Seoul High School is one of the best schools in Korea, and I got in. In all honesty, I saw it coming, I knew I would attend there since all my older cosins did. To me, like how we could never fall up, I could never have gone anywhere else besides Seoul high. I remembered that day clearly; the day my friends - Jaehee and Eva - and I found out we were accepted.

     It was a day I felt proud of myself, it was a day when I received praises and was congratulated all day long. Even my cosin in UK called to congratulate me, it felt a bit awkward as being praised was a first for me.

    The awaited first day came and we had orientation. We were divided into groups and I was separated from my two friends. And that was when all my excitement which was piled up high, got shot down in a blink of an eye by awkwardness and the feeling of being left out. The only person I knew in the group was Hwanhee, a girl from tuition. In the 3 days of orientation, we only spoke about 2 sentences, and that was only to borrow a pen.

     First class started the week after, and as the odd one out in my little group of friends, I ended up sitting behind Jaehee and Eva next to a girl; Lee Jirae. I didn't like her. I didn't like her because she kept singing nursery rhymes, and other songs over and over again. In my closed mind, she seemed so much like a lame and annoying person that I just blindly didn't like as I thought she was so immature. But after a month or two, I was closer to her than I was ever to Jaehee or Eva. 

     Behind me sat Ju Emma and Shin Juhee. Emma and I were on terms pretty fast but with Juhee, I disliked her. Why? Because in addition to my close mindedness, I was also a fake wannabe. I wanted to fit in and thus I kept pretending about almost everything, including pretending to hate someone. People didn't like Juhee when we're grouped to make a project, since Juhee's voice was so small it deducted the marks for the whole presentation, so like the person with no self-opinion, a person with no own stance, I also disliked her. I had no reason to dislike her, especially since I was like that too, my voice was too small but the difference; I had friends, and she didn't. 

   As our names were similar, as the two tallest girls in class, and also as we were both very quiet, teachers kept confusing us causing me to hate on her for no reason, I kept thinking, aish So and Ju are completely different! We even picked the same cca class and we had to sit next to each other, causing my horrible-self to find more reasons to hate her including saying that the fact that she was too pale and sick-looking and that she rarely came to school was a horrible thing, and making that seem like a perfectly good reason to hate her. 

    At about June that year, as I was browsing facebook, an old friend posted a video. Shinee- Hello. I was bored so I played it, I didn't love it, but it was interesting. Weeks passed and soon even I fell into the world of k-idols. Through the world of music, I changed. I wasn't the uptight wannabe anymore, but I became a person who thinks more. And somehow, me and Juhee got close, due to our similar like in music and dramas.

    2 years passed and we became much closer, we weren't the type of friends who would go to each others house and hang out at malls. The only time we meet are in school and our way of communicating outside of school was through kakao. We were also the type to bicker and fight on pointless things. We knew each other yet we didn't, I wasn't the type to ask questions of the past or anything so now that I think about it we didn't know much of each others background. But I didn't care. And anyway, I was too much of a coward to ask her, even if she didn't come to school the furthest I went was; why didn't you come and I didn't ask anymore after that. 

    I would come to school everyday smiling, awaiting to see Juhee and once more have a day full of bickering and fun. But as time went by I became disappointed too often as Juhee rarely came to school. During our 1st year, she rarely came hence I could already tell she had some sort of sickness, but I didn't know what it was, and was too scared she would ignore me if I did ask.  So I just shrugged it off, because she still keeps in contact with me and anyway, the year after that she came almost everyday so I thought she was getting better. But now... I'm not sure.

-------------------

     Today, the exams start, I thought to myself as I walked towards my classroom. I'm pretty sure Juhee will come for this! I thought again smiling. I was expecting to see her since she always came earlier than me, I entered the classroom and there was nobody sitting in her seat. I sighed. But then I thought, maybe she's late! I mean why would she skip exams? I thought and brightened up slightly.

     I walked to my seat at the back and waved to my friends. I then started to do some last minute revision.

    The day ended with no Juhee. And tolerable exam questions. The next day, the same happened. And again and again. It's been 2 months since I haven't seen her. It's been 2 months since my hope has been crushed over and over again.

    Class started after exams, and as I sat next to Juhee during maths, without her explaining what I don't understand... I didn't have any motivation for the class. So I never really paid attention in class, and it got me thinking; am I homo? Why do I miss and think about her so much? Why.. when she replies to me..do I feel so happy that it even creeps me out sometimes..

