It had been a long day. It was 4 am already and he’d just finished bathing, throwing the dirty clothes in the washing machine and eating. Finally he could get some rest. And God did he need it: his panda rings seemed only to be spreading wider with each passing day. Being in his late 20s now, he could barely be called a young man anymore. There was only so much his body could take.

With a good night wish to his teammate brothers, he turned the knob to his single bedroom and disappeared behind it. He clicked his air conditioner on and breathed in the sedentary scent of his room; it was soothing.

Walking over to his bedding, the young man looked at a picture of a younger him and smiled. It was different from now, his eyes looked less tired and the panda circles were in much better state. Thankfully one thing about his face never changed, his lips. They were still as robust now as they had been then. He looked at his young self once more before lying down on his mattress bed, belly down and completely relaxed, just waiting for sleep to come claim him.

It was then that his peace was disrupted by a loud, demanding voice at his door, both shouting with his mouth and jamming the knob of the locked door with his hands.

“Aish!” he swore under his breath. “There’s no peace with these kids is there?” he muttered to himself before replying, “Mwo?! What d’ya want?”

“Seungho hyung! Come out fast. Look at what Joonie hyung and Byunghee hyung are doing!”

Seungho sighed. ‘These idiots.’ Didn’t these bums know the time? ‘It’s 4! AM for God’s sake!’

Every moment right now was too precious to be wasting for petty they were fighting over. Worst of all, whether he liked it or not, he’d need to get involved.

Call it perks of being the leader. Other people’s crap becomes your crap too.

“Fine,” the tired leader shouted back as he forced his hurting legs to carry him once more. “Gimme a sec.”

“Ne,” the voice replied back, and presumably left since Seungho could no longer hear the scratching sounds from the other side of his door.

Seungho stabilized his body and reached for the glass of water sitting on his end table. He took a sip and set it back down before walking over to the door, unlocking it and walking into an all too familiar pile of dog poo, namely Joon and Byunghee fighting.

…Over a bath.

Yes, you heard right. What was worse was that he knew what the argument was about and that there was going to be the same violent solution.

After all, there hadn’t been a different one in the 5 years that they lived together. But who could blame them?

When the reason for the quarrel is as ridiculous as this, standard rules hardly apply.

So today for another day Seungho would referee this battle, this epic battle spanning for nearly 5 years – the battle of whether the dorm hydrophobe Joon had taken a bath or not.

---

“Yah! Lee Changsun how can you be so filthy man?!” Byunghee yelled at a shut door.

“I’m not being filthy. I’m fine!” came the accused man’s voice from the other end of the door.

“The stench is killing the rats out here!” Byunghee shouted back.

“No it’s not! And even if it is, we’re saving on extermination bills,” the younger man countered. “You should be thanking me!”

“Mwo!” the older man practically shrieked in anger. Byunghee then started banging the door, attempting to tear it open with his bare hands, while daring the junior to say it to his face.

“Leave me alone! This isn’t even your room!”

“It’s my dorm!” Byunghee shouted back. “Even my special 4-detergent 'cocktail' doesn’t work anymore. I need phenyl to clean up your stink.”

“What nonsense. You’re just being a neat freak.”

“Enough, I’m getting the keys.”

 Byunghee let go of the knob and was heading to collect the master key set of the house, when…

“Hehe! Sure,” the younger man sneered.

Byunghee stopped in his tracks. Don’t tell me. “You using the manual locks?”

The youngster just laughed. No, giggled.

---

While Byunghee busied himself with threatening the other man, Seungho just stared – like a deer staring at headlights. Through the years he’d heard many of Joon’s excuses to skip a bath, but of them this was definitely the most… unique?

He couldn’t even tell if the younger man was being cheeky or just plain idiotic.

Seungho kept starting at the raging, hyperactive man in front of him, looking as if he’d been watching a movie …or perhaps a dream?

His eyes nearly closed with him standing when a sharp jab to his side broke the sleep induced trance. He turned to his left to see the distressed face of their otherwise cheery maknae.

“Hyung!” the maknae whined, “what are you doing? Stop them.”

“Cheolyoung-ah, Hyung is tired. I feel like I’m about to die,” Seungho tried reasoning. “Why don’t you just sleep in Byunghee’s room tonight?”

“I asked, but he refused.”

“Eh! Wae?”

This caught Seungho by surprise; Byunghee wasn’t the type to be petty about things like his room and stuff… that was his area.

“Oh you know how he thinks we let Joonie hyung get away with his dirty habits too much. So he wants to teach hyung a lesson,” Mir replied, droopy lids interfering with his concentration. “Besides, it’s actually been a while. He’s stinking up the room.

“How long- exactly?”

“About… 1, 2, 3 -” the boy counted the days off with his fingers, “6, 7 – 8? Around 8 days I think.”

Seungho’s eyes rolled up in alarm. ‘8 days!’ That was a record, even for Joon.

“See? That’s why Byunghee hyung’s so pissed off. Cheondoongie hyung escaped though.”

