“I said I don’t want to take these treatments anymore! Just let me die.” Hyukjae burst out, frustrated, tugging at the tubes connected to the needle under his skin. The nurse panicked and quickly asked for help to calm the patient down.

The next bed, Donghae was watching the scene, he know he shouldn’t look but this guy is so loud he couldn't help but feel curious. Donghae had been here for a week after he did his surgery. He had injured his vertebrate disc and although it is not serious, he is having some trouble standing upright.

*

The patient next to him had been there the first night he woke up. His eyes opened wide, momentarily forgetting where is he and why is he here. He panicked as the lights were out at night and his family had went home. The only thing he could move without feeling like he would break something was his head.

He cricked his head to his right, nothing but walls. He turned his head to the left and saw the patient. His lamp was switched on and he is scribbling furiously onto a sketch book. His cheeks are hollow and sharp, his face pale. Donghae wondered why he is admitted into the hospital. Even though he look like a strong wind could probably finish him off, he is writing, or drawing in his sketchbook with a lot of strength.

“H…hey?” Donghae tried to speak but it only comes out as a soft whisper. He tried to wet his parched lips but he is so thirsty it didn’t do much good. The patient turned towards him anyway and Donghae attempted a smile. “C..can you tell me the time now?”

The patient turned to his bedside drawer and took his table clock. He held it towards Donghae, still not speaking. It’s already 1am… “Thanks..” Donghae managed to croak. Donghae turned back, staring at the ceilings, his hands crawling around the bed trying to find the switch that would call a nurse to assist him.

Hyukjae continued staring at the patient who just spoke to him. He placed his sketchbook on his bed and got up, carefully pulling his dripstand with him. He took a cup from the patient’s bedside drawer and filled it up with water. He gently nudged Donghae’s shoulders. “Hmmm.” He held the cup to him.

“Umm, I can’t really move. Why don't you call a nurse-“ Donghae started to say but was cut off. Hyukjae went to his drawer and pulled out a sports bottle with a straw tube. He poured the water into the bottle and held the straw to Donghae.

Donghae stared at this silent person. Everything would have been so simple if he just helped him call a nurse. Donghae decided to accept this patient’s kindness and opened his mouth obediently. The patient held the straw and placed it in Donghae’s mouth and watch while Donghae drank. He stood right next to Donghae’s bed and Donghae didn’t know where to look.

“Donghae?”

Donghae eyes widen at the sound of his name. He thought his family had finally come to visit him. And then he realised. It’s Mr. Silent.

“Yea, my name is Donghae. Yours?” Donghae had thought this patient couldn’t speak. Or maybe he hurt his throat.

“Hyukjae.” He muttered, still looking intently at Donghae.

“What are you drawing?” Donghae asked, smiling awkwardly, trying to keep the conversation going.

Hyukjae’s eyes widen at the question. He turn towards his bed to pick up the sketchbook and contemplated for a moment. His shoulders raised and dropped. He turned the sketchbook to Donghae and for a moment, there was only silence.

On the sketchbook was Donghae, lying on the bed sleeping with a peaceful look on his face.

*

That night had ended with Hyukjae abruptly returning to his bed and pulling the drapes. The loud sound of the curtains drawing a solid wall between them. Donghae didn’t know what to say about the drawing. It was perfect and impeccably done. Donghae was amazed at his work but also, what is someone supposed to feel when a stranger you’ve met for the first time probably stared at you while you’re unconscious, drawing you?

*

After that incident, Hyukjae never tried to talk to Donghae again. Donghae, however, on many occasions tried to get him to speak. He have another three weeks in the ward and it’s lonely. Donghae still have some difficulty sitting up and moving on his own and the only time Hyukjae is willing to acknowledge his existence is when Donghae needs help.

“Urgh…” Donghae tried to lift his hand to reach for the sippy cup his mom had brought, cursing himself for his short arms. Hyukjae appeared within seconds, noisy with the sounds of his stand beside him. He held the cup and place it near Donghae’s mouth.

“Thanks.” Donghae smiled. Even though Hyukjae never spoke to him, he is starting to feel some warmth whenever Hyukjae helps him like that.

*

A week after they met, Donghae decided to pluck up his courage and ask Hyukjae the question he had been dying to ask. “Why are you in the hospital?” Hyukjae had been helping Donghae sit up to eat his hospital meal wordlessly. He paused at the question. Looking at Donghae with a sharp look in his eyes.

“Well, if you don't want to share it’s okay.” Donghae quickly muttered and busied himself with his spoon. Hyukjae continued to stare silently at Donghae, although the hostility is gone from his eyes. He grab a chair and sat down, watching Donghae eat and bringing the small plate of kimchi nearer to him.

