I am getting ready for our final examination. I'm so nervous. What if I fail this test? I won't graduate from this college. I wouldn't get a diploma. I wouldn't get a job. Aish. I should not think about things like that. I studied all night long. There's no way I'm failing this exam.

Once I'm out my dorm, I headed towards my best friend's place. He and I don't have the same exam because he's taking Pre-law while I took Psychology. Two completely different course. But we usually hang out together because I'm his only friend since first year of college. We both are in the same age. Though he's very mature and grade conscious; he didn't socialize that much. He is a perfectionist. While I on the other hand, am reckless. 

We may be two different persons but we just clicked. He pushed me away but I was kind of persuasive. He gave in anyway, and now we're the best of friends. You could probably say we were inseparable. 

I stood on the front door of his dorm and knocked. "Baek?" I called. The door opened and out came Baekhyun in his always ironed and tidy clothes. 

"Oh hey, Chanyeol." He smiled at me. "Did you study?"

"Of course. All night."

"You know that cramming is not good. You can't just fit all those information in one night--"

"I know. You always tell me that. But look at me, in my last year of college, taking my final exam." I grinned. He knew I was right so he just sighed out loud.

"Whatever Chanyeol. But you can't always be cramming. If you're already working you can't bring that habit."

"Yes, mom." 

He smacked my arm playfully. "Let's go. Before they close the exam room doors." He grabbed my arm and brisk walked towards the examination building. 

I hated the feeling that my heart is fluttering in my chest when our skin touched. My stomach was doing flips. I want to pull my hand away his grip. But I couldn't do it. I love the feeling of his hand holding my wrist.

We broke into a run when we heard the ring signaling that the exam is about to start. We had to part ways because my room was on the third floor while his was on the second. I made it in time before the doors closed. The instructor looked at me in disbelief. 

"Chanyeol, here. I saved you a seat." I took a seat beside Taeyeon. She's the only one I am close with in my class. She's my noona. She's three years older than me. She told me that for 3 years she was a lazy bum and didn't have the will to go to a college. But she's actually pretty smart.

The test were handed to us and I studied the questions. There were some answers I forgot. I better do what Baekhyun always tell me. Sweet, handsome Baekhyun. What the hell is wrong with me? What's going on in my head? Where are these thoughts coming from?

"Mr. Park, is something wrong?" The instructor questioned me. 

I looked at her and shook my head. I focused on my test. 

-o0o-

"How was your test?" He asked me as we ate. 

"It was fine."

"Hmm," Baekhyun murmured. "So what are your plans after you graduate? Are you gonna work? You gonna go independent with a clinic of your own?"

"I want my own clinic. But I'm gonna start with my cousin's hospital." Yeah, I'm gonna be a rookie like that. 

"That's good."

"How about you, Baek? Are you continuing your pre-law to a Law School?" 

"Yeah. I've always wanted to be a lawyer or maybe a politician--wherever my hard work takes me." He gave me a weak smile. We were silent for awhile. 

"So," I started. Then his eyes widened in surprise. I turned and saw Taeyeon walk in the college canteen.

"What's with Taeyeon noona?" I asked. I sense something's going on. 

He shook his head, but I could make out his flushed cheeks. Does he--he likes Taeyeon? My hands balled into a fist on their own. I realized that I was fuming. I saw that Baekhyun was looking at me weirdly. I released the fist and gave him a smile. 

"Are you alright?" 

"You like Taeyeon noona?" 

His eyes widened. "Oh, Chanyeol. I'm so sorry. I didn't know how to tell you... I didn't know you like her!"

What? That wasn't what I'm implying. I don't fancy her. She's just a friend. I didn't know why I was even acting this way. 

"No--No, I don't... I don't like her! She's just a friend, Baek," I told him. I could see something in his eyes. He wasn't believing me. "Look, if you like her... Then uh... She's all yours."

"What are you talking about, Yeol?"