Seungho let out a small laugh. ‘Typical.’ “Office?”

“Ne.”

“That was smart of him. Wish I’d done that too.”

“I DON’T CARE! I need sleep hyung! Sleep!!!!” the sleep deprived, not-so-young youth half pleaded-half bawled.

“Fine, fine, fine. Sheesh! Don’t get your in a bunch.”

Seungho crossed over the corridor between his room and the room the younger members shared. With a gentle tap to the shoulder he got Byunghee’s attention. His gaze said it all.

Let me have a shot.

“Fine. See if you can get through that idiot’s thick skull.”

“Hey! Just because I’m ignoring you doesn’t mean I can’t hear you,” whined the thick-skulled idiot from the other side of the door.

“Joonie,” Seungho started in his smooth, deep crooning voice, one he’d mastered for occasions just like this.

“Oh it’s you. Where is Byunghee hyung?” the boy questioned. Just by the tone of his voice the three outside could sense the suspicion in Joon’s mind.

“You don’t have to think about him. Just talk to me a sec,” Seungho said, keeping his voice as pleasant as possible. “Cheolyoung said you didn’t bathe for a week… is that true?”

Silence. No sound came and it seemed as though even the boy was embarrassed by the answer he didn’t dare give. After nearly a minute in a small voice he replied, “Yes. It’s been a week.”

Seungho felt a strong urge to burst into laughter at that very point but being the well-disciplined person he was, he held on. In the same smooth voice he further asked, “don’t you think it’s a bit much? Going a week without a shower is… well, dirty, and you might get an infection too. Maybe even gangrene.”

Another short silence passed. Seungho thought his dongsaeng might be coming around when he felt the knob of the previously locked door turn. Joon was opening the door.

The men outside took a couple steps back, waiting for the thick-skulled idiot to come out.

When the door swung back and Seungho saw Joon standing, all maturity and control must’ve gotten thrown out of the window, for he suddenly burst into laughter. He laughed so hard tears came out of his eyes. It was either that or the olfactory bomb that Joon landed on his senses. Seungho had a proper look at the fidgety younger man for the first time after they parted ways at the KBS office earlier that morning - since they didn’t really have common schedule outside of the standard promotions.

Imagine if the first thing you saw in the most popular member of your team - your hope, your salvation, your weapon -  was flakes of dried-up scalp stuck midway in his bangs. How would you react?

‘If only the A+es ever saw this visual,’ the leader found himself thinking and imagining the scene. The very thought sent shivers up his spine. ‘We’d be ruined.’

But Seungho got pulled out of his apocalyptic imaginations by a pair of deeply hurt eyes staring at him. The usually happy, half-moon shaped eyes became smaller - almost disappearing into single lines.

The young boy looked pathetic, but the condition he was in… he was lucky Byunghee didn’t knock down the door and push him into the washing machine with yesterday’s laundry, or worse, into the garbage with the week's trash.

“Yah!” Seungho scolded, voice rough for the first time during this entire exchange. “Are you a kid?”

“N-no,” Joon replied in a soft tone.

“Really? Cuz the way you keep throwing tantrums it doesn’t look that way,” the leader continued. “Why aren’t you bathing?”

“Because of the schedule it got a lit-” the lamb began answering but got cut by the maknae.

“Schedule?” Mir asked with raised eye brows.

“Are you the only one with it?” Byunghee chided in as the ginger headed youth threw Joon a dirty look.

“No, but I’m the one who comes in the last. Besides it gets tiring.” Joon turned to Mir. “By the time I get in, I just want to sleep.”

“Well that's the same for all of us!” Byunghee snapped. “Do you don’t see us skip baths!”

“Well the only one who bathes every freaking day is you. The rest have times they skip it.” Joon replied nonchalantly. “Besides, we all know about your 'tidy' little OCD.” Air quotations marked the word tidy. 

“Yah!” Byunghee shouted, suddenly charging at the kid. Thankfully the other two managed to hold him back before their greasy loudmouthed member ended up with a black eye to match his sweat crusted neck.

“At least wash your hair,” Seungho suggested. “It looks like you really do have spores growing in your hair.”

“But I don’t want to harm Han river anymore,” Joon reasoned.

Then the struggle had halted for a second.

‘Harm Han river?’ Seungho mentally noted. ‘That’s new.’

“Explain the Han River theory,” the leader ordered.

Joon breathed in and began, “See hyung, the water we use is sourced from the Han river. If I waste so much water cleaning up when I don’t need to, I’ll be personally endangering the marine life of the river.”

‘You have got to be kidding me.’ Byunghee thought. He shook his at the sheer ridiculousness of the notion. ‘Just how much does he think he influences the world?’

‘Is he an idiot? Or just very concerned…’ Mir wondered. ‘Aiyoo! I don’t know anymore.’

Seungho laughed – his common reaction to the stimulus of both surprise and shock.

