A/N ; please listen to Goodbye Summer ye. thxxxxx <3 hope you likey.

if you do, remember to check out this fanfic i wrote for le cousin

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/766442/set-us-free-let-us-be-baekyeon

The day was Wednesday, it was already the 31st July of 2019. I groaned at my desk full of paper works for the recent college assignment. I stretched my arms and yawned, glanced at the little clock on the desk, informing that the time was too late for me to go back to sleep. I had so much work to do that I didn’t realise the time was leaving me behind. 7.30 a.m. I heard a slow knock on the door, so slow that it took me a while to realise. “Come in.” I croaked with a tired voice. It was my roommate.

“Sorry. Didn’t want to wake you.” She smiled and continued; “we’re going out to the beach, want to come?”

“N-now? So early?” I groaned. I really wanted to go, but I was exhausted.

“You should take a break, you know. Summer won’t last forever.” She said, approaching my bed and sat on the edge of it, her head nodding slowly as she tried her best to convince me with her eyes. I only frowned because she was going to crease the neat bedding covers I’ve spent 15 minutes working on. “It won’t be the same without you.” She pleaded.

I gave in with another groan. “Fine, give me a few minutes and I’ll be down.”

She squealed and left the room. I looked around and decided to leave the mess as it is until I come home. The three of us went to the beach only a few miles from our dorm, and I was glad that I gave in to the idea, because the fresh air was really refreshing. “Honestly, I haven’t been to the beach for a while.” I suddenly spoke, and I don’t know why I felt the need to tell my friends this brand new information.

“Why?” one of them spoke.

“My last day of school festival was held here.” I laughed.

My legs were giving in, mostly because I was tired, but also because the thought of what happened is making me nervous and I’ve never felt my heart beat that way. I turned around and saw a café across the road from the beach. “I’ll be right back.”

I walked in to the café, it was cold and it smelled of beans and vanilla, I inhaled the scent and it was already keeping me awake. I walked towards the counter and without hesitation, I told the barista my order, the usual salted caramel mocha and two pieces of chocolate chip cookies. After paying, I turned around and saw a tall figure staring back at me, and my heart dropped. Park Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol, Park Chanyeol. I repeated in my head. His expression remained more amused than surprised.

My palms were sweating and I’d like to think it was because of the Summer humidity and not the fact I was nervous that Park Chanyeol was in front of me after five years that we have separated. He showed me his famous sly smirk, his eyes judging the way my hair was too messy and he also noticed that I was still wearing the bracelet he gave me back in high school. I gulped, it was one of those moments where I wanted to speak but something was holding me back. Why was he here? I wondered.

“How are you.” He simply asked, his hands tightly gripping his coffee. Iced Mocha, I guessed as I eyed the cup. He took a glance at mine. “Salted Caramel?” he asked again. I hated how we knew each other very well. “You should really say something, you know.” He chuckled, reached his free hand towards my head and ruffled my hair like he usually does.

“I-I’m fine.” I  said, trying to sound calm and collected. “Yes, yes, it hasn’t changed since you left.”

“Don’t say things like that.” He frowned—his lips slightly pouting, his eyes still focused on mine. “I didn’t leave you.” He grabbed a chair and offered me the seat and I gladly took it. He also took the seat across of me, smiling at me again. It made me feel really uncomfortable. He was Park Chanyeol, THE Park Chanyeol, the annoying best friend who left without saying a word.

“What are you doing here.” I ignored everything else that he said. It sounded more like a rude remark rather than a question, but he ignored the tone with a chuckle.

“I moved back here last week.” He smiled. “To find my girlfriend.” He said casually, taking a sip of his coffee as if what he said was purely normal, as if he has said that too many times and was already used to it. My heart dropped again. Of course—of course he has a girlfriend. I, too, took a large gulp of the salty sweet and bitter beverage.

“You didn’t have to tell me that last bit.” I mumbled. He layed back on his seat and chuckled.

“So you never left this place, huh?” he asked.

“Nope. Waiting for someone.” I smiled, taking another sip of the coffee and blinked at him, my expression seemed to challenge him. He chuckled again, and I was getting really annoyed of his chuckle. But it’s Park Chanyeol here, everything he does would annoy me.

