5 January 2014, in the midnight under moonlight

When he left you,

You found yourself mindless.

 

When he left you,

You couldn’t bring yourself to turn on the music in fear of hearing the song he sang to you at 2 am when it was impossible to sleep.

 

When he left you,

You couldn’t eat because you didn’t want to taste anything but him.

 

When he left you,

You couldn’t take a shower because the water dripping down your back felt like his fingertips.

 

When he left you,

You couldn’t breathe because anything else but his breath filling your lungs wasn’t acceptable.

 

When he left you,

You couldn’t find yourself.

 

Because when he left you,

You left too.¹

 

-Sunflower-

 

***

 

12 hours before

“Jinriah…Jongin, I met Jongin”, Naeun said.

Jinri almost chocks her food after Naeun mention his name. So, I didn’t see wrong person, he was really Jongin. “How about him? Is he still handsome?”, she doesn’t know, she feels happy and exited.

“Ya! Why you not worried about me?”, Naeun protested.

Jinri laughs, “I’m sorry, where did you meet him?”.

“At first, we met when he visited Taemin oppa clinic, second, in Taemin oppa house”.

“Seriously?! What is their relation?”, Jinri widen her eyes as she can’t believe it.

“He is his best friend”.

Jinri shakes her head for disbelief, “In so many people in this earth why Jongin is his best friend”, she patted her shoulder. ”But what is his reaction after you met him? Is he hugged you? Or he might never forget about you?”, she .

“How could you said like that? After 9 years, He must be forgotten about his feelings for me”, Naeun bit lied about that, she hugged him accidentally at their first met, she doesn’t want Jinri misunderstand about that, after all he is her first love. They had big fought over Jongin back then. She hates to remember those past memories.

“So what you worried about? It was already past”, Jinri said.

Naeun thinks again, Jinri is right. “Yeah…”, she nodded slowly.

Jinri stares Naeun closely, “Why? Did you get some weird signal from him?”.

“I don’t know, I just feel uncomfortable around him”.

“Are you afraid that you will lose Taemin if he knows your past? You scared if Jongin will tell everything to him, right?”.

“Exactly”.

“Dear…”, Jinri held her hand, “The thing that you must know, If Taemin will leaves you, it’s not because he can’t accept your past, it’s because of you, you didn’t reconciled with your past at the first place. Your heart will fill with concerns, no place for Taemin”.

Naeun almost cries, “What should I do then?”.

“Meet with Jongin and clear everything”.

“But I don’t have his contact number”.

“I will find a way”, Jinri smirked.

 

***

 

“Why I must go along with you? Can you just go alone to meet him? I will wait here”, Jinri said after parked her car near at restaurant.

“I need you to ease the situation; it will be awkward if just two of us. And…Are you not miss him?”, Naeun said while poked Jinri waist.

Then Jinri smiles, “No, I’m not... ”, she said while get off from her car. “Naeunah..Hurry up”.

Naeun squint her eyes to Jinri, “Look, who is exited here, you said you aren’t?”, she murmured while close the car’s door.

They look around restaurant and find Jongin who sit while plays with his mobile phone.

Naeun stands behind Jinri while Jinri excitedly greet Jongin, “Long time no see, Jonginah”,

“Oh…Jinriah”, Jongin startled after he saw Jinri, he didn’t expect she will be here too.

Naeun slightly bows to him, “Annyonghaseyo…”.

“Annyonghaseyo…”, Jongin awkwardly greet Naeun.

“Ya! What happen with you two? Be more comfortable”, Jinri said to them.

They awkwardly laugh.

“How long you’ve been here?”, Jinri said while she sit crossed to him follow by Naeun who sit beside her.

“Not too long, what will you order?”, Jongin hand out the menu to them.

 

***

 

While waiting their order, Jinri starts the conversation, "What did you do lately? I mean what’s your current job now? I heard that you just came back from Japan, right?”.

