Maybe it was the stories my cousins told me, maybe it was the stories your lovers told me; either way, I hated you before I even knew you.

To say you were cocky would be too polite. You were an arrogant , walking around town like you owned it. People feared you, but they wanted to be with you.

I remember it was my first time away from my parents, in a town I once lived in but longer knew. It was a small town where most of my long distance relatives lived, hence why I was there. It was supposed to be a simple visit to my Aunt’s house for the summer… supposed to be.

My first night there, my cousins snuck me out to a party across town where you spent most of your nights giving in to your addictions. I hadn’t been there a full 24 hours and I already knew your name. You walked into the crowded house like you owned it, little did I know that you did, and everyone looked at you. Whispers of your name filled my ears and stories followed.

My cousins told me to stay away from you, that you’d stain what was left of my innocence and break me into pieces. I listened. Strangers that were friends of my cousins told me crazy things about you. About how you had ties to the mafia around the cities hours away. About how you slept with practically every young person in town and a few towns over. About how you had traveled to places far off often because you hated the small town you were chained to. About how you ran away when you were younger and joined a gang then your parents found you and dragged you back home.

Out of all the bizarre things I heard about you, I knew only some of them were true. Like how you were in the weed business. How you drank away your weekends with your friends and spent most nights with one night stands. How you corrupted so many people in that small town, yet they loved you for it.

I didn’t like the idea of you corrupting me, of you taking away my happiness and replacing it with unforgiving addictions. So, I did what my cousins said to do. I stayed as far from you as possible.

That night you didn’t notice me. You had been too high to realize I was new to the crowd. I saw you drag off some girl to your bedroom and that was it. I didn’t drink that night. I didn’t smoke. I simply sat in a corner and observed everyone’s actions.

Early the next morning, I went down by the lake for my morning run. You were there, surprisingly. It was still quite early, I figured you’d be passed out still, but there you were, by yourself walking. I ran, but opposite from where you were. Whether you saw me or not, I don’t know. All I know is that I ran fast and far from you, not slowing down. I can’t explain why I did when you weren’t going to harm me, but I did.

The next day when I went for a run, you weren’t there. I remember thinking it was a good riddance. I was dragged to the gym center by my cousins afterwards. They played basketball with a group of their friends while I snuck off to roam the center. Basketball wasn’t my thing and I hated just sitting there doing nothing.

The center wasn’t there when I lived in town so many years before; the place had changed so much and was now foreign to my mind. I stumbled upon a dance studio, empty. That was the first time for the summer that I had been excited for something.

I plugged in my music and began dancing to songs I had practiced over and over previously. I danced like no one was watching, my body flowing flawlessly and in sync with the music. But I didn’t realize you were there, watching from a distance. Like a stalker.

It surprised me when you approached me after three songs had passed, standing to the side of me with something of a smirk on your face and mischief in your eyes.

“You dance,” you stated plainly. I didn’t expect your voice to be so gentle, but it was. Soothing and warm.

You walked closer to my frozen body, keeping your gaze locked on me in the mirror. I remember you were wearing a black wife beater, showing off the tattoo just beneath your collar bones and the one on your shoulder blade, and basketball shorts. Your shaggy hair was slightly sweaty, clinging to your forehead making you like slightly attractive.

“Where’d you learn to move?” you asked as you faced me, your deep brown eyes gazing into mine. I felt sick to my stomach with how you looked at me. I wanted to run away from you, but then you’d see my fear and I couldn’t be seen as weak in your eyes.

“I taught myself. I couldn’t afford a teacher,” I answered, eyes meeting your gaze. You smirked and I felt my breakfast slowly come back up. I couldn’t take the tension anymore, it was unbearable. I grabbed my Ipod then walked out quickly, leaving you behind in the empty gym.

Two days later my cousins took me to a bonfire down by the lake. You were there, of course. My cousins left me to find friends and drink; I stuck close to the water, keeping away from the tipsy crowd. You found me, alone.

“Such a loner you are,” you said as you walked up beside me. I hated the way you said things in such an obvious way, like no , Sherlock. I hated the way you were so sure of yourself as you stood by me. I hated you.

“I don’t like crowds,” I answered as I gazed out at the tranquil water. The water kept me calm, making me think of other things that made me happy as you stayed by me.

“Then why are you here?”

I looked over at you, an unreadable expression on your face as you took a swig of beer. You looked at me, your eyes piercing through mine, making me burn inside.

“I’ll leave,” I said then walked off. Or tried to. You grabbed my wrist before I got too far and spun me around to face you.

“I wasn’t suggesting for you to leave. You left me once, I’m not letting you leave again,” you insisted. You smirked at me then took another swig of beer. The same nauseous feeling weaseled its way in my stomach, making me dizzy.

“What makes you think I want to stay?” I retorted, taking a step back from you to put some distance between us.

“You’re not from here.” Again, you stated such obvious things Sherlock.

“Well no ,” I snapped. “I’m leaving.”

“My name is Jongin. People call me Kai, though,” you called after me as I walked away. I didn’t care what your name was, I kept walking just to get away from you.

The next morning I went for my usual run. You were there again, but something was different about you from the night before. Arrogance radiated off of you from the night before, but in the morning it was like it vanished. Kai was gone and Jongin was surfaced.

Still, I ran the opposite way, hoping you wouldn’t have caught sight of me. I never knew why you walked down by the lake early some mornings. Perhaps you were trying to get over a hangover or perhaps you were trying to run away from your one night stands, either way it didn’t seem like you.

But then again, I didn’t know you. I only knew rumors and stories.

I went to the gym center again that day with my cousins. That time, when I went to the dance studio, I made sure it was empty before I my music and began dancing.

After a few songs had played, I took a break. I hadn’t noticed you standing in the doorway watching me with mesmerized eyes. However you snuck in without making a sound will forever make me wonder.

“I dance too,” you said as you walked over towards me.

I nodded then gulped down some water, closing my eyes in the process. When I opened my eyes again, you were much closer than I thought, a few centimeters distanced us. Out of surprise I stepped back, creating more space between us.

You scrutinized my face, but it wasn’t done harshly. I felt my face flush slightly under your gaze, causing me to look down at my feet in slight embarrassment.

“You never told me your name.”

My head snapped back up and I knitted my eyes together in confusion. It was rare that I caught someone’s attention long enough for them to ask me my name.

“I’m Yixing,” I said softly. Then something weird happened.

You smiled. It wasn’t your signature smirk and it wasn’t something insincere. You genuinely smiled at me. The fear in me lightened a bit and for once I wasn’t nauseous being around you.

