Week 1: 

Baekhyun and I are together. Chanyeol and Sehun are as well. Sehun and I still talk to each other, but communication stopped completely between Chanyeol and Baekhyun. It’s worrying how it can be so quiet without the two annoying each other. I should be thankful for the silence that follows, but really, I’m not. It doesn’t fit and it isn’t right. Seven more weeks



Week 2:

On Monday, Sehun and Chanyeol were a little busy with each other on our couch in the dorm. Baekhyun offered that I stay in his along with Jongdae. Joonmyun has been kind to me during my stay, and I can understand why Jongdae likes him. Jjangah is with us again. She was with Joonmyun’s roommate (Yixing) until things died down a little. Baekhyun was right when he said Jjangah reminds him of me. The only thing that bothers me is that he basically called me a [dry laughter]. I should stop making lame jokes. Jjangah isn’t a though; she’s very active and adorable and I hope Baekhyun don’t feed her too many biscuits. She might end up like my dog. Six weeks left. 



Week 3:

Chanyeol and Baekhyun only say a few words to each other before going off in the opposite direction. Sehun and I worry for the two’s relationship, or what’s left of it. This week was Baekhyun’s depression week. He was out of energy throughout the entire week and stayed at the dorm, having Jongdae or Joonmyun to watch over him. Not even Jjangah can cheer him up. Spent the majority of my week comforting him and wiping his tears, making sure he ate and all. I didn’t have time to fit any dance practice in at all. Sehun was pissed at me. Five weeks left.



Week 4:

A month passed. Chanyeol and Baekhyun are having little conversations with each other now. After Baekhyun’s depression, he started to act all hyperactive. First it started with taking Jjangah on a walk, then bike riding the next, singing an entire night of karaoke — even golfing! Who plays gold these days? Anyways, public affection has increased between Sehun and Chanyeol. It’s kind of disgusting, being honest, and I worried for Baekhyun whenever he saw the two cooing each other and goofing around. He stiffens up as soon as he sees the two together. I can tell that he isn’t used to it. I comfort him whenever they’re around. 

I should stop doing that. It’s going to make things worse for Baek. 



Week 5:

Baekhyun was all over me the entire week. He said he wanted me, he needed me. I almost gave into temptation, but I stopped. I don’t know why he thought we needed to have . He said something was missing, and then he threw himself on me. God, he’s so hot, but I can’t do it. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to hurt him. Three weeks left.

(more) On Friday, I gave in.




Week 6:

We can’t stop. He keeps asking for more about every two days. Jongdae joked about us, but I can’t find it funny. Even Jjangah laughs at the joke she seemingly understands, but I can’t. Baekhyun has no shame when it comes to that topic, but I feel embarrassed. No, I feel like an idiot. This is only making things worse. Why am I staying here still? Maybe because Sehun and Chanyeol are also doing the same thing, but they’re not pushing each other away. I am, though. I don’t want to make the connection between us stronger. It’s going to wreck him. Two weeks left.



Week 7:

Halfway though month two, and Baekhyun stopped throwing himself on top of me. I gotta say, because we did it so often, I craved him. I craved him to no end, I desired him, but I had to resist. I don’t know why, but this time I initiated it. Something overcame me. It was probably the lust at that time, but I couldn’t stop. I don’t remember if he begged for me to stop or for more. It’s getting worse and I don’t know if I can do anything to stop it. Our connection is stronger now, but it isn’t at the same time. I’m not worried for the others, but I am for Baekhyun. One week left.



Week 8:

Sehun knew that I’ve been keeping this journal. Of course he did, I probably told him without even noticing it. He also knows that I won’t be writing in this journal anymore because it’s soon. Two days after today is when… Yeah. 

Baekhyun seems to be distancing himself from me, and I don’t know why. Does he know? Probably not. Maybe he needs some time alone, but I wish he would talk to me. He’s been so quiet this entire week that it’s scaring me, Jongdae, Joonmyun, and the poodle (who has grown by a bit; she’s still so cute). Jjangah plays with Baekhyun, and I see him smile whenever he’s with her. It’s so cute. I hope she’ll keep a good job on keeping him happy.

I got a call from him today (Saturday) and he reminded me about Monday. He said he’ll come early in the morning so no one notices that I’m gone. Sehun will probably be the only one I’ll say goodbye to.

I just hope Baekhyun won’t mind that I won’t be here with him anymore.

(more) Sehun told me that he's tired of all the lies that I've told to Baekhyun. He also told me that he never wished he played along in hiding my relationship with him. I think he was talking about like a week after I found out it was a dare.

Honestly, how am I still friends with Sehun? 

Anyways, I talked to Kyungsoo (Sunday). He said that I have about two weeks until the auditions. I hope that all the work I did two months before preparing pays off. What I can't seem to stop thinking about is that Baekhyun thought I was starving myself way back when, which resulted in Sehun having to cover up for my . Bless his soul, but seriously, how am I still friends with Sehun? Damn.