As the last beats of the song fades into silence, a bead of sweat rolls down Choi Youngjae’s face and falls to the floor. He desperately tries to catch his breath; he auditioned because he wanted to be a singer, he didn’t think it would involve so much dancing. His instructor throws him a small towel and he barely catches it.

“That was better, but you’ve still got a ways to go. Keep practicing.” Youngjae nods while wiping his face. “Well, that’s it for today. You can leave when you’re ready.” Youngjae straightens and dips into a bow.

“Thank you for your hard work. I’ll see you tomorrow.” His instructors bows back and gets his belongings together before leaving.

Youngjae checks his watch and sees that it’s half past eleven. He’s falling behind in at least two classes and he’s got homework to finish, but he doesn’t want to be a scholar. He wants to sing on stage in front of thousands of people and make albums and sell out concerts. Getting the dance right is more important. But first he needs to hydrate his body.

Making his way down the JYP corridor, Youngjae looks at the pictures on the walls of debuted artists and silently vows to himself that one day his picture will be up there. He doesn’t know when, or who will be standing beside him, but it’s going to happen.

“Youngjae-ya!” Youngjae stops on hearing the familiar voice and turns around.

“Hello, Jaebum-hyung.” Jaebum is one of the debuted artists that he’d like to join on-stage one day. Right beside him is Jinyoung, the other half of JJ Project. “Hello, Jinyoung-hyung.” Youngjae bows.

“Youngjae, we just finished recording and were going to get something to eat. Would you like to join us? It’s our treat.” Youngjae flushes when his stomach voices his opinion. Jaebum burst out laughing and Jinyoung-hyung simply smiles. He’s tempted to accept the offer, but his clumsy steps and the disappointment in his instructor’s eyes.

“Thank you for the offer, but…”

“Don’t you dare think of refusing. As your hyung, I command you to come eat with us.” Before Youngjae can speak further, his left and right arms are grabbed by his hyungs and he’s frogmarched back to the practice room.

“Jinyoung, grab his school bag. I’ll take his duffel.”

“Can you let me shower at least? I’m still sweaty from practice,” Youngjae mumbles grumpily.

“You can shower when you get back to the dorm. It’s not like we’re going to some upscale place, plus you don’t even stink at all. Which brand of deodorant do you use? I want to switch to yours,” Jaebum says with a cheeky smile.

“Bundled up under your coat, no-one will even be able to smell you anyway,” Jinyoung smiles gently and pats his arm.

Youngjae sighs and lets them lead him out of the JYP building and into a small restaurant a few blocks away. The his coat and some residual body heat from his hyungs – who still have their arms wrapped around him – warms him up a bit, but he still shivers a bit in the brisk night air. His body is instantly warmed as he steps into the restaurant.

“You haven’t been here before right? You should try the jjajangmyeon, it’s delicious,” Jinyoung says as they sit down.

“Jinyoung, Youngjae’s a big boy; he can decide what he wants for himself. Right, Youngjae?”

“I was only making a suggestion. You weren’t offended, eh Youngjae?” Jinyoung holds out his hands in a plea. Youngjae simply shrugs, not wanting to get caught in their antics. Half of the times he’s with them, they act like normal hyungs, but for the other half he feels more like a child tagging along with his parents.

He ends up choosing the jjajangmyeon – Jinyoung flashes Jaebum a smug smile while the latter rolls his eyes – because Jinyoung has good taste and he’s too hungry to bother looking through the menu and choosing something else anyway. The food turns out to be even better than Youngjae was expecting. Mentally, he notes the location of the restaurant and plans to stop by again. Half-way through the meal, Jaebum’s phone beeps.

“Has Jackson made his decision yet?” Jinyoung asks through a mouthful of food. Against his will, Youngjae freezes for a second, leaving a string of noodles dangling from his chopsticks. He hastily stuffs them into his mouth and hopes Jaebum was too preoccupied in replying to the text to notice.