“I have a chronic disease.” Hyukjae replied simply. If Donghae had been any louder in his chewing he might have not heard him. Donghae’s hands paused, midway from sending soup into his mouth and stared at Hyukjae, tempted to ask him what the disease is.

It is not as if Donghae had never asked before. He had tried turning on his cuteness on full blast for his regular nurse and tried to ask her what is wrong with Hyukjae. The nurse had been in a difficult position, but very professionally told Donghae that it is not her position to tell him about Hyukjae’s condition.

“But you know, Hyukjae had never spoken to anyone in the hospital at all. We’re really shock at the way he took care of you. You must be pretty special, Donghae.”

And so even though Hyukjae never revealed anything to him, or even spoke much to him, Donghae was contented. He was slowly recovering and practising walking without support. The time of his family visits gradually became shorter. And slowly, it wasn’t the nurse who supported his back when he went for walks, but Hyukjae.

“When are you discharging?” Hyukjae asked in his deep voice one day, after helping Donghae sit on a bench. Donghae was cheerily telling Hyukjae the story about his pet dog when he abruptly stopped. He look at Hyukjae, unable to hide the sadness in his eyes.

“Next Friday.” Donghae muttered, as though wishing if he spoke the words reluctantly enough it would not come true. Hyukjae look at Donghae biting his lips and swallowing loudly. He felt a twinge of pain in his heart. Had he done the wrong thing after all?

*

Hyukjae had been admitted into the hospital because of his heart. His family had never visited because they have been too busy with their company. In the first few weeks of his stay, he had been cooped up in first class ward, looking forward to his parents’ visit. However, only flowers and fruits baskets came. Eventually, Hyukjae gave up. He informed the hospital to stop sending gifts up and to transfer him into a normal ward immediately.

And after 2 long months in the hospital, all he heard from the doctor was that, unless a heart transplant is done, there is no hope for him. Unless a heart transplant is done, he can only rely on drugs and careful monitoring to not collapse from heart attack. And even if there is a heart transplant, the high risk surgery might take him away.

And after detaching himself from everyone, preparing himself for the inevitable, someone so innocent and helpless had to come his way. The first moment they wheel in Donghae into the shared ward after his stay in the ICU, Hyukjae felt himself irresistibly drawn to this guy who looked so at peace and gullible he never felt safe taking his eyes off him for one second.

*

“My favourite weather is rainy days.” Donghae suddenly inform Hyukjae one day. Hyukjae was sitting by Donghae’s bed, rubbing his body with a wet towel. It was a job specially reserved for Hyukjae now even though Donghae knew he could easily do it himself, or ask a nurse to.

“Everyone likes the sunrise, or sunset, or white snow. But nothing feels better than rain falling on your skin. I think I must be a fish!” Donghae suddenly exclaimed. “Even right now, this wet towel feels soooo good. I can’t wait to bathe, or swim. Hyukjae yah, let’s go to the sauna together!”

Hyukjae smiled. And was shocked by the upward movement of his cheeks. How long has it been since he last smiled?

Donghae was shocked too. “Hyukjae… Oh my god, Hyukjae you’re actually capable of smiling. I must capture this moment.” Hurriedly, Donghae took out his camera and pestered Hyukjae for a photo. Hyukjae couldn’t find the words to reject him. He smiled for the camera and peered over Donghae’s shoulder as Donghae excitedly fawn over the picture. He gave a bitter smirk as he look at himself in the photo. Smiling, but lips tightly sealed as in trying to hold in something.

*

“My favourite weather is rainy days too.” Hyukjae quietly muttered to Donghae one day. He was once again, on Donghae’s bed, this time trying to comb the tangles out of his hair. Hyukjae passed his sketchbook to Donghae. Donghae held the book up gingerly. “May I?” Hyukjae nodded.

Inside the sketchbook were sketches of dark, stormy nights with heavy downpour and thunder. All of them were over the city skyline. Donghae flipped further on. He saw the sketch of himself. And another one of him, and another. He felt warmth in his heart and smiled contentedly to himself.

“Are you creeped out?” Came Hyukjae’s voice from behind him. Donghae smiled and turned slowly so as to not hurt his neck. “Nope. I love it.”

“But this isn’t the rainy days I was talking about.”

Donghae brought out his camera and showed Hyukjae the shots and videos he had taken. It was light drizzle and sometimes, even sunny. Donghae showed him a video of him capturing a double rainbow, Donghae’s voice loud and excited in the video. “Wow, can you believe this, it's a double rainbow. This must be a sign. Good things will happen soon.”

