CHANYEOL POV

(5 days.)

It’s been 5 days since I last spoke to him.

It’s been 120 hours since I last spoke to him.

It’s been 7200 minutes since I last spoke to him.

It’s been 432000 seconds since I last spoke to him.

I miss him but I dare not call him. This is all just a game and by calling him first, would mean that I surrendered.

But I miss him so much.

It’s been the longest 5 days of my life.

The longest 120 hours I had to go through.

The unbearable 7200 minutes that felt like a thousand 
years.

The excruciating 432000 seconds that slowly took my sanity away from me.

I’m going crazy day by day, while waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for someone to knock on my door.

Was it my fault to begin with?

The last piece of memory I have of him was when we got into an argument and his last words of “we should take a break”. I always stood by him through everything. I never blamed him for never spending time with me like normal couples. I never blamed him for never been there when I need a shoulder to lean on since he was so busy with his work.

Sometimes, I thought I don’t love him anymore. My love for him has turned into a past tense instead of a present tense. I always questioned myself of my real feelings for him but I never knew what the answer it. I always convinced myself that maybe I do love him but part of me disagreed.

Suddenly, while still thinking about my problem, my phone rang. I picked up the phone and heard his voice for the first time. I felt proud of myself for lasting for 5 days, for winning the game.

“Let’s break up”

Those words kept on ringing in my head. I was shocked. He didn’t even greet me or asked me how I’ve been. His words were straightforward and it felt like as if a thousand knives has stabbed me continuously or someone with a shotgun decided to shoot me a thousand times.

“Are you there?” his warm, comforting voice was no longer. This man sounds like a stranger to me.

“Channie-ah, honey…I’m asking you, are you there?” I want him to stop calling me those names if he wants to break up with me. Memories of us flashed right in front of me.

I wasn’t sure what to say. Part of me wants to say no and the other part wants to say yes. Do I really love him?

“We’ve been drifting apart and I know that you feel the same way too. I just…don’t love you anymore” his last words made me numb. In my head, I could picture myself getting push off a cliff by him.

“Kris…you…” I couldn’t finish that sentence. Do I scold him for not contacting me for 5 days? Do I say yes, let’s break up? Do I beg him not to dump me?

“Yes?” was all he said.

“You…How could you…you didn’t even…”

“I didn’t what?”

It sounded like as if he didn’t care about me for the past 5 days. He didn’t even care to even bother call me and ask me how I’ve been for the past 120 hours. Anger started building up inside of me. I waited and waited for him but he never contacted me.

“You ing jerk. How dare you…you want to break up with me? Fine, let’s break up. You are such a coward. Breaking with me over the phone?! How long have we been going out? 5 ing years.” I didn’t know what came over me. I started yelling at him over the telephone. He, out of all people, how dare he treat me like this. I continued venting out my anger.

“You…didn’t even call me for 5 days. Do you know how long I waited for you? 5 days, 120 hours, 7200 minutes and 432000 seconds. Day by day, you took pieces of my sanity away. Day by day, I waited like an idiot for a phone call or a knock on the door, just to hear your voice. You…out of all people, YOU!” I couldn’t continue on. This is all too painful.

“I…I…” he stuttered.

“I…love you so much”

What he just said confused me. I wasn’t sure if I heard it right or was it just my mind playing games on me.

“I can’t live without you. I’m so ashamed of myself that I can’t even bear to face you. I got your sister pregnant. One time, after we had a fight, she called me to ask if I was alright and she asked me if I want to meet up with her. I know I shouldn’t have done that. But believe me; I never intended to cheat on you. I was so angry you who at that time didn’t understand me. I got drunk and ended up having with her. 5 days ago, she told me that she’s pregnant with my baby.” Those words hurt more than when he said let’s break up.

My own sister, the person who shares the same father with me, the person who I’ve cherished and cared for all these times even though she’s only my step-sister.

“I’m so sorry…” I could hear him crying while kept on apologising to me.

Am I dreaming? This must’ve been a dream. This is not right. Those two people are the two people I trusted the most. My own sister betrayed me. My own boyfriend betrayed me.

“Channie-ah, are you still there?” he asked again.

My body became stiff. No words came out from my mouth. Should I end this relationship? Am I selfish enough to tell my own sister to abort the baby? Am I selfish enough to kill a little baby who hasn’t even step out into the world? Am I selfish enough to break apart the baby’s future family? But what do I want…?

“Let’s…do it”

“Channie-ah, I’m so sorry. But please, if you can just wait for me for another 9 months, after that I will come back to you. I don’t love her, for me, it’s only you.When I said let's break up or i didn't love you anymore, it was just a lie...i've always loved you and will always do. I just thought maybe if u said yes, i wouldn't feel so guilty about hurting you...but I just can't bring myself to...”

I cut him off and said “Goodbye Kris...” and with that I hung up on him.

Yes, this is the best choice. I can’t possibly do anything else. For some odd reason, I don’t feel any emotions at all. No anger or disappointment has taken over me. But somehow, I feel…empty. I know it sounds so clichéd but it feels like as if I just gave my soul away to devil.

Those 5 days, 120 hours, 7200 minutes and 432000 seconds were indeed the longest period of my life.

If only...I can turn back the time and spend those 5 days with him before hearing the news.

If only...