Paring: nyongtory, g-ri

genre: angst/hurt

prompt sent by JoJoMin

Seungri met Jiyong on sunny and breezy day of April. April was his favourite month and he used to like walking down the streets of his home town. That day he was taking his usual solitary walking but he bumped in Youngbae and his artistic friends. For a moment he really considered to turn back and go straight home. It wasn't like he didn't' like Youngbae, actually he was his bestfriend, however since his photography hobby started to get more serious, he began to hang out with pretentious actors, singers with a serious lack of ability and depressed writers. A real put off for Seungri that had always been more of a concrete person, heck he was studying accountability, probably the most concrete and less inventive subject in the world, taken that the only thing close to be considered artistic he had ever did was reading manga if that counted). But Youngbae had already waved a hand as he was getting close. Damn. Youngbae had his ridiculous eye smile and a heavy camera hung up on his neck. Behind him there was a blonde guy who was paying no attention to them at all, preferring to take picture of a gorgeous red hair girl ( he knew because before he was staring at her too).

“ hey Ri!”

“Youngbae.”

“Are you doing one of your strolls? Me too but to take good pictures, you know, there's this competition in which we want to participate” Youngbae said with enthusiasm,

“ Ah yes, you mentioned it before” Seungri said faking enthusiasm. He actually couldn't give a .

“ Yep. Do you remember I talked about a talented guy in my course, well that's him. Ji?” he said turning slightly to tag this “Ji” from his sleeve. The latter only then seemed interested on what was happening. He lowered his expensive camera and let him being dragged to the front. Despite a first indifferent impression once this guy smiled Seungri's impression changed abruptly. He has a bright expression, full of confidence and a charming gaze. Seungri knew at first sight that despite his yellow glasses, and his pink trousers, he was the type of person he liked the most. Yes he liked freaks.

“ nice to meet you I'm Jiyong”

“ Seungri” and his eyes, his eyes were truly beautiful.

After that encounter they didn't meet for at least two months. Then one day, Seungri bumped in Jiyong during of one of his photo shoot session. They ended up drinking a coffee together and cracking silly jokes and somehow after that first encounter they kept seeing each other. Jiyong had asked his number since meeting one, and even though Seungri didn't understand why, Jiyong started texting him, asking to hang out. Seungri, even though he could, never say no. He was an accounting student and Jiyong a hipsters but the fact was that, despite the differences, they really had fun together. The coffe's encounters turned in nights spent in karaoke and pubs. Seungri would swear that he didn't have really intentions back then, sure Jiyong was attractive but what he really could gain from him and from his life style, Seungri didn't want. But things get twisted, easily.

“Stay with me” Jiyong said out of the blue. He kissed him under a street lamp.

It wasn't Seungri's first kiss with a man. Despite being known in the campus as a ladies man, he had already adventured in other paths. Nonetheless Seungri felt his lips trembling, like it had been a while since the last time he was kissed. He found himself kissing back.

Of course after that kiss, a lot followed. They were fooling around, they both knew it, Seungri wanted it like that and Jiyong too. It was like they were having a game, each of them trying to impress the other resulting in amazing sessions. Seeungri let Jiyong dispose of him like he pleased, basically ing in every corner of Jiyong's apartment that they could think about.

In the shower, pressed on the fridge, on the floor, bended on a desk. Despite that they really couldn't give a about each other life. Seungri despised photography, thinking it was some pretentious rich kids wanted to brag about, flashing daddy's camera without even having the talent. And Jiyong had always thought the economy was a department for kids who didn't know what to do with their life and chose to play it easy, not having enough intelligence and imagination to think of something else. They had their thoughts and neither of them wanted to back up, but despite that, their chemistry was undeniable. Seungri took it like something that would fuel their fun but Jiyong, the artist Jiyong, was always in search of that freak flickering light of inspiration: for Jiyong started to mean something else.

Seungri was nice, funny, charming.

“Ah Seungri, you make you want to date you”.

Seungri's stomach flipped.

No he didn't like Jiyong, not really. He found him vain, crazy and too much of a hassle. But when Jiyong a week later asked him out seriously, he didn't have a real reason to say no.

“I'm lonely. I'm bored. It's the ”, he kept saying himself, because why would he nod for something his entire body was screaming no?

“ Why not?” he then added. And those were the words that screwed him.