"You like her, right? Then ask her out or something," that came out a little harsh. I didn't know why I was angry.

"Then why are you angry at me? Just tell me if you like her, I'll stop this petty little crush," he said. He looked so serious, it made me angrier. 

"I don't like her, alright! Goodbye, Baekhyun. I have tests to take," I said, grabbing my things and left him.

-o0o-

I woke up with a startling headache. I know this is because of lack sleep. I can't sleep. If I fall asleep, I'd only wake up a few minutes later. My insomnia is back again. It's still dark outside. I glanced at my desk clock, it read 2:45. 

I decided to take a walk, grabbing a pair of jeans, my jacket and sneakers. Once I stepped out of my dorm building, the chilly air hit me so sudden. I wrapped my jacket against me hard to keep me warm. 

It's very silent, it's defeaning. I take a turn to the college's gym. I could play ball for awhile. Maybe it could get my mind off things.

It has been a week since my blow off with Baekhyun. I feel so empty. I feel this uncertainty in my chest. I didn't know why I even got mad at the poor guy. It was so uncalled for. It was my fault. And we were ignoring each other--rather, I was the one ignoring him. I didn't know how to face him. I didn't know how to apologize.

When I got to the gym, I grabbed a basketball and dribbled it. I looked at the high basketball ring and shot the ball in it. I was good at basketball and a lot are telling me to join the varsity because I was tall. I was fit to join the team. But I had my priorities, I was in this university to study not play ball.

Baekhyun even encouraged me to join but I told him I had to study first. If I had the time, I'll try out. He smiled at me. 

Speaking of Baekhyun. I miss the little guy. I miss my best friend. I miss the way his eyes turn into a crescent shape when he smiles. I miss the way his lips turn into a rectangular shape when he smiles. I miss his small figure. I miss his bickering.

Maybe I should talk to him later.  We have rehearsals for the graduation rights. I have to talk to him. Graduation is only a fee days away. I can't just leave our friendship hanging. I have to apologize to him. I have to explain things to him. I don't want him to think I like Taeyeon. It's not that I don't like her; she's pretty and smart. She's pretty likable. Maybe that's why Baekhyun likes her. But he doesn't even know her. When did he even start liking her?

I played basketball until my arms were worn out. I ran back to my dorm and took a long cold shower. After the shower, I get ready for rehearsal. It's very early to go to the school grounds, but I had nothing else to do.

I went to the field and laid there for awhile, thinking of how I will explain to Baekhyun. 'Hey, Baek, I'm sorry I got mad at you the other day. I don't like Taeyeon noona so you could date her.' That doesn't sound right. How about, 'Baek, I'm really sorry about the other day. I didn't know why I got mad at you. Maybe it's because you like Taeyeon noona and you're going to ignore our friendship?' 

Aish. 

What am I thinking? Those all sound like sappy love story lines for girls. I'm not turning into one, right?

Soon the sun was slowly lighting up the dark sky. The sun sent me warmth. The sun reminds me of Baekhyun. His smiles are warm and bright. I really miss him. We've been only apart for a week and I miss him like crazy. That's not a good sign, right?

What does that even mean? I've been confused since--ever since third year college. Those were the times Baekhyun was so stressed about things. He usually comes up to my room and ask for comfort and he would fall asleep on my bed, in my arms. I know that was common for best friends, because it is... Right? 

But there were times when I thought he looked so beautiful when he was asleep; how much I felt really attracted to damp his inviting lips with mine. 

I was confused. Really confused. 

But I hid those feelings. I thought they were just hormones working in my system. 

Soon I heard chattering around me. I saw some students talking animatedly with their groups of friends. My eye caught the basketball's MVP Wu Yifan. He was with his close friends Kim Jongin and Xi Luhan. The three were very popular among the students especially the girls because of their good looks but they are not arrogant. They're not like those kingkas from high school. They just love the attention they were getting. Sometimes they are showing off, but those were just for fun. We're not in high school where too much drama happens, we're in college--the start of real life. 

