Black Text Color = Dream

 

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The news came. Kris filing a law suit against SM. It was everyone’s worst nightmare. It was unexpected and uncalled for. As the members heard the news through the media outlets and through their managers and SM officials, they all broke down. They tried not to because they had to stay strong, strong for their fans, but most importantly, for each other. They were one, as a team, as a group, as a family. Together as one until the very end. They never doubted the meaning of one until now. What was one? They made their debut as one, with 12, and now they’re one with 11. Coming from EXO Planet as 12, and continue living as 11. That’s not one, but it has to become one. It just has to. They all drilled it into their mind that he wasn’t coming back, but even if he were, they’d still have a place for him. A place for him on stage, and in their hearts, because after all, they are, well were one. No matter how much they try to replace him on stage, it just wouldn’t work. The past choreographies within the past two years were for 12. Or for 6. If you’re missing one, you’re missing everything. There’s a hole that use to belong to someone, a space that’s longing for its owner. A space that will always be there until there is no more EXO. A space waiting for its owner to return so that they can shine together. The space making sure the owner gets to chase its own dreams. Mr. Wu Yi Fan, or better known as Mr. Galaxy. That space is his galaxy, the fans are his light, and he… He was the owner, the bright star that shined amongst the thousands of lights. Without him, the galaxy didn’t exist, and even if the fans did, even if the lights did, they were only lighting up a darken night with no star in sight. 

 

——

 

They can recall having him in the dorms with them at all times. His husky voice, his seemingly perfect language pronunciations, everything. They remember when they used to have him. When he was their Kris, their Yi Fan, their galaxy, but most importantly, their leader. The M members sulked as they realized reality had slapped them hard in the face without realizing it beforehand. The youngest one took it the hardest, as he was close to Kris. They say the closest ones always get hurt the most, and it was true. “How the hell can he just do this to us!? Betray us, go behind our backs and file a lawsuit without telling us!? The hell does he think he is!? Did he not even for a split second think about us!!? About how we’d feel!?” Tao yelled as he collapsed into tears on the practice room floor. The floor they’ve been seeing ever since forever ago, even more so now since their first solo concert was coming up. “It’s not like that, Tao. It’s never like that. I’m sure he had his reasons.” Lay explained as he patted the youngest’ shoulder. Lay wasn’t even sure why he said it with full confidence, and how he was so sure about it. He was broken himself. “He’s a betrayer. That’s what he is. He was never a part of this group, never.” Tao assured himself as he made a fist with both hands. “I don’t understand any of this…” Luhan managed to utter as he looked up to Lay. “I don’t either.” Lay whispered in an almost inaudible voice. The M members looked all around them, looked to see how everyone was doing, how they were coping.. They soon realized that even though they’d say they were okay, that they were fine, they were all way too far from that. They were simply broken. As the M members sat around the practice room, the K members came in. “Hyung stayed back just in case we’d win the award on tonight’s M!Countdown.” Chanyeol smiled. “Are you guys okay?” Baekhyun managed to ask as he stood there looking at s. “We’re fine.” Xiumin whispered, avoiding all eye contact. “We’ll be fine. We’re one, aren’t we?” Chanyeol reminded everyone. How this fool was still smiling at a time like this beats all the members. “God dammit! We’re not fine! Hell!!!! WE ARE NOT FINE!!!!!” Tao screamed at the top of his lungs as tears fell down his cheek. “Tao, calm down.” Luhan whispered as he patted Tao’s back. “Sehun, are you okay?” Kai managed to ask as he turned around to look at the youngest member of K. “Yeah….. Yeah…. Never better.” He bitterly smiled as he kept his head down.