“Yixing,” you repeated. My name rolled off your tongue so nicely, I nearly enjoyed it. But I wasn’t about to let my guard down to someone who had tattoos and drank practically every night. “Do you want to practice together?”

“No,” I flatly spoke. You didn’t look shocked, you just took it as it was. I quickly grabbed my belongings and walked out, letting the squeaky door slam on my way out.

Avoiding you became nearly impossible. My cousins told me to stay away from you yet you were everywhere. The town was too small for my liking, no wonder my parents escaped the second they could. I went grocery shopping for my aunt and you were there. I took my little cousins to the playground and you were there. I went to the city to see a movie with my cousins and you were there. Everywhere I went you showed up. And each time you noticed me you acknowledged me, saying hello or winking as you passed me by.

My cousins took me to another party, this one much smaller than any of the other ones; it was much more private like a get together.

I was sitting at the table of a trailer in the camping grounds of the lake, sipping a beer very slowly. My cousins were outside lighting up fireworks with some of the neighbors from trailers parked nearby. I sat inside with a few other people that were smoking a joint. The smell was something I had grown accustomed to in my short time being there, but I never once tasted it.

“I’m glad you could come,” you purred as you walked in. It caught me off guard, considering this didn’t seem like your type of party, that you were there. You smirked and sat across from me at the table, stealing my almost full bottle of beer out of my grasp. Within seconds you had it downed then threw the empty bottle out the door to land on the grass outside.

“What do you mean? My cousins invited me,” I questioned.

“Heh, yeah, only because I asked them to make sure that you came with,” you said in your arrogant way. Kai was out and I hated every second of it.

“So you used my family to get to me?” Anger began to course through me. I didn’t like that you had gone through my family like that just to reach me. But at the same time I was confused as to why. We never really spoke and yet you wanted to see me.

“Not really. I’m friends with your cousins, but I wanted to make sure you could come along as well.”

I nodded then looked outside at the fireworks that were going off. I didn’t want to pay any attention to you, it would only make you think I was interested.

“Why do you ignore me?” you asked after moments of silence passed between us and I still refused to look at you.

“I’m not.”

“Why are you lying to me?”

I glared at you. I hated being accused of lying, I wasn’t a liar. Yet, I was hiding something of the truth from you.

“Do I need a reason to not talk to you?”

“No, you don’t. But, I see the way you squirm under my gaze and you try to get away from me as quickly as possible,” you admitted. I watched as your eyes began to look me over.

“You’re arrogant,” I commented as I began to grow uncomfortable under your eyes.

“You don’t know me,” you pointed out.

“I don’t want to know you. My cousins warned me to stay away. I don’t think my family would lead me in the wrong direction.”

You smirked then leaned forward on the table, resting your chin in your hands as you stared deep into my eyes. I felt my blood rush to my cheeks and the room suddenly became hot despite the cool breeze blowing in from the open windows and door.

“Do you always do what other people order you to do?” you wondered. Offended, I wanted to slap you for saying that to me. I wasn’t a child, I was almost eighteen. Almost an adult.

“I don’t have time for this,” I said as I shot up and scurried out of the trailer. I stormed off into the darkness, practically running towards my aunt’s house that wasn’t too far from there to get away from you.

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” you entreated, slightly out of breath from running to catch up to me. You put your hand on my shoulder to stop me. I froze in my tracks from the sudden contact. I hated the way you touched me. I felt dirty, like I could get an STD just from any physical contact.

“What is you obsession with me?” I barked as I shot daggers at you with my eyes.

You chuckled then smiled. It was the second time I saw your real smile.

“Did you ever think that maybe I’m intrigued with getting to know you?”

I just stared at you with a blank face. Honestly… no, that thought never crossed my mind. Bad boys like you don’t fall for innocent people like me. Only in stories did that happen, but this wasn’t a love story, it was the reality of my summer.

“Don’t be. I don’t go for people like you,” I said then turned around and marched off to my aunt’s house once more.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you demanded as you followed me closely.

“Do you really not understand that we come from two different sides of the track?” I suggested as I kept on walking.

“So?”

I stopped and looked at you. The pale moonlight against your olive skin made you look like a Greek god. I couldn’t help but let my eyes linger over your plush lips. I never noticed how soft they looked, how welcoming they looked. Then you smirked and I snapped out of my trance.

“You don’t have to deny being slightly intrigued with me either. I won’t tell anyone,” you whispered as you moved closer to me in an attempt to close the distance between us.

“Don’t,” I warned, shaking my head as I saw you lean closer to my face with your lips slightly puckered. I took a step back and took off towards my aunt’s house at full speed. I wanted nothing but distance between us. Being so close to you made me forget my senses. That wasn’t safe for me.

Days had passed since we last ran into one another. I made sure to keep a safe distance from you by staying inside the house, only going outside to run down the street and back. I didn’t want to see you. I didn’t want you to smirk at me in reminder of that night.

It had been a whole week since I saw you last when I decided to go back out to the gym center. I heard from my cousins that you were to spend the next two days in the city with some friends so I had thought it safe to venture back out into the world. I was wrong.

After dancing to three songs, you popped up out of nowhere and began to dance with me during the fourth. It was a dance I had done before, one I had learned from the internet but changed up a bit. You knew it well, like you had practiced multiple times prior to that time. And for once, I didn’t deny you. I danced in synchronization with you, our moves following to the beat perfectly. When the song ended you looked over at me, sweat dripping down your tan skin and hair clinging slightly to your face, and smiled brightly. You were truly happy.

In that moment, I couldn’t help but smile as well. It was the first time you saw me smile, and it was true at that. You took one stride over to me, closing the distance between us and brought a hand up to my cheek, touching me gently as if I was fragile.

“You have a dimple,” you murmured and you ran your thumb over the indent in my cheek. The smile faded as the blood flowed to my cheeks, making turn fifty shades of pink. The closeness of our proximity made me dizzy and I panicked. I ran out of the studio, leaving you behind again. It was what I did best, right? Runaway when I was afraid to move forward, to test the waters.

I left my belongings in the studio and kept running. I ran all the way to the cliffs above the lake on the opposite side from where I usually ran. My lungs burned as I willed myself to keep going. I felt numb once I reached the edge of the cliffs. I dropped to the ground on my knees and panted, trying to control my breathing.

I ran because the feelings I once had for you, the hate I once had for you, slipped away slowly and I could feel emotions I didn’t want to feel for you. I could feel curiosity seep into my veins. I didn’t want it. I just wanted us to be strangers, to be unacquainted.

