The first time I met him we were in the practice room, I was dancing with others trainees, like me, to improve our skills. I was told that we would have to debut as a group one day even if nor the where nor the with who were known by us. He walked in with the brightest smile I've ever seen and immediately bowed at us. I can't say what day was or what time was, I just remember the way he looked at us. With his lips curved in a smile and sparkling eyes. He presented himself as Mark Tuan. He said he came from Los Angeles but he could speak both English and Korean very well, he even knew a bit of Chinese. I was immediately taken by him, his charm, his face, his appearance, but most of all, by that smile.

Since then I've never seen him without that smile, it was almost like he was the smile. I've learnt to know that he sometime faked it, as if he didn't want to worry us. Even if we had hard time, he always wore that smile and that was always enough for me to keep going. His mere presence was enough for me. There was this time when he was sick and he had to stay in the dorm. It was the first time we had the permission to go out for the weekend and go visit our parents. He obviously couldn't go on a trip of more days in those conditions. That time, judging by the look of our manager I knew that it would have been better if someone could stay with him. I immediately offered myself. I missed my parents, a lot honestly, but how could I leave him alone when he was sick? I couldn't. I stayed by him all the time he needed me. He even tried to apologize to me because he thought he ruined my weekend and my possibility to see my family. In all honesty I didn't care that much because when I saw him getting better on Saturday night I was only able to smile with him. All the thought of my family were long gone. That night I ended up dragging him to the cinema. I knew it was wrong because he was still recovering but he kept on complaining about that movie he wanted to see and the manager never allowed him too. He really wanted to see it so I decided to sneak out of the dorm and take him out. He worried too much about the fact that if we would have been caught I could have been scolded really badly, but I didn't care. In my mind there was just one thing, his smile, the smile I saw later on while he was watching his long awaited movie. I've never said that to him, but as long as I was with him I didn't care about any consequences. That night the manager came at the dorm to check if everything was ok. To say he shouted at me saying how irresponsible i've been doesn't really gave the right idea. I don't regret nothing tho, i've managed to see his smile.

The first time I acknowledge my own feelings about him it was a few months later.That time new members joined us in the team. We started to hang out all together after practice almost every night before going to sleep. We've often found ourselves sitting in a diner near the dorm. We knew the owner so the usually kept the store open late just for us. He always sat near me, or I sat near him I don't know. We talked, we joked, we laughed until it was time to go back to the dorm. During the walk back, we both were at the end of the group, alone. In our world. We kept talking, or I kept talking he was just listening to my blabbering with his usual smile. I don't even remember what I was talking about, I just know I was only trying to make him smile more and more. I was still talking when I felt a hand taking mine. At that time I didn't dare to look at the owner because I knew it was him and my heart skipped a beat. He too never looked directly at me that night. He just breathed out a soft "cold" while squeezing my hand and coming closer to me. That was the day I came at the conclusion that I liked him and our relationship. I knew, from that day on, I would have never let it end.

The first time I felt afraid of something was the 4th of September. His birthday came by