“You didn’t have to tell me that last bit.” He mocked, he sat up and reached over to pinch my cheeks.  STOP. STOP, PARK CHANYEOL , STOP. I knew I couldn’t handle his mischievous personality, especially over the growing pain that I’ve tried to cover silently for over 5 years. And he didn't know that in fact, it was him i was waiting for.

“I have to go, my friends are waiting.” I said coldly and stood up, ready to leave him like how he left me.

He stood up quickly as well, fumbling carelessly with his chair “I’ll walk you out and follow you back to the beach if you don’t mind. Don’t you want me to meet your friends?” he asked rushingly and nervously, unlike the usual mischievous and confident Park Chanyeol.

“Fine.” I hid a smile, leading the way. He rushed to open the door for me and tried catching up with me so we could walk side by side.

I breathed in the sea breeze, totally captivated by the familiar scent. It really bugged me how a certain scent can bring you to a certain memory, especially a memory I wanted to erase. I looked up to chanyeol who was too busy looking at the seagulls, making sure none of them pooped on his perfectly wind-blown hair. I grinned-- he hasn’t changed one bit.

He took his cookie and decided an attempt to feed the birds, but to no avail. I laughed at his failure. The cookie crumbs fell on his navy shirt.

“You haven’t changed.” I spoke my thoughts. He glanced at me by the corner of his eyes, he cleared his throat and brushed off the cookie crumbs on his shirt. “I’ve grown a bit taller.” He said. I laughed, but his expression was serious and almost confused at my reaction, as if he was serious. He furrowed his eyebrows. “Really.” He said in his deep masculine voice. “5 cm.”

I nodded in defeat, realising he did indeed grow taller than the last time I’ve seen him.

I remember the last time I saw Park Chanyeol. It was a Summer day just like this, a week after our graduation. There was a school festival at the beach and Chanyeol promised to bring me there as his date, but of course, as friends. we were only best friends. Chanyeol was the person I’d talk to when no one else was there.

 Like the time my first cat died, Chanyeol was the one to come up with an idea to make a formal funeral for Mr Lemon the cat. We picked flowers (mostly daisies and a yellowish flower none of us knew the name of) from his mother’s garden and sprinkled it all over Mr Lemon's grave. He was also the friend who knew about my first period, he was the first to notice it—but instead of laughing like I thought he would have done, he walked behind me to cover it and whispered silently behind me, making sure no one else noticed. It made me embarrassed but he never talked about it again and I appreciated it.

Chanyeol was also the friend who baked me a chicken pie instead of a cake for my birthday because he knew I didn’t like sweet frostings. (and then he finished half of the chicken pie) he was the friend who called me at 3.a.m. because he couldn’t sleep—saying he just watched Discovery Channel. “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END SOON I’M SO SCARED I DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO DIE.” He said, almost as if he was crying. “I don’t want people to die.”

Anyway, like I said, it was the night I’ve been waiting for. I stared at the dress I was supposed to wear. A cream ombre mini summer dress with little sequined details, fitted at the top but flowed gracefully and lightly at the bottom with every step I take. My hair was effortlessly released, no straightening or curling done, only shampooed and conditioned with a little hair accessory to match the dress.

I couldn’t believe I graduated! And to be able to go to the dance with Park Chanyeol was an extra plus.

“You’re not getting any prettier staring at yourself in the mirror.” My sister walked in. I didn’t notice she was peeking from the door that was cracked open this whole time. “You don’t look like yourself.” She teased.

“That’s good right?” Iasked nervously, biting my lip.

She shrugged and said nothing else, but she took a bite of the pizza she was holding in her hand. “do you think he’s going to confess to you tonight?” she suddenly asked mid-mouthful. I turned to her in shock—I had no idea what she was talking about. She sensed this and quickly added, “I mean come on, you two were best friends since you guys could barely talk.”

“That’s not true, we hated each other until the first grade.”  I corrected her, turning back towards the mirror and asked myself the same question. Do you think he’s going to confess to you tonight? No, he’s disgusting, he’s Chanyeol. “He’s chanyeol.” I repeated loudly towards my sister. “I’m me. Why would he like me? I’m just a jellybean—not some fancy crème brulee.” I said.

“He loves jellybeans.” She smiled. Why—and how did my sister become supportive rather than her usual teasing annoying self?