But that was a beautiful lie I told myself. I didn’t want to not know you. I didn’t want to not talk to you. I was changing and it was happening quickly.

I stayed up there until dinnertime, when my aunt called me to come home to eat, doing nothing but thinking. My mind thought about that scene over and over until it was burned into my memory. The feeling… it was intoxicating and I felt myself getting addicted.

I couldn’t stay away from you anymore. It made me go crazy trying to avoid you. I couldn’t control myself anymore, I had to see you, but I didn’t want you to know my feelings had changed so quickly.

There was another bonfire, it seemed like there was one practically every Friday and Saturday night. I grabbed a beer bottle, unlike last time, and walked down by the lake, waiting for you to pop up out of nowhere. After a few sips, the sun close to the brink of disappearing as the moon already appeared in the sky, you appeared next to me silently.

Once again, you took the drink from my possession and chugged down what was left. Tossing the beer bottle behind you somewhere, you moved closer to me. Kai was present, no longer the gentle Jongin from the day before.

It was like a frenzy with you. Every night you shifted into this being that was full of yourself, constantly on the prowl like a beast. In the mornings and during the day you were much softer, like a soft breeze against my skin that I wanted to relish in constantly.

You stopped a few inches away from me, keeping a safe distance between us. Then you reached out and grabbed my arm, placing something in the palm of my hand. My Ipod.

“You left it when you ran away. I thought you might need it back,” you explained. The look on your face was a cross between curiosity and mischief. Curious to see how I would react and mischievous in how you would respond.

“Thanks,” I murmured as I slipped it into my pocket, keeping my focus on the moonlit lake in front of me. I could feel your intense stare burning my skin.

“You’re scared,” you simply stated. It must’ve radiated off of me considering you sensed it quicker than most people. I was good at hiding my feelings behind my stoic façade, but you… you looked beyond it and saw what I didn’t want to show.

“And what makes you think that?”

You chuckled as you walked in front of me to get my full attention. At first you hesitated, something I never would’ve expected from you, and then you reached out and caressed my cheek like the day before. I stayed calm that time though, because I wanted to feel your warmth seep into my skin. I wanted to feel your soft skin against mine.

“I know you’re scared,” you whispered, eyes peering deep into mine as if you could see into my very soul. I hated how you did that to me. I looked down at my feet; a faint blush crept upon my pale skin. Even in the dark, I could tell you noticed it by the way you smirked.

“You’re very unpredictable. Shouldn’t I fear the unknown? I know about your past, some of it anyway. Shouldn’t I worry that you’ll corrupt me as well?”

You chuckled and, for a brief moment, Jongin resurfaced in your smile.

“I don’t want to corrupt you. You’re too delicate for me hurt,” you murmured as you cupped my face softly and pulled me closer. “I don’t want you the way I wanted other people.”

Wanted. It caught my attention the way you used it in the past tense.

“Wanted?” I whispered as I looked into your brown eyes.

You nodded then smiled again. I wanted to taste you in that moment, but you pulled away too soon for anything to happen, letting your hands fall and hold mine. Our fingers intertwined as if it was a habit, but the thumping of my heart reminded me that it wasn’t.

“I don’t want anyone else,” you explained as you tugged me alongside you to walk by the lake. “The moment I first saw you, I decided that I was done messing around.”

“At the gym center,” I commented.

“Yeah. I was in there practicing moments before. I left to use the bathroom and when I came back, you were in there. You looked so… graceful. You danced like you were in a trance. Your body flowed with the music. I was mesmerized by how you moved. When you stopped and noticed me… that was when I decided that no one else was for me. I wanted to know every little thing about you. I wanted to spend every moment with you.”

I never had such a confession in my life. You shook my world up and threw me off my feet. I never expected a simple summer in the countryside would end up like that; with someone like you falling for someone like me.

“What did you mean when you said you don’t go for people like me?” you asked quietly. I could tell what I had said so many nights ago weighed heavily on your mind.

“That,” I admitted sheepishly, “I didn’t mean it like it sounded.”

“But you still meant it to some extent.”

I sighed heavily. I hated having to explain myself, but you asked and if it was anyone else, I would’ve made them drop it. But it was you. It was you, the person I tried to stay away from. I was so willing to be honest with you.

“I don’t do the things you do. I don’t have any tattoos, I don’t smoke, and I drink very little. All the things I don’t do, you do. I haven’t even had my first kiss yet, but you’ve gone all the way. Multiple times, at that. It upsets me to think about all the people you’ve touched sensually… all the people that touched you with lust in their hearts,” I explained, pulling my hand away from yours as I thought about how many other people you touched with that hand. About where you had touched people with that hand.

The thoughts racing through my head made me feel disgusted. More so with myself for thinking such things, but also with you because you let people have you.

“I like you,” you comforted. In that moment, I didn’t care. I was disgusted as my thoughts went deeper into an area I didn’t want to think about.

“I’m tired,” I said quickly then walked off towards the direction my aunt’s house was.

“Don’t leave.”

I couldn’t look at you. When I did, I remembered my first night there and how I saw you drag that girl to your room. I remembered all the stories people told me about how you slept with everyone. I remembered the stories people told me of how their was with you. Vivid images played in my head and it burned my mind. My heart hurt. It was something I had never experienced.

It happened quiet suddenly. Two days after our walk, you approached me in the dance studio. I hadn’t seen you since that night, but I heard that you locked yourself up in your trailer, drinking away your sorrows.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured.

I knitted my eyebrows together and looked over at you.

“What are you talking about?”

“My past. I’m sorry it pains you to know about it.”

Oh. I wished I had never said anything, but hiding my feelings from you became something difficult if not impossible.

“I’m sorry too.”

You were surprised. The sad look in your eyes was replaced with confusion.

“For what? You’re not the here.”

I shook my head then moved closer to you. That was a shocker for us both considering it was always you who closed the distance and I was the one who put it there.

“Jongin, you’re not a ,” I retorted as I placed my hands on your bare shoulders. You were wearing the same black wife beater from the first time we encountered. “You made some… wild choices, yes. Don’t ever regret them. They shape you into who you are and you learn from them. I’m not hurt by the fact that you slept with so many people… I’m just…”

“What?” you tilted your head and gazed into my brown eyes.

“If we ever… you know…” That shocked you completely. I guess you thought that someone as innocent as me never thought about things like that… but I did. I thought about it the day I ran away to the cliff. Ever since then I couldn’t stop thinking about the ‘what if.’