I glanced at the front entrance of Baekhyun's dorm building. I want to see him. I wanted this day to start off nice. I want to know our friendship is still alright. I waited. And waited. 

It already took 15 minutes but he was not yet in sight. A lot of students came but none of them was Baekhyun. Where is he? Rehearsal is starting in only 30 minutes. Where is hell is he? He's always on time.

It took me another 15 minutes waiting to see his little figure among the other students. But he wasn't. I gave up and ran to the auditorium. 

Once I came in, half of the auditorium were filled with graduating students. I took a seat beside a boy who was so white, his skin looks like it's made of milk. I always see him with another boy who had sharp face features, but I never talked to them. So I gathered up my courage, "Hey. I'm Chanyeol. I'm a psychology student." 

He smiled at me and extended his hand for a handshake. "Nice to meet you. I'm Junmyeon, from the college of language department." 

I shook his hand. "So I'm guessing you're graduating?" 

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't," he chuckled. He seem to be nice. He looks kind. He looks like we could get along easily. 

"Are you ready to graduate, Junmyeon-ssi?" 

He looked at me. "Of course I am. I'm ready to face the real world, show them my talents. You know?"

He looked at me. "How about you, Chanyeol?"

I wasn't. Unless I know that my friendship with Baekhyun is going to be alright, that we were fine. "I don't know. I just... I have a friend and we just fought. I don't think he'll ever forgive me. I don't want to graduate with someone hating me, especially a friend I hold dear in my heart."

"Oh so I'm guessing you're in love with her? Seeing how you want your so called friendship to be alright before you even graduate." 

"What? I'm not in love with my best friend! That's ridiculous! We're both guys." 

"Oh," he said, his mouth a perfect shape of a 'O'. "So it's a guy. I'm just wondering why you sound like you can't lose your best friend."

I frowned at him. Did I really sound like that? "You're not a psychology student. How could you know that?"

"Anyone can see it. It's too obvious. Love is a feeling so open that anyone can see it from people bearing it," he said with a wide smile on his face. Junmyeon is a very wise boy to know something like that, or maybe he's going through it too. I bet. 

"And Chanyeol, I can see it on you. You're radiating with love around you."

"What the hell? Are you like Cupid or something?" 

He looked at me, his face showing that he was hurt. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I'm not careful of my words. That's why my friend and I fought." 

He gave me an apologetic smile. "It's alright."

"Hey Junmyeon," came another voice. I turned to the voice's direction. I saw the sharp featured face of the boy Junmyeon is always with. "Who's the new friend?" His voice sounded jealous. 

"Oh! Jongdae, this is Chanyeol. Chanyeol this is Jongdae, my boyfriend." I choked on my own saliva when I heard him say 'my boyfriend'. 

"Are you alright, Chanyeol-ssi?" Junmyeon had that look of worry on his face, while Jongdae... his face was unreadable. 

"I'm alright." 

I moved one seat away from Junmyeon, seeing that Jongdae wants to sit beside his boyfriend. So Junmyeon is gay. How come I didn't see that coming? My four years of study has trained me to read other people and for the moment, I wasn't able to. What's wrong with me?

"Students!" The voice of the Dean of the College of Law echoed from the number of speakers surrounding the auditorium. Her voice was taunting. It's scary. "You are all graduating students and I expect proper behavior from all of you. In only a few days from now, you will be released to live the company of real life, so I expect all of you be mature enough. Thank you." 

She really is a scary woman. Baekhyun told me about her. He talked to her once because he had to catch up with his lessons since he had to stay in bed for a week when he had a fever. She is scary. No one can talk to her who could stay not peeing their own pants.

"She sounds scary," I heard Jongdae muttering. "Heard from Sehun, he almost his pants when he was caught in class doodling on his notebook."

I can imagine whoever Jongdae's friend scared less of her. I glanced at my new set if friends, and saw how their fingers were tangled with each others. It sent an aching itch in my chest. 