It’s been two years since Youngjae confessed to Jackson, two years since he was rejected, and eighteen months since he last saw him. After he graduated, Jackson-hyung went back to Hong Kong, and Youngjae thought that would be the last he ever saw of him. Apparently, he’s considering coming back to Korea to pursue a music career. It’s been a month since he found out, but Youngjae still doesn’t know how he feels about that.

“‘Hide your sisters!! King Jackson returns to the 82 on February 26!!!! Save the date!!’ Looks so,” Jaebum recites.

Youngjae gulps down his tea, trying not to choke. He can feel his stomach roiling and his face prickling. His palms are so sweaty that he drops his chopsticks twice before he’s able to get a good grip on them and continue eating. He’d like to think Jaebum didn’t notice his reaction, but he can feel the older boy’s penetrating stare piercing the top of his head, so he keeps his head down.

“February, eh? I’ve been hearing about him for so long, I’m looking forward to meeting the infamous Jackson Wang.” Jaebum simply snickers at his partner. Some small, melodramatic part of Youngjae wants to warn his hyung, to tell him that being with Jackson feels like getting caught in the middle of a lightning storm with no shelter, but he swallows his noodles instead.

The rest of the meal finishes without incident. As they leave the restaurant, Youngjae falls behind his hyungs, his body in the present and his mind in the future. He’s about to bid the two of them goodnight when Jaebum speaks up.

“Jinyoung-ah, go back to the dorm. Youngjae-ya, come take a walk with me.” Damn. Just when he thought that he’d gotten away.

“It’s pretty late and cold to just be walking around.” Sometimes Jinyoung’s fussy ways can get a bit overbearing, but right now Youngjae has never been more thankful to him.

“Don’t worry, we won’t be long.” Jinyoung looks like he wants to say more, but eventually he waves goodbye to them and enters the dorm.

“Come on, Youngjae.” Youngjae feels a firm pressure on the nape of his neck, and he lets himself be led away.

Youngjae knows what Jaebum-hyung wants to talk about, but he’s not in any hurry to start that conversation, so he lets the silence between them stretch for as long as possible.

“So,” Jaebum eventually drawls, “how do you feel about Jackson coming back?”

Youngjae inhales and exhales deeply, staring up at the sky. He feels a lot of things, that’s the problem.

“Anxious,” he mumbles.

“Excited ‘anxious’ or nervous ‘anxious’?”

“Both,” Youngjae breathes. Jaebum wraps an arm around his waist and pats his stomach.

“Even now I’m surprised that you actually confessed to him.”

‘So am I,’ Youngjae thinks.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you probably hoped, but I did warn you,” Jaebum says not unkindly.

“I know,” Youngjae sighs. “Still, I don’t think I regret doing it. Even though I was rejected, there’s a kind of relief I got from letting him know.”

“He wasn’t too hard on you when he turned you down, right?” Jaebum asks for what must be the tenth time.

“No, no, he was very kind to me.” Youngjae’s voice cracks on the last words, prompting Jaebum-hyung to stop and pull him into a hug. Youngjae can’t help but think of the embrace Jackson had wrapped him up in on that day. It was more crushing, though no less heartfelt than the one Jaebum is giving him now. Just like he did then, Youngjae closes his eyes and returns the embrace.

“So, you really haven’t gotten over him, eh?” Youngjae feels Jaebum rubbing his back through his coat. He shakes his head where it’s resting on the older man's shoulder.

“Jackson-hyung is…very difficult to forget about.”

“Indeed.” Youngjae can hear the smile in his voice. Does he really sound that much like the female lead in a drama?

“Thank you for listening to me, Jaebum-hyung.” Youngjae pulls away at last, trying to regain some masculinity; he comes of age next year after all.

“Anytime.” Jaebum turns them around and guides him back to his dorm.

After bidding Jaebum goodbye, Youngjae heads to the shower and turns up the ehat as far as it will go, partly to chase out the chill that has seeped into his bones, and partly in an attempt to clear his mind of thoughts of Jackson. He succeeds at the former, but fails at the latter.