“You… you think about it? About… us?” your eyes bugged out.

Blood rushed to my cheeks, as usual, and I dropped my gaze to your tattoo on your chest. It was embarrassing to admit that I thought about us being ually involved when we barely knew each other.

“Hey, look at me,” you called as you placed one hand on my waist and the other under my chin to bring my focus on you. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. I think about it too every now and then… sometimes… often…”

I laughed a little and smiled. It was comforting to know that I wasn’t alone. Then you did something that caught me off guard. You leaned in and kissed my cheek, right over my dimple. Your lips felt soft against my cheek, so comfortable.

“Go out with me,” you whispered, placing your forehead against mine as you wrapped both arms around my waist, pulling me closer. I placed my hands on your chest, not ready to close the distance between us completely. You didn’t push; you stayed right as you were and waited for my response, as if I even needed time to think over my answer.

“Okay,” I said and your smile brightened the whole room. “When?”

“Tomorrow night,” you rushed out then blushed slightly.

“Where?”

“The cliff side of the lake. There’s an open spot where you can look over the water. Almost nobody goes up there at night because they’re too busy partying. Meet me there at 9, when the sun goes down.”

I nodded and let my eyes close for a second, basking in the warmth radiating between us. I wanted to close that space between us, but I wasn’t ready to let it go. It was my security blanket in a strange way.

“I’ll be there.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

I was a nervous wreck. All day I couldn’t stop shaking. As the time for our date grew closer it got worse.

“I think I’m going to pass out in anticipation,” I groaned. I felt lightheaded, but stomach was too twisted up for me to be able to eat.

“You’ll be fine, just try not to think about it,” Minseok chirped through the phone. “I know it may be difficult, but just push it to the back of your mind and continue on about your day.”

“I don’t think I can. He’s all I can think about,” I replied.

“I like him already.”

“Why? You don’t even know him,” I pondered.

“Because if someone can get my Yixing all giddy and happy without wanting to just get in your pants, then I like them. Plus, he’s the only person you’ve said yes to, so there’s got to be something alluring about him,” Minseok explained. Even through the phone I could practically see his eyes twinkle and an accomplished smile on his face.

“You have no idea.”

As I walked up the trail to the cliff I felt like I was going to pass out from how nervous I was. I don’t know why I was so worried. It’s not like you were going to kill me. Maybe it was my anxiety getting the best of me. Maybe it was that I still feared the unknown with you.

It was practically dark when I reached the cliff. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to see you, but the light caught my attention. You had laid out a large blanket on the ground with squishy pillows everywhere. Candles were placed around the backside of the blanket away from the lake view. The part that I noticed the most was the sparkler in your hand.

I smiled and walked towards you. You noticed me almost immediately, a smile gracing your features and lighting your eyes. You really did remind me of a Greek god. Especially with the way you wore a loose, low-cut V-neck white shirt and khaki shorts. You leaned back on one arm and held the sparkler with the other hand, waving it in the air.

“Good evening, Yixing,” you greeted as I got closer. “Are you hungry?”

As if on cue, my stomach growled like an angry beast. I had been too nervous and excited to eat all day. I nodded and grinned sheepishly.

“Just a little,” I answered and you laughed. Your laugh was becoming a drug to me. Everything about you was addicting.

“I packed us some food and drinks.”

“Alcohol?” I asked warily. I didn’t want you to drink on our first date together.

“Nope. I don’t want to forget this night,” you answered as you pulled out containers of food.

We ate and talked about everything that night from our favorite colors to our deepest fears. I remember that yours was lightning. You could stand thunder but lightning scared you for some reason. It was a fear you had ever since you were little. As you grew older you dealt with the fear by getting high and passing out under the covers.

My deepest fear was being trapped. I loved traveling as much you did. Staying stuck in one area without being able to leave was my fear.

“Do you want a sparkler?” you offered as you grabbed a new one for you. I nodded and you lit both of ours up. The colors they burned enticed me.

“So, tell me, Yixing,” you purred as you waved you sparkler in the air. “Is this date better than any of your past ones?”

“I’ve never been on a date before,” I said mindlessly as I waved my sparkler around like a wand. Sure people had asked before, but I never said yes. You really were my first. The first to get me to let my guard down, to let me experience that piece of life everyone else go to.

“You’re joking,” you said flatly, your mouth slightly agape.

“Nope,” I said as I shook my head. “I’ve been asked out before, but I never said yes. Most people don’t seem genuine in wanting to date me, they only want to get in my pants it seems. I tend not to go out a lot. I have friends who drag me out to parties and try to get me to sneak into clubs, but that life seems so boring to me. You’re the first person I trusted to go out with,” I admitted as I looked over at you. You looked dazzled and excited. I guess that was the reason you leaned in and kissed me.

Our first kiss. It was sweet and slow. You didn’t push too far with me knowing that I was nervous as is, but I wanted you to. More than anything I wanted you go further. The point got across to you when I placed my hand on the back of your neck and pulled you closer. The gentleness became more heated and needy. Our innocent kiss became a full on make-out session when your tongue found its way into my mouth.

The feeling was weird at first, but then it became addicting. A tingling feeling coursed through my body all the way to my toes. It felt right to be with you like that.

“Hold on,” you breathed out when you pulled away. “I… I don’t want to rush this. I’ve spent most of my life rushing things. This is one thing I want to take my time with.”

I could see in your eyes how much you meant the words you spoke. I could feel it in my heart and soul that every word said was the truth.

“I understand. I don’t want to rush this either.”

You smiled gently and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to you as I rested my head on your shoulder. I was quite surprised that we held on to our sparklers and didn’t catch anything on fire. That was the night I knew. This wasn’t just a summer fling most people crave for. This was something deeper. I had let that distance between us disappear and I let you in.

After that night, all the rest of our days were spent together. Within a week we figured out each other’s quirks and shared secrets.

You had been in a gang before, that’s where the tattoo on your back came from. It was angel wings with the words “Freedom is Living” written beneath them. Your other tattoo, the one just beneath your collar bones on the right side of your body was a saying, “Just One More Day.” I never understood why you’d get something so meaningless imprinted on you, but you explained that it was your motto during a dark time in your past. I never asked about your dark time, I figured it was something you’d rather not talk about.

The trailer by the lake was your escape from your parents. It was where you ran away to when you couldn’t stand their suffocation. It was also where you kept your weed and did most of your deals. I had figured that out when I was sitting at the small table eating lunch I had made us and some guy knocked on your door. I was flabbergasted when I saw you open the cabinet above the stove to reveal it was packed full with bags of weed. You dug around and pulled out a smaller bag, handing it to the man at the door who in turn gave you a wad of twenties.