I looked away and decided to search for Baekhyun among the crowd. He must be here somehow since it was about to start. I failed since there are a lot of students with the same hairstyle he has. 

The program rehearsal started and I stopped my search for that boy. Junmyeon and Jongdae talked with each other, leaving me giving small talks with the other students. 

-o0o-

The rehearsal ended and when Baekhyun's name was called he didn't go up on stage. Neither did Taeyeon. I felt a huge amount of welling in my chest.

Could it be that they're together? Or maybe it was just plain coincidence that both of them weren't on the rehearsal because of some other reason? But I couldn't stop thinking that they are together, away on a date or something. I am angry. And I admit, I'm jealous.

But I didn't have the right. I'm just his best friend. Yes, I was the one who started this fight, but he at least had to hear my explanation. I am his best friend who stayed by his side for almost 5 years.

"Hey, Chanyeol, you alright?" 

I looked at Junmyeon with concern on his face. It wasn't a fake expression, he did care about me. "I'm fine. Really. I'm just gonna go to my room and rest, I guess. I'm pretty tired."

"You're tired? We didn't even do anything. We just sat and waited for our turn up the stage," Jongdae said. Junmyeon looked at him that said, 'Would you shut up and let the poor boy go?'

"So I'll see you guys tomorrow for the polishing?" I suggested. 

"Yeah," Junmyeon said and waved them off. 

I ran towards my dorm building. But I stopped on the driveway near Baekhyun's dorm building when I heard familiar voices. 

"That was so much fun," she said. "Wanna do that again soon." 

"Of course noona," he said. 

I turned to where I could hear the voices. I hid behind a brick wall and sneaked a peek towards the voices. And I was right. Baekhyun and Taeyeon were there. His arm was over her shoulder. They both look so happy with each other's company.

I was fuming at the sight. I know I couldn't just pull him away from her. I couldn't just step on their date, or whatever they're doing, and apologize to him with Taeyeon as an audience. So I walked away and ran as fast as I could up the building towards my room. And because of my clumsiness, I hit someone. It was Kyungsoo from my math class. 

"I'm sorry," I said and locked myself in my room. 

I buried my face in my pillow. I let out a gargled scream. Byun Baekhyun, what have you done to me? I didn't know I was keeping the tears when they all poured endless on my pillow. This is so embarrassing. But I don't care. I'm alone and no one can see me. 

How can I hurt this much? Is this what Junmyeon told me about? Is this love? Does love hurt this much? Especially when it's one sided? I'm 100% he doesn't return the same feeling towards me. It was pretty obvious from what I've seen a few minutes ago. I could perfectly see how happy Baekhyun was when he was with Taeyeon.

Then my phone suddenly rang. I inhaled deeply and took a look on my phone to see who's calling. It's my mother. Before answering, I gathered up my tears.

"Chanyeol! It took so long for you to answer!" Her voice gave me warmth.

"Sorry mom. I was doing things," I lied. I hope she doesn't notice. 

"What? I thought graduation is 2 days away? Why are your professors still giving you assignments?" She asked, probably baffled with the thought of me still having assignments when I'm graduating in only 2 days.

"Not school related, mom," I reasoned out. It was true. 

"Oh, thank goodness," she said, relieved. "I just called you to know we'll be there tomorrow. We want to see you before the day of your graduation." 

"Okay."

"And we want to see Baekhyun too."

Baekhyun. My mom knows him. He has visited our house before when it was summer vacation. My mother adores him so much, I think she wants to disown me and have him as her son. 

"Chanyeolie~ are you still there? I just want to see Baekhyun too. Why did you suddenly become quiet?" 

"Sure. You could see him too."

She was quiet for awhile that I thought she already hung up on me. "Did you two fight?"

I didn't know how she knew that. But I'm guessing it's mother's instincts. "Don't lie to me Park Chanyeol."

"We did. But it's not that horrible. We'll be alright soon." I hope we would. 