When he make sit back to his shared bedroom, he collapses face-first onto the thin mattress he calls his bed. Just before he drifts off to sleep, an alarm goes off in his head, reminding him of his unfinished homework. He’s too exhausted, both physically and emotionally, to think straight, so fumbles for his mobile phone and sets his alarm a few hours earlier. Then he puts his head down and knows no more.

“Youngjae-ya!”

It’s a dark, moonless night, and his vision is obscured by sheets of pouring rain, but Jackson can clearly see Youngjae’s shining eyes.

“Jackson-hyung…”

Jackson moves forward, entirely unconcerned with the state of his clothes, his socks squelching with each step. When he’s right in front of the other boy, Jackson pulls him into his arms just like he did three years ago.

“Jackson,” Youngjae whispers into his ear.

“I made you wait, forgive me.”

“Jackson,” Youngjae says a bit louder.

“Youngjae.”

“Jackson!” Jackson doubles over from a hard blow to his stomach.

“Jackson, wake up! We’re already running late!” Jackson looks up to see Mark standing where Youngjae was before.

“Jesus Christ, Mark!” Catapulting up, Jackson pulls his eye mask off to see Mark standing beside his bed, fist raised, presumable to hit him again.

“We let you sleep longer than you were supposed to, but you really need to get up now.” Jackson nods, rubbing the last bit of sleep out of his eyes. Seemingly satisfied, Mark leaves his room.

Running his hand through his hair, Jackson stared at the raindrops pounding against his window. So that’s why it was raining in his dream. Out of habit, Jackson pats the mattress to check for wet spots. It’s been a long, long, long time since his last accident but it doesn’t hurt to be sure. As for why he was dreaming about Youngjae, it’s probably because today is the day he returns to South Korea. They parted ways as friends, but Youngjae is probably the best human representation of his doubts and anxieties about going back to Korea.

Since he graduated and returned to Hong Kong, he’s sent Youngjae the occasional LINE message, sent greetings through JB, and even called him on his last two birthdays, but seeing him in person will be different. Hopefully three years of distance will have been enough to quench any remaining awkwardness. Jackson hates when things get awkward with one of his friends. He has more friends than the average person will make in their life, but he treasures each and every one of them.

“Ka Yee, are you ready yet?” His mother pokes her head through the slightly open door. Seeing her sons till in bed, she narrows her eyes and sighs.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,” Jackson babbles, throwing back the covers and jumping up.

“What am I going to do with you?” She shakes her head. Walking inside, she looks around the room, taking in the medals and trophies lining his shelves, and the poster of Aldo Montano up on the wall above his bed.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” She asks with glistening eyes.

“Fencing is over, ma.” It still hurts like hell to say, but it’s the nothing but the truth. He’s had to put his fencing dreams to rest, but he has a new dream to chase, a dream that’s actually his old dream resurrected.

“Do you love Korea that much? If you want to be a singer, why not do it in China?” Jackson shrugs helplessly.

“I’d still have to go far away. And the training programmes for idols in Korea are much better, there’s a greater demand for idols there, plus I have a couple friends at JYP already.” She sighs, shoulders slumping a bit. They’ve had this argument many times, and they both know that trying to convince him to change his mind is fighting a losing battle, but he got his stubbornness from her so he knew she’d keep trying anyway.

“It’ll be alright, I’ll have Mark with me the entire time. Really, you should be more concerned for the people who will have to deal with us.” At that she cracks a smile and chuckles a bit. He closes the rest of the distance between them and wraps her up in a hug. For a minute he closes his eyes and enjoys her solid presence and the soothing sensation of her running her hands through his hair.

“Alright, time to go now,” she says.

Jackson’s dallied so long that he doesn’t’ have enough to eat breakfast at home. Luckily his mother anticipated this and made him (and Mark, for some reason) a packed lunch to eat in the departure lounge. Being late also has the added benefit of not having to endure a long and probably teary goodbye from his parents. Instead, he gives them both a quick hug and waves goodbye over his shoulder as he and Mark hustle to make it through security clearance. It’s not that Jackson won’t miss them, it’s the exact opposite. He’ll miss them so much that he doesn’t want to start dwelling on being away form them again just yet.