“I quit smoking,” you admitted after you closed the door and sat back down. “I don’t need or want to escape from reality anymore.”

I was changing you as you were changing me. Time flew when I was with you. At the end of the day, I never wanted to go back to my aunt’s house. I hated spending my nights alone. I wanted to breathe in your scent as I fell asleep. I wanted to listen to your heartbeat.

“Stay with me,” you offered one night. It was late and we had finished watching a movie on your laptop in your trailer. “It’s late. I think it’d be easier if you just stayed here.”

“I don’t have any night clothes.” You looked at me incredulously.

“What do you sleep in?” you wondered.

“A wife beater and clean boxers. It gets hot in my aunt’s guest room and I don’t like sleeping in boxers I wore all day.”

You nodded then got up from the warm bed and went to the small closet in the corner.

“Here. You can borrow mine,” you suggested, holding out a clean pair of boxers and a wife beater. I smiled politely then went to change in the tiny bathroom.

When I returned to the bedroom, you were already under the covers without a shirt on. I felt myself get nervous. We had napped together a few times in the past, but we were fully clothed. This was different.

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite,” you teased as you patted the spot next to you, silently telling me to come closer. I nodded and wobbled my way towards you. When I crawled under the covers I was relieved to find you had boxers on.

You pulled me close and wrapped your arms around my waist as I laid my head on your chest.

“Goodnight, my Yixing,” you murmured as you kissed the top of my head with your soft, plush lips.

“Goodnight, honey,” I replied sleepily. That was the first night I fell asleep to the sound of your heartbeat, slow and gentle. The first of many nights to follow.

It was halfway through summer when we decided to move on a little further. We had pleasured each other in other ways before, like s and you taught me how to give a . Oh how that was an embarrassing first time. You laughed about it afterward, reassuring me that it takes some getting used to to swallow, but it was still embarrassing that I choked on your .

“It’s okay, baby. It’s always difficult in the beginning, but after a little while you get the hang of it,” you reassured.

“It’s still embarrassing,” I whined as I buried my face under the covers.

“Want me to teach you?” you offered. I couldn’t see you but I could tell you were smirking.

“Sure,” I responded, taking you off guard. If I was going to do it in the future, I wanted to know how to keep from embarrassing myself again.

“What? Are you serious?” you asked in shock.

“You offered!” I reminded, peeking out from underneath the covers.

“Well then let’s get started,” you eagerly said seconds before you pounced on me and removed the covers.

Another sensual time was when we were alone in your house. Your parents left to Paris for a whole week and I decided to stay with you.

“Yixing-ah,” you purred as you wrapped your arms around my waist. It felt different than before.

“Y-yes?”

“Do you want to try tonight?” you asked quietly. We were lying in your bed, the lights were off and I was faced away from you. Gently you placed butterfly kisses along my neck up to behind my ear where a sensitive spot was.

“I… I don’t know. We can try,” I said. I honestly didn’t know. I wanted to for a while, but I was scared of the pain that would come with it.

You straddled me and began kissing my bare chest. Sleeping with shirts on became too hot when I had you with me.

I was nervous. A twisting feeling came into the pit of my stomach. The further you worked down my torso, the worse the feeling got. I know I was supposed to feel pleasure, but I didn’t. It didn’t feel right. Still, I didn’t say anything because I wanted to give you pleasure.

When you reached my lower regions, I guess it was written on my face how much I didn’t want to continue.

“My angel, are you okay?” you asked, worry evident in your voice and facial expression.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. You didn’t look like you believed it completely. “Continue.”

You warily tugged my boxers down and the feeling began to make me feel nauseous. I didn’t want to continue, but I wanted you to be happy.

“Should we stop?” you offered.

“Please don’t be mad,” I whispered. I didn’t want you to be upset that I said yes then took it back.

“Don’t worry, my angel,” you cooed as you pulled my boxers back up then laid next to me, pulling me into your warm embrace. “I want you to be one thousand percent ready. I don’t want to push you into going too fast.”

I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. I was so embarrassed. I made a fool of myself in front of you.

“Can we just cuddle?” I asked mumbled.

“Absolutely,” you said happily then pulled me tighter. Every now and then you wiped away the tears that seemed to keep coming out, but I felt safe. You made it okay for me to be honest. That’s all you ever wanted.

When I was finally ready you were too. I remember that night. I think about it constantly, reminiscing and reliving every detail, every moment.

It rained that night. No storms or lightning, just soft rains against the window of your trailer in the bedroom.

“Jongin-ah,” I said as I crawled across the bed to lie on top of you.

“Yes, Yixing?” I looked down at you and bit my bottom lip. Being seductive wasn’t my thin, but you always said I looked y when I wasn’t trying. I looked the best when there was sweat glistening on my body, you often told me. Of course you probably imagined me covered in sweat and writhing beneath you, but still, it was nice to know that you still thought I looked good after getting all dirty from dancing.

“I want to try again,” I cooed. I looked into your eyes and I saw them widen at my proposal. “I want you to have me.”

“Are… are you sure, honey?” you asked warily. You were always so gentle with me, and so sincere. I wanted to give you every last bit of me. I wanted to be connected with you as one.

I nodded then took the initiative of kissing you first, immediately letting my tongue into your welcoming cavern. The white sheets beneath us crumpled as you switched our positions and straddled me. I wanted you. I needed you. Every ounce of me screamed for you to take me.

Once again, you kissed down my bare torso, covering me with your terms of endearment. Every now and then you a ticklish spot on me, making me giggle, and then you’d bite down right over that sensitive spot, making me moan and my hands find residence in your hair.

This time, when you got to my boxers, I didn’t stop you. I didn’t want you to stop, but still you hesitated, looking up at me as you slowly pulled down the only piece of clothing I was wearing. I nodded my approval and you tore it off of me quickly, tossing it somewhere over your shoulder.

You didn’t waste any time in prepping me. Swiftly, you reached under the bed and pulled out a half used bottle of lube, squeezing a generous amount onto your hand, making sure to coat your fingers evenly.

“I haven’t used this bottle since two months before you came to town,” you murmured then smiled genuinely at me. I could tell you were holding back, fighting your eagerness for me to feel more comfortable. “I’m so sorry, but this is going to sting a bit.”

“I know,” I said as I took in a deep breath. I could feel your cool finger circle my quivering hole. I was nervous, but I wanted this.