"Oh. That's good. So, I'm gonna hang up now. See you tomorrow. Love you, Chanyeol."

"Love you too, mom." 

"Bye." 

"Bye." 

-o0o-

Junmyeon, Jongdae and I became pretty close ever since we met this morning so we decided to eat some dinner outside the school grounds at a nearby Japanese restaurant.

The two were sitting beside each other, and doing god knows what. It really looked like I was a third wheel to their relationship. I was dreading to finish dinner soon so that these two could do their thing in a room where no one is around. Both of them could be the models of PDA. 

So I decided to leave the two for awhile. "Excuse me," I muttered, and the two were too busy with each other to notice me leaving. 

I was on the restaurant's open veranda. It was nice to feel some fresh air rather than be crammed up with those two who can't stop their PDA even for a moment. 

I pondered for a moment how soon graduation was approaching and I still haven't apologized to Baekhyun. Heck, I never even had the chance to talk to him. God, everything's such a mess. 

And my parents are coming over tomorrow! And my mother is ecstatic to meet Baekhyun again. And I--

"Oops, sorry." 

I turned and saw Baekhyun with Taeyeon.  "Oh! Hi Chanyeol!" She waved at me. 

"Hello," I somehow managed to reply.

Here he is, standing only a few feet away. Now's my chance to talk to him--to apologize. Before it is too late. "Baek, can we talk." I looked at Taeyeon, "Alone."

"You two know each other?" She asked us both, her head darting to both of us.

"We're... Friends," I said. 

And she smiled. "Alright. I'll be in the car, Baek. Alright." He only smiled at her and she left.

We both looked at each other. The air was so tense around us that I couldn't speak. But there was a part of me happy to see this beautiful little man. I want to pull my best friend in my arms and hold him so tight. But I couldn't do that since he's sending daggers of a glare at me. 

"Are you going to just stare at me?" 

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak. But he cut me to it, "If you're going to apologize, don't do it. Just tell me a reasonable explanation for your behavior that day." 

I looked at him. Why is he so cold towards me? "Baekhyun, I'm so sorry I shouted at you. And to be honest, I didn't know why I did it."

He looked at me with disbelief. "You didn't know why? What kind of reason is that? Did you just feel like shouting at me? Chanyeol, you know my past. You know how sensitive I am. And the explanation you gave me is not enough reason to accept you as my friend. I'm sorry but I--"

I couldn't stop myself but I pulled him into my arms. It felt so good to hold him against me. He didn't push me away. His small figure fit together with my body. "I'm so sorry, Baekhyun. I'm really so sorry. Please forgive me. I don't want our friendship to end. Please." 

I felt him shaking in my arms. I pushed him slightly off me and saw that he was crying. "Why are you crying?" 

He looked at me with those beautiful tear-filled eyes. "I couldn't stay mad at you. God, Chanyeol. I hate you. You know I couldn't your hugs. You're such a cheat!" He was chuckling while crying.

I was laughing all along with him. "So does that mean, you forgive me?" 

He frowned at me. "Of course I do! But your explanation isn't reasonable!"

I couldn't tell him the truth, he might push me away if he ever knew about it. So I lied, "So you and Taeyeon are dating, huh?"

He blushed a deep red. I couldn't help my heart but ache at his indirect confession. They are dating! 

"I wanted to tell you but you were ignoring me! The day you told me you don't like her, I took up the courage to ask her out. I never told you that I liked her since we were in our sophomore year. I'm sorry, I didn't tell you. I'm a coward." He looked so sincere. 

I'm the coward, not you, Baekhyun. I so wanted to tell him. His confession broke my heart into a million pieces, but my face didn't show it. Of course, why would I? I don't want to wipe that smile off his face. He looks so beautiful with that bright smile on his face. I could tell that he really likes Taeyeon.

"From now on, let's be honest with each other. Alright?" He looked so hopeful. 

So I nodded, "Of course."