 

The room stayed silent until Suho came back. He came into the practice room with the trophy K won on M!Countdown. No one was able to smile. No one wanted to smile. No one wanted to celebrate the win like how they’d use to. “Let’s practice, kids. We’ve got a concert coming up.” Suho clapped as he walked over and turned the music on. They all got up weakly and lifelessly and got into their positions. They practiced over and over again, but it was all with a heavy heart. They stayed in the practice room until three in the morning that day. Suho wanted to practice their greetings and how’d they all stand and what they’d all say during their press conference, and that was when Chanyeol broke. He lost it. Tears fell uncontrollably and he was at a loss for words. To his right always stood Kris. After he talked, Kris would. Everything he did, Kris would follow. Kris was the next giant in EXO. Now, looking to his right, there’s just emptiness. No Kris, no giant, no galaxy, no star, nothing. Just a bunch of air. This was exactly how he felt right now. He felt empty, lost, and unsure. “Chanyeol, are you….. Okay?” Suho hesitated in asking. “Just go….” Chanyeol spoke coldly as he gestured his hands for him to leave. “Everything’s going to be fine, you know?” Suho assured him as he patted his back. “We need to go and rest now.” Baekhyun chimed in as he pulled Chanyeol up and off the practice room floor. As they came out of the company, they were swarmed with fans, and cameras. Chanyeol sat in the front and the rest of the K members sat in the back of the van. The M members rode in a different van. As Chanyeol came out of the practice room, he had his head down, but as he got into the car, there was no way to avoid it. He place his head up and looked directly at the cameras. It was obvious he was crying. Puffy watery eyes. Everyone knew what was happening already, they just weren’t aware at how the members were taking it, at least, not till now. 

 

—

 

Another morning in the dorms, another morning wishing this was all a dream, and another day in the practice room. “Good morning.” Suho greeted all the members as they all entered the practice room one behind another. No one bothered to reply. Outside the company was havoc. Another day of fans and cameras. None of the EXO members cared about appearance anymore. They didn’t care to smile for the camera, nor did they bother to care about the fans. Sadness was written all over their faces, each and every single member. They stopped practicing for a bit and all sat down around the practice room floor. Drenched in their own sweat, sore from all the practice, and tired from everything. Tao sat there with his back against the wall with both his hand in his sweat filled hair, with his head down and eyes closed. It felt serene, finally. Well, until he decided to open his eyes again to face the harsh reality. “We’re a week away till our concert. We’ve got to get all the moves down and finalize things. We can do this. We are one! EXO, Let’s love!” Suho cheered. “Let’s go.” Lay chimed in as he turned the music on. Just within an hour of practicing, Kai wasn’t feeling his best, nor was he doing his best. His waist was acting up and it was obvious that he needed to see the doctor and some rest. The manager came in almost instantly and escorted Kai to the hospital.  While the members practiced, Kai was at the hospital being treated for his waist. They placed medication all around it and bandaged him up, as if he had fractured it or something. As the doctor’s order, he had no choice but to go back to the dorm, to go back to silence. He walked in and all he could think about was Kris. The faint outline of his silhouette made him smile as if he was really seeing Kris. “Annyeong, hyung.” Kai laughed as tears fell. “Annyeong? I’m not going anywhere though.” Kai laughed as he swore he heard Kris’ voice. “Live well.” Kai bitterly smiled as the faint silhouette began to slowly disappear. “Annyeong, hyung… Annyeong Kris….. Annyeong Yi Fan.” Kai whispered as tears fell. He weakly and lifelessly made his way to his shared room. He laid down on the bed, closed his eyes, and sighed in defeat. 

 

“Hey fool!” Kris smiled. 

 

“Hyung…….” Kai whispered. 

 

“Are you practicing well for the concert?” 

 

“Waist is acting up again.” 

 

“Practice well and do well!” Kris cheered. 

 

“Hyung……….” 

 

“I’m tired, Jongin.” 

 

“And you don’t think we are?” 

 

“This is your dream, not mine.” 

 

“Hyung……” Kai repeated. 

 

“Do well, Jongin. Know that I’m watching.” 

 

“Hyung… I miss you.” Kai teared. 

 

“I do too, Jongin. I do too. I miss you more than you’d ever know.” Kris smiled faintly. 

 

“Come back, please.” 

 

“Sorry, my little one. Go on and chase your dream, okay?” Kris patted Kai’s back. 

 

“Hyung, EXO isn’t EXO without you. Without our galaxy.” 

 

“The lights are still there. Fans still have hope. I just need you to, too.” 

 

“I can’t if you won’t tell me anything. I’m suffocating here!” 

 

“We came onto this planet from EXO Planet as 12, we’ll leave this planet and back to EXO Planet as 11+1. Maybe not together all at once, but trust me, I’ll see you guys back again on EXO Planet.” Kris bitterly smiled. 