“Tell me if it hurts too much and I’ll stop,” you whispered as you began to kiss my sensitive areas in an attempt to distract me.

The first finger that intruded into me didn’t hurt; it felt foreign but also pleasurable. The second finger made me wince and you stopped for a second, letting me adjust, then you continued stretching me. The third finger is what hurt the most. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and you kissed it away.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered over and over. It really killed you to hurt me.

“D-don’t be,” I panted out. In that moment, a sudden intense feeling took over my body that felt amazing. I saw white spots in my vision and I felt my mouth go agape. You knew you hit it too and smirked, repetitively hitting it with your fingers over and over again.

When you pulled your fingers out, I whined a little. I felt empty without you in me.

“Don’t worry, I just have to get the on first,” you said with a slight chuckle.

“No.”

“What?” you asked in surprise.

“You’ve been check for STDs, right?” I asked. You nodded, but still seemed unsure of yourself. “And you don’t have any, right?” Again, you nodded. “I trust you. I don’t want you to wear a .”

“A-are you sure?” I nodded and smiled. My dimple was showing and I knew it because you always let your gaze fall to my cheek and smiled. “Okay.”

You poured more lube onto your hand lathered up your , pumping it a few times before you pushed into me. That… that hurt like hell, but it was worth it when I adjusted.

When you ed in and out of me over and over, hitting my sweet spot, I felt like I was on ecstasy. You on top of me, panting out my name and drowning me in kisses, I didn’t want to lose my ity to anyone else. It was perfect. We both reached our at the same time. I felt you fill me up as I bit your shoulder, holding back my scream as I released over my stomach and your hand. The pain of it all was bittersweet. I had never experienced a full on like that, but that was pretty strong. I could feel it in my very soul.

When you pulled out, the empty feeling came back, but not for long. Your arms wrapped around me as you pulled the blanket up to cover our ness. The sound of the rain pitter pattering off your window and your gentle heartbeat lulled me to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, you were watching me with a giant smile on your face.

“Good morning, lovey,” I said as I rubbed my eyes.

“Good morning, my angel,” you chirped. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course,” I said as I kissed the tip of your nose. You intertwined our fingers and kissed the back of my hand, looking me straight in the eyes. I knew what you were going to say before you said it, but I still needed to hear it to reassure my pounding heart.

“I love you… I love you so much, Yixing,” you admitted with a giant smile on your face. I was loved.

The darkest part came when I asked if I could top one day. We had just finished making love when I proposed the idea.

“No,” you said flatly. It hurt me like a stab to the gut.

“Why not? I let you top me all the time,” I argued. It just didn’t seem fair and you knew it wasn’t, but you still fought back.

“I don’t want you inside of me,” you stated then I saw regret fill your eyes.

I got up from the bed and searched for my clothes. I didn’t want to be near you. I wanted that space between us back. I wanted my aunt’s house back.

“Yixing-ah, don’t leave,” you pleaded, but it was too late. I had my clothes on in a matter of seconds and I bolted out the door. “Yixing-ah!” you yelled from the door way of your trailer, but I was already gone. You had lost me.

For the rest of the week, I kept my distance from you. I ignored all your phone calls and texts. You stopped by a couple of times but my aunt and cousins wouldn’t let you in. No one knew what happened between us, they just knew I was hurt and that was enough for them to protect me.

The annual carnival was in town that weekend. My family had made plans to go into the city and stay out there for the night so they could enjoy the whole day there. I lied to them and faked a stomach ache, complaining that I must’ve had something that didn’t agree with my stomach. My aunt was tedious about leaving me behind alone, but my cousins reassured her that I could take care of myself.

I thought you would’ve gone to the carnival as well, most of the town did. But you didn’t. Word got around to you somehow that I stayed behind and you decided to pay me a visit after four whole days of silent treatment.

“What?!” I barked through the closed door.

“Yixing-ah, we need to talk,” you shouted back. I didn’t want to face you. I was too angry with you.

“Go away, Kai,” I groaned. You hated it when I called you by that name. You swore that when I came into your life, Kai died and Jongin became permanent.

“I know you’re upset, but please… hear me out, angel,” you whined. Angel. I hated how such a simple word always made my stomach flip and my heart flutter. You had a way of winning me over even when I wanted to stay mad.

“Fine,” I gave in, unlocking the door and opening it to let you in. The sun had barely set, but the dark rain clouds made it look like it had been dark for hours. A storm was brewing that night.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like it sounded,” you confessed.

“But you still meant it to some extent,” I stated.

“Yes… and no,” you sighed. Grabbing my wrist, you dragged me back to the guest bedroom and closed the door behind us even though we were the only ones in the house for the whole night and majority of the day.

“Kai, I don’t know what you mean, but I’d appreciate it if you could hurry up and explain so I can kick you out and go to sleep,” I insisted, pushing your buttons even more by refusing to call you by your real name.

You hung your head low and patted the spot next to you. The image of you hurt my heart a little, so I obeyed and sat close to you. I could feel the tension in the air thicken the more you remained silent. Outside, the storm had started to pick up. It wouldn’t be long before the thunder and lightning started.

You took a deep breath and spoke shakily.

“Okay. I’ve never let anyone top me before… but there’s a reason.”

I stayed silent but nodded for you to go on. I could tell you were really struggling with finding the right words to say what you had to say. Knowing what I know now, I don’t blame you.

“When I was nine, I stayed with my Aunt and Uncle for my summer vacation because my parents went overseas for business and didn’t want me to travel with them at such a young age.

“My uncle was my dad’s brother, they were very close to one another. My dad trusted him. I trusted him. And then one night, it was just me and him watching TV. My aunt went to visit a friend for a week, so we were left alone… and… we were just watching TV…”

I knew where this was going and I didn’t want to hear it, because I saw how much it pained you. It killed me to see you like that. It made me furious to know someone had done something to you against your will.

“He started rubbing my thigh. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but then he went higher and higher… he touched my crotch and I told him to stop. He… said ‘sh, everything will be alright,’ but I knew deep down it wouldn’t be.”

Tears began to pour down your face. My heart shattered into pieces for you. I grabbed you and pulled you into my embrace. You broke down and sobbed violently into my chest as I patted your head and rubbed your back, my own tears escaping my eyes and rolling down my cheeks.

“He me, Yixing. All that week, he me over and over again. He wasn’t gentle about anything either. Every chance he had to get me alone, he would and he’d me. That’s why I’m ed up. Because I let him and I never told anyone. You’re the first person I told this to,” you cried out.

I gripped you tighter and held you close to my heart.

