Lay's POV

It was yet another day where I woke up late and had to go through the same routine of washing up before getting Min & Jin out of bed, dragging the sleepy kids to the toilet to wash up, get dressed, had a quick breakfast before running along with them so that we catch up with the school bus, and it never fail to make my heart feel at ease as I see my two kids waving back at me once they settled inside the bus, setting in the usual spot, blowing the usual flying kisses to me so that I catch them and hide them in the pocket on the right side of my upper chest.

“Are ur kids the only people u worry about? Get some food yourself, your face is losing its color.” I heard mom usual scolding but I had too little time to argue with her so I tried to compromise with a kiss on the cheek and my usual ‘’I love you~~’’ before I ran once again to catch with the train that will leave in like…

“! Crap.. 10 minutes” I cursed before running even faster… I thanked God the sidewalks were nearly empty so that I won’t pump into anyone while running there, I can’t drop my bag either and my coat definitely crumbled, thanks to my heavy sleeping to begin with. Well, thanks God I made it on time yet again….. for the 5^th or 6^th time, I ran into him… into the train’s entrance.. and it happened once again, we will stop facing each other in either side of that auto-door before he signal me with his eyes to get in first before I extend my hand in a gesture of ‘’ u go first…’’ and the almost daily issue on the train’s entrance door will be resolved once he will avert his eyes, smiling shyly giving in to my unspoken request for him to get in first.

We never talked, and never complained about the almost-daily-scenario either.. Its amusing though, how our timing matched perfectly, was he a heavy sleeper too? I found myself smiling to no one in particular, standing in a corner of that overcrowded train that was already slowing down in a sign of approaching the targeted destination, I pulled out my wallet and my smile widened as I viewed the pictures of my two beloved kids, Min was already showing signs of growing beautifully while Jin~ ah this kid, he always worries me as he has signs of growing up with gangster’s traits as he keep scaring his classmates and creating fights now and then… they were both still in kindergarten though, shall I worry too much whether Min is being annoyed by other boys or Jin being beaten up? My thoughts were interrupted as people started getting off of the train once it stopped and the auto doors were opened. I waited as the people stood in 2 lines to get out, each leaving to their own desired targets. I looked across the place and I saw him once again, he had his red headphones on and was smiling brightly.. so am not the only idiot who smile to himself among the crowd, am I? I don’t know what get into me as I found my legs weakening, the train was almost empty now… but my legs just won’t move… I kept standing there, looking at him as he closed his eyes, rested his back on the pillar fixed in the middle of between the long seating places on either side of the train as he started singing….

When the world turns dark
And the rain quietly falls
Everything stays still
Even today, without a doubt
I can’t get out of it
I can’t get out from the thoughts of you

Now, I know that it’s the end
I know that it’s all just foolishness
Now I know that it’s not true
I am just disappointed in myself for
Not being able to get a hold of you because of a stupid pride

I swallowed hard as the auto door closes; the heavenly vocals I just heard made my head spin and my breathing quickened…there was nobody there, no one at all but me and….him… I observed his gorgeous outer looks as I found my trembling steps getting closer to his side…

Light tanned skin, tiny figure, sharp features, perfect lips, youthfulness screaming all over..

I stopped right there, right in front of him…. Thoughts of everything else blinded to non-existence as I was one step away of my everyday-buddy, the one I had nothing in common with but my laziness maybe, and the one I never talked to but communicated using a language I never knew it existed until I first ran into him… eye-language.

He opened his eyes abruptly and I found myself taking off his headphones and resting them on the back of his neck before he blinked his eyes in confusion.

“its been days now, don’t you think its time for us to talk? Time for me to ask you why would I ran into no one else but you?” and I boldly found myself touching his chin, pulling it up just to make sure he was looking and thinking of nothing else but me at that instant.

“Time to question the heavens up there as to what deed I made in my life so I was rewarded with the most beautiful view I will ever come across in a life time?”