I said no more until Chanyeol arrived to my house at exactly 8 as he promised. “You look amazing.” He said, smiling at me. He was wearing a dark red shirt tucked in a black formal pants, he also wore a black bowtie to match with it. I knew it took him a lot of preparing because I heard he even took part time jobs to afford the outfit. And the outfit looked great on him, as if it was perfectly made for him unlike his usual oversized baggy t-shirt with his three over four length shorts that reached his knees. “Don’t I always?” I laughed.

We didn’t say much in the car  but as we reached the beach we were welcomed by the loud noises of the crowd mixed with loud music. He looked nervously at me. His lips slightly slanted a mischievous playful grin, and he was offering his hand which I gladly took. He led me towards the dance floor and the loud fast music guided us as we danced, we jumped along to the songs.

“Nice dance move” I said loudly over the music, laughing at him. He was doing his awkward weird robotic dance that he was so confident about. He blushed and his ears reddened in the shade of shy.

Our attention was diverted when we heard a few taps on the mic, it was our school principal. “I’m here to announce the Summer Festival King and Queen.” There were murmurs in the crowd. The principal cleared his throat and opened the little pink envelope in his hand. The queen goes to Moon Hyemi, congratulations.”

There were a few claps and Lee Hyemi walked up towards the stage with her beautiful smile. She was always the famous girl in school, her grades were perfect, just like her hair and her Louis Vuitton bags. Without any delay, the principal announced the king. “Park Chanyeol, congratulations.”

I blinked, it took me a while to process this, even Chanyeol had to ask a few students around him if he heard the principal right. Chanyeol took a look at me and I gave him a nervous smile before he walked towards the stage to receive his crown. “May I present to you the king and queen, leave space for them for their first dance.”

The crowd began to move towards the dining area instead, so chanyeol and hyemi can perform their first dance. I didn’t know what to do, was I supposed to be sad? Or was I supposed to be okay with this? After all, he was my best friend after all. Nothing else.

He only asked me to be his date because he was rejected by Hyemi right? Hyemi went with a football jock instead. Chanyeol was only the basketball jock. So… he’s happy now dancing with her, right?

I walked towards the dessert table and grabbed a cup and filled it with juice, gulping down in one shot, probably hoping I’d choke right there and then. It was a slow dance, and the DJ decided to play my favourite song.

• Something Flutters—Ra.D

I groaned again.

I watched his nervous reaction. He was terrible at dancing, and she noticed it by the way she flinched whenever he decides to come closer to her. It was a terrible sight to watch. I decided to walk towards the beach instead, it was too cold and too dark, I wished I had brought a jacket with me. I kicked some stones and let the wind blow away my thoughts, I didn’t care that my shoes were getting wet.

Who am I kidding? He doesn’t like me, of course he doesn’t. we’re best friends. He must think I’m like his sister or something. It’s so hard sometimes to always feel like I have to impress him. Why do I always spend another extra half an hour before school just so I could look prettier or why do I worry about what I have to wear when we go out for movies, why do I smile when he smiles? I don’t want to appear needy or desperate.

“Hey.” I heard few footsteps coming towards me. “Aren’t you cold?”

I decided to stay silent.

“Dance is over.” He repeated. “I wish I wore a blazer or some sort so I could wrap it around you.” He said as he suddenly wrapped his own arms around me from the back. “But I guess this will do for now.” He leaned his chin on my shoulder, we both were looking towards the beach. “I have to tell you something.” He said slowly, as if he wanted only me to hear. As if it was a conversation that had to be kept a secret, almost like a whisper.

I turned around to face him and our faces were only centimetres away. He moved in closer and closer, until I decided to speak. “…me too.”

He backed away and smiled. “Okay, you first.”

“Thank you for being my best friend. I really appreciate it.” I said in the most sincere way  possible. “I know I’m very hard to keep up with. I’m awkward and I don’t say much, I could barely hold a conversation for more than fifteen minutes. I’m so sorry you had me as your best friend. But to me you’re the bestest friend ever. I owe you a lot. If I could adopt you as my brother, I would.” I said. I know it was a lie but I couldn’t stand him rejecting me so I had to reject him first… right?

His posture stiffened but after a few minutes, he nodded. “Thank you for being my best friend too.”
 

“I hope we can be best friends forever.” I said in all honesty. The fireworks lit up and I knew that high school finally ended for us seniors, but had no idea that our friendship would end too.