“Yes, I arrived at Seoul about a week ago”, Jinri nodded, I saw you that time. “I took Philosophy major in Tokyo University, and I came to Seoul to release my first book”.

Naeun takes a gaze to him, Jongin is a different person than she knows now.

“Whoa, you are an author?”, Jinri said.

“It’s not like that, this book just a collection of my writing during I live in Japan, I post it in my blog, many request from my follower to make it into book, so…just that”, Jongin explained.

Jinri takes a glance to Naeun. She knows Naeun has same hobbies like him.

Naeun just bend down her head, she envy with Jongin, it was her dream after all, she must gave up on it because of her father.

“So, what about you two?”, Jongin asked them.

“We takes medical major, Dentistry department, at Dandook University”, Jinri said.

He nods.

“And…Taemin is our teacher at Dandook Hospital and he's also her boyfriend”, Jinri added while tapped Naeun shoulder.

Naeun gives Jinri a death glare, how could you say it so lightly?

“De, I know…”, Jongin said.

Their order comes and they eat silently.

Jinri takes a glance to Naeun, Ya, say something Naeunah. Then looks at Jongin, what actually in your head Jongin? Say something too, if you’re angry just explode it, but…why he looks so handsome? His skin not as dark before, Jinri shakes her head, I need to focus, she sighs, but he really distracts me.

Jinri suddenly drops her fork then hold her stomach. Naeun and Jongin glance at her, “Are you okay?”, Naeun said.

“I think I need to go…, excuse me guys”, she stood up and rush to the toilet.

They stared in astonishment to her then glance each other. After few second, Naeun throws her glance back to her food.

They want say something since earlier but their mouth was locked.

 “You know…”, They said simultaneously.

“You say first”, Jongin said.

“No, you are first”, Naeun said.

“Hmm..Okay, first, I want say this since we first met, you are still beautiful Naeunah”, he said while stared her intensely.

Naeun gulps hardly, it bring back her memories. He always said to her that line back then, same words with same toned, give her creepy vibe.

“To be honest, I was shocked when I know you have relationship with Taemin. Yeah..Everything must be changed after 9 years, Me, You and Jinri. But you know one thing that hasn’t changed, is my heart still lingered on you”.

Naeun interrupted him, “Jonginah…but I…”.

“I know, Taemin loves you and I can clearly see you love him too”. Jongin paused took a breath, "every question always has answer, for those two meet, just need a time². I wait for 9 years to find your question, but I just found it yesterday. Your heart, is there any chance for me to have it?”.

Naeun close her eyes as she feels her shoulder become heavy, “You already know my answer…Sorry”.

He nods, “Okay, I got it”, then he continues eat his food.

Naeun surprises with his respond, it’s easier than she imagine, the Jongin she knows is he quietly persistent with his choice and he will not easily give up over things. Is that because of Taemin?

He takes a glance to her, “What’s with that look? Why? Are you regret after reject me?”, Jongin said jokingly.

“No, I mean, you seems…different”, Naeun questioned him.

“Why? Do you think I will steal you from Taemin? Like I did before, threatening every boy who tries to get closer to you? So they will leave you?”, he laughed. “I’m not a junior high school student anymore, Naeunah. I will not make a prison for someone that I love from now”.

Naeun still disbelief, she exactly knows how’s feel live in Jongin’s bridle, she quite suffered that time.

“I will not push you to trust me, let the time to prove it”.

She nods confusingly, “So, you will forget your feeling to me?”.

“No, I can’t”, he casually said while put the meat in his mouth.

“Why?”, she can’t understand it, so what’s that mean? Doesn’t he know I love someone else? And I clearly said he never have that chance.

“Because I know, the more I try to forget you, the more I will remember about you. Moreover you are the most beautiful memories to me”.

This guy knows how to used his mouth, she thinks. “Do you think I will deceive by those words?”.

“Don’t you? Most of my followers always fall with this”, Jongin said confidently while drinks a glass of water.

Naeun rolls her eyes, “Yeah…Yeah..I bet your followers are all women, congratulation, your book will sell well”.