He averted his face to the side, shyly or angrily….i couldn’t tell.. all what I was thinking at that moment is how did I end up where I did and… I felt my pride and self-respect crumbling as he slapped me and ran out of the empty place where we first met, the place that witnessed the birth of whatever I was feeling deep inside… I stepped out of the now-so-gloomy place and felt the chilled breeze greeting my skin softly…. I turned back as the auto-door closes one last time before departing, I felt my chest tightening as I closed my eyes tightly… guilt and shame chewing my inside.

I kissed him.

 

Suho’s POV

Its been one week….. one week ever since that incident, although I did a great job avoiding him along the way but again we kept running into each other at the same spot for the next 7 days following that incident… but nothing was the same now, I won’t look into his eyes, or smile shyly when he gesture for me to get in first, I won’t distract myself with my usual seasonal-titled love songs to keep my mind off of him when we both were trapped in that small space , separated by people whom for me were blurry creatures for me as all I can see was him…. The one I can and can not step closer into…

He kissed me..

and I can lie to anyone but myself if I dared to say that my heart didn’t thump out of my chest when he did… and when I sensed his steps getting closer to my side the other day..

but I couldn’t just allow him to cross my boundaries just like that, he wasn’t allowed to.. no one was.. how can I even let him in when all I know about him is the pair of dimples he got in that perfect face of his, that face that accessed my inside against my well, mixing with every breath I took..

I stood there, tensed and trembling, the book am holding in my hand failed to distracted my mind that was occupied with nothing but that sensation from that brief lips-on-lips contact from the other day… i was a bit angry the first two days after the incident that I didn’t even look at him at all… but then I found myself stealing glances at him every now and then.. and I felt unreasonably hurt as I unintentionally heard him talking through the phone..

“yes baby, I will bring you that on my way back home, just stay in bed and don’t even think of getting out of it, okay.. I will.. I love you too… bye bye..’’

I closed my eyes tightly trying to get a hold of myself, why the hell was this suffocating feeling taking over my inside… I kept inhaling and exhaling in a slow rhythm, eyes still closed… I felt someone touching my shoulder lightly… I opened my eyes and looked at the person behind me…

it was him..

“you dropped this…’’

I looked at the item he was carrying, its my book from earlier… the fail attempt to distract myself from looking at him..

‘’hm…. Mm.. thanks…’’ I nervously grabbed my book before looking up at him, he smiled to me.. but it was different… his eyes looked so lost.. so sad…

‘’your okay?’’ I found myself asking him, it was too late to take it back..

‘’I am.. its just… my daughter is sick, I feel too bad for having to go to work when she needs me the most…..’’

I felt my world crashing….

His daughter??

“mmm.. my mom is taking care of her though…mmn.. my mom, not hers… hers is watching us.. up there, from the heavens...’’ he added with a low tone that sounded more like a whisper, why did he even said that? Did my face turn so pale? Was I that obvious? he.... he is a widower?

Silence fell for few moments…. The only sound we could hear was the sound of the train’s engine.

“she will be fine….’’ All I managed to say with a reassuring smile.

He nodded.

I looked around, the train was unusually empty today.. or did my sight and soul always eliminated everyone else in his presence..

“am sorry….’’

I heard him saying and I raised an eyebrow.

“for the other day… I was out of my mind… I apologize…’’

Was he out of his mind only that day? I can’t even remember the last time I felt my brain functioning, thanks to his sudden presence in my life at the first place..

“what’s her name?’’ I asked, trying to distract him from the embarrassing topic.

He looked at me in confusion before brushing his nervousness away as his dimpled smile greeted my eyes after one week of contestation.

“Min.. she has a boy twin too, Jin…’’

“twin? Cute.. do they look like you?’’

He rubbed the back of his neck shyly.

“I guess they do.. ‘’

I smiled before extending my hand, initiating a hand shake.

“enough of the mystery and eye-talks… am Suho, 29 years old, columnist in SM newspaper….’’

I saw his eyes widen, in shock? Before he extended his hand abruptly and enclosed it with mine.

“Yixing… Zhang Yixing… but you can call me Lay.. am 26.. and am…. I work nearby ur newspaper’s building actually.. in SL trading company, am financial auditor… am… am actually a fan of you… I mean your column… I never missed a single post of yours…’’

I felt a thin line of pink forming in my cheeks.