That was the last time we had spoken.

“Do you remember the first time we became friends?” he asked.

I smiled and nodded because I do remember it pretty well. “We were enemies back then, you hated me and I couldn’t figure out why.”

“You were mean to me.” I confessed, looking down towards the sand and making incomprehensible patterns with my foot.

“You know I was only mean to you because I liked you.”

“We were eight.” I reminded him.

“Nevertheless, I did.” He said in a serious tone, but then he grew a smile. “We were in the hallway on the way to the cafeteria. I made you cry because I spilled your banana pudding that your dad made especially for you on your birthday. Our teacher Mrs. Han yelled at us and forced us a punishment, cleaning the windows after school. You broke one of the glasses but I took the blame as a way to say I was sorry for your pudding. Then I bought you dukbokki when I insisted to walk you back home since we both had missed the bus. Happy birthday, I remembered saying when I gave you the dukbokki.” He mentioned all the details, his eyes were gazing towards the ocean. “Years and years after that I tried making up to you by making you birthday pies and puddings.” He said. “I don’t know but when you cried, it made me crumble.”

“Apple crumble.” I grinned.

“What?”

“You made me apple crumble once.” I laughed. “when we were 10.”

“You’re so random.” He laughed, grinning at me. “But I’m glad we were punished because it was so fun back then wasn’t it? We were stuck like glue.”

“I had no choice, you keep following me around.” I frowned.

“Yah--- YAH. You’re glad I did! SAY YOU’RE GLAD.” He frowned too, kicking the sands jokingly as if he was mad.

“I’m glad.”

“When we graduated, you cried again. I tried to keep it in because I’m manly—but again, I couldn’t stop worrying about you. I didn’t get rejected by Hyemi for the festival, those were all just a lie-, an excuse for me to ask you out so I could spend the end of our high school years being happy.” He continued. “I knew I was going to Seoul for University, I’ve got my acceptance letter a day before that, and I wanted to tell you after the dance, but I couldn’t make myself do it.”

“I understand.”

“and a year after that I found out you were still here and you were happy without me. You had new friends and a new life. I can’t spoil it all for you.”

To this, I kept silent.

“Aren’t we supposed to meet your new friends?” his head slightly perked up, looking around.

“I don’t want them to meet you, they’d like you.”

“What- are you jealous?”

“N-no” I defended. “Plus, don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“Yeah.” He said again, nodding. “I do. She’d be furious and she would hate me if I were to flirt with any other girls. She’d give me this little cute pout, and her face would blush easily and she couldn’t hide her facial expressions well. She’s a little naïve, she loves others more than herself, especially me. One time, I made her super jealous that she pushed me away completely.”

“I really don’t want to know all that.” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t talk about your girlfriend to me.”

He only laughed.

“Are you cold?” he asked. “I brought my jacket this time around.” He wrapped his jacket around me. To be honest, I liked it better when it was his arms. It felt safe, it felt warm, it felt right. He suddenly wrapped his arms around me from the back too, as if he could read my mind. “I have something to tell you.” He said, just like that night. “This time, let me finish. Don’t say anything.”

He turned me around and he took out his phone, playing of course—my song.

Something flutters by Ra.D.

“Just like how i tried years and years to make up for the spoiled banana pudding, -- It will take me years and years to make it up to you for the spoiled dance.” He took me in his arms and we started dancing. I didn’t mind that he was a terrible dancer, I didn’t mind that he stepped on my feet once in a while. I didn’t mind that he was too tall for me. I didn’t flinch, I didn’t whine or groan.

He softly spoke in his deep voice, “I’m sorry this had to be a monologue, I can’t let you say anything, because I’m afraid I’d get rejected and friend-zoned like I did that night. I couldn’t face you anymore so I ran away to college, I didn’t want to tell you. I was hurt, and I knew you were too. But every time I see our picture on the school magazine or in my wallet, my heart aches because I thought that was all we could ever be. Friends. The label we had, the label that you insisted we should keep- It hurts.”

“About the girlfriend thing, well, she’s not my girlfriend yet, but everything I said about her is true. She got jealous of me talking about my girlfriend, which is funny because… because I was talking about her.” He looked at me seriously. It took me a while to process what he’s talking about, but after a few seconds, I realised he was talking about me.