Chapter 20 pt. 1
Never AgainA/N:
ohmyfreakinggoodness....
i am so sorry for the late update guys!! *bows*
i know i promised that i will make an update after my exams but the days after that just became so busy preparing for my graduation and prom so i couldnt...
i apologize once again.. but guess what?? there's no more for me so i'll be able to update whenever... (i think??)
so here's another chapter from me... and please don't unsubscribe or kill me, okai?? i promise it'll get better for our ONKEY...
- immaLocket029
JINKI’S POV
I never noticed it before, but considering the things that happened between us family, if there was one thing that I should suspect about my mother it's probably something about her inviting me over for dinner at a restaurant so suddenly. I was doing work when I my secretary called and said that my mother waiting on the other line. I thought nothing of it at first, but decided that the longer I prolong her call the longer I'll have to deal with her. When I took her call on my office phone, she told me that she wanted to have dinner with me that night.
"I know it sound so sudden to you, but I want to make it up because of what's been going between us," she said. "I don't want to fight anymore with you, Jinki, and the same goes for Taemin. Besides, we haven't gone out together in a while and I honestly miss those times back then."
There was a part of me that told me not to believe her entirely, that her words was probably trying to manipulate me because of the things that's been going on for me and how the situation is. It's been days and the atmosphere at our house more or less became worse than it was before. But if someone was to ask me, it definitely got worse. Taemin hasn't spoken to Mom for a couple of days now, and even he was avoiding Dad like I do for a similar reason. Everyday we would simply come inside the house and without saying any words to our parents we go to our rooms respectively, and sometimes we would come to each other's room for a small talk.
But sometimes though, it made me feel like not wanting to talk even to Taemin because I knew that without him saying, he's pleading that I do something for Kibum. I can see in it his eyes every time he looks at me, and when I pass by him when he's talking to Minho he would purposefully look at me and then I knew that they were talking about Kibum.
Ever since Taemin told me about what happened to him, there's this strong pain in my heart that won't go away. I knew I was being stupid for forcing myself from not going to him, restraining myself from doing something I wanted to do. Every day I can see that Taemin was getting disappointed with me that sometimes I just look away from him and ignore as best as I could the guilt that was building up inside me.
Now sitting inside my office after my mom's call and after countless persuasions I agreed to meet up with her. I began wondering how things ended up like this. I only fell in love and now it seemed as if my whole life was crumbling to chaos, problems kept arising and there's almost never a day where I don't feel like punching something or someone just to release my pent up frustration and anger. I can probably consider it a miracle that I haven't exploded yet like how I did years ago.
I tried as best as I could to focus on whatever I'm doing, but every time my mind would drift off somewhere else other than my work I couldn't concentrate anymore. I was so caught up with everything that I didn't even noticed that I'll be late for dinner with my mother. I didn't bother bringing all of my work with me because I knew that I wouldn't be able to do them anyway at home. Leaving the office and walking towards the elevator, I guess my bad luck still continues when I saw my dad waiting by the elevator.
I thought of turning back away from him but he already saw me walking towards his way, so I just continued and stood beside him as I waited. I couldn't deny the awkwardness between us, and honestly speaking, it’s the closest we've been together for days of avoiding. Even though it’s only been days, it already felt foreign being this close to him. I couldn't even stand looking at him because all I can see was the scene back at the restaurant, how see looked at me and how they hurt Kibum in front of my eyes.
I'd never forget every single hit they did to him while I was forced to watch. He acted so innocent towards me but the impression he left after that day won't be changed even if he tried to console or ask for forgiveness from me. It felt like hours standing there beside him without any word spoken, the sound of the elevator moving was one of the things I can hear nearby aside from the typing, the ringing, and the talking. When the elevator came to our floor and he stepped in, I hesitated on whether I should wait for the next one instead.
But he stood there pressing the button holding the doors open for me, his face blank of any expression as he looked at me. I'm already ten minutes late and I'm pretty sure my Mom doesn’t like it. Reluctantly I stepped inside the small confined space, and even though it was just the two of us inside I felt so cramped and too small for me. "I thought you already left. Aren't you supposed to meet up with your mother?" he asked suddenly.
"I am, I just need to finish some work before I go," I lied.
Glancing sideways, I noticed that thankfully we aren't getting off at the same floor. He didn't say anything else afterwards as he just stood there waiting for his stop. Good thing that the elector doors weren't entirely made of steel but rather of laminated glass otherwise I would be seeing our reflections together in front of us. "How long are you going to keep this up, Jinki? You've been acting like an immature and unprofessional brat because of some damn breakup," he said.