“really?’’

“I always believed that love is rather seasonal than destined, or it might also be both.. if you're a winter person u will run into your other half in a freezing, snowy night, if you're an autumn person, you will run into your soul mate with the falling leafs,…….. the forever-unchanging fact is that love is funny as it never fails to storm into your life in every unexpected way’’ he said with his deep, warm voice and I smiled.

“you even memorized that?’’ I asked feeling the anxiety fading away.

“its my favorite line.. You’re fond of seasoning love?’’ was that a question? or a statement? I looked around, the train stopped and it was time for us to get off.

“I always have been, but I recently wished I never was…’’ and I bowed before making my way out of that train… I felt my heart shrinking for no particular reason.

 

 

Suho’s POV

Winter was already around the corner, sending shy greetings to Seoul city… just like a bride nervously waiting to be wed to her knight, the one with cold edges.. the one she await for every year to embrace her with his bitterly cold heart..

I stopped by the train station after a month of….a month of reluctances..  I was promoted to an editor position and was rewarded by a car along with the promotion.. not a normal car, but a fancy one.. a fancy one that felt like a rival… I had no valid reason to waste money on train tickets when I already had the luxurious vehicle.. the one I hated.. the one I blamed for my cowardice, my hesitation.. my weakness and foolishness.. and every other shameful trait I had which kept me away from running to you when you called my name…

 

*Flash back*

 

“Suho-ah….’’ I heard my name being called… did he follow me? it can’t be..

I felt a hand grabbing my arm before turning me around, he was sweating, he looked tired.

“why would you wish you never did…’’

I avoided his eyes, how can I tell him that am a man who don’t believe in fate, but believe that the love of my life will find me…. or I’ll find it in a winter day…. in a snowy day….in a very… very cold day…

“I can’t let fate decide for me, what brought you into my life is fate, its not rain or sunlight… I can’t betray my beliefs…. I just… I can’t be weak… please let me go….’’

 

*end of flash back*

 

Giving in to my implacability, I ran away before he can add anything else, in which am sure.. would have caused my sanity to crumble, but here I am again… staring blankly at the exact same auto-door, the same spot.. Where our story started… where it…. Ended…

“Daddy… hurry up.. we’ll miss the train… ouch…’’ I felt a tiny being pumped into my leg bringing me back to reality… I bent down to make sure she wasn’t hurt..

“are you okay?’’ I asked as I helped her stand properly.

She smiled shyly before nodding her head.

“am sorry oppa.. daddy is an old lazy man, I want to get in the train.. have you ever been in one? I am excited to ride it.. oh its cold..’’ the little kid blurt out a bit quickly for me to catch up.. I found myself smiling while caressing her hair…

“Min… what are u doing there? Come here… hurry up….’’ A deep, husky voice called out for the little kid… a very familiar one..

“yes daddy…’’ she then caressed my head before adding. “oppa is so handsome, we will meet again..’’ and she winked to me before running to her daddy….

Running… to him…

It took me another week to compose myself for my sanity’s sake… the scene from my last drop to the train station was still disturbing my mind in an irritating way..

That little girl was his daughter… I saw his side profile when she ran to his side before they both entered that train… they weren’t alone though…he was with a company of an annoyingly.. beautiful lady…

 

 

 

 

2 months later..

 

Lay’s POV

Winter surely is no joke this year… I tried my best not to slip while taking careful steps toward the bus stop… since we moved from our old place.. it was more convenient now to use a public transportation.. and despite how Ailee insists that riding a public bus in a rainy night is romantic, I still insist that winter was far away from being so.. how can we complain about cold and shivers then set our description of romance based on such feelings.. isn’t romance supposed to erase your fears and pain and carry you into a world full of peace and love? I laughed at my cheesy thoughts, spending too much time with my beloved cousin surely had its side effects..

I felt my hands trembling as the edges of my fingers were slowly turning into light blue.. its freezing..

I felt something light yet tiny landing on the tip of my nose sending shivers down my veins..

it was snowing…

I looked up observing how the sky was generously releasing her gifts…

I closed my eyes, and out of all people and times… thoughts of him invaded my cracked soul once again..

