among the three bumps his shoulder less gently to Kai's.

"Follow me." He coldly orders Kai.

Despite looking very unsatisfied and angry, Kai follows him.

They both stop at the aisle between two stores, out of public's attention. Chanyeol leans his back, arms folded on his chest.

"What do you want?"

Kai scoffs, "What do I want? You ing know clearly what I want." Who I want.

Chanyeol doesn't show any sign to respond. Kai clenches his jaw, "Where's Kyungsoo? I know you know where he is since you're his frien--"

The taller boy scoffs, "And what? You're the one who lives under the same rooftop with him. Shouldn't you know better?"

Kai groans and grabs Chanyeol's shirt again, "He hasn't been home in days! ing days, bastard!"

He lets go of Chanyeol to grab his hair harshly like his about to rip it, "He's pregnant!"

Chanyeol watches how Kai's starts crumbling in front of him. This is the person behind Kyungsoo's tears.

"He is not pregnant." Chanyeol states.

Kai looks up to see him in disbelief, "What the are you talking about? He's pregnant! Kyungsoo is pregnant! I found his test--"

"I said, he is not pregnant." Chanyeol cuts him, emphasizing every word.

Kai stares at Chanyeol with wide eyes, "What...?" He asks in whisper.

Chanyeol stares back at Kai with cold menacing eyes, "Miscarriage. He lost the baby."

Kai steps back until his back touching the wall across Chanyeol. He slowly stumbles down until he sits on the ground.

"No..."

"Don't act like you'd suddenly care if he's pregnant."

Kai looks up to see the man who just broke the news to him. And Chanyeol, for almost a year working in the café, seeing Kai came to the cafe, this is the first time he sees the confident dancer looks so lost.

"Why do you think he didn't tell you about his pregnancy in the first place?" Chanyeol snaps again.

Kai only sits there, eyes wide in frustration. His mind can only replay Kyungsoo's smile, Kyungsoo's small back, Kyungsoo's innocent eyes. It suddenly hits him like bricks when he recalls the time few weeks back ago, when he told Kyungsoo to stop wasting food, only to find a new box of cereal the next day. He remembers how Kyungsoo would slip out of the house when he brought people, girls or boys, over. He remembers how Kyungsoo looked like he was about to vomit when he brought the lunch to the café. How could he never realize this before?

"I think we're done talking." Chanyeol sighs. He's about to leave when he hears Kai pleads.

"Please... Please let me see him..."

 

-

 

Kyungsoo has been staying in Park’s house since he discharged from the hospital. Park Chanyeol lives in a house with his parents, still. The day when he brought Kyungsoo to stay at his house, his parents didn’t probe much about his decision because they trust their son. He explained everything that needed about Kyungsoo to his parents. About how Kyungsoo had no place to stay and the fact that he just discharged from the hospital made Chanyeol’s parents to feel the need to help this boy.

Mr. Park and his wife treat Kyungsoo like their own son. The small boy looks really fragile and he doesn’t talk much either. He stays in his room for most of the time. Just like today, Kyungsoo watches the sunset from the window in his room.

He hears a knock on his door and turns his head around. He sees Chanyeol, just got off from work.

“Hey.” Chanyeol simply greets.

Kyungsoo smiles and crawls to the edge of the bed to get up. But his legs give up and he wobbles, Chanyeol catches him immediately. The taller boy settles Kyungsoo down on the bed.

“How are you feeling today?” Chanyeol softly asks.

“I’m fine.”

Chanyeol realizes there’s more paper on Kyungsoo’s bed today.

“Are you writing a letter again today?” Chanyeol takes a sit beside Kyungsoo on the bed. Kyungsoo always writes a letter for his lost baby. It’s a routine that Chanyeol realized Kyungsoo has been doing since he left the hospital.

Chanyeol stares at Kyungsoo’s small frame and his pale skin, wondering he’s making the right decision or not. He takes a deep breath and holds Kyungsoo’s hand in his bigger one.

“I have someone who wants to see you.” Chanyeol slowly starts.

“Apparently this person has been going crazy since he hasn’t seen you for awhile now.”

Kyungsoo frowns, “Who? I don’t have…” I don’t have family, I don’t have any friend…

Chanyeol smiles and stands up.