“Thank you for the compliment. I hope your wish will come true and you will regret to abandon this famous guy”.

Naeun sighs, “Whatever”, she continues eat her food.

He smiles then says, “Naeunah…I know it’s hard to comfortable with me, I feel the same too. And one thing you can sure, it’s enough for me to lose you, but I will not lose my best friend, Taemin”.

Naeun can feel sincerity in his, “I will make sure it will not happen”.

After they finish their dinner, “By the way, why Jinri not coming yet?”, Jongin wondered.

“Oh…You’re right”, Naeun looked at the toilet direction, “I will check her”, Naeun said as she stood up from her seat.

“Naeunah, I think I need to go now, I have another appointment”, Jongin said while peeked his watch.

“You don’t want to meet Jinri first?”, she said.

“We still can meet at another time”, he said.

Naeun nods, “Okay then…”.

Jongin takes his phone on the table and his coat, before he leaves, “mm…Naeunah”, he hesitated to ask , but he slowly move closer to her, stretch his hand and gives her a hug. He sighs between the hug, “this is the last hug that I give to you as my love, I hope I still can hug you as my friend", goodbye… my love, Jongin tries to hold the hurt that he felt in his deep heart, almost half of his age, he spends to love her.

Naeun pats Jongin back to comfort him then he saw familiar eyes behind his shoulder. She releases his hugs forcely.

Jongin seems surprise with her action, her eyes tell him to look into certain direction, don’t tell me?!, “Tae…Taeminah”.

And that nightmare happens.

 

***

 

After Taemin leaves them, he releases her hand when they reach at parking lot. He put his hand on his waist, “Why were you lying to me?!”, he turned around and startled.

“Am I disappoint you?”, Sunhwa said with bitter smile.

“I’m sorry Noona, I thought…”, Taemin scratch her head. How could I take a wrong hand?

“It’s okay, by the way, who is she? I mean… what is your relationship with her?”, she can guess its answer, but she want to hear directly from Taemin.

“Hm…her father said to keep it secret”, her father? Director of the hospital? so he already meet personally with her father, that must serious relationship, she thinks. He continues, “Since Noona already get involved, she is my girlfriend”.

She thought she prepares for this answer but she couldn’t. She covers her sadden with smile, “ah…I understand”.

“But you must keep it as secret, Noona, I don’t want her to be hurt because of this relationship”, he said while held both her hand.

How could you do this to me? Don’t you know I’m being hurt too?, she wants to cry loudly but she can’t.

She nodded, “Okay…I’ll leave”. She stops the taxi.

“Thank you, Noona”, he said while close her door.

She answers with her hand and waved to him. Is this as a goodbye sign to my love? Then she cries silently.

 

***

 

While Taemin drives his car back to his home, he has many concerns in his mind. He tries to arrange the puzzle of this situation.

“If he is not Jongin maybe I already smack his face”, Taemin spanked the stir as a change.

“Since when they know each other?”. Taemin said to himself.

“Why Naeun or Jongin never said about it before?”.

Taemin can feel something weird when Naeun visited his house, the moment she looked at Jongin, different, he can felt something, but he can’t identified it. Jongin too, he acts ignorant to Naeun, tries to avoid her, I think it because he didn’t comfortable with her but Jongin that he know is the master of woman, social able, he can be friendly with her but he didn’t.

Because his curiosity bigger than his angry and he thinks he will not sleep well if he doesn’t know the truth. He swerved his car then goes to Naeun house. 

He parks not far from her house, he get off from his car, and locks it. He thinks a second then back to his car, he turns on the machine and want to leave, “Aniya…I must know the answer now”.

He turns it off and get off from his car again. Then he remembers Naeun expression when she hugged Jongin, he closes his eyes to hold his angry then kick the small stone, “!”.

He gets in to his car again and buries his face into the stir. Tried to calm his hearts, “there must be a reason”. He lifts his head then he sees a car stops in front of her house, “Is that Jinri’s car?”.