I recalled what he wrote about winter not long time ago…

it was his season… his favorite one..

my rival..

My winter crush… The love I have been longing for since forever..

I have something I want to say..
But my lips are heavy and my heart has words that it couldn’t say even once~

Like a fool, I swallowed those words into my heart..
Even though it hurts, I only want you..

Please love me just once..
Can I crazily call out your name just once?

Do you know about my clumsy love?
As I see you turn away, year after year, before I can grab a hold of you.. I can’t say anything
So I will just place all my love inside my heart.. and wait…

am waiting.. and will forever will..

The feeling of someone pushing me aside awaken me from my painful fantasy… I felt even more pitiful, I laughed at my own despair.. I was jealous of someone I never met.. of someone he never met.. over someone I may never meet… ever again..

The journey to my house was longer than I thought, or was I so distracted by the white view before my eyes to notice that the coldness taking over my mother-town was collaborating with every other beautiful… sad thing that will take me to nowhere else but to you..

I swallowed my sorrow and rested my head on the shaky window… what right do I have to hate winter? Its sad, lonely… and lacks the tiniest mean of mercy but… deep inside.. it was you to be blamed… before I knew that winter was my rival for your love I would’ve never risked staining my heart with anything close to hatred.. anything close to bittersweet pain..

I squeezed my eyes closed.. in a fail try to keep you out of my mind.. I felt unbearable pain in my heart as the thoughts of us never meeting again shoved its way down my ribcage..  

“the streets are covered with snow, please be patient.. we will have to slow down to avoid any accidents..”

The bus driver announced and I blinked before sighing.. it was a long journey indeed..

I looked around.. an old lady.. mostly in her late 50s was struggling to stand.. I felt ashamed not to notice her earlier… I stood up and offered her to seat in my place.. she bowed thankfully and tapped my shoulder..

“you will be blessed… let almighty God shower you with love…”

I felt my eyes turning glossy.. her motherly touch and prayers caressed my soul..

I tuned around.... and rested my head on the cold window..

It was still snowing… not as heavy as earlier… but it didn’t seem to stop anytime soon..

I watched through the transparent medium how people where running.. holding their umbrellas.. kids dancing in circles enjoying the sensation of the tiny droplets of white cottons caressing their youthful skin.. small shops closing earlier.. couples messing each other’s hairs from the offending milky colored pieces…. And him…

I saw him… it was him…

He was standing closer to a lighting column… hands crossed… eyes closed… shivering…

I felt my legs weakening…

“ajhussi… please stop.. I will get off here..  please…” I called out for the old man who obeyed without negotiating…

I stopped right after getting off the bus… I felt my back muscles tightening when the bus past me…. and drifted away….

I was now… few steps away…. Away from…. My destiny???

 He was still there.. praying under the snow.. I walked closer.. close enough to see his nose tip reddening.. his edges shivering…

Too focused on his prayers to feel anything else… I stood right in front of him..

“plz dear God..  I have been waiting for so long.. plz God let me meet that person.. am love-sick.. his, love-sick… plz God let my heart live in peace.. let it squeeze out the thoughts of that autumn man… dear God….”

And I restrained myself from pulling him into my arms when I felt the last piece of my rationality vanished..

I missed him…

He was… he was crying..

“plz God…..”

Eyes still closed…. Hands still crossed…

“Erase those feelings from my heart…..”

I took off my scarf… if I leave him like this… he will freeze to death..

“and I promise I will never-….”

“don’t make promises you can’t keep….” I interrupt, before placing my scarf around his neck…

He opened his eyes and the shock in his face made me think… if it was even possible for someone to look unrealistically gorgeous.. in every possible way..

“how…”

“its destiny…. Even if you run to the other side of the world, the God you were praying to a minute ago will have his own way to bond us together…”

“we aren’t bonded in anyway….” He said, erasing his tears… trying to take off my scarf.

“don’t…” I said… holding his wrists..

“Yixing please….” He pleaded weakly and I stared at him..

“until when r you planning to keep this game on… am tired.. aren’t you too?”

He looked down..

“you don’t understand…”

“if I was confused before, am not now… not anymore….”