“So you and Jiyong” asked an awkward Youngbae, after an big sip of bubble tea. Seungri wanted to roll his eyes because Youngbae didn't need to treat him something for him to be honest. Well, free beverage.

“Yes” he said before drinking himself.

“Ri, are you sure Jiyong is no prince charming you know”.

Seungri scoffed “ hyung, I'm not a kid anymore. It's fun being with him and I'll stop if it'll stop being so.”

“Hmm”

“What? You were the one introducing him to me”.

“ Well he is a good friend but for everything else he is an . Just be careful, ok? Maybe if it's you he'll finally have some balance.”

“Hyung don't worry. It's not like I'm going to get married. Besides I'm not in love, I could never, so stop being an overprotective older brother. It doesn't suit you.

“ This brat”Seungri laughed.

The thing was Seungri didn't take in consideration to get so fascinated. Jiyong had this thing to kept everything and everyone hanged ion him, he had this ability of making you wanting to have more of him. Maybe was because of his artistic side, of how once you thought to have understood he still managed to surprise and confuse you again. Seungri thought it would be fun. He never anticipated being happy. Neither ending liking Jiyong so much. He used to despise him, him and his antics. He found him a douche but how come something he found annoying now was endearing? Seungri didn't want to face the eventuality of starting to feel something deeper, constant. He wanted to keep feeling good, happy. Was it really possible?

Jiyong was at the usual pub. It was Friday night, the day they both agree to not see each other. He knew Seungri was with his friends, probably seeing a movie or something like that while Jiyong was probably at his seventh glass of who knew what. Someone patted his back, one of the circle probably, but he didn't pay attention. As he continued sipping, he asked himself not for the first time, what the heck was going on. He didn't plan to come here and get wasted, like he was so used to do two months before, but he kind of slipped inside taking by surprise his old crew too.

He sipped again.

He sighed.

He needed this. This sensation of not giving a about everyone. But he had Seungri now, he had to care. How come liking someone had become so tiring? He honestly liked Seungri, the idea of letting go of him at that time was disturbing, painful even. Seungri so young, so free, so beautiful, at that moment he wanted him for himself, and so he asked him out. It was good at first, it gave him balance, it gave him the peace he needed in the mess of his head. He wasn't stupid, he knew they were going to a dangerous path, he got it in the smile of Seungri and the way he looked at him. He wasn't ready. He didn't want to love, to love Seungri. Loving implied things he once swear to never give or pretend. But how find a way out to this? He wasn't ready to let him go either like he wasn't the day he sealed them together.

It would be so awesome to be free and to have Seungri at the same time.

How long last happiness?

If you asked Seungri, barely two months, but of months had just passed three.

It wasn't bad, they still had fun and Jiyong was sometimes so loveable to him that Seungri couldn't help think that, maybe, they could continue together for a long time. However, the moment he started to believe that was the moment he screw himself for real, because Seungri wasn't used to be fake or restrain, bad or good, what he felt he showed. That was part of his charms after all.

Blows like happiness, come always out of the blue.

And Jiyong, Seungri found out, could say really cruel words.

“ I'm afraid of my thoughts” Jiyong started. They were laying in the bed after a satisfying section, or so Seungri thought.

“What thoughts?”

“I'm thinking always about you...”

Seungri's heart skipped a bit.

“ I... I'm used to freedom, I like for my mind to wander everywhere without restrains. But everytime I look at someone else, I think about you”.

Seungri didn't know what to say. What was that supposed to mean?

“It's annoying. I'm so committed to you that even my mind is not free. I don't like it”.

Those weren't pretty words.

“ What are you trying to say?” he asked, trying to not lose it.

“ I think it's better if we go back to be buddies”.

The argued furiously after that.

“ Just admit your feelings Godammit!” Seungri shouted. He knew Jiyong liked him but he also knew he refused to admit it.

“ How can I know if there isn't someone  better?”

Seungri didn't punch him because he was busy dressing himself, but he didn't even care to put on the sweater despite the weather outside was chilly,

“ Seungri, please be reasonable” said Jiyong, but his tone was annoying.

“ you” and Seungri left.

An hour later he was crying like a baby on Youngbae's shoulder, like the 19 years old kid he was.

He felt pathetic, he felt so ashamed but he couldn't stop crying.

“ Ri, maybe it's for the better” whispered Youngbae.

“ No”.

