He watches Tao sit on the huge leather couch, all alone by himself as Tao reminisce every little thing about him and every moment Tao had shared with him back then. it’s weird when he feels the empty spot next to him, cold and filled with sorrow.

The memories comes back to life, it haunts Tao till his heart bleeds. Tao sees Yifan smiling at him, hands in his pocket as Yifan takes a seat next to him, filling the empty spot of the loveseat where both of them used to cuddle against each other, seeking for each other’s warmth.

Tao’s eyes  are empty, his eyelids flutters, his heart aching and his brain is not even working properly. He lays his hand on top of the empty loveseat, smelling Yifan’s masculine but not too manly scents. Tao missed him. his hand trying to find Yifan’s warmth, he finds nothing but a cold wind blowing from the window, hitting his bared hand like a prick.

Yifan leans against the wall, crossing his arms while clenching his teeth.

I can only hold my breath and watch you

i can only do that because i feel like you’ll shatter.

He wanted to hug Tao, he wanted Tao to know that he’s still here, watching every moves that Tao make. He wanted to say that he love Tao, he wanted to make Tao happy, he wanted to comfort Tao, he wanted to wipe Taor tears.

He just wants Tao to know that he’s not gone, he’s still there...

Tao stands up, another tears falling from his swollen eyes. He walks to his bedroom, a place where he used to talk about anything before drifting off to sleep, with Yifan. He looks around and he yet, he feels empty. Tao sees Yifan laughing on his working desk, admiring his own pictures that the netizen took.

My derp face, oh my god i can’t believe this.

Tao remember every comments that Yifan spit out after seeing his own picture of his fancam. Tao feels his heart being torn apart when he looks at Yifan’s picture hanging on the wall. The older man was smiling, with Tao in his arms as he wrote around the frame ‘we’ll be together till death do us apart’.

Tao smiles, we’re together till death really separated us. Tao’s legs numbed as he falls down to the floor, crying as loud as he can..

Yifan stares at his lover, wanting to pull Tao up, embrace him in his arms but he couldn’t. he can only cry, leaning against the door frame. Wiping Tao tears away was the last thing he wanted to do.

He steps closer, standing next to Tao as he cries with Tao, looking at the picture where he promised Tao that both of Tao will be together till death separated the two of Tao.

Tao turns around as his eyes met Yifan’s in tension, but he can’t feel him, He can’t see Yifan.

you’re looking at me (you probably will), you’re not looking at me (you will)

you look at me and it hurts.

Tao lowers his head, he can’t even let out another tears because his tears dried already. He can’t even let any sobs or scream because he already hurting his own throat by mourning Yifan’s name on his grave.

Yifan is Tao’s life, Tao’s one and only family, Tao’s amazing boyfriend, Tao’s everything. He thinks it was all just a stupid jokes that Yifan and his bunch of idiots friends trying to pull when they told Tao that he’s gone, Tao actually believed that it was just a joke. He ignored them like they didn’t even exist as Tao keep himself busy cooking for dinner and waiting for Yifan to come home.

2.00 AM

He didn’t come back.

Tao tries to call him but Yifan turned off his cellphone. Tao threw his phone to the ground, stomping his foot like a stupid little girl waiting for her candies. Tao was angry, he even locks the bedroom door on purpose as he sleep.

He wakes up, hoping that Yifan’d fell asleep in front of their bedroom door so the older man would beg on his knees but Tao was wrong, There’s no Yifan in front of his bedroom door, Yifan is not even sleep in the living room. Tao’s eyes searching for him, ready to blurts out his anger as he slams the bathroom door wide open, Tao finds nothing but an empty room.

Tao walks to the kitchen cause he thought Yifan’d probably eating cereals but still... Tao finds an empty room. He let out a deep heavy sigh, He thinks Yifan was cheating on him. He takes a quick shower and sitting on the loveseat in the living room while eating his cereals. his eyes glues on the wooden door, Tao just wants Yifan to show up from that door and apologize for not coming home yesterday.