When Chanyeol disappears behind the door, Kyungsoo fidgets on the bed. He stares at the papers on the bed, wondering if his words ever reached his baby in heaven.

The sound of the bedroom opened wakes him up from his dazing stance. He looks up to see a person he’s been trying to avoid.

“Kyungsoo…” Kai rasps out.

He looks miserable as if he hasn’t been eating or sleeping well.

Kyungsoo immediately looks down, staring at his fingers on his lap. His eyes sting and he really doesn’t want to cry anymore, he has no strength to do it.

Kai keeps walking closer and he can see Kyungsoo is getting tense. He keeps walking even though how much he knows that Kyungsoo might shun him away. Suddenly Kyungsoo crawls to the other side of the bed, practically glues himself to the wall. Kai’s heart breaks looking the sight. Kyungsoo hugs his belly protectively.

“I’m sorry… Please forgive me…” Kyungsoo whispers as he buries his face in his hands.

Kai crawls to the bed, approaching Kyungsoo. He pulls Kyungsoo, wrapping the crying boy inside his arms. Kyungsoo’s cry muffled in his shirt and he doesn’t mind the wetness that starts creeping through the fabrics.

“I’m sorry Kyungsoo… I’m sorry…” Kai chants again and again until Kyungsoo stops shaking. If anything, Kai wants to be the one who fixes his mistakes. If anything, he wants to do anything to redeem his sins to the small boy in his arms.

The dancer pulls off slightly when he thinks that Kyungsoo is calm. But instead, Kyungsoo has fallen asleep, probably too tired from all the crying he’s done. Kai lays Kyungsoo gently on the bed and gets up carefully, trying not to wake Kyungsoo up.

He opens the door to see Chanyeol stands with folded arms on the wall beside the door.

“Did you talk to him?” Chanyeol asks.

Kai shakes his head sadly, “He fell asleep after crying.”

Chanyeol sighs and leaves to enter Kyungsoo’s room. When he’s back, he has Kyungsoo’s letters in his hands.

“Read this. You can come back again tomorrow.” Chanyeol simply says.

 

-

 

Dear my baby,

How are you doing in heaven? I hope you’re doing fine there because it must be better there than the life I’m living in.

My baby, it’s been a week but I can’t get my head out of you. I still feel and remember everything like it just happened yesterday. The first time I knew you were inside me, I didn’t know how to feel. But mostly, I felt sorry.

I could barely live my life, I didn’t have a warm house for you to live in, I didn’t have enough money to buy foods you wanted, in case I started to crave for something. I have nothing in my life. But beyond anything, I felt sorry for your father. I couldn’t tell him about you. I’m a coward.

Your father looked stressed lately. Sometimes he would come back home complaining how kids in dance studio were such hassles.

It made me wanted to cry. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about you, so I kept you to myself.

My baby, there was one time when I thought I should abort you instead. I knew I will forever regret my decision, but what could I do? I didn’t want you to see the world as I see it. I didn’t want you to suffer and restraint yourself from doing everything you want to do. I didn’t want you to live a lonely life.

I’m sorry, please forgive me.

I tried to fix myself. I worked double shifts at the café and the construction because I needed to save more money for you. So I could get you checked up in the hospital, to make sure you were okay and safe inside me.

But when doctor checked you for the first time, you were gone. You no longer breathed. It’s my fault. Please forgive me.

I’m too broken, I don’t know what I should do in my life. When you were gone, I thought I lost myself. When you were gone, who else I have?

I’m sorry, sweetheart. I couldn’t protect you, please forgive me. I really want you to know that I love you. Even though I can’t hold you in my arms like how I always dreamed it, I want you to know that I love you.

And I hope you’re in a better place now.

I love you, my baby. Please forgive me.

 

 

Kai grips the letter in his hand tightly, he chokes back a loud sob that threatening to escape from his throat.

“Forgive me, Kyungsoo… Forgive me…”  

 

 

---

 

Author's note : It's almost morning and I can't sleep. Surprisingly, I didn't get any shot of caffeine today, wonder why can't I sleep T^T Soooo, is this the end? I don't know. Bye for now