Donghae shyly kept his camera away. “Well good things hadn’t happened since I was immediately hospitalised after this. But you know…” Donghae held Hyukjae’s hand and pulled it towards his chest. Hyukjae was pulled forward. He could smell the shampoo on Donghae’s hair and the warmth of his back. “I guess the good thing that happened was meeting you. Even though you don’t smile and I’m usually the one talking, I know you are always listening and taking care of me. So… thank you Hyukjae.”

Hyukjae didn't know how to react to those words. He wrapped his arms around Donghae and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Donghae, I am going to die.”

*

After Hyukjae said that he had sent Donghae into a complete panic mode. He knows he shouldn't have gotten close to him from the start but it is something that cannot be undone now. He spent the whole day sitting by Donghae explaining about his condition. He couldn’t even remember the number of times Donghae broke down and finally, fell asleep amidst his tears.

Donghae’s nurse came over and handed him a towel, looking at him reproachfully.

“You shouldn’t have told him your condition. He’s so fragile.”

“I know.”

“You shouldn’t have gotten closer to him if you’re going to leave him heartbroken.”

“I know.”

“He is seriously in love with you you know?”

“I know.”

Hyukjae’s head was bent with anguished.

“But I’m glad you did. Hyukjae-ssi I’ve never seen you smile like you did while you’re with Donghae before. And Donghae, I’m sure he never regretted meeting someone like you too.”

*

Donghae never let Hyukjae out of his sight after that.

“Hae, stop hooking on to Hyukjae like that you’re embarrassing me.” His mum had chided him when she visited. The first time she had her suspicion was when she walked in on Donghae whining for Hyukjae to feed him and Hyukjae had got up, grumpily, but quite willingly. She had thought her son was the one pestering Hyukjae.

The second time she walked in on Hyukjae rubbing her son down with a wet towel and tickling him. She had visited Donghae so many times and the man on the next bed had never cracked a smile. However she could see Hyukjae looking at Donghae like a… lover. The corner of his eyes wrinkle and he broke into a smile, trying to get Donghae to stay still.  And in that moment, everything cleared up for her. She understood.

She had since then brought two of everything. She do not know who Hyukjae is, his background or his family. For all she knows he could be admitted to the hospital because of some gang fight or drug cartel rivalry. However, the way her son fell for him made her soften her heart towards him too. She see the boy in the sullen man who tries so hard to hide his emotions. She sees the loneliness in his eyes when she fussed over Donghae. And she sees the kindness in him. And eventually, everything she brought for Donghae, she brought one for Hyukjae as well.

“Hyukjae ah, I made these dumplings for you too. Come and try. I’ve asked the nurse, she’d said this is okay for your diet.” She smiled warmly at Hyukjae as she try to lure her son off him with a dumpling.

“Thanks mum,” Hyukjae muttered politely before cupping his mouth in shock.

Donghae choked on his dumpling. “Mum, did you hear? Hyukkie called you mum! We're practically married!” Blood rushed to Hyukjae’s cheeks as he avoided Donghae’s mother’s eyes and thump Donghae gently on his back.

But she just smiled and placed one hand on Hyukjae’s cheek. “It’s okay. I’ve come to see you as a son of mine too.”

*

“Are you really going to die?” Donghae asked softly, lying on Hyukjae’s chest. Even though the nurses had many times forbidden Donghae to sleep in Hyukjae’s bed, Donghae still does it, and Hyukjae always lets him.

Hyukjae Donghae’s soft hair absentmindedly. “They say it’s either I get a transplant or I have to rely on drugs. Didn’t I told you already last time?” Hyukjae’s tone was gentle and resigned.

“I wish I can give you my heart.” Donghae murmured.

“Don’t be mad.” Hyukjae frowned. “Even without me you have to live properly and happily okay?”

“How can I?”

“Yes you can.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Dongh-“

Hyukjae was cut off when the room suddenly lit up with a flash and Donghae jumped. A loud clap of thunder followed.

“Hey, it’s raining. Isn’t this your favourite weather?”  Hyukjae tried to pull the blankets off Donghae.

“I. Told. You.” Donghae gritted his teeth and tried to pull the blanket back over him again. “I don’t like this kind of rain.”

“But Donghae yah, this is exactly the kind of rain I am.”

*

Donghae had pouted for exactly 9 hours after Hyukjae said that. That was the longest he had gone not speaking to Hyukjae.

At 11am the next day he struggled to sit up and get Hyukjae’s attention,

“Alright, you win. You’re the thunderstorm and heavy downpour. But I like you anyway.”