But he didn’t show up.

Tao’s curiosity went out of line as Tao dialed Joonmyun’s number. The leader picks up the call with a very hoarse voice of his, Tao thinks that the older might just woke up from his slumber so he ignores the urge to ask him what’s wrong with his voice. Tao just go straight to the point, he asks him where is Yifan his answer make Tao laugh at first.

Tao yells on the phone, telling him to stop the prank but instead of laughing, he whimpers, more like crying for Tao. that’s exactly when Tao starts to knit his lips to shut up and hears Joonmyun’s cries.

“his plane crashed and burned to ashes. He’s gone”

Tao’s eyes shaking as he shouts ‘don’t lie’ at him. Joonmyun finally gives him a clearer answer and that’s when his heart stop beating as he falls on his knees. Tears starts to rolls down his eyes as he punches his chest a few times, feeling his heart aching and breaking.

Tao cries, screaming Yifan’s name till he can hear his own voice echoes throughout the room. He fell on the ground, feeling too tired all of sudden as if he’s going to die. His heart feels like being stabs by a knife, thousand times. He can’t contain his tears as it keeps flowing like a waterfall from his eyes.

Tao sees Yifan’s picture on the living room, he snatches it off the table before he lay flat on the ground, he hug the frame, wanting to curse but he’s totally loss for words. he doesn’t even dare to look at Yifan’s picture, too painful for him to do that. Tao hears someone knocking the front door as he get up and run for his life, pulling the door knob cause he thinks it was Yifan and Joonmyun was lying.

But Tao sees another person...

Tao saw Yixing standing next to the still crying Chen. He stumbles back as Yixing save him before he hit the cold ground hard. The older man help Tao sit while Chen is still crying, even the sound of his cries and Chen’s sobs became unison already. Yixing tells him everything  because Chen couldn’t, and Tao refuses to listen, He keeps crying, ignoring every words that Yixing was trying to tell him.

Stupid, i actually believed that they were playing prank on me.

Tao stands up from the ground as he saw Luhan, one of Yifan’s bestfriend—and his bestfriend too— staring at him. Luhan steps in and put his hands around Tao’s shoulder, leading him back into the living room cause he knew, every memories in the bedroom will hurt Tao even more.

He stops crying, smiling at the presence of his bestfriend. He can’t help but feeling amazing having a friend like Luhan.

He stares at the way Luhan comforted Tao, not like a lover but more like a bestfriend. He wipes away his tears as he notices his lover looking blankly at the ground, Taor round cheerful eyes used to be the thing he loved the most about Tao, but now he can only see a dark orbs filled with pain and sorrow, and it hurts him knowing that he’s the cause of that.

“Tao can stay at my place for awhile, my mom wouldn’t mind it since she already likes Tao”

But Tao shakeshis head, refusing to come with Luhan,his childhood bestfriend. He just want to stay here, He doesn’t want to go to anywhere, he doesn’t want to leave this house, he will never leave this house.

-

-

-

Tao wakes up the next morning, Luhan refuses to let him sleep in his bed so he finally sleep in the guest room. Everyone gathers in Tao’s living room, he notices Luhan asleep on the cold floor whileYixing and Chen leans against each other, the oldest among them, Xiumin is in the sleeping bag, still sleeping safe and sound.

Tao ignores them as he went to his bedroom, he was smiling even with his swollen eyes and tired lips as he opens the door and staring at the empty bed. Tao bit his bottom lip, feeling the tears slowly forms in his eyes as he looks up at the ceiling so it wouldn’t fall.

But he couldn’t...

Another tears rolls down from his sore eyes as he tries his best to smile, “good morning” that’s the first words that he can spit out. He steps in, lie down on his bed as he tries to find Yifan’s warmth, but sadly he finds none.

He let out another sob.

He stares at Tao, he was standing next to the dresser. He was crossing his arms, even his eyes red from crying as he keep staring at Tao. Yifan watches as Zitao  cries, wrapping himsel