“Jongin, I’m so sorry that he took away your innocence. I’m sorry,” I whispered, tears flowing from my eyes and dropping down to your own cheeks.

“That’s why I ran away and joined that gang. They taught me how to protect myself and they gave me weed to help ease the pain from the memories. My parents found me a few months after and forced me to come back with them. I still kept doing weed and drink and partying because I wanted to forget what happened. In my daze, I couldn’t feel a thing.

“After he me, I felt like I was worthless. I deserved no love because I let him use me, so I slept around, taking whatever I could and corrupting people. Introducing them to drugs and . I never slept with someone without their consent. I swore I wouldn’t ever do that.

“And then I met you. You were like an angel to me. I saw you and I knew that all those times I wanted to kill myself but didn’t were saving me to meet you. I went through hell to reach you… my angel. I kept telling myself ‘just one more day.’”

In that moment, I could’ve died of happiness, but I wanted to live with you for forever. Eternity was ours and no one could stop us. And I finally understood the meaning of your tattoo. It meant so much to me after hearing about your past.

Lightning lit up the sky and you gasped, shaking a bit harder than before and clinging to me tighter until your knuckles burned white.

It was my turn to confess to you. I cupped you delicate face between my hands and looked deep into your puffy eyes.

“Jongin, I love you. In less than three months, you became my world. My everything. I never loved before you. I never experienced what I am now until I met you. You are my happily ever after. You are the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m in love with you and everything you are. Your flaws are what make you perfect… I love you, so much.”

"Yixing, I... I want... I want you to have me..."

I looked at you warily. I felt terrible for giving you such a hard time and I can't believe that even after all of that, after everything that man did to you, you still wanted me to have you.

"Are you sure? I don't want to bring up bad memories..."

You nodded vigorously then kissed my neck.

"Please," you begged. I couldn't say no, not when you were offering such a delicate piece of you to me.

I was gentle with you, stretching you meticulously so you wouldn't feel as much pain. You bit my neck when I entered, the pain I felt from you was ravishing. I remember your moans and how heavenly they sounded coming from your throat as I took all of you. Your face twisted up into pleasure when you and I came together. I erased him. I erased the damage that terrible man did to you and gave you a new start. He wasn't the one who took your ity, I was. I was the one you gave yourself completely to. We belonged to each other.

After I pulled out and cleaned us up, I kissed you over and over again, holding you tightly against myself until you fell asleep in my arms. I watched you sleep for most of the night, imprinting your facial features into my mind, listening to the even sounds of your breathing alongside the pattering of the rain against the house. I was your angel and you were my god. We were a match made in heaven.

When summer ended and I had to go back home, we both cried that night, more so myself than you. We held on tightly to one another and made love over and over again, only falling asleep when we were completely worn out and our eyelids were heavy. In such a short time we grew to be in love with one another. I never would’ve thought that I could feel what I felt when I was with you. The happiness, the butterflies in my stomach each time you kissed my cheek, the tingling in my toes each time we kissed. You really were my first, my one and only.

You marked me a lot that night, leaving love bites all over my body and making really dark one on my neck and chest. You wanted to get your point across to others that I was yours and only yours. It wasn’t ever in an ownership way but in a protective way, or that’s how I felt it was. It felt relieving to know that even when I left you weren’t going to digress, like you were changed for good.

The day I left, it stormed. Thunder rumbled throughout the sky and, luckily, there was no lightning. I wasn’t there to protect you from the lightning, but I was glad to know there wasn’t any.

We called each other every day and video chatted every chance we got. School was terrible for the both of us, constantly taking our energy and wearing us down.

“You really do love him then, don’t you?” Joonmyun asked one day during our late night study session.

I smiled as I thought back to you and all of our moments together. How could I not love you?

“I do. I’m in love with him. I never thought I’d fall in love so quickly, but I did.”

“I think it’s cute. Like a love story, but Shakespeare has nothing on you two. Romeo and Juliet ended in tragedy, you two still have forever,” Joonmyun spoke as he patted my hand and smiled softly. He was such a great friend and constantly encouraged my relationship with you while some people didn’t.

Winter break came and you to my house to visit me. My parents loved you the second they met you. We slept in each other’s arms every night, talking about our future together after high school ended. We had a plan and so far we had done well with sticking to it.

Christmas day we exchanged gifts. We got matching tattoos as a gift to one another. It was on our left shoulder blade. “Together Forever,” was written in cursive along with an infinity sign at the end. Sure, it was cheesy, but it meant so much to me, to us.

“I can’t believe you talked me into getting this,” I announced in amazement as I looked over my new mark.

“Why not? It looks good on you,” you said as you came up behind me and wrapped your arms around my waist, kissing my shoulder repeatedly.

“I just… I never thought I’d get a tattoo. It wasn’t something I really thought about having,” I explained. We were in my room looking over our new ink together. Of course yours looked flawless on you, but mine seemed a bit awkward.

“It looks perfect on you,” you said as you walked in front of me to avert my eyes from looking over my skin. You brushed your fingertips along the inked mark and looked me in the eyes. “You are perfect.”

I blushed and bit my lip. You always had a way of making my heart thump uncontrollably.

We didn’t cry when we parted; we knew it was only a few more months before we’d be living together in the city and attending the same college together. We had a plan that involved the both of us. We wanted kids. A boy and a girl to spoil and raise in a house of our own one day. You had stopped selling weed and started focusing on your grades. You changed so much for me, I felt like I didn't do the same for you.

"But you don't need to change for me. I was the demon, you are the angel. Angels are perfect and don't need fixing," you explained on our last night together.

Graduation. We had made it. The following week after my graduation, because you graduated a week earlier than me, we planned to move into an apartment together close to the university we chose to attend.

Our first night in the apartment, you proposed. We had no furniture just yet; it was to be delivered the next morning. We built a fort together out of all our blankets and pillows, using candles as our lighting to make it more spectacular. We ordered take out for dinner and drank wine in celebration for our first night together in our first home together. I hadn’t noticed to shiny silver band at the bottom of the wine glass until I drank it all up.

You smiled so brightly when my eyes bugged out of my head. I took the ring out and held it in the palm of my hand. Engraved on it was “My Angel.”

“Zhang Yixing,” you said formally, pulling me to stand up as you got down on one knee. “Will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”

Like you didn’t know my answer already.

“Absolutely!” I yelled. You laughed at my excitement then slipped the ring onto my finger. Things were looking up for us.

Our passionate kisses became heated and in a matter of seconds our clothes were shredded. We both dominated one another that night, marking our home as ours and making our first memories together on the blanket covered floor of our empty apartment.