What he said made me clench my fist tight and force myself from punching him. He knew very well that he's the reason why I'm being like this and he's got the nerve to say those things to me? Before I could even answer him the elevator arrived at his floor and he stepped out, leaving me alone fuming because of him. The metal doors closed and I saw his back retreat and disappear from the corner. When I arrived at the basement parking lot, I didn't know I was holding my breath until I had the need to let it out of me.
I went inside my car and tried to forget the past couple of minutes otherwise I wouldn't be able to concentrate driving. Thirty-minutes late and it's still another half hour before I get to the restaurant. Even though I hate my dad, I was somewhat glad that he had pulled out the guards he assigned to follow me wherever I go and there's no one following me anymore. But even if it's like that my phone was still being checked regularly, especially people called me, people I called, and the messages I received and sent.
There even came a time where Taemin had to use codes while talking whenever I'm in the office or at home, and when my phone's being checked I don't have to worry about them knowing the contents of my messages. I used to have all the freedom I wanted, it seemed like I still do but I don't anymore. I created this huge mess in the first place and now I'm paying for it, facing all the consequences that equalled to everything I did. My phone rang a couple of times and when I looked it was my mom calling. Five missed calls, I didn't even notice she's been calling my phone a couple of times.
I didn't answer her calls though, but instead I just kept driving until I arrived at the restaurant we're supposed to meet. When I got out of the car I stopped dead on my tracks when I realized something. This was the same Italian restaurant I took Kibum to on our first date. How can I forget that it was also my mom's favourite restaurant? With heavy footsteps I started walking inside the restaurant. I informed the hostess that I was supposed to meet someone and she led me to where my mom is. For some reason my palms felt sweaty and my heart kept racing. I felt anxious and nervous at the same time that I can feel sweat building up on my forehead.
We were nearing the table where my mom was, but I noticed that she wasn't alone. There another woman sitting beside her who probably was the same age as her and then another across from my mom, someone younger. I couldn't see the girl's face because her back was facing me but I could tell that she's educated and proper with the way her posture was. The hostess stretched her arm out towards their direction and I thanked her as she left me and walked away. My mom saw me and she doesn't seem pleased that I was late. The woman beside looked at me as well and the girl with them turned around and saw me.
Taking a deep breath I walked towards them and gave my mom a kiss on the cheek. "Sorry I'm late, I just had to finish some work at the office," I lied again. I can tell that my mom wasn't buying it but since there are people with us she let it go. She told me to sit beside the girl, and even though I was reluctant to sit beside her I obliged. I can feel the girl's gaze at me, and as much as I wanted to tell her off I don't want to be rude especially when I don't even know her personally.
"Jinki, I hope you remember my dear friend, Ahn Sung Hwa from the investors group of companies, don't you?" my mom asked. I nodded and bowed towards the woman beside her again and in return she smiled back. "This is her second daughter, Ahn Ae Ra. She just graduated last year with a degree in both mathematics and finance since she'll be inheriting one of their family's finance businesses when times come," she continued.
The girl - Ae Ra - just kept her gaze at me, and somehow I just had to keep reminding myself that I have to be nice to her. I noticed that I haven't said anything at all as a response to whatever my mom said. So composing myself I managed to talk without showing what I was really feeling inside. "Hello, nice to meet you," I said to Ae Ra, extending my hand a little bit to her and we shook hands. She just smiled in return just like what her mother did.
I was told that our food had already been ordered. When it came I just let the three of them do the talking while I sat there barely touching my food wishing that time would pick up its pace so I can leave already. It felt uncomfortable being the only person in our table who doesn't have the slightest idea what they were talking about. And since they were talking mostly about Ae Ra and I have no interest in learning anything about her I just pretended to listen and smile when I have to.
I tried to take my mind off somewhere else other than them, thinking about other things but letting myself think of him. But how can I stop myself when I keep remembering that first night we went together. The table we used was only a couple of meters away from I was sitting, and I could almost see that night happening again in front of my eyes. With him sitting there feeling anxious because of the food's price, the atmosphere from the way the other customers were looking at us, and even how slowly he started feeling comfortable as he laughed together with me and ignored that customers' stares towards out direction.
"Jinki-ssi, are you okay?" I moved my gazed to my side and saw Ae Ra looking at me quite concerned. Why should she be concerned about me? She doesn't know a single thing about me except for whom and what I am.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied monotonously. I saw my mom quickly glare at me because of my lack of concentration and interest with our small meeting. I didn't know it was going to be like this since she didn't tell me, so how am I supposed to know how to act then?