After a moment's lapse, Byunghee shot back, “The marine life can survive it, but the rate you're going, half the land-animals and birds around here won't survive very long.”

Through the open door behind Joon, Byunghee’s eyes suddenly fell on the potted plant Cheondoong had placed on the window sill of the room.

“Look, look,” he said, pointing at the plant, “Even the leaves of the plant are wilting because of you!”

“Oh my god hyung, Cheondoong hyung is going to blow when he sees it!” the maknae panicked, since he shared the room with the two. “The marine life can wait. Save yourself first!”

Ignoring the panicking Mir, Seungho inquired, “So… according to you, how often would it be okay to get wet?”,  all the while staring incredulously at his sweaty, half- dongsaeng.

“Once a week. It wouldn’t be that bad,” the younger male replied thoughtfully.

Crickets - for a few moments following Joon’s sensational comment, all one heard were the sounds of crickets. The three members were too taken aback by the observation to respond.

“Ewww! Hyung! That’s gross. Even to me!” exclaimed the maknae upon hearing the answer of his now sweaty and greasy half- hyung. “Are you going to keep not showering for a week?”

'…'

Finally, the borderline idiot of a man continued, “Well, didn't that decide yet. B-but- besides that, even when I get in late, I have to beat the rest of you at rock-paper-scissor to use the bathroom. As if I’ve ever won that battle. So instead of wasting for a shower and having to wake up early, I just go to sleep.”

“Yah! You ingrate, who was the one who first came up with that idea? Huh?” Byunghee questioned. Honestly an answer wasn’t needed since everyone knew it. Even then the culprit had been the same man.

“I did suggest it but I need to sleep more than I need to bathe, so let me sleep,” Joon pleaded to his hyungs. “Besides, do you think it would do us any good if I had Panda circles like Seungho hyung and Mir-i?”

“Hey!” both the object of his remark chimed in defensively.

“Also, in this weather? I could catch a cold so easily - especially by bathing at dawn.”

The leader sighed on hearing the boy’s reason – no – slash that, excuse.

“It’s summer,” Seungho reminded the boy. “If you’re going to use the weather as an excuse at least use the right one.”

“Fine hyung bathe less, we get that. But it’s been EIGHT days. EIGHT!” the ginger headed maknae exclaimed. His face clearly showed his exhaustion and need for sleep. After all, it’s not like he’d gotten 1.7 cm wide dark circles by going to the spa or 10 hour sleep time. “At least wash your hair then.”

“Why? It’s not dirty. Plus I’ll lose all the awesome styling the stylist noona did.”

Mung~ 

A void surrounded the members and this time Seungho broke out of the void first. “Joonie,” he started in earnest, “aren’t you going to the salon tomorrow?”

“No,” the boy answered. “I’ll use that time to sleep.” After a moment’s thought he added with a smirk, “a little sweat is good. Attracts the ladies.”

“Are you out of your ing mind?!” Byunghee burst, his voice somewhere between a roar and a growl. Steam was visibly rising from his ears. The sheer stupidity.

“Ani hyung! Our sweat has the most concentrated form of testosterone and pheromones. Why do you think women get by guys after a work-out?”

Seungho and Mir just frowned.

 ‘Aigoo…’ Seungho sighed in defeat. As crazy as it sounded, even he’d read that somewhere and he could barely get mad at the boy when he actually did have a point.

“Really! Once a week is perfect!” yelled the victim of the leader and maknae’s scrutiny. But no matter what he did, they just wouldn’t listen. Joon would’ve kept insisting but then he noticed something.

Seungho was convinced, nearly, and it showed on his face. Honestly even Mir looked convinced. Or maybe they were so sleep ridden that about right now, everything made sense… who knows?

But, right now, like every other night, Joon could see the lack of interest in two of the three people grilling him, without whom, the other person would just give up.

Like always.

As a last move, he drove his argument through with an emotional assault.

“Plus, my dermatologist said to bathe less – something about my epidermis over-multiplying or something. Anyway, he said I could develop skin cancer this way. Do you guys want me to die of skin cancer?”

‘Mwoya? Does he really hate getting wet so much that he’d come up with such elaborate crap?’ Seungho thought to himself as his eye brows slumped and his eyes squinting with the effort of keeping his eyes open. He glanced at the wall-clock hanging on the living room wall.

04:43 am.

‘Good god! I wasted 40 minutes listening to this ?’ Seungho cursed himself mentally.

“You know what,” Seungho cut in, “I’m getting too old to be walking into this crap. Mir-ah, Byunghee…”

The three exchanged a look: Grab him!

The three pounced on the unsuspecting man and once they’d gotten their problem child under control, Seungho ordered, “Byunghee get the stuff ready. We have a fish to de-scale.”

"Aye Aye!"

The men ignored the cries of the troublemaker and thus began another episode of ‘Giving Joon a Bath' - except today it was going to be a member short.

A/N: So, that was... I don't really know. Was it funny? Please tell me in the comments.

Thank you to the lovely readers who've read. ^^