Two days later Jiyong came at his house begging to see him and asking for forgiveness. Seungri knew he should have stayed in his room, he also knew that he loved Jiyong too much to refuse him whatever. He realized that night when he discovered himself heartbroken.

“ I'm so sorry”. “I love you”. Seungri took him back.

But after that it wasn't all roses and rainbows. Of course Jiyong had open his mouth again, probably saying the words no human being should say. “ I was tempted Seungri, I have to confess. She was so prettier than you, but I couldn't forget you and so I understood I love you.”

Seungri wanted to ask, who she was, why he was saying this things, why the truth was so ugly, but then Jiyong hugged him. “ I'm chained to you”. And Seungri didn't like that either, because it seemed like he had stolen something from Jiyong, but he was so happy to have him back that he bit back his words.

“ Seungri I love you so I want to be kept interested in you”

“ I don't... understand?”

“ I don't know, take care of yourself?” again Seungri should have punched him but instead obliged. If Jiyong was renouncing to his freedom he, Seungri, should take responsibility.

That was how he ended up spending his afternoons working out with Youngbae. The latter was happy to spend time with Seungri even though not at all after hearing the news. Seungri didn't tell him the details, but Youngbae had yet a bad feeling.

Things went back to normal, kind of. Jiyong complemented him for his new set of abs and they still pent an awful lot of time together. But he was more distant while Seungri started to be paranoid  and to reproach him for everything. He didn’t forget those words, asking himself in the darkness who this prettier girl was. Jiyong kept reassuring him making his doubts appear silly, humiliating Seungri once more. But as the the doubts kept increasing, Jiyong started to get angry and the fights started to rose and get frequent. Seungri started to skip meals and to work till exhaustion in the gym. Youngbae was worried but Seungri shut him out.

Things got worse. Seungri and Jiyong didn't have anymore, and Seungri woke up in the middle of the night for the nightmares and the hunger, the words of Jiyong of being less pretty and paranoid in his head.

Till the point he reached his limit. Love was not supposed to feel like that, to make you feel tired, inferior. If that was love, Seungri didn't want it anymore.

“ What are we Jiyong? We don't have , we are just two friends who spend time together, but friends don't do this to one another Jiyong.”

Jiyong sighed “Seungri... I.. come to my house after lessons ok?” Their story, or whatever you could call this, ended a cold day of February after not even seven moths.

How do you repair a broken heart?

Jiyong had took all the good, everything, from him and left a desert behind. Of the smiling Seungri, the envy of the enitre economy department had remained nothing. Who was on his side was Youngbae, who quitted the photography club and punched Jiyong once, even though he never told Seungri.

Seungri later discovered who that girl was, the girlfriend of one of Jiyong's friends. He came to know they got together after merely a week after their break up. If their story had started when Seungri was still with him, that was a question Seungri knew the answer but refused to make it hunt him. It was Youngbae who insisted he needed fresh air but after discovering tha,t Seungri came to realize that he couldn't live in the same city of that man. So broken but determinate, he asked to study abroad. Not even four months later he was boarding for an year overseas.

Jiyong  was satisfied with his life. He was now engaged with a beautiful girl, that girl, she was smart, she was nice, she never gave him a headache and she was rich. That didn't necessary meant anything but let him follow his passion, because she didn't need for him to be solid. It was a good life. For an year he never thought of Seungri. Until one month ago he bumped in Youngbae at the airport, Jiyong was coming from a workshop in France, the latter wasn't happy to see him and cut him off, but Jiyong had enough time to peak on where he was going.

“ I went once to London, but maybe because I was alone I didn't have a great memory. I would really like to go back and visit it with someone I care, I think it'll have a different vibe.”

He didn't mean to pry really, all this time trying to erase Seungri's existence, trying to ignore how different felt to have him and now to have her.

Internet was a great tool indeed, and so was the smile of Seungri in tagged photo. He wasn't alone, and Jiyong knew just knew the person beside him was someone Seungri cared, for the place where that photo was taken.

Jiyong grimaced.

Author's note: I had this written for months. Since I worked like twelve hours the day I could only write in paper notes. Finally I can publish! I'm so sorry I really had a hard time and it's not over yet. Anyway I wanted to interpret the prompt like this, if it's disappointing, I'm sorry. I just wanted to take it out, I was once like Seungri. Yes I have horrible taste in men. XD

Hope you enjoyed! thank you for the comments <3

ps: BIGBANG IS BACK (I couldn't believe it)