"Are you sure? You've been staring at that table for a while you know?"
I can tell she was trying to be friendly, acting all nice and friend-like with me. Looking at her carefully, she was pretty. She has manners, she was polite and sophisticated, and her intelligence was shown with how her words were carefully chosen every time she talked about her future plans. She seemed pretty simple compared to the other daughters of my mom's friends who were all stuck-up snobs and unjustified. Honestly speaking, they were all hypocrites even their mothers who I can't stand at all whenever my mom would organize a gathering with them.
"It’s nothing, just thinking really."
She seemed reluctant to believe my words but she let it go and continued conversing with our mothers. We finished eating our food and they decided to have a cup of coffee. An hour probably had passed by and I still don’t know anything what in the world they were talking about. I couldn’t focus on their words. I just kept hearing mumblings and their laughter. I tried to engage in their conversation but it just didn't work at all when everything they talked about is not of my interest. But then I heard my mom say, "You'll get used to him, Ae Ra. Don't worry about him and just be a dear."
"Is there something wrong, though? He seemed bothered about something," Mrs. Ahn said.
"No, of course not, Jinki is just stressed about work that's all," my mom replied. When I looked at her, I saw her looking at me with an annoyed look on her face. The urge to scoff at her was so strong I think I actually did scoff at her when she turned her gaze away from me. , she pretends she knows what I'm going to through when she doesn't have the slightest clue what I really think and feel. I should really think more the next time she invites me over. Because of what today I don't think I could trust her words her anymore.
I don't even want to try talking to the three of them, only nodding my head or when Ae Ra asks me something or when Mrs. Ahn would tell me something. I knew that Ae Ra was slowly feeling uncomfortable with the way I was treating her. I've been treating her coldly, barely looking at her or even talking first. Hell I wasn't even trying to get to know her because why should I? She's just my mom's friend's daughter, and I wasn't even expecting to meet her in the first place and I have no interest in meeting someone new.
That thought made me stop a little bit, my mom asked me to have dinner with her, I came to see two other women sitting with my mom and even though I wasn't paying attention I was pretty sure I heard my name a couple of times. Is there something going on here that I wasn't aware of? Was my mom up to something involving me?
"So, when should we set the next meeting?" Mrs. Ahn asked, definitely catching my attention.
"Why don't we let the children spend some time together first? I think that will help them bond and get to know each other well, don't you think?" my mom replied.
This time I decided to interrupt their conversation because I knew its time that I do. "What are you talking about?"
Mrs. Ahn looked at me with confusion on her face, her eyes questioning me. "Didn't your mother tell you? This meeting is for you and Ae Ra," she said almost perplexed.
"Jinki-ssi, you don't know that our mothers are setting us up?" Ae Ra whisperer to me as she leaned in closer to me, "This," she pointed between us, "Don't you know that we are in a blind date right now?"
I looked at my mom who was obviously avoiding my gaze. That's why she wanted to have dinner with me, why she suddenly acted so nice towards me after being so hostile for the last couple of days. She wanted to set me up with some I don't even know and marry me off. "Actually, I don't," I said, taking the napkin off my lap and threw it on the table. "I was only told of a simple dinner but apparently there was something much more that wasn't mentioned to me.”
"Jinki-ah," my mom called but I didn't listen to her.
"Mrs. Ahn, Ae Ra, I'm sorry. But I'm not interested right now in being with someone. Honestly speaking, I'm still not over my breakup with my boyfriend and I was pretty sure that my mother knows about it herself." When I said the word "boyfriend" both Mrs. Ahn and Ae Ra gasped and their expression changed to that of pure shock. From the corner of my eye I saw my mom gripped the table cloth because of what I said, but I only told them the truth so I dot think I'm I the wrong here. Besides, she's the one who's trying to set me up and tricking me that this was supposed to be a dinner between mother and son.
Without saying another word I left the restaurant and headed towards my car. I can't believe my own mother did this to me. I expected something like this from my dad but not from her. So that's why I heard her say "They will look good together." I should've known that something like this will happen when I heard those words from her. I was about to enter my car when I heard someone calling me. I turned and saw Ae Ra running after me, her high-heeled shoes clicking on the concrete ground.
"Was that true?" she asked as soon as she stopped running, her breathing almost heavy.
"What do you mean?" I asked back, slightly feeling annoyed that I'm being forced to stay when all I wanted to do is leave and go home.