 

“You want me to have hope. How can I have hope when I’m dying from worrying about you! How can I have hope when everyone and everything around me is slowly forgetting about you!? How am I supposed to…..?” Kai broke down. 

 

“Your memory.”

 

“They’re slowly tearing you out of it. No more you in EXO photos, no more you in anything… You’re slowly disappearing as if you never existed… How am I supposed to keep you in my memory when it hurts so bad?” 

 

“We are one. EXO, let’s love……” 

 

“Please….. Please just come back hyung.” Kai begged. 

 

“I’m tired Jongin….. Can I rest here?” Kris smiled as he pointed to Kai’s chest. 

 

“I love you, hyung.” Kai whispered as he held held Kris tightly. 

 

“Jongin!? Wake up!” D.O shook Kai until he began to wake up. Kai opened his eyes and saw a worrisome D.O staring at him. “What is it?” Kai rubbed his eyes. “You were crying.” D.O pointed out. “Ah.. I see.” Kai replied as he kept quiet. He knew he cried in his dream, but in real life, he wasn’t expecting that, but he knew why he cried. “You miss him, don’t you?” “I think we all do.” Kai replied as he wiped his face. Kai was right. Everyone missed him. The members were longing for him, they were constantly waiting for some random miracle to finally happen. For Kris to just magically appear again, to have him perform with them at the concert. They were still hoping he’d come back. They kept the hope hidden within themselves. They continued on with 11 members, continued on with EXO, and continued on to perform for the fans and to live their dream. 

 

 

EXO Lost Planet Solo Concert Day 1 

 

The long days and hours of practicing was now over for this event and reality had finally arrived. The one day they all dreamt about was finally coming true. The loud screams coming from inside the venue, and the bright lights screaming EXO. Every member closed their eyes and thought about the one member they wished were with them right now. With them to live their long time dream together, finally. The one member who gave them the most hardship, the one member who they felt betrayed them, but the one member they still wanted despite everything. As they made their way up the stairs and to the stage, Suho looked back and at all the members. He smiled and nodded his head. These were the remaining members he had to protect no matter what. He couldn’t let EXO fall apart anymore. One was enough and if another one were to leave, it’d be the end of EXO. The end of their planet. They walked onto that stage and sighed. They closed their eyes and thanked those who’ve brought them this far. They thanked the missing galaxy, and they thanked everything he’s done for them and for EXO. As the lights shined upon them, they opened their eyes and were met with thousands of lights. Lights that were meant for EXO, but for the members, it was the lights that were for the galaxy. The fans still had hope. Though they had no idea what the light stick meant aside from it being a light stick, the members knew. Every music show, every concert, every event they had that involved the night from here on out was a sign of hope. A sign of 12.

 

A sign that even though he may be gone and somewhere else in the world physically, he’s still with all of us. In our memory, in our hearts, in our minds, in our everyday life, everything. He did a lot within the two years, and everyone acknowledges it. The members performed their hearts out that night and performed on their dream stage in front of their dream crowd. It was nice and loud, but that wasn’t what mattered to the members, it was that they’ve gotten through this together, as 11, and will continue getting through it together. The galaxy was lightened up that night, and they were the stars. All 11 replaced him that night, but they didn’t shine as brightly as he would’ve. They didn’t belong here without him. They stepped out of the light that was shined upon them at the end, and all walked backstage not mentioning a thing. They played a video of Kris, and then a video of all 12, and then a video of all 11. After the videos finished, they all came out and nodded their heads. “Tonight, we’re missing one. I see a lot of banners about him too.” Suho lightly chuckled as tears threatened to fall. “The videos… You all got the message, right?” Kai smiled. “Yes!” The crowd replied. “It’s that even though we started with 12, and now that we’re down to 11, nothing will change. EXO will still be EXO. We may be lacking in what Kris hyung had, but we still have hope that one day we’ll all be together again. Together as 12. For right now, because it’s just the 11 of us, let’s enjoy the rest of the moments we have and will have together, because when Kris hyung comes back, we want to be the first ones to greet him with open arms, and the first ones to tell him how much he’s missed, and how much he was missed. Never forget, EXO is 12, and will always be 12, no matter what. Whether this lawsuit goes through or not, Kris hyung will always be our galaxy. Tonight, you guys have shown us that you all still have hope and faith in all of us being together again, and before we end this concert, I just want to remind you guys that you shouldn’t ever lose that faith. Don’t ever forget the 12th member. Even if he doesn’t show up on any of the future photos, he’s always with us. In our hearts, forever etched. Kris hyung, tonight and every night from here on out, will forever be our galaxy. If you hear us right now, we’re not asking you to come back, not yet.. We’re just telling you that no matter where you go in life, we’ll always be here. We’ll be your ears when you want someone to talk to, we’ll be your shoulder when you need one to cry on or lean on, and lastly, when you need us, we’ll always be here, just like you were. No complaints, no questions. Don’t come back when you hear this… Comeback when you’re ready. Go and chase your dreams, while we chase ours. Though not together, but as 11+1.” Kai chuckled as he wiped the tears that stained his cheeks. 