He looked up at me in confusion..

“weren’t you praying to God to send him to you?”

He nodded shyly…

“and he answered your prayers.. who is standing before your eyes now Suho…?’’

He sighed.

“but you're not….”

“who else then? Do you want someone else to show up.. wake up Suho.. am not discriminating your beliefs.. its just you're making it harder on yourself.. we both have feelings for each other… why are you making this more complicated that it’s already is…’’

“because I fell for you before I thought I will… do u even know how much it hurts trying to push away the thoughts of u…”

“then why did you run away…”

“I didn’t….”

“then where have you been for the last two months…”

“I was recovering….”

“from?”

“thoughts of you… feelings for you…”

“if you feel the same way…then why all the denial… just let it be….” I held his arms..

“you moved on…” he said, avoiding my eyes…

“what ?!!!” what was he talking about? I have been thinking of nothing else but him.. ever since… ever since we first met..

“I saw you….. with a girl…”

“Min?”

“NO IDIOT… a lady… Yixing you have two kids, you need a woman to help you raising them up.. so please let this go.. it’ll pass.. we barely know each other… how can you possibly love me anyway?’’

I sighed….

“too late to ask that…” I let my hand slip down his arms…

“it’ll pass… I wish… you will be happy with her…”

I looked at him…

“that lady is my cousin you idiot of a man… and am sorry to tell you that you have no option here..” I burst out..

“your cousin..?” he asked, his cute eyes blinking in confusion.

I smiled… he never fail to make me go through the.. now… very familiar.. emotional rollercoaster…

“you can’t be real…” I said with a smile.

He frowned.

“you make me go through every inhuman self-humiliating feeling and now you're smiling telling me am unreal… you're cruel….” He said angrily..

“go away.. I don’t want to see you again….” And before he can take off my scarf and throw it away, I held the edges of that scarf and pulled him to my side…

 the feeling of his soft lips against mine made the buzz surrounding us to vanish away… almost deafening me from every single thing… but his trembling breathing..

I felt his hands tensed against my chest… I moved my hands on top of his…

“missed you….” he mumbled when we broke off to breath…

“so I have no more reason to strangle that winter crush of yours…” I asked kissing the tip of his nose..

He smiled..

“who knows.. if that person was good-looking.. then I have weak heart, I can’t push that person away…” he said teasingly and I pinched his cheek.. we both smiled…

I pulled him closer… he rested his head on my chest..

“you really meant it?’’ I asked.. caressing his hair..

it was still snowing..

“when…?”

“when you said you want to erase your feelings for the autumn man from your heart…”

He shook his head lightly against my chest..

“I wish I could… its… too late now for me to pull myself back together….”

We stood in silence for a moment.. until he pulled away and looked  at me..

“we….. are we in love??’’ he asked and I smiled…

“its winter… what do you think?’’

‘’winter is my season… what is yours….?”

“as long as you are there.. I have no way out… I can’t escape….” I then touched his cold cheek and he leaned to the touch..

“can I love you…?’’

“too late to ask for that….” He said…

“I knew I loved you… before I met you.. I have been waiting all my life… I will love u in every possible way…. In every season…..’’

 

…

…

…

 

 

Suho’s POV

It’s never too late to fight for your love.. u don’t have to know each other for years.. you can even fall for someone you never met..

Love will always have its dark side… stormy nights.. and gloomy-like autumn days.. what matters is that you will always be with your beloved ones… no broken promises.. hurt pride or false hopes of a happy life… apart from one another…

All seasons lined up preparing for the departure… I abandon my every single pain and memories.. my beliefs and self-restrain… I waved goodbye to the world I lived in before u stepped in my road.. causing everything I ever thought about as my escape from the painful reality migrating with a one-ticket way to the unknown.. why bother? When every path I take will lead me… back to you..

 

It may not always start with “once upon a time’’ and ends with “happily ever after’’… but even if the world betray me.. know that I will love u now, tomorrow… and forever always..

 

THE END

 

 

A/N: some more karmas points for me if you like this? maybe? plz?

comments are always loved <33333333

sorry for the trashy grammer though :/