“So, this is it,” Marks says as the fall into the faux leather chairs in the departure lounge.

“Yup.” Jackson wastes no time, immediately digging into his food. If Marks feels like getting chatty and wants to talk about his feelings, then he’s going to have to wait.

“I should have made you teach me more Korean before we left,” he moans.

“Don’t worry about it; you’ll get lessons at the company. You’re not the first foreign trainee JYP has ever had.” Mark is good at languages, good at everything really. He picked up Cantonese easily enough; he’ll probably speak Korean better than Jackson does in a few years. It would piss Jackson if he didn’t love the guy so much.

“Did you deliberately choose JYP because Youngjae’s a trainee there?” The question is so out of left field that Jackson chokes on his rice. Mark, the bastard, does even try to pat his back or offer him water; he just stares at him with his eyebrows raised. Why are they friends again?

“I didn’t even know Youngjae became a trainee there until long after we won the audition.” Jackson pauses to clear his throat. “Like, come on, that was a full year before he even auditioned.”

“Okay, fair enough, but you did decided to join after you knew he was there. And, like you said, you waited a whole year before you decided,” Mark points out.

“Why are we even talking about Youngjae,” Jackson tries to deflect.

“You were saying his name in your sleep.”

Jackson’s glad he didn’t resume finishing his meal, because he would have just choked again.

“I had a dream about him,” Jackson shrugs, aiming for nonchalant.

“You were dreaming about him?” Mark’s eyebrows rise even more, if it could be believed.

“Let me re-phrase: I had a dream and he just happened to be in it.”

“If you say so.” Mark, thankfully, seems to be willing to drop the subject now. Instead of pressing Jackson further, he simply pops in his ear buds while they wait for the boarding call for their flight.

Jackson wasn’t feeling so hungry anymore, but he dived back into his food with even more gusto than before. He’ll be damn if he lets Mark and his weird insinuations get between him and the last home-cooked meal he’ll have from his mother for a long time.

Blinking away that last bleak thought, Jackson instead lets his mind drift to happier things like seeing JB again. Jackson won’t admit it to anybody, but JB debuting last year was a significant contributing factor in his decision to go through the JYP auditions. No disrespect to JB, but if he could do it why couldn’t Jackson? He couldn’t fence anymore, but he could still make music. So, he went out for auditions JYP were holding in Hong Kong, convinced Mark to give it a try since he still hadn’t decided on what he was going to study at university. Mark was sceptical from the start, but Jackson had enough faith and confidence for two people. Jackson was so ecstatic at winning that he didn’t even rub it in Mark’s face, not much anyway.

After the euphoria ebbed somewhat, Jackson thought long and hard about what he was going to do next. Although he has a tendency to act impulsively and play around, Jackson takes things are important to him very seriously. Participating in an exchange programme is one thing, this time he would be going to Korea to live and work. And as much as he had confidence in his abilities, being talented doesn’t ensure success. He could go all the way to Korea, spend years training in JYP and still not debut; it’s happened to dozens of other trainees. To be brutally honest, Jackson still worries that that might be his fate that both of his dreams will be shattered, but he’s decided to take a leap of faith and give it a try.

Soon, a slightly tinny voice is telling them to make their way to the gate to board the plane. Mark takes a comic book out of his bag to read once they’re seated, but Jackson knows he’ll just fall asleep anyway. Closing his eyes, Jackson tries to make himself as comfortable as he can in the confined space. He definitely doesn’t dream about Youngjae greeting him at Incheon airport with a giant bouquet of flowers.

Roughly three hours later, Jackson wakes to the sensation of the plane touching down on the tarmac. Staring out the small window, he sees his future stretched before him. He takes a deep breath and releases it slowly, grabbing Mark’s limp hand and squeezing it. Real life starts today. 

part 3