Not Alone

TaeYeon cried.

Not because of the rapid decrease of her fans, not because of the hurtful comments or the hanging death threats in all sites. The leader cried because of the fans that stayed, she cried because of the SONEs who remained loyal to them, to her, she cried because of the words “Always Here” written in the latest comments in not just her InstaGram updates and the circulating articles but also in the other members’ as well, burying all the hateful comments, protecting her from further misery, shielding and embracing her in her most vulnerable moment.

She clamped a hand to , muffling the incoming sobs that racked her body, not wanting the other members to hear her at the other side of the door, as tears continued flowing.

Being a Kpop Idol, especially being the leader of the most popular girl group, TaeYeon knew the consequences of publicizing romantic relationships. And she was apologetic about it. Apologetic to the fans that she disappointed with her lack of caution when she went out. She knew her controversial relationship would be the hardest to accept. Apologetic to her members that, even though some had revealed their own relationships to the public, were being pushed in a bumpy ride again because of her.

What kind of leader gives pain and heartaches to her members? She was supposed to lead them, supposed to solve the problems for them, she was the one supposed to hold them together, not be the one first to crumble. She was supposed to be their foundation, their mental strength but now TaeYeon felt nothing anywhere near that. The pain of knowing that her recklessness pitched them into this mess made her neck suddenly hot, her eyes stinging again with fresh tears.

And it hurts. It hurts not because they abandoned her; it hurts because they were there for her. Not just in the past, not just in the present but also in the future. Her SoNyeoShiDae held her when she first cried in their debut, her SoNyeoShiDae embraced her as she held back tears when the articles escalated, and now her SoNyeoShiDae is knocking in her bedroom door, asking TaeYeon, asking th