   "Sohee-ssi, do you know what happened to Juhee?" asked my homeroom teacher; Miss Lee one day. Startling the hell out of me. I blinked, and gently shook my head.

   "Do you still keep in contact with her?" I nodded in response. I saw her brighten up a bit, "What do you guys talk about?"

    Should I tell her our weird conversations? No way, I thought. "Just, normal stuff.." I voiced out finally.

   "Which is?" she asked.

   "L-like school and stuff," I fibbed stuttering. She nodded, gave me a smile and walked back to her table.

    I felt slightly confused, and a bit annoyed too, isn't the teacher suppose to know about her students? Why ask me?? I thought.

----------------------------

    15 June 2013

     I entered class, saw Juhee's empty seat and mentally sighed. I took in a breath and proceeded to walk towards my seat while greeting my friends on the way. 

    "Yah! Did you watch that drama yet?" Jaemi started with this fangirl glint seen in her eyes. I grinned and before I could reply;

    "Sohee-ssi," Ms Lee called. I quietly sighed, I slightly waved to Jaemi and went towards Miss Lee.

    I forced a smile as I awaited the usual; 'Did Juhee-ssi contact you?'

   "Would you like to accompany Juhee up to class?" Miss Lee said instead. My eyes slightly widened surprised. Despite my connfusion, I nodded anyway. Miss Lee then walked out, and I followed slowly behind. I turned to give a glance at my friends and saw their confused faces. I shrugged indicating I had no idea what was happening. I went out, and Miss Lee lightly smiled and gestured me to walk next to her. We had a quiet and awkward walk but I was glad since I could never have heard or reply to her properly with all the thoughts circling in my head. Why does she need company to class? Is she okay? Why is she here? Yay! Juhee's here!!

    When we arrived at the parking lot behind the school, I saw a cream-coloured car with a woman and a girl beside it. I knew that posture anywhere, I thought; Shin Juhee. Unable to keep a straight face due to all the excitement upon seeing her, I slightly smiled, the woman then came towards us, Juhee following closely behind. Her hair was covering her face as she looked at her feet while taking hold of the woman whom-I-assume-is-her-mother's dress. 

     Miss Lee bowed greeting  Juhee's mother; Mrs Shin. Afterwards she gently tapped Juhee's back. Mrs Shin smiled at me and proceeded to talking to Miss Lee. But all my attention was at Juhee. I wanted to speak to her, but as the shy, cowardly person I was I kept quiet. Especially since, Juhee gave me a glance and a small smile and afterwards turned to her mother. My excitement slightly fell. Miss Lee then turned to us - well more to Juhee - and asked Juhee;

    "Let's go to class alright?" Juhee's face changed, she looked sad, afraid, but she didn't respond.

    "Your friend is here, you should go to class," Mrs Shin said suddenly in a gentle voice. Juhee lightly shook her head as she turned to Mrs Shin. Her mother kept on gently persuading her, saying your friend here came, hurry go. But she didn't budge.

     After a while Miss Lee then said soothingly, "Are you sure you don't wanna go to class?"

     Juhee gave a quick slight nod. "Then do you want to go to the library?" asked Miss Lee. Juhee nodded. 

      Juhee then bid her mother goodbye. Her mother whispering to her comforting words, and afterwards Mrs Shin drove off in her car. 

    "Sohee-ssi, sorry but you should head to class," Miss Lee said and afterwards turned away from me, she lead Juhee away.

    I stood there confused, shocked, upset. Just then Juhee gave me a slight glance as she was walking away and slightly smiled. That made me feel a little bit better, and after a minute or two, I went on and headed to class. Millions of thoughts cirlced my mind, I was in a horrible whirlpool of confusion. But then I remembered; I had Physics class. I hurriedly went to class to grab my things and proceeded to go to the lab.

    I knocked and opened the door, everyone's attention went to me, I nervously gulped as my Physics teacher asked me;

    "Why are you late?" I blinked and blurted, "I-I was with Juhee an-d Miss L-lee." 

   Luckily Sir was an impatient person so he didn't ask anymore questions as he gestured me to sit. I sat behind, alone. I took out my notes, and saw  my name on top, Juhee wrote it. It reminded me once more, my seat partner - Shin Juhee - was missing. I miss you Shin Juhee. Hence instead of me talking to my friends and playing with them to forget Shin Juhee, the day went on with me being quiet and awkward as I gave unsincere laughs to every joke projected.