After a while Naeun get off from that car. Naeun still stays at the outside even after Jinri left.

Taemin wonders to approach her or not, then he looks her bend her body down by held her knees, Taemin can’t see her like that. His face softened as he wants to gets off from his car, and hug her tightly.

But before that, he sees a man approaches her, he knows that man is Jongin.

Jongin bent his body down too, reaches Naeun’s face and wipes her tears with his hand. Her tears flow hardly as Jongin bring her head into his chest while he hugs her. He pats her shoulder.

“Ottokke?!”, Naeun said between cried. “Taemin Oppa…Jonginah, Ottokke?...he leaves me…I’m afraid Jonginah”, she sobbing while murmured the word that Jongin can’t heard clearly.

Jongin can’t do anything beside comfort her by patted her shoulder. He didn’t think it will worst like this.

Taemin leaves them with scattered heart, is this end of my love?

 

***

 

“I could see you were cried all night long”, Jinri said as she pointed at Naeun’s eyes while driving.

Naeun compress her eyes with ice bag, “I don’t want he sees my swallow eyes”.

“And your father too?”, Jinri added.

Naeun nods, she hates to answer her parent question, so that she needs Jinri as her escape way. She called her to pick her up in the morning.

“So, what will you say to Taemin Oppa?”.

“I don’t know…maybe I'll just listen to his nagging”, Naeun bends her head down.

“But you must explain it to him”, Jinri said.

“Will he listen it?”, Naeun worried.

“He will if he loves you”.

What if not?, Naeun thinks, she already lost her confident because of Sunhwa.

“If you need me to help…”, Naeun cut her sentence, “let me do it by myself”.

“Okay…just tell me if you need my help”, Jinri held her hand.

“Thank you”, she smiled a little.

She reaches her phone then text a message for Taemin,

Oppa, can we meet and talk? I will explain everything…

She pause a second, thinking, then she continues write again,

…Love you

She sends it to Taemin. But there is no reply from him which makes her more down.

They arrive at hospital and straight to clinic. They find a few student gather near to wall board.

“What happen?”, Jinri said to few fellow student.

“Sunhwa sosaengnim, she was in emergency room last night, from information that I heard, she got heart attack”.

“What?”, Jinri glanced at Naeun, Naeun seemed shocked as she got closer to her.

“Is..She still alive?”, Jinri hesitated asked while Naeun gave her a glare. Even she hates her, she never wish her death, even a second that thought never crossed in her mind.

“Fortunately, she passed her critic stated, she is in inpatient room, we wants to visit her, but the doctor said she need more rest”.

Jinri and Naeun stunned as nothing to do.

They back to locker room.

"who will know what happen on you in the future, she just fined yesterday but last night she almost death", Jinri said while put her things in the locker.

“I need to see her…”, she said as she leaves Jinri.

“Ya! What will you do if you see her?!”, Jinri shouted as she run after her but Naeun didn’t stopped.  She sighs.

Naeun get closer to her room, even though Sunhwa is prohibited has visitor but her status as a daughter of director make her way easy.

When her steps closer to her room, she hold her chest and takes a deep breath, “but what will I say to her?”, she hesistated. “Just wish for her healthy then..”, she walks straight to her room but while she held the handles on door.

She clearly sees trough the window of its door, she hope she has mistaken sight.

She turns back with her eyes fills the tears again. “Is this the end?”.

 

---

 

1. Those poem not from my brain, I grab it from @poemheaven on Twitter.

2. that sentence from Dee Lestari Quote.

 

---

Credit to Zaradeamor who fix my grammar and spelling in this chapter even she hates to do this bored chapter, hahaha... XP

yeah, Taemin took wrong hand, I've got inspiration from BBF drama when Go Jun Pyo takes wrong hand, he thought he drags Geun Jan di along with him, lol. (Anyone remeber this scene?)

If you have question you can freely ask me through comment box, I will try to answer it as I can.

Hope you like this chapter, but I doubt you would.

Happy reading ^^