"Are you, you know...?" she couldn't seem to finish what she wanted to say with how uncomfortable she looked.
"Will you just say it out, Ae Ra?"
"Are you gay?" she finally said. Her eyes looked hopeful as they stare at me, probably wishing that I'll say what she wanted me to say.
"Yes, I am," I replied cold-heartedly.
"How can you be gay, Jinki?" Huh, so suddenly there aren't any formalities between us even though we only met today?
"What kind of stupid question is that, ? I fell in love with a guy, and even though we broke up dad ago I still love him. Why do you think I never paid any attention to you back there?" My anger was slowly coming out of me, and even though I don't mean to shout out at her, but somehow I just don't care at all. "My mother is a ing , who pretends that I'm not hurting, and I'm sorry to break it to you but I'm not interest in you. You're pretty, you're nice and very intelligent and I'm pretty sure that a lot of guys are after you; but I just don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now."
I left her standing there dumbfounded and speechless outside my car and drove off. Maybe once my mother gets home later I'll be in trouble but I really couldn't care less. She can shout at me as loud as she can, she can hit me as much as she could, and she can do whatever she want to release her anger because of what I did. But comparing to how she treated me, I think I deserve to get mad. When I came home I was surprised to see my dad and Taemin fighting in the living room. My dad's shouting resounded the room and Taemin was there silently crying.
Dad was about to hit him when I interfered and protected my brother. My dad angrily backed away and retreated to his room, leaving the two of us alone. Taemin stopped crying and was leaning against me on the floor. I wiped the tears off his face, seeing that the corner of his lip was busted and the maroon colour of dried blood. I helped him stand up from the floor and led him to my room, quickly going to the bathroom to get the first aid and when I came back I saw lying down on my bed on his side.
I didn't make him sit up because I can clean his wound even with his position. Every time the medicine-covered cotton would touch his lip he kept grimacing, making me smile a little bit. When I finished cleaning his wound I decided not to clean up first and instead ask him what happened before I got home. "What happened, Tae?"
He didn't answer me immediately. He just patted the space next to him and asked me to lie down beside him. I did what he wanted and he hugged my torso. When I felt my shirt becoming damp I knew he was crying again. "Taemin, what happened earlier? Please tell me," I was almost pleading with him.
He breathed a couple of times first before finally answering me, "Dad found out that I was still trying to know what's going on with Kibum hyung through Minho hyung. Dad took my phone away, I'm grounded for the rest of my life and he's not going to let me leave the house without some ing bodyguards following me."
"Taemin I already told you we have to move on, now look at what happened to you," I half-scolded him.
"But hyung, Kibum hyung's not the same anymore, okay? The one time I managed to get closer to him, he looked so different that it scared me. He's not the same anymore, hyung, and it's all because of this bull that's been happening."
"Tae, just stop okay? Let's not talk about this anymore..." I got up from the bed and went to get a change of clothes, but what Taemin said next nearly broke me.
“Minho hyung told me that Kibum hyung's been talking about dying mindlessly. Are you really going to let him kill himself before you do something?"
He wanted to die? Kibum what the hell are you thinking? You want to kill yourself because of me?
"Taemin, most people who go through breakups would think like that. I guess you forgot that I was the same when I broke up with Sunyoung. He’ll get over it eventually."
I don't even know what in the world's going on with me. Why do I keep saying these things about Kibum?
"You know what, maybe he should just die," Taemin spat and I almost turned around and punch him for saying that. "If he dies he wouldn't have to suffer and I wouldn't have to see him walking around like a zombie at school. If he dies he wouldn't have to suffer and be forced to keep living like there's nothing wrong with him. But why do I keep bothering to tell you these things when I knew that you wouldn't care at all if something finally happened to him? Maybe he should just die so he wouldn't have to keep making himself hope that you'll take him back. Dying would be so much better..."
"Just shut up, Taemin!" I couldn't take it anymore. I don't want him to die. I don't want him to get hurt. What I want for him is to be safe and live normally. And the only way for him to be safe is if I leave him alone and never see him again. "Please just leave my room, now."
"You're just the same as mom and dad," he muttered. "But don't worry, hyung, if something does happen to him there's still one thing you can do for him - pray."
He was being sarcastic in some way, but the thought of Kibum dying was something I don't want to think about at all. I don't want him to hurt himself because of me, he deserves someone better, he deserves to live better, and most importantly he deserves to be happy.
A/N:
there's another part next... :)) DOUBLE UPDATE AS AN APOLOGY...
- immaLocket029
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