 

“We love you, galaxy Yi Fan!!” All the members yelled. “Thank you all for coming here tonight and for supporting us through this rough time of ours. We’ve battled within ourselves about how we should all cope with this matter, and it’s safe to say that we all cope differently. We’ve chosen to just move on together from this matter, and even though it doesn’t look good, do know that we’ll never forget about our 12th member. This is our way of coping with his sudden decision and this is what he would’ve wanted to see us do too. He wouldn’t have wanted us to pause our dream because of him. I know he’ll be watching us. He’ll be one of you, he promised. Yi Fan, I’ll be waiting to meet you again. Thank you all and we all hope you enjoyed the concert. Goodnight and get back home safely!” Suho smiled as all the EXO members left the stage. No one left with a dry eye that night. No one. Not even the one who was missing from the stage. 

 

— 

 

Though he left, he was never forgotten by the members. He was etched into their hearts, into their minds, into their everything. He used to be a part of them, physically. He’s now only a part of them mentally. The members continued on without him and he was glad to see that they were all doing well and were surviving well. He didn’t want to burden the members, and he was glad the members finally accepted his decision and have decided to move on as a team, as 11. That was all he could’ve asked for during this whole mess. He never forgot them either, he longed to be with them, but he also longed to chase after his dream. Standing on stage wasn’t necessarily a big part of his dream. It just wasn’t him. It was the other 11’s, but not his. As he promised, he’ll be one of the many fans supporting them and wishing for their success. He wasn’t Kris anymore, he was Wu Yi Fan. Just a human chasing his dream, but with 11 other people behind him, supporting and encouraging him. No matter where he goes in life, he’ll never forget his younger siblings. Never. He loved them enough to let them go so that they can achieve their dreams, and he loved himself enough to let go so he can achieve his dream.

 

As EXO moves on with 11 members, they’ll never forget about the 12th. The galaxy only shines brightly when he’s on stage. He’s the star, the stage is his place, and the fans are his lights. In his dream, this was exactly it. How he wanted to remember what he used to have with EXO, and what he’ll have again once he decides to go back. Not yet gone, but forgotten so easily. That’s the sad reality and the sad truth about life. You come easily into their lives and you also go easily. He laughed at the realization, but it didn’t hurt him as much as it should have. He knows that one day, EXO will be 12 again, and he can’t wait for that day to come, to catch up on what he’s missed out on, and all the galaxy’s he’s missed seeing, and being with the ones who have missed him and the ones he’s missed. Life works in funny ways, and life does continue going even after hardships. When you think you’re done, when you think you’re okay and you’re settled, that’s when you’re wrong. Life continues to go on even when you don’t want it to. The world just doesn’t stop. It goes on, and we live on. We don’t give up on the ones we love, we continue going on with our lives, in hopes of their return. We wait, but never give up. No matter how long it takes, we just wait. We hold onto the little hope we have left and we just keep at it. Someday, that person will come back. They’ll come back to the place where they belong, with the people they love and the ones who love them. It’s just a matter of time and readiness. The galaxy is not yet gone, yet he’s so easily forgotten. One day, he’ll be in that missing space again, shining brightly amongst the thousands of lights that have waited for him ever since. It’s 11+1. EXO’s the 11, he’s the +1. Together, they make 12, and in EXO terms, 12 equals 1.