Hyukjae was already by his bedside before he finished his sentence, gently supporting back as he sits up.

“Silly.” He ruffled Donghae’s hair.

*

“I’ll come and visit you every day.” Donghae promised.

“Don't you have things to do hae?” Hyukjae asked, smiling a little sadly.

“School’s not important.” Donghae argued.

“Don’t be mad, you already missed a month of school, don’t let mum and dad worry alright?” Hyukjae tried to talk some sense into Donghae. His moods were the worst during the week leading to Donghae’s discharge but there really is nothing he can do about it.

“Hyukjae, why don’t you discharge too? Don’t stay in the hospital anymore, I’ll say it’s even more detrimental to your health.” Donghae suggested.

Hyukjae sighed. It’s not as if he had never thought about it. He is receiving drugs in the hospital that he can easily ask for prescription from the hospital and take it regularly. He honestly have no business in the hospital other than waiting for transplant and having professional care. But he had always thought anything is better than going back to that huge, cold and empty house.

“I… I have nowhere to go Donghae.” He whispered.

“You can come stay with me! Hyuk-“ Donghae was cut off by his mom’s arrival. Donghae excitedly grabbed his mother’s arm, “Mom! If Hyukjae discharge can he come stay with us? Pleaseeeeee?”

Hyukjae looked a little embarrassed and uncomfortable, barely looking at Donghae’s mother’s eyes, he wrap his hands around Donghae’s mouth. “Shut up!” he gritted.

“Well, if Hyukjae can explain to me a little more I don’t mind.” Donghae’s mom smiled pleasantly. He had never told the two of them about his background… But the prospect of living with Donghae… the idea of having a family…

“I am the son of T Group.”

Donghae’s mom eyes widen in surprise but Donghae just look confused. “T Group?”

“If you are the son of a rich family, why aren't you going back home?” Donghae’s mom asked gently.

“That place is not a home and we are not a family.” Hyukjae bit his lip and spat the words out, barely holding in his tears. “A family is like, you and… Donghae. I don’t ever want to go back anymore.”

Donghae’s mom smiled understandingly.

“Then if you don’t mind… Why don’t you come to our house?”

*

Hyukjae had finished signing the papers for his discharge and drugs prescription. His doctor had been very worried but very kind. “You must remember to take your pills and not over exert yourself.” He had reminded nonstop ever since he was informed that Hyukjae wanted to discharge. “But,” he turned towards Donghae, who was whistling as he was packing, “he might be good for your heart too.”

*

“Donghae yah,” Hyukjae had called out to him in a very soft voice. Much softer and gentler than he had ever heard himself.

“Hmmm?” Donghae turned to look at Hyukjae beside him, hardly daring to believe this is true, that the man he love is right beside him, in the same car, going to his house, living together.

“Donghae yah,” He called out again, wrapping his arms around Donghae. “You know about my condition right? I’m like those thunderstorms I drew. I never knew when I will be my time. The more you rely on me now, the sadder you’ll be when… when the time comes.”

Donghae frowned at Hyukjae. “I’ll take good care of you ok, nothing will happen to you.”

Hyukjae smiled despite knowing that's not the truth. “Donghae? Donghae, listen to me. This is my condition, it cannot be denied. The fact is I might die, I have taken all precautions of course, but any day could be my day and I don't want to leave you behind. And even more so, I don’t want to leave you upset.”

Tears seem to be welling in Donghae’s eyes already. “Idiot. This is the price to pay for any human relationships isn’t it? A mother risks miscarriage when she gets pregnant but does she give up on her child? A person risks rejection when reaching out to someone he or she loves but does that stops them from loving? If, like you said, we should not create relationships so as to reduce the amount of pain, then are we really living?

I really do love you Hyukjae. Right from the moment you put the straw tube from the sports bottle in my mouth up till right now with your arms around me and looking into my eyes. I love you Hyukjae, whether you’re combing my hair, giving me death stares or creepily staring at me and drawing me. If death is what you fear, then let me tell you, we will all die one day, but because you loved me, and I loved you, when the time comes, whether it is 10 years or 50 years later, I am contented because I know I have lived. Pain or happiness or whatever, I have lived because I have had you.”

Donghae was completely in tears by the time he finished. Hyukjae panicked, offering Donghae his sleeve as he couldn’t find any tissues in the car. Donghae blew his nose loudly on Hyukjae’s shirt. It was only then that his mom turned around from the front seat and handed him a piece of tissue.

Hyukjae hugged Donghae tight and his hair gently.

“Thank you Donghae, thank you my drizzle.”

“Thank you thunderstorm.”