I hate this part right here. My shift at the bar I worked at ended late one night, and you offered to stay up and drive me home, but I declined and said I could drive myself.

“Are you sure? I can stay up and wait until your shift is over. I really don’t mind,” you offered politely. You didn’t like that tonight was going to be a long night when we had two exams the next day and you didn’t like to sleep without me next to you.

“Honey, I’ll be fine,” I said as I pecked your lips. “I’ll be home as quickly as possible, I promise. Don’t worry.”

“Okay,” you sighed in defeat. “I’ll be waiting here for you. I love you, baby.”

I smiled and gave you one last kiss on the lips.

“I love you too.”

It was really late and most of the bars had been closed for an hour. Ours closed late because of a party that had guests that needed a taxi ride home due to their intoxication.

I didn’t see it coming. No one did. School had barely started for us; we were just beginning our life together. Our wedding was supposed to be the upcoming weekend, it was all we could think about even when we were supposed to be focused on school. We had it planned out. We were going to do it like how Americans did in movies; run away late in the night and get married quickly in a small chapel like how they do in Las Vegas. Only our closest friends were going to come with. We were going to wait for winter break to have our honeymoon, we planned on going to Japan. Somewhere where no one would’ve expected us to go.

The last thing I remember was two bright lights coming towards me and horns honking and then a loud crash and the sound of glass breaking. My body went numb and I felt everything go cold. After the crash, I felt cold, extremely cold. No one was out at that time, partly because it was a Tuesday night, so no one could help us.

I made my way out of my car and walked around aimlessly around the crash screaming for help, but no one heard me. There was blood everywhere and I saw the driver of the other car get stagger out and look into my car.

“Sir, we need to call the ambulance,” I said, but he didn’t hear me. “Sir?” He looked as if he was going to vomit.

“Oh my god, what have I done? What have I done?” he cried out as he peered into my car.

I looked to see what he was talking about and then reality hit me.

I died.

My body was in the car but my soul was outside of it. Blood covered my head and clothes. My skull had been cracked and the impact from the hit caused me to die immediately.

In the distance I heard the sirens go off and I felt weak. I was dead. You were alive and I was dead. I was so terrified I ran to our home screaming your name. When I got home I found you passed out on the couch, waiting for me to return from my shift. I tried to wake you up but my soul couldn’t come in contact with you. I ran through you.

I sat by you all night until you got the dreaded phone call.

“Hello?... Yes, this is he… What?! When?!... I’m on my way!” you yelled then in a matter of seconds you were at the door with your shoes on and keys in hand.

You didn’t know, but I knew. It was too late. I was already gone. I followed you to your car and rode with you in silence to the hospital. I listened to you sob violently and I felt my soul began to die because I knew there was nothing I could do to comfort you. My love, I couldn’t be there for you and it killed me ever second in the afterlife knowing that there was nothing that could be fixed.

It was a drunk driver that killed. An who took me and our future away from you and left you to fight the world on your own.

On the day of my funeral, a thunderstorm rolled through. I never saw you so pale, so dead. If I could’ve cried, a river would’ve been made in your honor, but souls can’t cry, they can just watch and endure.

You cried so much the first month. I followed you everywhere and watched you become lifeless. Jongin, I wanted to tell you how much I still loved you and promise that things in the future would be okay, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t.

In all my free time I often wondered how things would be different if I let you drive me home. Would I still be alive? Would you be the one dead while I survived the crash?

You cursed the man who killed me and survived every second of every day. I saw you push the memories of us into a vault in your mind where you locked it and buried the key so no one could tamper with your treasures.

No matter how many smiles you faked, people still knew you were broken. My sorrows were silently crying for you, hoping you could hear them and get some ease knowing that I was watching over you, always protecting you. My heart was crying forever deep in your eyes.

It’s been almost two years since my death and things haven’t gotten easier for you. Faking smiles and pretending to be okay have become your lifestyle, but when your home alone or behind closed doors, you breakdown. I hold you, but you can’t feel me.

Joonmyun was wrong. Our love story ended in tragedy. It ended in silent pain that screams loudly in our hearts and minds.

You had just finished crying yourself to sleep and there I was, watching you once again. Watching you breathe like how I used to on rainy nights. An idea popped into my head. I can’t leave this afterlife and move on to paradise until my business is finished. You were what I need to take care of before I could leave.

“Jongin?” I whispered.

“Hm…” it worked. I hadn't ever tried talking to you in your sleep, but I guess since you were in a trance, I could communicate with you and you could respond.

“Jongin, it’s me... Your angel.”

“Yixing… I miss you.” you whispered.

“I miss you too, honey,” I murmured and then placed my hand on your temple. I thought all the way back to the time we first met and you smiled. I then thought about other incidents and I watched your facial expression. You could see what I was thinking through my touch. You saw them as dreams.

I went through every moment we spent together, I lingered on the ones we made love in and speed through our arguments. Tears poured down your face as the dream came to an end.

“I miss you, Yixing,” you sighed out.

“I miss you too.”

“I can’t let you go.”

“You have to. I need to move on.”

“My angel… You’ll go to heaven… I’ll be in hell.”

“No. I’ll make sure you can be with me in heaven. You're a good man.”

“Mmm…”

I kissed your lips one last time and suddenly a bright light came into view. It was that light I was waiting for all these years. The one that let me cross over from this world and into heaven.

“Honey, I have to go now. I’ll visit when I can. I’ll be watching you… from the sky.”

“Don’t go…”

“I have to. I promise in another life, we will be together.”

“Don’t go…”

I kissed your lips one last time then whispered my final words in your ears.

“I love you… together forever, don’t forget.”

“I love you... Together… forever…”

Think of me when you’re out there. Remember what we had but don’t hold yourself back. I could follow you all the way back to the beginning just to relive the story of us and slow down at all of our favorite parts. You were all I ever needed.

I smiled, then got up from the bed and made my way towards the light. I gave you one last look and saw how peaceful you were. This is what was supposed to happen. I blew you one last kiss then crossed over. I became one with the sky.

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You woke up the next morning and went to the window to look up at the blue sky.

"I remember, my angel..." you whispered as tears began to roll down your face silently. You smiled, but it was broken. You smiled for me because you knew how much I loved it.

One day, you’ll be up here with me. We’ll be two angels together forever, but until then, remember me.

I’m so sorry this didn’t have a happy ending. I had some KaiLay feels and this ended up being created. I bawled like a baby as I wrote this. Please don’t hate me <3

-Jayde